Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Erik Lehnsherr

As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

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For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)
It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)
No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)
Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)
The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)
[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)
Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)
Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)
Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)
NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

  • Earth-200500 (again)
  • Earth-42409
  • What If? vol. 2 #77
  • What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
  • What If? vol. 2 #81
  • Earth-77995
  • Fashion editorials
  • One of the worse versions of Forge
  • Superheroes x fashion
  • Care Bears vs. X-Men
  • The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
  • A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
  • Several uses for the Phoenix Force
  • Worst-case scenarios
  • Earth-93074
  • Savage Land home ec
  • Bad choices
  • The Defenders of Earth-93074
  • How to manipulate Nate Grey
  • Narrative benefits of omnipotence
  • A time loop
  • Earth-9601
  • A meeting on the moon
  • What the Watcher watches
  • Galactus
  • The Silver Surfer
  • Grandpa Magneto
  • Some remarkable technology
  • A heavy-handed metaphor
  • Our takes on What If scenarios
  • The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
  • Storm’s eyes
  • Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)
Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)
“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)
“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)
As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)
Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)
Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)
“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)
Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)
Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)
Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)
If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)
It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)
you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)
This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)
Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)
I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)
Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)
*raises lighter* (Amazing X-Men #4)
NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

296 – Hard Choices

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Magneto doesn’t really do work/live divide; Amazing X-Men is a bit of a misnomer; Exodus is the lawful evil to Fabian Cortez’s chaotic evil; smoking is bad for you; moisture molecular inversion is fairly definitely not a real thing; Earth-295 Quicksilver and Earth-616 Cyclops would probably get along; OSHA would probably like a word with the Madrii; Gambit had ONE JOB; and there are no superheroes in the Age of Apocalypse.

X-PLAINED:

  • An unlikely team-up
  • Relative amazingness
  • Amazing X-Men #1-5
  • Color separations
  • Comics credits
  • The Brotherhood of Mutants and/or Chaos
  • The Great Human Airlift
  • Exodus (more) (again)
  • Best Quicksilver (Earth-295)
  • Abyss
  • A dubiously aerodynamic cape
  • One last job
  • Several points of semantic distinction
  • Lone Nanny & Cub
  • The most punchable man on Earth-295
  • A difficult choice
  • What it means to be X-Men
  • Dick Valentine
  • Jamie Madrox (Earth-295)
  • A world without superheroes
  • Universe numbering

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

CORRECTION: The line about fence-straddling that Jay attributed to Wonder Woman was in fact spoken by Hawkgirl.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 295 – The Nuclear Naked

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Hey, ‘dere. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
This, but with a hawk. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
Seriously, why the visor? (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
He pulls this look off alarmingly well. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU IS HERE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
“Just a sec, I gotta go find the Power Glove.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
This torso is unacceptable. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)
In an homage, obviously. Dang, Jubes. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)
BUT, WAIT! THERE’S MORE! (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)
“Just us, and a bunch of chickens. It got weird fast.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)
Y E S (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)
I maintain that everything is better if his name is pronounced “Jeff.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)
Jeff has no patience for events. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)
Oh, c’mon. I bet he’s got a ton of cool stolen stuff, too. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)
Welcome to the Hall of Tautology. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)
It’s okay, but it’s no X-Men #41… (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)
Well, fuck. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)
The Nuclear Naked (reconstruction).
NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” may be a bit of a stretch.

LINKS & FURTHER INVENTIONS:

 

295 – The Nuclear Naked

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which this episode may or may not be a temporal aberration; Gambit is bad at marketing; Jubilee’s sixth birthday was probably worse than yours; Earth-295’s chronology doesn’t make that much more sense than 616’s; Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau wears this timeline well; Rictor makes a terrible Javert; Jubilee has no time for your makeouts; superheroes are basically preschoolers; there is only one Jahf; babies are bad at stealing; and Apocalypse is not a tactician.

X-PLAINED:

  • How Magneto got his own country
  • A numerical convergence
  • Earth-295
  • Gambit and the X-Ternals #1-4
  • X-Ternals
  • The human resistance
  • The Temple of Human Redress
  • A terrible way to celebrate your birthday
  • Lila Cheney of Earth-295
  • The Nuclear Naked
  • Super Doctor Astronaut (mermaid) Peter Corbeau of Earth-295
  • Julio Richter (Earth-295)
  • Mudir
  • Homage
  • Cross-timeline vocabulary
  • Cosmic peril
  • The state of the Shi’ar Empire in Earth-295
  • The Starjammers of Earth-295
  • Varyingly versatile energy absorption
  • Jahf
  • An exchange
  • Some fancy sewers
  • Guido Carosella’s devil’s bargains
  • Earth-295… IN SPACE
  • The nominal justification for Apocalypse’s society
  • Which Apocalypse is currently running around Earth-616

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk!

NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” might be pushing it.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Magneto is definitely bowling in this picture, right? (Astonishing X-Men #1)
I dunno if I’d call them astonishing, but they’ll do. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Magneto’s X-Men are AT LEAST 50% more dramatic than Xavier’s, and I’m okay with that. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
We would x-plain Rex; but he’s honestly just some guy. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
The first thing Apocalypse did upon seizing power was dissolve OSHA. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Okay, he’s got his moments. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
This is just incandescently delightful. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Best character design in the AoA. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Is the lake of blood literal, metaphorical, or both? You be the judge! (Astonishing X-Men #2)
THIS. PERFECT. TWIST. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Spoiler: No, and no. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Kinda disappointed that we never got to see this play. (Astonishing X-Men #3)
kyle no (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Is.. is Sabretooth not allowed to say “Hell”? (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Still not as weird as force-feeding superheroes baby food. (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Sure, why not? (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Now you’re thinking with portals! (Astonishing X-Men #4)
And he didn’t even quit the team once! (Astonishing X-Men #4)
Morph is a goof, but he’s also by far the most emotionally literate of the X-Men. (Astonishing X-Men #4)
Rogue is DONE with this event. (Astonishing X-Men #4)
NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of a descent into madness!

290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s kind of a relief to be talking about a fictional apocalypse right now; Joe Madureira defines the look of the mid-late 1990s; Sunfire is less cheesecake than crepes Suzette; it all comes back to capes; Wild Child is more than he seems; Holocaust sucks about as much as you’d expect of someone who picked that code name; Jay has surprisingly strong feelings about Morph; Miles is all about judging some babies; resistance is fundamental to the X-Men’s identity within a superhero-universe paradigm; nobody deserves to be quarantined with Quentin Quire; and our two-week lead is making proofing these podcasts an increasingly surreal experience.

X-PLAINED:

  • Several things Blink might have done but did not.
  • The status quo as of mid-March, 2020
  • Earth-295 (more) (again)
  • Astonishing X-Men #1-4
  • Our coverage of the core Age of Apocalypse series
  • Age of Apocalypse as proof of concept
  • The best character design of Earth-295
  • Some guy named Rex
  • A lake of blood which may or may not be figurative
  • Sabretooth’s last-ish stand
  • The revolutionary value of silliness
  • Jay’s favorite Orwell quote
  • The Infinite Processing Plant
  • DefCon Armageddon
  • A very cool fight scene
  • Catharsis
  • Mutants without the metaphor
  • Best and worst X-Men to be quarantined with

NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

  • Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
  • Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
  • Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
  • Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
  • Brooding in multiple ways at once.
  • Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
  • Reconciling cross-universe timelines
  • The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
  • Comparative Summers Backstory
  • Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
  • Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
  • Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
  • The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
  • Brood problems
  • The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
  • The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
  • Diablo (Earth-295)
  • Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
  • The fall of the Guthrie family
  • An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
  • A trip to the moon
  • Death (Maximus Boltagon)
  • Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
  • Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!