Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 399 – The Cybertronic Spree

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Not a cape or pouch in sight. (X-Force #71)
BLOOMF (X-Force #71)
Is the internet going to get mad about this one too? (X-Force #71)
grumble 5G grumble Bill Gates grumble (X-Force #71)
You can tell Sunspot descends from Hellfire Club royalty because he’s a DRAMA QUEEN (X-Force #71)
Sleepover! (X-Force #71)
Ah, this must be a sort of symbolic cover that represents the themes but not details of… (X-Force #72)
…nope, that’s basically what they’re wearing in the actual story. (X-Force #72)
Ever see The Triplets of Belleville? (X-Force #72)
How to make a simple conversation visually riveting, by Adam Pollina. (X-Force #72)
WHY WOULD YOU NAME YOUR GANG THAT (X-Force #72)
In which Siryn literally drags Michael Whitecloud back into the comic. (X-Force #72)
This guy smokes two packs of exposition a day. (X-Force #72)
“No, sir, The Matrix won’t be out for well over a year. Must just be Domino.” (X-Force #73)
Shoulda been a platypus. (X-Force #73)
Aww, Tabitha. (X-Force #73)
YOU HAD ONE JOB, METAL GAG THING (X-Force #73)
It sure is. (X-Force #74)
So good. (X-Force #74)
“It’s flattering you think I’m a local, but I just moved here last year! No, really!” (X-Force #74)
Fridays are Casual Days in Valhalla. (X-Force #74)
Hey, it’s Hazard! Just kidding. Only Al remembers Hazard. (X-Force #74)
A man of wealth and taste. (X-Force #74)
Humans, amirite? (X-Force #74)
It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a Pollina mandala! (X-Force #74)
Gambit goes on trial – in our FOUR HUNDREDTH episode!

399 – The Cybertronic Spree

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the X-Force road trip era begins; Team X takes on a new dimension; Dani Moonstar gets her subtext back; pointing out a stereotype doesn’t excuse using it; Tabitha Smith generally deserves better; platypuses are underrepresented in the superhero genre; Hell becomes Stryfe; and Domino gets back in the game.

X-PLAINED

  • A dastardly plot
  • X-Men 2099
  • Road trips
  • X-Force #71-74
  • Team X
  • A Love & Rockets reference
  • Stan and Ollie
  • The Triplets of Belleville
  • How not to fund your film
  • Michael Whitecloud
  • Project Stepladder
  • Colossal Man
  • Several references to X-Force -1
  • Platypuses
  • Edwin Martynec
  • Weaponized humming
  • The death of Warpath
  • Hell
  • Blackheart
  • Friendship
  • A mysterious villain

NOTE: Whoa, The Cybertronic Spree is actually a real band!

NEXT WEEK: The return of Erik the Red!

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As Mentioned in Episode 398 – Shanna the Wee Devil

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We would never, Maggott. (Uncanny X-Men #347)
Grovel, allergic to sticks. (Uncanny X-Men #347)
Spat: just your average reverse-aging cavegirl bounty hunter. (Uncanny X-Men #347)
Weirder or less weird than the time the Morlocks healed Professor X and then dressed him in bondage gear? (Uncanny X-Men #347)
Big Mother Truckers no more. (Uncanny X-Men #347)
Alas, poor Landscape! I barely knew him, Joseph: a fellow of infinite power, of most excellent colors. (Uncanny X-Men #347)
Nanny’s great and all, but LOOK AT THAT BAT! (Uncanny X-Men #347)
I wish we got to see more of that robo-dragon in the back. (Uncanny X-Men #348)
Thankfully, Bishop is no stranger to being impaled by pipes. (Uncanny X-Men #348)
SabreRogue. (Uncanny X-Men #348)
This is pretty unambiguous, right? (Uncanny X-Men #348)
Chris Bachalo’s back! (Uncanny X-Men #349)
Beast, Beast, Beast of the Jungle, strong as he can be! (Uncanny X-Men #349)
Whoa, that volcano base got a lot more complicated when we switched artists. (Uncanny X-Men #349)
Even Maggott’s hair gets more impressive when he goes into battle-mode! (Uncanny X-Men #349)
Bachalo draws chaos well. (Uncanny X-Men #349)
“Excess”? What do you mean by that word? (Uncanny X-Men #349)
All together now: “DAMMIT REMY!” (Uncanny X-Men #349)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Force hits the road!

398 – Shanna the Wee Devil

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In which the rest of the X-Men return from space; Maggott is the new cool; Gambit’s past catches up with him; Chris Bachalo takes over as regular artist on Uncanny X-Men; Deathbird flirts singularly aggressively; Eany and Meany eat a truck; dating a telepathic ninja is going to take some getting used to; and Havok predictably remains ABD.
X-PLAINED
  • Motormouth (Harley Davis)
  • Motormouth and Killpower
  • Uncanny X-Men #347-349
  • Grovel and Spat
  • A horse guy who is actually a cat-frog-lizard guy
  • An extraordinarily half-assed action figure
  • Load-bearing backstory
  • Landscape
  • The other Nanny
  • Elegant foreshadowing
  • Beast’s appearance as a mutant power
  • Gambit’s chest hair
  • The end of playtime
  • CCA-compliant foliage
  • Deathbird and Bishop
  • A vanity plate
  • Eany and Meany
  • One-off psychometry
  • Psylocke vs. Maggott
  • Decompression
  • Havok’s enduring lack of a Ph.D.
NEXT EPISODE: X-Force hits the road!
NOTE: In this episode, Miles theorized Grovel’s voice as sounding halfway between Cable and Kermit the Frog without realizing that he was in fact just describing Sweetums. -Jay

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As Mentioned in Episode 397 – Mürdr at IKEA

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Daydreamers this is not. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
Chop Chop’s weapon is a machete, Yuri’s weapon is his fist, and artist Frank Teran’s weapon is the color black. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
I wish Wild Child and Bob Hoskins always looked like this. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
Sabretooth and Wild Child may look similar in close-up, but there’s never a question of who’s who. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
When less detail equals more horror. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR GIVING YOUR BAR THAT NAME (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
Yes! Use more black, Frank Teran! More! (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
Scrrfffle. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
Wild Child is shadowed like a villain… until he isn’t. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
What are the odds?! (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)
That guy’s mustache is no match for Psychic Paper. (X-Factor #136)
The iPhone 14 Pro’s cameras ain’t got nothin’ on these. (X-Factor #136)
Have you ever noticed that RAD and HAM have the same number of letters? (X-Factor #136)
WAT (X-Factor #136)
Jeff Matsuda stole some of Frank Teran’s black and is using it well. (X-Factor #136)
Put that towel down! You know you don’t sweat! (X-Factor #136)
“Huh?” is right. (X-Factor #136)
This seems way less efficient than leaving a voicemail. (X-Factor #136)
I HAVE QUESTIONS (X-Factor #137)
Best exes. (X-Factor #137)
It’s a little thing, but I like the symbolism of the seemingly arbitrary background shapes. (X-Factor #137)
It’s a credit to Mystique that she can be legitimately scary while wearing that. (X-Factor #137)
Again with the implied gore. (X-Factor #137)
Of course, honey. Of course. (X-Factor #137)
NEXT EPISODE: The X-Men return from space!

397 – Mürdr at IKEA

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Al Kennedy and Miles enter a somewhat post-OZT world, the art of Frank Teran (whose uncle built a jetpack) elevates an otherwise merely decent story, Puck is played by Bob Hoskins, Wild Child gets a chance to shine, Mystique and Forge are sitting in a tree, and Swamp Thing is amazing.

X-PLAINED:

  • Spider-Man’s head cold
  • Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1
  • Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
  • Wild Child (Kyle Gibney)
  • Horrible violence, expertly implied
  • The ubiquity of sewers
  • Saturday morning cartoons of R-rated movies
  • Serial killers with G.I. Joe names
  • Improbable tracking
  • Bilingual crime
  • Chekhov’s waterfall
  • DRUGS
  • X-Factor #136-137
  • The Hound program
  • Skeumorphism
  • Doctor Valerie Cooper and Major Edmond Atkinson, excellent exes
  • Questionable wound-dressing
  • Holograms
  • Government jobs
  • The sad fate of the Chase family
  • Nimrod disambiguation
  • The Marvel Universe According to Doctor Seuss

NEXT EPISODE: The X-Men return from space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 396 – Giant-Size Special #11

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Illyana Rasputin knows what you did. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
Bernard Chang channels Bob McLeod. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
Bernard Chang channels Paul Smith. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
“Well, you would have, but you left him at the altar and Rogue and Gambit took your spot…” (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
I’ve missed these kids. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
Well, Monet is actually two kids, and… (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
Wolfsbane x-plains smooching. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
And that jerk seagull doesn’t even care. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #1)
Basically, you’re all going to end up either awesome, dead, or ignored by most writers. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
“Did you bring me a present, Uncle Mikhail?” (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
How to make a long conversation visually compelling, part one. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
Bernard Chang channels Bill Sienkiewicz. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
It’s easy to forget how much more control of her powers Rahne gained over a decade of comics. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
Karma: even scarier than Magik. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
Aww kid (New Mutants: Truth or Death #2)
Look at all that science! (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
If this was Mystique instead of Karma, she’d turn into an eagle right after saying that. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
Now that is a title page. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
When Best Teenagers become Best Young Adults. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
How to make a long conversation visually compelling, part two. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
It’s cool, Doug, you’ll come back to life and marry a large wife. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
Aww hell yeah (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
Poor counterpart-less Magma and Karma look so bored. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
Pure, uncut nostalgia. (New Mutants: Truth or Death #3)
NEXT EPISODE: Sabretooth betrays an X-team! Again!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

396 – Giant-Size Special #11

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we spend too long trying to place a time-travel miniseries in continuity, Al Kennedy does us a solid, Bernard Chang draws some excellent New Mutants young and old, Al Ewing x-plains X-Men: Red, Forearm and Random play Nintendo, and we reveal the winners of The Ninth Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence!

X-PLAINED:

  • Jay’s spatial and temporal whereabouts
  • Cannonball, Mirage, Magik, Sunspot, Wolfsbane, Karma, Magma, Cypher, Warlock, and Douglock
  • New Mutants: Truth or Death
  • Kitty Pryde and Illyana Rasputin, gal pals
  • Triple-dog dares
  • Nova Roma, or not
  • Mikhail F**king Rasputin
  • The arrogance of reality warpers
  • How to write Magma
  • The Technarchy and the Phalanx
  • Hardee’s X-Men: Time Gliders
  • Farmboy chic
  • Bernard Chang’s 21 Panels
  • Branching vs. overwriting timelines
  • The effects of de-aging and history rewriting on immunology
  • Found family
  • She Who Swam With The Acanti
  • Sleep-Eeze Mattresses Starring The Hulk
  • Arrako
  • Continuity synchronicity
  • S.W.O.R.D. as a workplace drama
  • The moral downfall of Abigail Brand
  • The leadership styles of Storm, Magneto, and Sunspot
  • Himbo disambiguation
  • The fates of Armor, Risque, and Peeper
  • Mysterium Clicker
  • Santa Claus
  • The Ninth Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence

(Note: Our interview with Al Ewing contains spoilers for X-Men: Red!)

NEXT EPISODE: Sabretooth betrays an X-team! Again!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 395 – Boxer Briefs of Humanity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“Weirdest disco ball I’ve ever seen, Sarge, and I used to hang out at that evil disco Dazzler used to play at.” (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Maybe this is why the X-Men refuse to use the phone. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Shades of Weapon X. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Jeez Nathan just ring the freakin’ doorbell (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Rose Gilberti, you were too good for this world. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
World 1-4 (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Dun duh dun duh dun, Inspector Aaron (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Cable’s psychic link x-plains Machine Man (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)
Look, I know the IT department has gotten messy over the course of the pandemic, you don’t have to rub it in (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
EWWW (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
Aww shit we’ve wandered into a TED Talk (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
Sometimes I wish PowerPoint had never been invented (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
And sometimes, as a joke, the Siege Perilous will transform a robot into a naked man with a goatee. (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
Attacked by exposition (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
Go-Go Gadget Free Will! (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
EWWW NOW HE’S DOING IT TOO (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)
NEXT TIME: The Old New Mutants meet the New New Mutants

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

395 – Boxer Briefs of Humanity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Jay has exciting news, Rick Leonardo draws an impressively creepy mad scientist’s lair, the clouds are purple and so is the prose, Powers of X gets a subtle prequel 21 years early, Cable’s own tolerance has finally reached zero, and we summarize Bastion’s backstory way, way faster than Bastion does.

X-PLAINED:

  • Machine Man (X-51) (Aaron Stack)
  • Operation Zero Tolerance (more) (again)
  • Jay’s upcoming parental leave
  • Bastion (Sebastion Gilberti)
  • M-Tech
  • Powerman 5000
  • Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998
  • Hobgits and their sound effects
  • Street Fighter: the Roleplaying Game
  • Batroc ze Lepair
  • Jack Kirby’s 2001: A Space Odyssey
  • X-51 / X-23 overlaps
  • Classic Summers Family Bullshit
  • Psionic soapboxes
  • What makes Bastion a compelling villain
  • The necessity of companions
  • Master Mold 3.0 & Nimrod 2.0
  • Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998
  • Terrible font choices
  • ZORCH
  • Cable vs. floors
  • The carbon footprint of robotic fascism
  • Marvel Comics Presents #17-24 (just a little)
  • Incredible Hulk Annual #7 (just a tad)
  • The Siege Perilous
  • The future of Machine Man
  • The hypothetical 2022 version of Bastion
  • Historical events in which we’d love to see long-lived mutants take part

NEXT WEEK: We take a break for the holidays!

IN TWO WEEKS: The Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men 2022 Giant-Size Winter Special!

  • Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
  • Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
  • Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
  • Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!