Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

XplaintheXmen Live in Washington DC!

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Join us for an X-beginner-friendly, mutant-metaphor-focused, live episode of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men: presented by LC-GLOBE, the LGBTQ+ organization of employees of the Library of Congress!

When: 6:00 PM on Friday 06/06/25

Where: The Mumford Room (LM-649) in the James Madison Building of the Library of Congress in Washington, DC
If you’d like to join the staff in attending, you’d be very welcome – to reserve seats, please email us so we can get a headcount and make sure you’re on the list. Hope to see you there!

As Mentioned in Episode 488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

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Color-coded Horsemen of Apocalypse! (Mutant X #19)
What’s the magic word? (Mutant X #19)
Someone let that flying aerobics instructor in! The rain is going to wreck her hair! (Mutant X #20)
That A on his belt stands for Ally! (Mutant X #20)
Note that Charles Xavier’s Evil Mullet is never seen outside of these two panels. (Mutant X #21)
Not a bad riff on the Phoenix costume, honestly. (Mutant X #21)
And then Professor X turned into Doctor Fate. (Mutant X #22)
“That’s right, my friends! We must strike Galactus with every color of the traffic light!” (Mutant X #22)
You ever have a dream where someone is mean to you and then you’re still mad at them when you see them in real life? (Mutant X #23)
Behold! Bargain-basement X-Man, with bonus moppets! (Mutant X #23)
Just a hell of a cover. (Mutant X #24)
Why would you put a portal to the Negative Zone in the goddamn FLOOR?! At least put up a guard rail or something! I’m calling OSHA! (Mutant X #24)
Spoiler: they all just go to a bar. (Mutant X #25)
Flowers for Beast-gernon. (Yes, yes, we know Algernon is the mouse.) (Mutant X #25)
ah jeez (Mutant X #25)
It’s cool, Bloodstorm. We’ve all been there. (Mutant X #26)
The Marauders! (Mutant X #26)
Meet Dagger. And also sorta Cloak. (Mutant X #27)
Awwwwww (Mutant X #27)
Okay, that kid is way too chill. (Mutant X #28)
That’s way better than Evil Xavier’s mullet! (Mutant X #29)
Why, it’s the brand new Sabre-Roaster 3000, as seen on TV! (Mutant X #29)
Plus Iron Giant Man, but he’s too big for this panel! (Mutant X #30)
(This caption intentionally left blank) (Mutant X #31)
After this, they blow up the moon! (Mutant X #31)
The Beyonder x-plains Mutant X! And also eats Captain America. (Mutant X Annual 2001)
It’s really hard to pick a favorite! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Benjamin E. Yonder, you put the population of New York City down right now! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Well, I would have said “WHAT?!” (Mutant X #32)
Dracula dies not with a bang, but with a PFFFT. (Mutant X #32)
*sniffle* (Mutant X #32)
Goodbye, Earth-1298. It’s been a hell of a ride. (Mutant X #32)
NEXT TIME: Black ops in black leather!

As Mentioned in Episode 487 – The Only Well-Adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (Mutant X May, Part 2)

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…the 2025 story. (Mutant X #9)
The Morlocks! (Mutant X #9)
A damned fine Magneto indeed. (Mutant X #9)
Polaris from X-Factor meets Terra from Final Fantasy VI. (Mutant X #10)
Nightcrawler-1298 can buckle our swashes anytime. (Mutant X #10)
The rest of the X-Men! (Mutant X #10)
The weather is wild today. (Mutant X #11)
I think this might be a big deal, you guys. (Mutant X #12)
Drama! (Mutant X #12)
The Goblin Queen falls. (Mutant X #12)
The secondary theme of Mutant X is the relationship between Ororo Munroe and rodents. (Mutant X #13)
Someone missed the memo about Diaphanous Romper Fridays. (Mutant X #13)
Ninja versus vampire: a tale as old as time. (Mutant X #13)
The most well-adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (and friends)! (Mutant X #14)
Bros! (Mutant X #14)
Meet Katherine Pryde, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club; Sebastian Shaw in an iron lung; palette-swapped Captain America; and Sunfire! (Mutant X #15)
De T’ieves Guild. (Mutant X #16)
A thief and a t’ief. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
“Dear Diary, only you understand me.” (Mutant X Annual 2000)
The origin of Gampire/Vambit. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
That first panel is just adorable. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
What a great guy, that Cap! Hope he doesn’t blow up the moon or anything later. (Mutant X #17)
And again: bros! (Mutant X #17)
Seems fine. (Mutant X #18)
Hey, that’s our podcast’s schtick! No swiping! (Mutant X #18)
NEXT TIME: The end of Mutant X May!

As Mentioned in Episode 485 – The House of Correction

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Being the boss means you get the yellow pouches! (Generation X #63)
Teenagers! (Generation X #63)
The new and… improved… Emma Frost. (Generation X #63)
DEAR GOD THOSE PANTS (Generation X #63)
Remember, this issue came out before we knew what happened to Synch… (Generation X #63)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Generation X #64)
Fashion? (Generation X #64)
Fashion! (Generation X #64)
Jubilee, you are the worstbest. (Generation X #64)
The most dangerous game! (Generation X #64)
Super-speed, part one! (Generation X #65)
Super-speed, part two! (Generation X #65)
I see no flaws with this plan. (Generation X #65)
We have our complaints about this era, but… man, it can just be so charming! (Generation X #65)
I have so many questions, and yet I do not want them answered. (Generation X #66)
Miles just saw Eraserhead at a David Lynch retrospective, and you know that mix of revulsion and pity you feel toward the baby in that movie? …yeah. (Generation X #66)
Banshee, you rule and we’re sorry everyone always forgets you exist. (Generation X #66)
An only slightly less abrupt ending than that of X-Factor #149. (Generation X #66)
NEXT TIME: Yes, really.

As Mentioned in Episode 484 – Hell Tuba

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A miniseries based on a miniseries! (X-Men: Magik #1)
What are we looking at? Not sure. Is it rad? Definitely. (X-Men: Magik #1)
To paraphrase: it doesn’t have to be practical if it’s AWESOME. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Not the most efficient way to blow up a bunch of Teslas, but certainly stylish. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Only one of them got the note about the dress code. But which? (X-Men: Magik #1)
The Battle for Hell’s Deep. (X-Men: Magik #1)
So, like, what if the sky broke and then cut off your goddamned head, is my question (X-Men: Magik #2)
Everyone’s outfits are very long. (X-Men: Magik #2)
Did we mention that this series is in a hell dimension? (X-Men: Magik #2)
(Pushes up Norse glasses:) Technically, Surtur’s sword Twilight would only be on fire if he’d entered Asgard upon the day of Ragnarök, and… (X-Men: Magik #2)
And then sometimes the art is suddenly beautiful. (X-Men: Magik #2)
(wailing guitar solo) (X-Men: Magik #2)
I now pronounce you Hell-Lord and Sorceress! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Hey, tell us more about Lord Militant Phemous and his Huscarls! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Meanwhile, in the Hell-actic Senate… (X-Men: Magik #3)
You get out of the sky and finish your evil-chrome-skeleton-god dinner this instant, young man! (X-Men: Magik #3)
All hail the Hell Tuba! (X-Men: Magik #4)
Welp, there you have it. (X-Men: Magik #4)
Hey, it’s Death’s Head II! Hi, Death’s Head II! (X-Men: Magik #4)
I’m pretty sure Judas Priest has a song about this. (X-Men: Magik #4)
We need to start a metal band just so we can use this as an album cover. (X-Men: Magik #4)
The last day of summer camp is always bittersweet. (X-Men: Magik #4)
NEXT TIME: Generation X versus that thing!

484 – Hell Tuba

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In which the 2000 Magik miniseries is not a good comics series but is an excellent heavy metal concept album; Nightmare has a nightmare; and tubas work differently in Hell.

X-PLAINED:

  • Belasco: the early years
  • Magik (2000 series) #1-4
  • Magik (Amanda Sefton) (Jimaine Szardos) (more) (again)
  • Some art stuff
  • The realm of Nightmare
  • The Splinter Realms
  • The Soul Sword (Amanda Sefton version)
  • An Archfiend of the Pit
  • Nugent
  • Chekhov’s Hell computer (and its secretions)
  • Kurt Wagner’s short and bizarre career in the church
  • Vitchen
  • Several cool demon battles
  • The Dread Dormammu
  • Gleeg
  • A problem
  • Muspelheim
  • Twilight (sword)
  • Some Mephisto nonsense
  • Hades, maybe
  • Epithets
  • A convocation
  • Weird Hell guys
  • Duke Bleys
  • The Archenemy
  • The Hell Tuba
  • The most demonic brass instrument
  • Some time travel bullshit
  • Stories where Emma Frost is at her best
  • Villain reuse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X gets new threads!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

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I appreciate that Shadowcat’s new costume involves her perpetually flipping the (very sharp) bird. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
I mean, it could be worse – you could be Colossus. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
[Epic metal begins] (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Is Nightcrawler trying to distract from his awful new color scheme by diving at the reader crotch-first? (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
A different look than usual, but I’m not mad at it. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
SEEMS FINE. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Except that one time! And kind of that other time! (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Chekhov’s removable skeleton. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
I mean, we’re not not going to show the shattered-moon-and-mountain-of-skulls every time it comes up. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Magik x-plains the miniseries. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
After this, Warren will be required to take a Defensive Swooping class. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Oof – right in the outfit! (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
(bonk) (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
A warm welcome back to Polaris’s chest-skull! (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Listen, it’s not my fault I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to every woman I’ve dated! And it definitely doesn’t imply anything!” (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Hey! That’s my favorite nipple you almost cut off!” (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Dude needs to hydrate. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
We’d normally say not to mess with perfection, but that’s not a bad evolution of the Phoenix costume! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Now that’s a demon. Well, Ru’tai. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
The origin of Magik’s bare midriff! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
You’re missing a bloodstone and a Banshee! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Paging Doctor Belmont… (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Way better than throwing a Poké Ball. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Hey, now there are SIX bloodstones! At least Belasco’s throne is rad. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
From the Arcane Tome of Evil Fashion. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
BOOM! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
What if Magik was She-Ra? (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
NEXT TIME: Magik gets metal.

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483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

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In which a lot has happened in the Six Month Gap (and we even get to learn about some of it); we’d missed Claremontian narration; Miles has questions about Colossus’s ponytail; the Soulsword is basically a Poké Ball; the Shadow Pope is cooler than the regular Pope; and Magik has a secret.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some big news
  • X-Men: Black Sun #1-5
  • Phoenix and Psylocke’s sorta-power-swap
  • Implied continuity
  • The N’Garai
  • Belasco
  • Limbo
  • Magik (Illyana Rasputin)
  • New costumes
  • Priests vs blood magic
  • An impressively overcomplicated evil plot
  • Chekhov’s skeleton
  • Body swaps and/or possession
  • Thunderbird (Neal Sharra)
  • Pilgrimm and the Ru’tai (again, surprisingly)
  • Astral meetups
  • Confusing bloodstone math
  • A Triple-Tech
  • Magik (Amanda Sefton)
  • Counting X-generations
  • Our favorite X-decades

NEXT EPISODE: More Magik!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 482 – The Mutant Gene for Murder

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“Mr. Wisdom would have wanted me to show this much chest.” (X-Force #106)
A fitting tribute from Romany Wisdom (Mark II). (X-Force #106)
Come on, Cable totally would have trained X-Force on Robert’s Rules of Order. (X-Force #106)
“Well, you’re looking at a version of it that doesn’t yet have nearly enough black leather.” (X-Force #106)
Upon further consideration: yeah, Meltdown totally designed all of these. (X-Force #107)
Bedlam’s new powers! (X-Force #107)
Meltdown’s new powers! (X-Force #107)
Proudstar’s new powers! (X-Force #107)
“You see, I have the mutant gene for murder.” (X-Force #107)
Domino understood the fashion assignment. (X-Force #108)
Remember, you can shoot the eyeball for double damage. (X-Force #108)
Spy stuff. (X-Force #108)
First you murder all of the children at this birthday party, and then you have the gall to criticize the host’s baking? (X-Force #108)
Meet these guys! But don’t get too attached. (X-Force #108)
But that doesn’t… it looks nothing like… ah, never mind. (X-Force #108)
You can read the entirety of New Mutants and X-Force as the history of Cannonball learning to turn. (X-Force #109)
I bet he’s using his Cable voice for this threat. (X-Force #109)
Tsung has probably seen The Matrix like, a lot. (X-Force #109)
That’s our Tabitha! (X-Force #109)
Mr. Giger sends his regards. (X-Force #109)
NEXT TIME: Claremont’s back!

As Mentioned in Episode 481 – Chekhov’s Butt-Gun

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In which Adrienne Frost flirts with a corpse. (Generation X #67)
Oh man, Monet’s left sock is going to be all wet and gross for the rest of the morning… (Generation X #67)
I used to love it when the cafeteria served GReeBo C back in high school. (Generation X #67)
I think those bullies were held back a few years… like maybe 30 or so. (Generation X #67)
Just some really fun faces on this page. (Generation X #67)
NO PRETTY BOYS. (Generation X #67)
It’s like a romance comic cover exploded! (Generation X #68)
Hey, that shirt’s just painted on! (Generation X #68)
Teens are the worst, Jubilee. (Generation X #68)
“And I assure you, that’s far from the most dangerous thing in this skirt.” (Generation X #68)
Everyone reacts to bad news in their own way. Penance’s way is to stick a Mjolnir sticker to her face. (Generation X #68)
Well shit. (Generation X #68)
The snowy calm before the fiery storm. (Generation X #69)
“The Leprechauns of Cassidy Keep never gave me this much grief.” (Generation X #69)
What fighting game is this supposed to be?! And don’t say Ninja Boogie! (Generation X #69)
Effortless. (Generation X #69)
What is this, Black Friday? (Generation X #70)
Kid’s got a point, Sean. (Generation X #70)
You really feel the crush of humanity in this issue. (Generation X #70)
Everett Thomas: hero ’til the end. (Generation X #70)
Bye, Adrienne. See ya never. (Generation X #70)
Left-to-right, the answers will be: make bad decisions as part of X-Factor, become a vampire mom, have sex with Angel in the sky above Ma Guthrie, get crucified on the X-Mansion’s lawn, and find out you’re a descendent of Apocalypse. (Generation X #70)
NEXT TIME: X-Force goes Counter-X!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING: