Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

HAWK TALK – Wizards

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about wizards.

Topics, roughly:

  • Fantasy wizards
  • Space wizards
  • Beards and wizards and gender
  • Vancian spellcasting
  • Wizard taxonomy
  • The Baal Shem
  • Book learnin’
  • Towers and Discworld wizards
  • Dragonlance wizards
  • Tolkien wizards
  • Iceman with a wizard beard
  • Which animals make the best wizards
  • Magic: the Gathering
  • Our wizardy D&D characters

HAWK TALK – Hack the Planet

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, in honor of the 1995 film’s 1337-week anniversary, we talked about the finest movie about technology ever made, Hackers.

Topics, roughly:

  • Hackers
  • Mister The Plague
  • What David Bowie and Angelina Jolie have in common
  • Razor & Blade
  • The glory of Matthew Lillard
  • Counterculture
  • Queer (sub)text
  • Focal characters
  • Jay’s sequel pitch

In retrospect, we should have talked way more about Phreak, played amazingly by Renoly Santiago. Sorry, Renoly! That’s what we get for doing Hawk Talk without our usual outlines.

HAWK TALK – Doctor Internet

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about the Internet.

Topics, roughly:

  • Blazing fast 28.8 Kbps dial-up
  • AOL CDs
  • Final Fantasy, MIDI-style
  • Angelfire vs. Carrd
  • The Gaming Intelligence Agency
  • The Brunching Shuttlecocks
  • The finest memes of the early 2000s
  • Chaos
  • Social media, as explained by Jay
  • Social media, as baffles Miles
  • Podcasts vs. the Internet

HAWK TALK – Turtle Power

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Topics, roughly:

  • Daredevil parodies
  • The nature of mutation
  • The four humors
  • Archetypes of masculinity
  • Legal status of mutant animal people
  • Questionable toys
  • Adaptations and adaptations of adaptations
  • Miles’s favorite Mirage comic story
  • The excellently weird Archie comic series
  • Girl turtles and naming conventions
  • Movies good and bad
  • Milesangelo

Web site remodeling

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You may have noticed changes to our website’s design yesterday and today – especially since you’re probably on the site while reading this!

We’ve been having stability issues with our site for a few months now, and our image gallery slideshows inexplicably broke a few weeks ago. We’re troubleshooting with DreamHost and hope to have things working much better soon.

We’ll also find a permanent theme (or improve this one) at that point, but alas, our previous theme is down for the count. It was discontinued many years ago and has never worked right on mobile, so we want to find something a bit more modern that still has the features everyone is used to. Please bear with us for a bit longer!

HAWK TALK – Call Any Vegetable

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about vegetables. Kind of.

Topics, roughly:

  • Vegetables. Like we said.
  • Is Apocalypse a fruit?
  • Ghost vs. slime trees
  • Dwarves in the rutabagas
  • Ramen mishaps
  • How to be less terrible at cooking
  • Cherimoya, that weirdo

HAWK TALK – Surviving 2020

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked (exhaustedly) about This Freaking Year.

Topics, roughly:

  • This year was pretty rough
  • Maybe next year will be better?
  • Some things are cool, though

NOTE: Miles watched Knives Out immediately after recording this episode, and Jay was right: it is delightful.

As Mentioned in Episode 318 – Leprechaun Hill

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We're grateful for the covers, Chris Bachalo, but they mostly just make us even sadder that you don't pencil these issues. (Generation X #7)
We’re grateful for the covers, Chris Bachalo, but they mostly just make us even sadder that you don’t pencil these issues. (Generation X #7)
Sean's impressively long ponytail, meet Emma's impressively tiny undergarments. (Generation X #7)
Sean’s impressively long ponytail, meet Emma’s impressively tiny undergarments. (Generation X #7)
Husk is mainly made at Jubilee for forgetting it was Giant Shirt Day. (Generation X #7)
Husk is mainly made at Jubilee for forgetting it was Giant Shirt Day. (Generation X #7)
To be fair, those moppets would make freakin' Ultron's heart grow three sizes. (Generation X #7)
To be fair, those moppets would make freakin’ Ultron’s heart grow three sizes. (Generation X #7)
We forgot, but Banshee does sometimes where tiny shorts - including in this very issue! Probably for the best he ditched the ponytail; no one would have been able to tell him and Forge apart. (Generation X #7)
We forgot, but Banshee does sometimes where tiny shorts – including in this very issue! Probably for the best he ditched the ponytail; no one would have been able to tell him and Forge apart. (Generation X #7)
From the finest casual fashion of the 90s... (Generation X #8)
From the finest casual fashion of the 90s… (Generation X #8)
To the finest casual fashion of the indeterminate Middle Ages! (Generation X #8)
To the finest casual fashion of the indeterminate Middle Ages! (Generation X #8)
"Don't worry, elves and/or leprechauns! We'll protect you! With murder!" (Generation X #8)
“Don’t worry, elves and/or leprechauns! We’ll protect you! With murder!” (Generation X #8)
"You're looking good, Eamon! But didn't you used to be like four feet taller?" (Generation X #8)
“You’re looking good, Eamon! But didn’t you used to be like four feet taller?” (Generation X #8)
Grand Dame (a pixie rather than an elf despite her identical skin tone) and the Glamour Machine. (Generation X #8)
Grand Dame (a pixie rather than an elf despite her identical skin tone) and the Glamour Machine. (Generation X #8)
Wait, the caption at the bottom references leprechauns... SO WHERE ARE THE LEPRECHAUNS?! (Generation X #8)
Wait, the caption at the bottom references leprechauns… SO WHERE ARE THE LEPRECHAUNS?! (Generation X #8)
Tom Grummett draws a pretty great Skin. (Generation X #9)
Tom Grummett draws a pretty great Skin. (Generation X #9)
"Acch, humans! I used to be one of you until Scott Lobdell got confused! Or maybe I didn't! It's ambiguous!" (Generation X #9)
“Acch, humans! I used to be one of you until Scott Lobdell got confused! Or maybe I didn’t! It’s ambiguous!” (Generation X #9)
"Greetings - we're Clan O'Donnel, and we're not entirely sure what type of fantasy creature we or our newly-retconned relative are supposed to be!" (Generation X #9)
“Greetings – we’re Clan O’Donnel, and we’re not entirely sure what type of fantasy creature we or our newly-retconned relative are supposed to be!” (Generation X #9)
This way, the elves and/or leprechauns can get back to hanging out in Cassidy Keep in the real world and telling readers the secret real names of various superheroes. (Generation X #9)
This way, the elves and/or leprechauns can get back to hanging out in Cassidy Keep in the real world and telling readers the secret real names of various superheroes. (Generation X #9)
If Penance could speak, she'd be saying "Tee hee!" (Generation X #9)
If Penance could speak, she’d be saying “Tee hee!” (Generation X #9)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: Our Seventh Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: Our Seventh Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

HAWK TALK – Surviving the (Holiday) Experience

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about holidays, winter and otherwise.

Topics, roughly:

  • Time, which used to make sense
  • Several holidays and feelings, media, and traditions related thereto
  • Flash Gordon
  • Mixed-faith families
  • A New York Christmas Wedding (the lesbian time travel gay dead baby angel movie)
  • Gingerbread
  • Secular rituals
  • Night in the Woods: Lost Constellation
  • The Dark is Rising (again)
  • The Spirit of Christmas (which is to say, exploding)
  • J. Michael Strazynski’s The Real Ghostbusters
  • Community‘s first three holiday specials
  • Justice League: Comfort & Joy
  • Passover and that time Moses gave Pharaoh a frog
  • Passover and Miles trying very hard to play it cool
  • Chocolate bunny funerals
  • Easter basket comics
  • Being excellent to each other and partying on

Links and further reading:

HAWK TALK – Hawktober

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This would usually be a skip week, but the world is still being a jerk, so we made you a bonus, entirely unedited, and almost entirely off-topic episode. This time, we talked about our current, and Jay’s favorite, season.

Topics, roughly:

  • Beatni(c)ks
  • Spoopiness vs. Spookiness
  • Fat bears
  • Seasons (and hemispheres)
  • Symbolism and secular ritual
  • Jay’s very specific Halloween costumes
  • Disappointing bats
  • Asymmetrically recognizable couples’ costumes
  • Inaccurate TMNT journalism
  • Over the Garden Wall
  • Costume Quest
  • MediEvil
  • Silent Hill playthroughs
  • The Adventures of Pete and Pete
  • Corn and/or mud mazes
  • Knitting
  • Ginger Snaps (and elaborate homages)
  • Curious chickens
  • Vincent Price
  • Internal hairdo buttresses
  • Flannel and layers and warm drinks