In which Nightcrawler comes to an end, Rachel finally learns to appreciate Black Vortex, we have some feelings about Cyclops and Havok, and you should totally come to the ECCC meetup this Saturday.
REVIEWED:
Nightcrawler #12 (0:55)
Amazing X-men #18 (2:22)
Wolverines #12 (3:14)
*Uncanny X-Men #32 (5:02)
All the Black Vortex Tie-Ins (7:30)
*Pick of the Week (10:36)
These video reviews are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which Rachel is out sick, Miles perseveres in the face of adversity, and X-Force goes out with a bang.
Reviewed:
Guardians of the Galaxy #24 (0:37)
X-Men #24 (2:01)
Nightcrawler #11 (3:58)
All-New X-Men #36 (5:35)
Cyclops #10 (7:07)
Wolverines #6 (8:35)
*X-Force #15 (9:39)
*Pick of the week (11:24)
These video reviews are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Ah, there’s the Bill Sienkiewicz we know and love! (X-Men #159)
Note that we are still classily refraining from making a “gave her the D” joke. (X-Men #159)
Well, then. (X-Men #159)
Kitty Van Helsing. (X-Men #159)
Well, that resolved neatly. (X-Men #159)
The crossover leaves something to be desired, but the covers are superlative. (X-Men #1)
Comics industry: This is why we can’t have nice things. This panel. Specifically. (X-Men #1)
Well, that was a rapid and largely unsupported conclusion, Cyclops. (X-Men #1)
“WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A DRACULA PROBLEM.” (X-Men #1)
Blade has all the best toys. (X-Men #2)
You know how sometimes vampires are a metaphor for sex? Yeah, that. (X-Men #2)
Note that the vampire X-Men are just the normal X-Men, but with teeny, adorable fangs. (X-Men #2)
Remember that time Blade Godwin’d an entire crossover event? (X-Men #2)
We won’t lie to you, Cyclops: It’s pretty bad.
That’s very Castlevania 2 of you. (X-Men #2)
On one hand, they’re hella sexualizing a teenager. On the other hand, at least the vampires seem to be pretty body-positive about it? (X-Men #3)
WELL, THEN. (X-Men #3)
“Oh, my god! She’s TERRIBLE AT SPANISH WEB!” (X-Men #3)
Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart?Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? (X-Men #3)
So, that happened. (X-Men #3)
In which Wolverine and Jubilee are 100% the bad kids from a Chick Tract. (X-Men #4)
“Vampires? Sure, cher, but first guess what Gambit is wearing…” (X-Men #4)
Curse of the Mutants Cyclops kinda reads like someone who read a bunch of hard-boiled detective novels but didn’t quite understand the jargon. (X-Men #4)
Great idea. Questionable execution–would’ve made a great mid-fight reveal–but great idea. (X-Men #5)
Suddenly, hundreds of ‘shippers felt a great disturbance in the force. (X-Men #5)
The world legitimately needs more Storm-and-Gambit-being-sneaky stories. They’re good bros, those two. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Someday, we’ll do a roundup of every variation of this line that has appeared in an X-book, but not today. (Storm and Gambit #1)
DAMN SKIPPY. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Remember how Dr. Nemesis is delightful? Dr. Nemesis is delightful (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
They do this gag like five times over the course of the issue, and it never stops being funny. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Madison Jeffries and Kavita Rao: also delightful (but not as delightful as Dr. Nemesis). (No one is as delightful as Dr. Nemesis.) (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
See? (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Jury’s still out on this one. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
PITCH: A limited series where Dazzler and Northstar team up with the disco vampires. CALL US, MARVEL. (X-Men vs. Vampires #1)
Next week: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (sort of)!
AND NOW, THE CONTEST WINNERS!
Last week, we asked you to pitch your best ideas for X-Men games to win a download code for the <em>Days of Future Past</em> mobile game. (Thanks again, Glitchsoft!)
Before we announce the winners, let us take a moment to rave: You are brilliant, and we are legitimately pretty pissed off that we can’t play most of these games, because they look awesome. We wish we could give you all prizes.
Based on a complicated imaginary algorithm involving on originality, narrative/gameplay fit and integration, playability, and personal whim, we are pleased to announce that the grand-prize winners are as follow:
1) The Silver-Age X-Men (taking heavily from Season One and First Class), going right up to the Bronze age with the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix Saga. Why?
2) It’s a Japanese-style “dating sim” game, with a heavy focus on character relations. Any mutant combat will cover RPG elements in an old 8-bit Final Fantasy format, with a 5-man team selectable for the squad.
3) Marvel Girl. However, each of the other original 5 X-Men have their own storyline that unlock after beating Jean’s, with Jean’s storyline being the canon one that follows up through her canonical death as the Dark Phoenix (or does it? Multiple endings with potential happy endings, anyone?). Do you choose to follow the canon and romance Cyclops? What about his brooding brother who just wants a damned normal life? Or the magnificent Angel? The brooding Wolverine? The angry Thunderbird? Do you still love Hank when he’s literally blue? Or are you more into Iceman? The potential is endless! Romance Professor X (ewwwwwww) for the bonus unlockable option to play through a storyline as Professor X, manipulating the hell out of your students to your own ends!
As a bonus, any Mutant met can be drawn into the X-Men through specific dialogue choices, though none of the recruited X-Men can be romanced. However, this may alienate other members of the team, and can even cause them to leave the X-Men!
3) James Howlett, Kurt Waggoner, Emmeline Frost, Xavier’s Head, Dazzler
Chrono-trigger style game where you travel from timeline to timeline hunting down evil Charles Xaviers, generally in the order you choose. You’d start with a basic team, and collect new members as you go to their individual timelines.
We’ll be e-mailing you those download codes later today!
We also want to take a moment to acknowledge two other really superlative entries. You do not get download codes, so, as a compensation prize, here is another picture of that panel of Cyclops telling Dracula to follow his heart:
1. Kitty Pryde and Wolverine (the ’84-85 miniseries) 2. Ninja Gaiden-esque sidescrolling platformer with melodramatic cutscenes. Ninjas ninjas ninjas. 3. Alternate levels as Kitty getting into trouble in Japan and Wolverine trying to find her. In the last level you can choose which of them to play as you fight the other one, but then the winner has to take on final boss Ogun.
BEST NOT-SURE-THIS-ACTUALLY-COUNTS-AS-A-GAME-BUT-WE-ARE-BOTH-IMPRESSED-AND-SLIGHTLY-FRIGHTENED-BY-YOUR-INGENUITY:
1. Name: Siege Perilous: The Game 2. Platform: pervasive throughout your life. You download an app on your phone and it replaces your twitter, your facebook, your instagram, your contacts, and everything else with the media and social life of a better version of yourself. The game is to learn to live as that person. There is no going back. 3. Playable character: you, but maybe a ninja version of you.
In which Dr. Nemesis is delightful, Bill Sienkiewicz foreshadows himself, Dracula hits on absolutelyeveryone, Blade Godwins a crossover event, Jubilee get a jet ski, the X-Men do Castlevania 2, Rachel and Miles pick a vacation destination, and Cyclops wants you to follow your heart.
X-Plained:
Dr. Nemesis
A very good page of a very good comic
Dracula variations
X-Men #159
Appropriate use of holy symbols
“The D”
Tomb of Dracula
Bloodstorm
Carrotstorm
Curse of the Mutants
Jubilee
Crossover events
Why we can’t have nice things
Some really sweet weaponry
The Dracula Reassembly Machine
Phone sex with Gambit
The point of being Lord of the Vampires
X-Club
Authorial voice in comics
Why there probably won’t be a Starjammers movie
Next Episode: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (kind of)!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.
When we say that Quentin Quire has the same fashion sense as Rachel, this is not what we’re talking about. (Wolverine and the X-Men #3)
Seriously. She’s never going to take it off again.
YAYBO! Thanks to your support, we’ve unlocked a bunch of very cool milestone goals on Patreon, from weekly video reviews of current X-books, to original illustrations, written posts, giant-size semiannuals, and more!
Why we can’t have nice things. (House of M #7)
As promised, from Uncanny X-Men #497.
Cyclops seems to like the premise of Schism about as much as we do.
We were going to photoshop word balloons in so Cap was yelling “What are we fighting about, again?” and Cyclops was yelling, “I have no idea!” but we ran out of time, so I guess just take that as read.
Yeah, that’ll end well, Iron Man. (Avengers vs. X-Men #5)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (Avengers vs. X-Men #11)
This moment has shown up in flashbacks in something like four books so far this month, so it’s probably gonna be PRETTY RELEVANT in the near future. (Avengers vs. X-Men #11)
Pretty much everything you need to know about Battle of the Atom. (Wolverine and the X-Men #37)
This was the only yearbook photo we could find with both of us in it. TRIVIA: Can you spot the other current comics-industry pro in this photo?
Aw, bros. (Wolverine and the X-Men #40)
Oh, that’ll be awkward. (Uncanny X-Men #23)
There are… kind of a lot of X-Men books currently coming out.
A reasonably comprehensive list of current X-titles.
We are 100% with Cyclops on this. (Wolverine and the X-Men #40)
Heh. (Schism #1)
Next week: Rogue! And space adventures! And Carol Danvers!
Also next week: Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men on Comics Alliance! It’ll go up here, as well as iTunes and Stitcher, at the usual time, but you’ll also be able to catch new episodes every Thursday at ComicsAlliance.com!
Bonus not-at-SDCC cosplay pics: Miles as Starman…
…and Rachel as space-pirate-in-a-polo-shirt teenage Cyclops.
In which we correct a startling omission, explore the current state of the X-Universe, and speculate wildly; Quentin Quire has excellent fashion sense; Rachel gets a new accessory; Miles goes off-brand; the X-Men are somewhat complicated; Iron Man has poor decision-making skills; Charles Xavier dies for real; Beast might be a supervillain; we briefly forget Marc Guggenheim’s first name; and the future remains a relative mystery.
For purposes of continuity, it’s probably worth noting that this episode was recorded before the SDCC Marvel panel.
X-Plained:
Quentin Quire
Patreon
A startling omission from the official SDCC lineup
The current state of the X-Men
Decimation
Dark Reign
Utopia
Schism
Avengers vs. X-Men
Mutant politics
Hope Summers
The Phoenix/P.E.N.I.S. five (again)
The (real) (this time) (we think) death of Charles Xavier
Teenager hijinks
Crossover events
Battle of the Atom
Semantics of supervillainy
How Wolverine is 100% definitely going to die
Jumping-on points
Current X-books
Jubilee
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.
