Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

HAWK TALK – Attack of the Franchise Cartoons

July 12, 2020 podcasts 8 comments

This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about the television shows we grew up on (and a few current ones)!

Topics, roughly:

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
Masters of the Universe
She-Ra
The Real (vs. non-Real) Ghostbusters
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Little Shop of Horrors
Beetlejuice
Toxic Crusaders
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
The Adventures of Pete & Pete (and the not-so-secret origin of this podcast)
Les Schtroumpfs (and the time they maybe fought Satan)
Batman: The Animated Series
X-Men: The Animated Series
X-Men: Evolution
Wolverine & the X-Men
The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour
The X-Files
Star Trek: Voyager
Earth 2
VR5
M.A.N.T.I.S.
The Simpsons
Daria
Tuca & Bertie
Gravity Falls
Over the Garden Wall

You can check out Waiting for October, our zine based on The Adventures of Pete & Pete, on Gumroad!

As Mentioned in Episode 300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 As Mentioned, As Mentioned No comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Trust us–it looks better on foil. (X-Men: Omega)

Those skulls can’t be stable. (X-Men: Omega)

The gang’s mostly here! (X-Men: Omega)

[Cries in Dark Phoenix Saga] (X-Men: Omega)

Truly, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life.

It’s cute how Nate assumes that it’s possible to talk Magneto out of fighting anybody, ever. (X-Men: Omega)

I’d like to imagine that the M’Kraan crystal made the conscious choice not to show her Onslaught. (X-Men: Omega)

YES! (X-Men: Omega)

Just, um, imagine that he’s holding a gun and also using his powers out of… enthusiasm? For the gun? I guess? (X-Men: Omega)

“Wait, are you the angry Claremontean narrator?!” (X-Men: Omega)

It’s okay. He’ll be back in about 14 years. (X-Men: Omega)

Nobody expects an ongoing series! (X-Men: Omega)

And that, as they say, is that. (X-Men: Omega)

NEXT EPISODE: Back in the 616!

LINKS & FURTHER EPICS:

Janet K. Lee makes really, really gorgeous comics and other art.
A lot of the episodes we mentioned are in the roundup from our 5th anniversary episode.
You can hear more about Jay’s chickens-in-law in Hawk Talk: Florida Mans

300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 podcasts 10 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Age of Apocalypse comes to an end; Angel briefly lives up to his potential; Bishop was sometimes right; It’s not a climactic ending without an X-Men #137 reference; Colossus breaks our hearts; X-Men: Marvels Snapshot will be out in September; and somehow we have made 300 of these things.

X-PLAINED:

Beast vs. Dark Beast
X-Men: Omega
The entirety of the (first) Age of Apocalypse
Potpourri vs. incense
Dramatic hair
Many, many errors
Unforeseen consequences
A long-anticipated team-up
Many deaths
Art as artifact
Narration that has haunted Jay for 20 years
One of the more persistent deaths of David Haller
Blast Attack
The end of a world
Refugees from the Age of Apocalypse
Our favorite X-milestone issues
Theoretical teams
Orphans
When X-Men: Marvels Snapshot is actually coming out
Our favorite show bits
How Jay’s chickens-in-law are doing

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Prime

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 As Mentioned, As Mentioned No comments

Listen to the episode here.

For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)

It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)

The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

You can hear all about Be X-Tra Safe With the X-Men in Episode 177 – The Less You Know.
Read Teen Vogue. Seriously.
You can see the Havok Care Bear–along with the Cyclops one that Jay made–over here.
Waiting for the Trade Magneto is the One True Magneto, now and forever.

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 podcasts 14 comments

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

Earth-200500 (again)
Earth-42409
What If? vol. 2 #77
What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
What If? vol. 2 #81
Earth-77995
Fashion editorials
One of the worse versions of Forge
Superheroes x fashion
Care Bears vs. X-Men
The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
Several uses for the Phoenix Force
Worst-case scenarios
Earth-93074
Savage Land home ec
Bad choices
The Defenders of Earth-93074
How to manipulate Nate Grey
Narrative benefits of omnipotence
A time loop
Earth-9601
A meeting on the moon
What the Watcher watches
Galactus
The Silver Surfer
Grandpa Magneto
Some remarkable technology
A heavy-handed metaphor
Our takes on What If scenarios
The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
Storm’s eyes
Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 298 – Unlikely Avengers

June 21, 2020 As Mentioned, As Mentioned No comments

All of our TeePublic profits this month are going to Trans Lifeline! Have you always wanted a mask that says THEY’RE NOT LASERS? Now’s your chance!

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Seriously, can we not? (X-Universe #1)

Don’t worry; they all die in about a page and a half. (X-Universe #1)

“…ladies.” (X-Universe #1)

Blark 4 Lyfe (X-Universe #1)

See what we mean about the Darkseid thing? (X-Universe #1)

Damnit, Matt. (X-Universe #1)

These badasses! (X-Universe #1)

This should really have been the cover to #1. (X-Universe #2)

They’ve got names, and they’re not recognizable characters in a series that’s all about recognizability, so–yep, gonna die. (X-Universe #2)

DAMNIT, Matt. (X-Universe #2)

Clint Barton? James Rhodes? Lester Whatshisname? Who even knows, anymore? (X-Universe #2)

GOOD JOB, VICTOR VON DOOM. (X-Universe #2)

HE COULD STILL BE ALIVE (X-Universe #2)

That’s an awfully fancy red herring, there. (X-Universe #2)

NEXT EPISODE: What didn’t happen!

298 – Unlikely Avengers

June 21, 2020 podcasts 10 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the moments of X-Universe are better than the whole; the code name “Dirigible” carries some inherent risks; Tony Stark is often more interesting without Iron Man; Clint Barton is no James Rhodes; there is somehow a Matt Murdock who makes even worse choices than the one from Earth-616; nobody should ever trust Mikhail Rasputin; and the baby’s name really doesn’t matter.

X-PLAINED:

J. Jonah Jameson’s stance on mutants
A way to get cool stuff AND support Trans Lifeline
X-Universe #1-2
Gwen Stacy (Earth-295)
Some really obnoxious white savior tropes
The Marauders (Earth-295)
How to waste Arcade
Spider-nostalgia
Owl noises
Tony Stark (Earth-295)
Clint Barton and/or James Rhodes (Earth-295)
Dr. Donald Blake (Earth-616)
Dr. Donald Blake (Earth-295)
Blark
Mikhail Rasputin (Earth-295)
Ship, but not Ship
Ben Grimm (Earth-295)
Sue Storm (Earth-295)
Bruce Banner (Earth-295)
A great many overplayed references
Matt Murdock (Earth-295)
Manuel de la Rocha (Earth-295)
Victor Von Doom (Earth-295)
Marte and Rafe McGuffin
The Upscale Program
A very hazardous plan
The Stryfe Force
The dreams of Donald Blake
A red herring named Frankie
Augmented humans in a mutant-centric world
How Wolverine communicates with animals
How Professor X lost his hair

NEXT EPISODE: What-ifs and might-have-beens!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 297 – Blood Is Compulsory

June 13, 2020 As Mentioned, As Mentioned, Uncategorized No comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

We were not nearly that ripped when we were 17. Or that telekinetic, I guess. (X-Man #1)

As entertaining as it is to imagine him with Schwarzenegger’s accent, I guess Cyclops is more John Connor than he is the T-800. (X-Man #1)

What I wouldn’t give for these guys to have their own ongoing comic… (X-Man #1)

I mean, seriously! How great would it be? Half revolutionary, half thespian, all delightful! (X-Man #1)

Black Tom Cassidy’s hair went white the day he lost his shillelagh. (X-Man #1)

Characters who need their own book, figure 3. (X-Man #1)

IS YOUR NAME OMEGA BLUE, ARKADY? NO IT IS NOT! (X-Man #2)

This is the Earth-295 equivalent of playing catch. (X-Man #2)

Sunspot would be proud. (And god damn, Steve Skroce is good at drawing telekinesis.) (X-Man #2)

Come on, Forge… How could you not trust a guy with a smile that big and a forehead diamond that he assures you is merely a fashion statement? (X-Man #2)

Nightmare factory? Heavy metal album cover? Why not both? (X-Man #2)

Butter Rum of Earth-295 does not approve. (X-Man #2)

The best-dressed D&D party of the Age of Apocalypse. (X-Man #3)

Whoa, Jason – maybe dial it back a little? (X-Man #3)

Schlonk? (X-Man #3)

Steve Skroce, making psychic powers look amazing since 1993. (Anyone remember Ectokid?) (X-Man #3)

I’m so glad they get to have this before everything goes to hell. (X-Man #3)

I’m not psychically crying you’re psychically crying (X-Man #3)

Jeph Loeb gets Sinister. (X-Man #4)

Does Mister Sinister practice his smug smiles in the mirror for moments like these? I mean, obviously he does, but like, for how long? (X-Man #4)

pterodactylwithapulserifle.tumblr.com (X-Man #4)

“To die will be an awfully big adventure.” (X-Man #4)

“Their eyes locked through the hole they’d smashed through the wall, and though they’d never truly met, they knew what they were: family.” (X-Man #4)

OBSCENE MONUMENT. (X-Man #4)

Hey, it’s Nate’s early, even more Dune-like design! (X-Men Collector’s Preview #1)

NEXT TIME: Being Human.

297 – Blood Is Compulsory

June 7, 2020 podcasts 17 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nate Grey is a drama kid; Forge-295 is the hero we need; Mister Sinister is a graduate of the Danielle “Moonstar” Moonstar school of secret identities; and we really, really, really wish that the theater troupe had gotten the ongoing series.

X-PLAINED:

Just how powerful Nate Grey is
X-Man’s somewhat baffling ongoing appeal
X-Man #1-4
A theater company
The Best Forge (Earth-295)
Toad (Earth-295)
Sauron (Earth-295)
Brute (Earth-295)
An extended Tom Stoppard allusion
“Essex”
Domino (Earth-295)
Theater in and as resistance
An ineffectual ruse
A lot of death
Caliban (Earth-295)
A family reunion
The story we really wanted out of this series
The X-Man ongoing series
Chronically missing New Mutants
X-arcs we’d like to see animated

NEXT EPISODE: X-Universe!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 As Mentioned, As Mentioned No comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)

“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)

“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)

Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)

If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)

It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)

you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)

This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)