Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 350 – The Xavier Protocols

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.
Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.
It's always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)
It’s always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)
First version of the armor. Don't get too attached. (Excalibur #100)
First version of the armor. Don’t get too attached. (Excalibur #100)
In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)
In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)
Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or--? (Excalibur #100)
Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or–? (Excalibur #100)
Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards's head... (Fantastic Four #415)
Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards’s head… (Fantastic Four #415)
I'll admit: They look remarkably cool.
I’ll admit: They look remarkably cool.
You don't say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)
You don’t say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)
THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)
THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)
What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)
What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)
This is among the weirder meta-product placement I've seen. (Fantastic Four #415)
This is among the weirder meta-product placement I’ve seen. (Fantastic Four #415)
There's... a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)
There’s… a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)
Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)
Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)
Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)
Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)
How you can tell it's a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)
How you can tell it’s a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)
IT'S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)
IT’S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)
I don't know why, but Onslaught's pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)
I don’t know why, but Onslaught’s pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)
That is... somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)
That is… somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)
That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)
That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)
That's quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)
That’s quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER CHOICES

 

350 – The Xavier Protocols

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
And a real, live, downloadable sketch variant!

In which we celebrate a milestone with a special collectible episode; there may already be a Charles Xavier in your basement; Onslaught lacks subtlety; Bill Watterson may or may not have changed his licensing policy on Earth-616; guns should not have hair; and Jay once again exercises his questionable lyrical skills.

X-PLAINED:

  • Excalibur #100
  • Fantastic Four #415
  • X-Factor #125
  • X-Men #55
  • Onslaught (more) (again)
  • The Xavier Protocols
  • The many secret subbasements of Charles Francis Xavier
  • The Xavier Protocols
  • An extremely poor file-retrieval system
  • Onslaught vs. the Fantastic Four
  • Li’l Charlie
  • A circus, kind of
  • Lang disambiguation
  • Onslaught’s new look
  • Onslaught vs. several Avengers
  • An unlicensed rug
  • The only thing Bill Watterson loves
  • Metaphorical Turkish delight
  • The Brand Corporation (more) (again)
  • Dark Descendents
  • Hairy guns
  • Caps for Sale
  • A really big fight
  • A very dramatic EMP
  • Why Onslaught looks like that

NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught!

“Magneto’s Cape” lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Marsha Norman. Performed by Steve Pence and Adam Faruqi and produced by Adam Faruqi.

CORRECTION: There are only three variant covers to this episode, not four; Jen Vaughn had to bow out due to other commitments.

Check out the visual companion to this post on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

HAWK TALK – Sitcoms

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, Jay and Tina Carleton of Welcome to Television talked about sitcoms!

As Mentioned in Episode 349 – Onslaught Secret Weapon Force Power Slammers

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Ahh, it'll be fine. (Cable #34)
Ahh, it’ll be fine. (Cable #34)
Sure, why not? (Cable #34)
Sure, why not? (Cable #34)
I kind of wish he'd gotten to keep his massive fucked up arm. (Cable #34)
I kind of wish he’d gotten to keep his massive fucked up arm. (Cable #34)
Start your red-string maps here. (Incredible Hulk #444)
Start your red-string maps here. (Incredible Hulk #444)
GIANT SCREAMING ROCK! (Incredible Hulk #444)
GIANT SCREAMING ROCK! (Incredible Hulk #444)
SURE, WHY NOT? (Incredible Hulk #444)
SURE, WHY NOT? (Incredible Hulk #444)
Hulk just want to be left alone. (Incredible Hulk #444)
Hulk just want to be left alone. (Incredible Hulk #444)
Sinister certainly knows how to make an entrance. (X-Man #18)
Sinister certainly knows how to make an entrance. (X-Man #18)
Aw, Caliban. (X-Force #57)
Aw, Caliban. (X-Force #57)
And there goes another Xavier school! (X-Force #57)
And there goes another Xavier school! (X-Force #57)
It's no Bogdanove, but it'll do. (X-Force #57)
It’s no Bogdanove, but it’ll do. (X-Force #57)
I love that Onslaught's happening and Sinister is just playing out this whole entire other story. (X-Force #57)
I love that Onslaught’s happening and Sinister is just playing out this whole entire other story. (X-Force #57)
14_Sentinel
NEXT EPISODE: Hawk talk! NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught continues to continue.
NEXT EPISODE: Hawk talk! NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught continues to continue.

LINKS & FURTHER COMPLICATIONS

349 – Onslaught Secret Weapon Force Power Slammers

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Onslaught nomenclature has some consistency issues; electricity is the new magnetism; Nate Grey mopes; Sinister doesn’t care about your guns; the Xavier mansion blows up (again); and we track down an elusive Sentinel.

X-PLAINED

  • Doctor Doom’s absolutely irrelevant Onslaught encounter
  • Cable #34
  • Incredible Hulk #444
  • X-Man #18
  • X-Force #57
  • Onslaught Phases vs. Impacts
  • Ozymandias (more) (again)
  • Post (more) (again)
  • Cable’s ridiculous motorcycle
  • Several Hulks
  • Behemoth
  • Cable/Storm
  • The Betty Conspiracy
  • Rocks that yell
  • Alpacalypse
  • Multiversal disambiguation
  • Some unlikely sound effects
  • An anti-Sinister failsafe
  • A self-destruct system
  • Warpath and Risque
  • A hug
  • A very specific Sentinel
  • Coming out in adulthood

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Somehow We Have Made 350 of These (and also more Onslaught)

Check out the visual companion to this post on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 348 – Onslaught Continues

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In Apocalypse's defense, this is also roughly what I wear to sleep. (Uncanny X-Men #335)
In Apocalypse’s defense, this is also roughly what I wear to sleep. (Uncanny X-Men #335)
"Quick! Let's fight for no reason!" (Uncanny X-Men #335)
“Quick! Let’s fight for no reason!” (Uncanny X-Men #335)
"Next, we're gonna shut down Blue Man Group." (X-Men Unlimited #11)
“Next, we’re gonna shut down Blue Man Group.” (X-Men Unlimited #11)
This is what every bar is like, right? (X-Men Unlimited #11)
This is what every bar is like, right? (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Rogue has no time for your nonsense. (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Rogue has no time for your nonsense. (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Damn, Bastion. Cold. (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Damn, Bastion. Cold. (X-Men Unlimited #11)
"Do you like... magnets?" (X-Men Unlimited #11)
“Do you like… magnets?” (X-Men Unlimited #11)
SEE? GUN ARM! (X-Men Unlimited #11)
SEE? GUN ARM! (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Did Thor ever actually wear that outfit in a comic book? (Avengers #401)
Did Thor ever actually wear that outfit in a comic book? (Avengers #401)
Vision is RIGHT THERE, man. (Avengers #401)
Vision is RIGHT THERE, man. (Avengers #401)
Including this panel entirely for Gratuitously Topless Thor. (Avengers #401)
Including this panel entirely for Gratuitously Topless Thor. (Avengers #401)
Uncalled for, Silver-Age callback. (Avengers #401)
Uncalled for, Silver-Age callback. (Avengers #401)
That is not the face of a man who has driven around in a magnet-shaped car. (Avengers #401)
That is not the face of a man who has driven around in a magnet-shaped car. (Avengers #401)
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught (but also Sinister)!
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught (but also Sinister)!

348 – Onslaught Continues

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which all the heroes fight each other, a lot.

X-PLAINED:

  • Teenage Iron Man
  • Onslaught thus far
  • What Onslaught wants
  • Uncanny X-Men #335
  • X-Men Unlimited #11
  • Avengers #401
  • The rebirth of Apocalypse
  • The Apocalocophagous
  • The Age of Wonders
  • X-Man vs. Professor X
  • Nate Grey-sitting
  • Humanity’s Last Stand
  • Simon Trask
  • Bastion
  • Rogue and Joseph
  • Avengers fashion
  • Assumptions
  • Other characters who could merge Onslaught-style
  • Origins of the Angry Claremontean Narrator

NEXT EPISODE: Yes, still Onslaught.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 347 – Onslaught Begins

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
He's a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
He’s a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)
Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)
It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)
It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)
The wreck of Professor Xavier's office... (X-Men #54)
The wreck of Professor Xavier’s office… (X-Men #54)
...and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)
…and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)
Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
HE'S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
HE’S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
13_OX1
I know he's evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
I know he’s evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER ALLUSIONS

347 – Onslaught Begins

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we stop procrastinating and dive headfirst into Onslaught; Professor Xavier is a jerk; Dark Beast wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Onslaught declaims like it’s the Silver Age; Bishop gets some long-awaited closure; and we pitch alternate candidates for the X-traitor.

X-PLAINED:

  • Hyperstorm
  • Onslaught (entity)
  • Onslaught (event)
  • Uncanny X-Men #334
  • X-Men #54
  • Onslaught: X-Men #1
  • How to pronounce “Buccellato”
  • The opposite of a pep talk
  • Nate Grey vs. Professor X
  • The Z’noxx (again)
  • One of several times Charles Xavier has faked his own death
  • Muscle March
  • Franklin Richards
  • The Gem of Cyttorak
  • A villain speech
  • That one recording Bishop found in the future
  • The X-traitor
  • Li’l Charlie
  • Magneto’s hood ornament
  • Alternate takes on the X-traitor

NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught continues.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!