Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

Web site remodeling

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You may have noticed changes to our website’s design yesterday and today – especially since you’re probably on the site while reading this!

We’ve been having stability issues with our site for a few months now, and our image gallery slideshows inexplicably broke a few weeks ago. We’re troubleshooting with DreamHost and hope to have things working much better soon.

We’ll also find a permanent theme (or improve this one) at that point, but alas, our previous theme is down for the count. It was discontinued many years ago and has never worked right on mobile, so we want to find something a bit more modern that still has the features everyone is used to. Please bear with us for a bit longer!

HAWK TALK – Call Any Vegetable

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about vegetables. Kind of.

Topics, roughly:

  • Vegetables. Like we said.
  • Is Apocalypse a fruit?
  • Ghost vs. slime trees
  • Dwarves in the rutabagas
  • Ramen mishaps
  • How to be less terrible at cooking
  • Cherimoya, that weirdo

HAWK TALK – Surviving 2020

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked (exhaustedly) about This Freaking Year.

Topics, roughly:

  • This year was pretty rough
  • Maybe next year will be better?
  • Some things are cool, though

NOTE: Miles watched Knives Out immediately after recording this episode, and Jay was right: it is delightful.

As Mentioned in Episode 318 – Leprechaun Hill

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We’re grateful for the covers, Chris Bachalo, but they mostly just make us even sadder that you don’t pencil these issues. (Generation X #7)
Sean’s impressively long ponytail, meet Emma’s impressively tiny undergarments. (Generation X #7)
Husk is mainly made at Jubilee for forgetting it was Giant Shirt Day. (Generation X #7)
To be fair, those moppets would make freakin’ Ultron’s heart grow three sizes. (Generation X #7)
We forgot, but Banshee does sometimes where tiny shorts – including in this very issue! Probably for the best he ditched the ponytail; no one would have been able to tell him and Forge apart. (Generation X #7)
From the finest casual fashion of the 90s… (Generation X #8)
To the finest casual fashion of the indeterminate Middle Ages! (Generation X #8)
“Don’t worry, elves and/or leprechauns! We’ll protect you! With murder!” (Generation X #8)
“You’re looking good, Eamon! But didn’t you used to be like four feet taller?” (Generation X #8)
Grand Dame (a pixie rather than an elf despite her identical skin tone) and the Glamour Machine. (Generation X #8)
Wait, the caption at the bottom references leprechauns… SO WHERE ARE THE LEPRECHAUNS?! (Generation X #8)
Tom Grummett draws a pretty great Skin. (Generation X #9)
“Acch, humans! I used to be one of you until Scott Lobdell got confused! Or maybe I didn’t! It’s ambiguous!” (Generation X #9)
“Greetings – we’re Clan O’Donnel, and we’re not entirely sure what type of fantasy creature we or our newly-retconned relative are supposed to be!” (Generation X #9)
This way, the elves and/or leprechauns can get back to hanging out in Cassidy Keep in the real world and telling readers the secret real names of various superheroes. (Generation X #9)
If Penance could speak, she’d be saying “Tee hee!” (Generation X #9)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: Our Seventh Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

HAWK TALK – Surviving the (Holiday) Experience

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about holidays, winter and otherwise.

Topics, roughly:

  • Time, which used to make sense
  • Several holidays and feelings, media, and traditions related thereto
  • Flash Gordon
  • Mixed-faith families
  • A New York Christmas Wedding (the lesbian time travel gay dead baby angel movie)
  • Gingerbread
  • Secular rituals
  • Night in the Woods: Lost Constellation
  • The Dark is Rising (again)
  • The Spirit of Christmas (which is to say, exploding)
  • J. Michael Strazynski’s The Real Ghostbusters
  • Community‘s first three holiday specials
  • Justice League: Comfort & Joy
  • Passover and that time Moses gave Pharaoh a frog
  • Passover and Miles trying very hard to play it cool
  • Chocolate bunny funerals
  • Easter basket comics
  • Being excellent to each other and partying on

Links and further reading:

HAWK TALK – Hawktober

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about our current, and Jay’s favorite, season.

Topics, roughly:

  • Beatni(c)ks
  • Spoopiness vs. Spookiness
  • Fat bears
  • Seasons (and hemispheres)
  • Symbolism and secular ritual
  • Jay’s very specific Halloween costumes
  • Disappointing bats
  • Asymmetrically recognizable couples’ costumes
  • Inaccurate TMNT journalism
  • Over the Garden Wall
  • Costume Quest
  • MediEvil
  • Silent Hill playthroughs
  • The Adventures of Pete and Pete
  • Corn and/or mud mazes
  • Knitting
  • Ginger Snaps (and elaborate homages)
  • Curious chickens
  • Vincent Price
  • Internal hairdo buttresses
  • Flannel and layers and warm drinks

HAWK TALK – Playing With Super Power (feat. Matthew Hunter)

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, our producer Matthew Hunter subbed in for Jay and he and Miles talked about the video games they grew up on!

Topics, roughly:

  • Crystalis
  • Power Blade
  • Fighting robots (in general)
  • Super Mario World
  • F-Zero
  • Final Fantasy II (which is to say IV)
  • Street Fighter II
  • Rockin’ Kats
  • Shatter Hand
  • Battletoads
  • Lemmings
  • The Incredible Machine
  • The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
  • Turtles in Time
  • Mario Paint
  • Doom
  • Secret of Mana
  • Mega Man X
  • Disney adaptations
  • Final Fantasy III (which is to say VI)
  • Donkey Kong Country
  • Super Punch Out
  • Illusion of Gaia
  • BioForge
  • DWANGO (Dial-up Wide-Area Network Game Operation)
  • Full Throttle, Quest For Glory, Gabriel Knight…
  • Wild ARMs
  • Wipeout
  • Stun Runner
  • Resident Evil
  • Final Fantasy VII
  • Fallout
  • Parasite Eve
  • Xenogears
  • Baldur’s Gate
  • Tetris DX
  • Pokémon (Blue)
  • LUNAR
  • Silent Hill

You can find Matt on Twitter and his music on Bandcamp!

As Mentioned in Episode 306 – Between Here and There

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Kids, send in your answers for a prize! (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Pink was IN for pretty much all projectiles in 1995. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Jeez, Warren, get over it. Everyone has to wear a mask these days. It’s not that hard. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Now I want to see what Bishop would think of Mandy. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
I really like Jean’s family. Shame what Claremont did to them in 2006. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Getting punched by the Juggernaut is a way quicker method of depilation than waxing or electrolysis. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Uncanny X-Men #12-13 could’ve been cut down to about a page and a half if Psylocke had been around. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
This page was very important to young Miles. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Okay, who spiked the Danger Room? (Uncanny X-Men #323)
X-Force’s former leader, folks. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Low blow, Trish. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
On one hand, Iceman is a loyal and caring friend. On the other hand, he calls himself The Bobster. It kind of evens out. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Logan, this is how we got banned from Denny’s, remember? (Uncanny X-Men #323)
The Container Crew. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
DC’s Azrael only wishes he could look this cool. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Look at my teeth! LOOK AT THEM! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Would’ve been funnier if it was a vampire bar. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
You said it, Logan. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
1.5 stars in Yelp’s morgue section (Uncanny X-Men #324)
This Fall on CBS! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Letting Bobby’s call go to voicemail? Jeez, this is almost as bad as that time she blew up a pony! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
NEXT TIME: Hey, it’s these kids!


LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES:

As Mentioned in Episode 305 – The Sleep of the Wicked

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Listen to the episode here.

 

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
That logo! That art! If this era was as good as the cover that started it, we’d be in great shape. (X-Factor #112)
Half cyborg. Half samurai. All toothy. (X-Factor #112)
Wild Child: like Wolverine, but stylish! (X-Factor #112)
“I walked here all the way from Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown, and boy, are my legs tired! And also very long!” (X-Factor #112)
Aww, Random. (X-Factor #112)
Mystique is actually laughing her ass off three blocks away. (X-Factor #112)
How else is someone in an X-Factor comic supposed to enter a room? Through the door? (X-Factor #112)
Havok’s woozy-bubbles are the best woozy-bubbles. (X-Factor #112)
Speaking of Polaris, did you see what her actress from The Gifted said on Twitter? (X-Factor #113)
As an information technology professional, Miles can confirm that BLAMPF (X-Factor #113)
Seriously, what the hell did Fatale build that thing out of? (X-Factor #113)
Yukio is reminded of her first date with Storm. (X-Factor #113)
Bad cop, worse cop. (X-Factor #113)
Havok is reminded of his first date with Polaris. (X-Factor #113)
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (X-Factor #113)
…and neither will we, because Scarlett hasn’t shown up since this panel. (X-Factor #113)
Mystique is the only one happy about this arrangement. Well, maybe not happy, but smug. (X-Factor #114
It’s like Banshee and Emma Frost if they hated each other way more! (X-Factor #114)
I mean, it’s pretty much Freedom Force with all of the pretense removed. (X-Factor #114)
Dig that panel layout. (X-Factor #114)
What did I mention about smug? (X-Factor #114)
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part Two (X-Factor #114)
And here I thought X-Force was the only comic using romance comic panels in 1995. (X-Factor #114)
Poor bastard doesn’t stand a chance. (X-Factor #114)
Why yes, I do subscribe to World Wide Web! (X-Factor #113)
NEXT TIME: Buckle up.

LINKS & FURTHER BACKSTORY

As Mentioned in Episode 304 – Explosive Ops

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Next up: this cover sadly walking away from a gathered crowd of additional copies of this cover. (X-Force #44)
They’re about five minutes away from standing on each other’s shoulders and wearing a big trench coat to seem like an adult. (X-Force #44)
All of the elements of a relaxing vacation: an idyllic cottage, a beautiful forest, adorable animals, a tiny speedo… (X-Force #44)
“Also, I’m going to need you to start doing machines. You’ve been cool but rude for too long.” (X-Force #44)
“Ah’m nigh invulnerable when Ah’m excited!” (X-Force #44)
Morally yellow and purple. (X-Force #44)
“DOOM”? Are we looking at Caliban and Sabretooth or Surtur and his anvil? (X-Force #45)
Adam Pollina draws some pretty great faces. (X-Force #45)
“Every time he seems to be ready to come down, he loses count of his pouches and has to start all over again.” (X-Force #45)
If you asked me what X-book would look most like a romance comic in 1995, I would not have predicted X-Force. (X-Force #45)
Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that the character Mimic has spent the most time with in the preceding decade was the Hulk. (X-Force #45)
Rutland, Vermont: not just a frequent setting of 1970s Marvel and DC comics, but totally a real place! (Avengers #119)
“Is that..? Couldn’t be. But who else has that topknot and ‘burns combo?” (X-Force #46)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #46)
These animals look way more judgmental than the ones in the last hologram. (X-Force #46)
“This new hair gel… When it says ‘apply sparingly’, it means it.” (X-Force #46)
“What? Someone on your team now has more pouches than me? I’ll be right over!” (X-Force #46)
Reminds me of my first car. (X-Force #47)
Aww, kid. (X-Force #47)
I’m not sure why Adam Pollina sometimes randomly gives us art nouveau backgrounds, but I’m not complaining. (X-Force #47)
Jeez, now I’m scared to go outside. (X-Force #47)
Aww not this again (X-Force #47)
This haircut! Bring back this exact haircut! (Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe #1)
NEXT TIME: The kinda-new, sorta-different X-Factor.

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

  • Rutland, Vermont had multiple Marvel and DC stories set in it during the 1970s – but it’s also a real place. Apologies for telling everyone it was imaginary, and thank you to all the listeners who kindly pointed out that it wasn’t!