Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

HAWK TALK – Hack the Planet

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, in honor of the 1995 film’s 1337-week anniversary, we talked about the finest movie about technology ever made, Hackers.

Topics, roughly:

  • Hackers
  • Mister The Plague
  • What David Bowie and Angelina Jolie have in common
  • Razor & Blade
  • The glory of Matthew Lillard
  • Counterculture
  • Queer (sub)text
  • Focal characters
  • Jay’s sequel pitch

In retrospect, we should have talked way more about Phreak, played amazingly by Renoly Santiago. Sorry, Renoly! That’s what we get for doing Hawk Talk without our usual outlines.

As Mentioned in Episode 331 – Surprised by Brood

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
...Maybe it's one of those really small motels where none of the bedding matches? I don't know. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
…Maybe it’s one of those really small motels where none of the bedding matches? I don’t know. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Secret Origins of Hannah Conover, part 1 of 2. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Secret Origins of Hannah Conover, part 1 of 2. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Secret Origins of Hannah Conover, part 2 of 2. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Secret Origins of Hannah Conover, part 2 of 2. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Meet the Firstborn! (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Meet the Firstborn! (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Lookitthat blastin'-mussed hair! (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Lookitthat blastin’-mussed hair! (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
And wet hair! Brian Hitch is a treasure. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
And wet hair! Brian Hitch is a treasure. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
She protec but she also attac (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
She protec but she also attac (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
I dunno, man; angels are pretty weird. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
I dunno, man; angels are pretty weird. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
#relationshipgoals (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
#relationshipgoals (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
And she's still in that pod today. Somewhere. Probably. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
And she’s still in that pod today. Somewhere. Probably. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Maybe Chick tracts have made me excessively cynical about Jesus showing up in comic books. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
Maybe Chick tracts have made me excessively cynical about Jesus showing up in comic books. (X-Men vs. Brood #1)
NEXT EPISODE: And so they do.
NEXT EPISODE: And so they do.

LINKS & FURTHER INFESTATIONS:

331 – Surprised by Brood

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we take a break from the lead-up to Onslaught; Hannah Conover is the queen of dangling plot threads (and also of the Brood); Wolverine is the strangest angel; William Conover is the chillest minister in the Marvel Universe; and Excalibur writer Tini Howard gives us the inside scoop on Gambit’s trench coat.

X-PLAINED:

  • Mutant Brood
  • The Brood vs. Brood X cicadas
  • X-Men vs. Brood: Day of Wrath #1-2
  • Theological origins of John Ostrander
  • Hair
  • An unspoken motif in pin-up art
  • Reverend William Conover (more)(again)
  • Hannah Conover (more)(again)
  • The Brood (more)(again)
  • The Brood Empress
  • The Firstborn
  • Atypical Queen-Broodling power dynamics
  • Brood of the future
  • A strange angel
  • What Gambit’s trench coat is made of

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: The end of the Externals!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 330 – Suddenly, Ninjas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Photo backgrounds are among his arcane talents. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Photo backgrounds are among his arcane talents. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
*skitter* (Uncanny X-Men #329)
*skitter* (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Seriously, I love this concept. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Seriously, I love this concept. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
If I had a dollar for every time I'd seen an angry man pull a tiny dude out of the back of an old woman, I would be... well, broke, but that's not the point. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
If I had a dollar for every time I’d seen an angry man pull a tiny dude out of the back of an old woman, I would be… well, broke, but that’s not the point. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Ah, yes, the sacred goth club. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Ah, yes, the sacred goth club. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Seriously, there is no reasonable justification for this. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Seriously, there is no reasonable justification for this. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Note: He pulled that figurine out of Archangel's chest. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Note: He pulled that figurine out of Archangel’s chest. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Looks like one of those days. (X-Men #50)
Looks like one of those days. (X-Men #50)
Sure, why not? (X-Men #50)
Sure, why not? (X-Men #50)
WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE BEAST? (X-Men #50)
WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE BEAST? (X-Men #50)
Another day, another giant floating head in the Xavier manor. (X-Men #50)
Another day, another giant floating head in the Xavier manor. (X-Men #50)
NEXT EPISODE: Brooding.
NEXT EPISODE: Brooding.

330 – Suddenly, Ninjas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the podcast turns seven; Matt has officially edited half the podcast; a lot of things are made by metal; Doctor Strange is a big weirdo; Gambit is a scoundrel, not a villain; Wolverine goes goth; Onslaught could probably use a better herald; Bishop fires two guns whilst going aaaaaaa; and we commit to making what sense we can of Onslaught.

X-PLAINED:

  • How Betsy got her body back
  • Several simultaneous anniversaries
  • Uncanny X-Men #329-330
  • X-Men #50
  • Some ninja bullshit
  • A lot of less-benign-than-it-looks racism
  • Excellent use of a neon sign
  • An odd couple
  • The evolution of art tools
  • Steam vs. metal
  • Gomurr the Ancient
  • The Ebon Vein
  • Catastrophic magic
  • Our favorite iterations of Doctor Strange
  • The Crimson Dawn
  • How one becomes Gomurr the Ancient
  • Tar (Proctor of the Crimson Dawn)
  • Post (Herald of Onslaught)
  • An entity who may or may not be Onslaught
  • Continuity party tricks
  • Survivors of the Age of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Brood X!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 329 – Scheming and Argument

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Same cover, different week. (Excalibur #94)
Same cover, different week. (Excalibur #94)
Rahne "Aleph from Global Frequency" Sinclair. (Excalibur #94)
Rahne “Aleph from Global Frequency” Sinclair. (Excalibur #94)
Sorry. I just can't accept this as Tangerine. (Excalibur #94)
Sorry. I just can’t accept this as Tangerine. (Excalibur #94)
He could totally have rocked the swim cap, though. (Excalibur #94)
He could totally have rocked the swim cap, though. (Excalibur #94)
Ew, they're all goopy. (Excalibur #94)
Ew, they’re all goopy. (Excalibur #94)
Well, damn. (Excalibur #94)
Well, damn. (Excalibur #94)
We call that a "Muir Hello." (X-Man #12)
We call that a “Muir Hello.” (X-Man #12)
It also goes PING! (X-Man #12)
It also goes PING! (X-Man #12)
Okay: That is legitimately cool. (X-Man #12)
Okay: That is legitimately cool. (X-Man #12)
The actual tagline of Squeezits(TM) was "Squeeze the fun out of it." I swear to g-d I'm not making this up. (X-Man #12)
The actual tagline of Squeezits(TM) was “Squeeze the fun out of it.” I swear to g-d I’m not making this up. (X-Man #12)
Look at those mid '90s computer graphics! (Excalibur #95)
Look at those mid ’90s computer graphics! (Excalibur #95)
Moira doesn't give a fuck if she's not your real mom; she's grounding you anyway. (Excalibur #95)
Moira doesn’t give a fuck if she’s not your real mom; she’s grounding you anyway. (Excalibur #95)
Oh, Rory. Buddy. (Excalibur #95)
Oh, Rory. Buddy. (Excalibur #95)
This is also roughly how it feels to read like 20 years of X-Men in a sitting. (Excalibur #95)
This is also roughly how it feels to read like 20 years of X-Men in a sitting. (Excalibur #95)
What Excalibur's thinking about. (Excalibur #95)
What Excalibur’s thinking about. (Excalibur #95)
NEXT EPISODE: The herald of Onslaught; but also this fashion situation.
NEXT EPISODE: The herald of Onslaught; but also this fashion situation.

329 – Scheming and Argument

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nate Grey has the soul of a man in a mesh shirt; Black Air is somehow even worse than you thought it was; Hulk does not want to be x-treme teen from alternate dimension; we are excited as hell for the upcoming Frasier/Ewing Gamma Flight; and Moira MacTaggert is (sometimes) the adult we need.

X-PLAINED:

  • Nate Grey’s (possible) demon zombie baby
  • What Excalibur’s been up to lately
  • Excalibur #94-95
  • X-Man #12
  • Yet another take on roughly the same dark future
  • Dark-future disambiguation
  • Bangs
  • The Black Wall
  • Leather vs. vinyl
  • Sentinels pooping sentinels
  • Nate Grey (more) (again)
  • Gamma Flight
  • Excessively silly diagnostic technology
  • Squeezits(TM)
  • A minor intervention
  • X-characters most likely to lead a successful book club
  • Warlock on Krakoa

NEXT EPISODE: The Herald of Onslaught (for real, this time, we promise)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

HAWK TALK – Doctor Internet

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about the Internet.

Topics, roughly:

  • Blazing fast 28.8 Kbps dial-up
  • AOL CDs
  • Final Fantasy, MIDI-style
  • Angelfire vs. Carrd
  • The Gaming Intelligence Agency
  • The Brunching Shuttlecocks
  • The finest memes of the early 2000s
  • Chaos
  • Social media, as explained by Jay
  • Social media, as baffles Miles
  • Podcasts vs. the Internet

As Mentioned in Episode 328 – Single Blue Male

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
It's not baseball, but it'll do! (X-Men #48)
It’s not baseball, but it’ll do! (X-Men #48)
It's rough to be Bishop. (X-Men #48)
It’s rough to be Bishop. (X-Men #48)
The extra arms make it extra funny. (X-Men #48)
The extra arms make it extra funny. (X-Men #48)
*Rimshot* (X-Men #48)
*Rimshot* (X-Men #48)
Dark Beast X-Plains Bishop. (X-Men #48)
Dark Beast X-Plains Bishop. (X-Men #48)
Bishop, that's flirting. (X-Men #49)
Bishop, that’s flirting. (X-Men #49)
"Bishop with Kittens" should be a thing. (X-Men #49)
“Bishop with Kittens” should be a thing. (X-Men #49)
This one's for Douglas Wolk. (X-Men #49)
This one’s for Douglas Wolk. (X-Men #49)
Never trust anybody. (X-Men #49)
Never trust anybody. (X-Men #49)
Except by the time it happens, they look way more alike. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Except by the time it happens, they look way more alike. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Hank McCoy was an objectively kind of terrible child. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Hank McCoy was an objectively kind of terrible child. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
This would be so fun to climb around! (X-Men Unlimited #10)
This would be so fun to climb around! (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Hank, buddy, no. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Hank, buddy, no. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Honestly, I'd prefer a toaster. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Honestly, I’d prefer a toaster. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
What the HELL, dude? (X-Men Unlimited #10)
What the HELL, dude? (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Time to face the... nope. I'm not gonna do it. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
Time to face the… nope. I’m not gonna do it. (X-Men Unlimited #10)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MCCOY! (X-Men Unlimited #10)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MCCOY! (X-Men Unlimited #10)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Man vs. Excalibur!
NEXT EPISODE: X-Man vs. Excalibur!

328 – Single Blue Male

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Sam Guthrie will take all your money; Gambit has exceptionally poor judgment; having friends who are couples means getting to be the big spoon AND the little spoon; Hank McCoy is the agrarian Rube Goldberg; and there are a lot of ways to appreciate a comic.

X-PLAINED:

  • Several colors of Beast
  • X-Men #48-49
  • X-Men Unlimited #10
  • The Floating Super Hero Poker Game
  • Large hands
  • Various refugees from the Age of Apocalypse
  • Surge(TM)
  • Pam Greenwood (Fatale)
  • Many gratuitous murders
  • Iconic runs we’re not into
  • Generations of teen X-Men

NEXT WEEK: Hawk talk!

NEXT EPISODE: Nate Grey vs. Excalibur!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!