Archangel – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 357 – The Semiotics of Regret

December 26, 2021 Jay 3 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This cover accomplishes what it sets out to do so beautifully… (Uncanny X-Men #337)

…as does its credits page. (Uncanny X-Men #337)

Nothing is entirely okay here. (Uncanny X-Men #337)

Hank, no. (Uncanny X-Men #337)

And wistfulness for dessert. (Uncanny X-Men #337)

Ah, that cover. Again. (X-Men #57)

Versions of this have been used roughly a zillion times; but it always works. (X-Men #57)

The 616, where televisions always flip through the most scene-appropriate clips. (X-Men #57)

Clean up your damn flechettes, Warren Kenneth Worthington III. (X-Men #57)

(He’s not covered in water; it’s the anti-psy field and the evocation of Days of Future Past.) (Onslaught Epilogue #1)

Not… the Rainbow Bears?! (Onslaught Epilogue #1)

Hi, kiddo. (Onslaught Epilogue #1)

Psychology is… different, here. (Onslaught Epilogue #1)

Sure, why not? (Onslaught Epilogue #1)

NEXT EPISODE: GIANT-SIZE WINTER SPECIAL, feat. Jonathan Hickman!

As Mentioned in Episode 350 – The Xavier Protocols

October 24, 2021 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!

Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.

It’s always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)

First version of the armor. Don’t get too attached. (Excalibur #100)

In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)

Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or–? (Excalibur #100)

Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards’s head… (Fantastic Four #415)

I’ll admit: They look remarkably cool.

You don’t say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)

THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)

What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)

This is among the weirder meta-product placement I’ve seen. (Fantastic Four #415)

There’s… a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)

Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)

Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)

How you can tell it’s a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)

IT’S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)

I don’t know why, but Onslaught’s pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)

That is… somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)

That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)

That’s quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)

NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER CHOICES

Caps for Sale is a real and delightful book!
“Magneto’s Cape” is based on “Lily’s Eyes” from the excellent Secret Garden musical.

350 – The Xavier Protocols

October 24, 2021 Jay 35 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!

And a real, live, downloadable sketch variant!

In which we celebrate a milestone with a special collectible episode; there may already be a Charles Xavier in your basement; Onslaught lacks subtlety; Bill Watterson may or may not have changed his licensing policy on Earth-616; guns should not have hair; and Jay once again exercises his questionable lyrical skills.

X-PLAINED:

Excalibur #100
Fantastic Four #415
X-Factor #125
X-Men #55
Onslaught (more) (again)
The Xavier Protocols
The many secret subbasements of Charles Francis Xavier
The Xavier Protocols
An extremely poor file-retrieval system
Onslaught vs. the Fantastic Four
Li’l Charlie
A circus, kind of
Lang disambiguation
Onslaught’s new look
Onslaught vs. several Avengers
An unlicensed rug
The only thing Bill Watterson loves
Metaphorical Turkish delight
The Brand Corporation (more) (again)
Dark Descendents
Hairy guns
Caps for Sale
A really big fight
A very dramatic EMP
Why Onslaught looks like that

NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught!

“Magneto’s Cape” lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Marsha Norman. Performed by Steve Pence and Adam Faruqi and produced by Adam Faruqi.

CORRECTION: There are only three variant covers to this episode, not four; Jen Vaughn had to bow out due to other commitments.

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As Mentioned in Episode 344 – Where No Mutant Has Gone Before

August 29, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… (Star Trex)

And then, Gladiator punched the Enterprise. (Star Trex)

This throwaway gag basically carries the issue. (Star Trex)

Everything Deathbird knows about diplomacy, she learned from Edgar Rice Burroughs novel covers. (Star Trex)

Several hundred years later… (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

“I mean, we pay about as much attention to the Prime Directive…” (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

This scene really looks like they should all be holding cocktails. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

Kang saying “Civility costs nothing” never stops being funny. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

Well, he’s doomed. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

And so’s she. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

We told you about that so we could tell you about this. (Planet X)

NEXT EPISODE: All of the Marvels. ALL of them. (feat. Douglas Wolk)

LINKS & FURTHER CROSSOVERS

Listen to Tina’s X-Plain debut in Episode 62 – Giant-Size Special #2…
…Check out her other podcasts at Welcome to Television…
…and follow her on Twitter!
Learn more about Proteus in Episode 10 – Not All Mandroids and Episode 166 – Proteus Has Two Mommies.
For the lowdown on Kang, listen to Episode 85 – Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts Part 9!

344 – Where No Mutant Has Gone Before (feat. Tina Carleton)

August 29, 2021 Jay 15 comments

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In which the X-Men cross over with two generations of Star Trek; your grandma invented slash fiction; Gladiator punches a starship; we designate a universe; Leonard McCoy gets bowdlerized; “Gary” is a silly name for a god; Elizabeth Dehner deserves better; a lot of things happen in space; Worf and Wolverine enjoy a brief but intense romance; the X-Men should have more to say about the ethics of “curing” mutation; and we successfully delay Onslaught by another week.

X-PLAINED:

Cross-franchise creative footprints
Collecting Star Trek in the ‘90s
Secret origins of Tina and Jay’s friendship
Star Trex
Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact
Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Planet X
Delta Vega
“Where No Man Has Gone Before”
The Shi’ar (again)
The relationship of Star Trek to the Marvel Universe
Earth-1701, which may or may not also be Earth-200500
Proteus (again)
A dubious date
First Contact
The Borg
Several temporal anomalies
The Traveler
Michael Jan Friedman
Xhaldia
Time Hooks and/or Chrono-compasses
Prune juice
Your new ship
The Drakkon
A simulated Charles Xavier
A Highland sex ghost, apparently?

NEXT EPISODE: All of the Marvels, with Douglas Wolk!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

August 15, 2021 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

LIES ALL LIES (X-Force #55)

(Probably not a LMD. This time.) (X-Force #55)

I’m not sure sound works like that, but it’s still cool. (X-Force #55)

And now you know how animated Wolverine feels. (X-Force #55)

Well, that’s one way to open a giant door. (X-Force #55)

Seriously, why is he in his underwear? (X-Force #55)

It’s really not any harder to believe than anything else in this comic. (X-Force #55)

Sacrelicious! (X-Force #56)

The Benjamin Russell storyline really doesn’t make any sense when you break it down… (X-Force #56)

I have nightmares like this. (X-Force #56)

IT WAS GAMESMASTER ALL ALONG SURE WHY NOT (X-Force #56)

We kinda forgot to cover this first time ’round. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

Puberty’s rough, buddy. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

“There’s a new mutant about to manifest! Let’s have the MOST UNSETTLING X-Man go follow him around!” (X-Men Unlimited #8)

Seriously, there is NO evidence at this point that it’s the word “mutant” that sends the kid running and not, say, the lightning. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

This is the part where it starts to feel like one of those books you could get in the ’80s with your kid’s name as the protagonist. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

See what I mean? (X-Men Unlimited #8)

“They usually bring you back in a dozen or so issues. Why?” (X-Men Unlimited #8)

And they all lived happily ever after.* *Joined the Thunderbolts, became Maverick, maybe blew up? (X-Men Unlimited #8)

NEXT EPISODE: Where no mutant has gone before!

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

For the backstory on the Weisman Institute, listen to Episode 304 – Explosive Ops.
Please enjoy the genius that is Hans Jensen.

343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

August 15, 2021 Jay 13 comments

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In which X-Force carries on the New Mutants’ tradition of property damage; a lot of people have infiltrated Helicarriers; G.W. Bridge makes it weird; Gamesmaster returns to no particular end; and we go back in time to cover the origins of Chris Bradley.

X-PLAINED:

The deaths of several Worthingtons
X-Force #55-56
X-Men Unlimited #8
A legacy of explosions
Uncanny X-Men #333 (briefly) (again)
A heist
Several of the many characters who had successfully infiltrated Helicarriers as of 1996
Dum Dum Dugan
Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine
The glory days off LASER tag
Church fights
Subtext
The Weisman Institute for the Criminally Insane (more) (again)
How to pronounce “Risque”
Chris Bradley
Hans Jensen
Nostalgia goggles and their absence
Civilian awareness of cosmic Marvel
Asgard, Oklahoma
Annalee

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Where No Mutant Has Gone Before

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 342 – Angry Birds

August 15, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Yes, it’s as dramatic as it looks. (Archangel #1)

…Kay. (Archangel #1)

Please enjoy the most Nic Cage Archangel you will ever see. (Archangel #1)

THIS guy. (Uncanny X-Men #333)

HOW DOES SHE STILL NOT MANAGE TO ASSOCIATE HIM WITH MAGNETO? (X-Men #53)

Oh, Juggernaut, no. (X-Men #53)

Revenge of X-Men #3. (X-Men #53)

342 – Angry Birds

August 8, 2021 Miles 13 comments

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In which Miles does his best, birds are weird, some of the most dangerous villains are pink, and we are in the Onslaught Zone.

X-PLAINED:

- - Malibu Comics and Marvel Comics, sitting in a (multiversal) tree, KILLING
  - Archangel: Phantom Wings
  - Unorthodox artistic decisions
  - Archangel (Warren Kenneth Worthington III)
  - Angst, renewed
  - Bird ichor
  - Tuesday Bird and her Mad Max outfit
  - How (not?) to flirt
  - Uncanny X-Men #333
  - Various Roberts Kelly
  - Graydon Creed, doin’ Mom proud
  - Bastion, Nimrod, & Master Mold
  - Operation Zero Tolerance
  - X-Teams and their lanes
  - A naked murder-uncle
  - Pink villains
  - Obscure callbacks
  - Event synergy
  - X-Men #53
  - Day to-day challenges of telepathy
  - Super-Saiyan Magneto
  - Phoenix (Jean Grey), actual adult
  - Onslaught
  - That scene from 1964’s X-Men #3
  - A surprisingly insightful look at Professor X’s dark side
  - Logan’s assorted friendships with teen girls
  - XMEN Disease

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force gets, predictably, x-treme.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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