Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Evil Charles Xavier

As Mentioned in Episode 169 – Bad Kansas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
SO, THAT’S GRAPHIC. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Yeah, I’m with Phoenix on this one. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Oh, that’s NEVER good. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
I’m not gonna say that Havok’s hat is the greatest abomination of this world, but it’s a pretty bad hat. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Oh, that makes perfect… sense? (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Seriously. Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
It’s hard to be a Phoenix host in a hell dimension. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Those eyebrows, though. Daaaamn. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Seriously, those things are off the rails. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
And then the Phoenix defeated the Nazis with the power of gayness. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Well, that’s one way to do it. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
So, yeah. Giant Naked Cosmic Nazi Space Xavier. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Have we mentioned that Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs? Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Aw, lurking moppets! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Warlock! We’ve missed you! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Well, that’s one way to make friends. (New Mutants Summer Special)
It’s… it’s… A METAPHOR! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Nothing familiar going on here… (New Mutants Summer Special)
Aw, Rahne. Every dang time. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Mookie has a bright future in P.R. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Welcome to Hunter S. Thompson’s Phantom Tollbooth! Meet Manufactured Consent… (New Mutants Summer Special)
…and a possibly-recognizable political figure. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Media literacy is the real superpower! (No, seriously; it’s really important.) (New Mutants Summer Special)
Somewhere, there’s a parallel universe where Brett Blevins is a really successful political cartoonist. (New Mutants Summer Special)
I’m not sure exactly what we’re supposed to get out of this panel. (New Mutants Summer Special)
This kid is so great. (New Mutants Summer Special)
And now, Situation Ethics! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Burn down the establishment, Mookie! Seize the means of production! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Well, that went some places. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Look, we never said it was a subtle story. (New Mutants Summer Special)
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur: The Fill-Ins!

169 – Bad Kansas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Justin Thyme is a forgotten superstar of comics; Nazis should pretty much never be used as a metaphor; Charles Xavier is somehow even worse than usual; Excalibur may lack object permanence; Phoenix defeats Hitler with the power of gayness; we may have hit Peak Nocenti; Brett Blevins should draw Boom Boom forever; and the New Mutants get a taste of media theory.

X-PLAINED:

  • The exact nature of Shatterstar and Longshot’s relationship
  • Excalibur: Weird War III
  • New Mutants Summer Special: A Mutant in Megalopolis
  • Justin Thyme
  • Bad Kansas
  • Nazi Charles Xavier
  • Kinda-Nazi Moira MacTaggert
  • The Reichsmen
  • Lightning Squad (again)
  • Naked Space Xavier
  • Largely unsuccessful denouement
  • The Wobbly Sneaker Gang
  • Megalopolis
  • Media theory and several of its anthropomorphic personifications
  • Socially conscious comics
  • The Gifted
  • The New Mutants trailer

NEXT EPISODE: Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur!

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As Mentioned in Episode 33 – Crossoverload

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne! Prints here, or contact David for the original.
There is a lot going on in The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans.
The best thing about Metron is that his eyebrows are part of his costume. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Things we never get tired of: Cyclops using his powers to cheat at pool. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Darkseid is Creepy Santa (so, basically, Santa). (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Cyclops has a bad day. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
How Gar manages to get an image that specific from her description remains a mystery. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Flash Fact: Wally West is the best Flash, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of lies.
Deathstroke the Terminator: the assassin who designed his costume to be as visible as possible against pretty much any backdrop. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
The Greys just CANNOT catch a break. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Simonson doing cosmic Kirby is our jam, now and forever. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Were we less mature and tasteful, this is where we’d put a “butte sex” joke. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Probably not actually the fourth wall. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Oh, that’s not gonna end well. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
TEAM-UP! (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
You know this is the happiest moment of Kitty Pryde’s entire life. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Along with fire and life, slightly creepy Cyclops feels are a running Phoenix Force motif. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
Can we talk about how very much better this Cyclops-as-Phoenix costume is than the AvX version? (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
This isn’t actually all that relevant, but we couldn’t resist one last page of cosmic Simonson art. (The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans)
We are pretty into crossovers that come with convenient captioned character guides! (The X-Men and the Micronauts #1)
This is Kitty’s regular Ariel costume, so, no need to drink. Yet. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #1)
Baron Karza is Darth Vader Plus. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #1)
A possibly recognizable villain. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #1)
I’d like to take a moment to point out that the Professor Xavier who is punishing Kitty for thinking too loudly is explicitly good Professor X. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #1)
Action-figure-sized people fighting normal-sized people: NEVER NOT HILARIOUS. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #1)
Look at that snazzy title treatment! (The X-Men and the Micronauts #2)
Okay, that’s extra creepy. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #2)
One of the better pratfall panels. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #2)
Let’s check and see if the action-figures-vs.-full-size-people thing is still funny when the action figures are the good guys. YES. YES, IT IS. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #2)
This conceit really never stops being entertaining. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #2)
Seriously, how the hell did no one see Onslaught coming? (The X-Men and the Micronauts #2)
To be fair, she’s both body-swapped with Baron Karza AND mind-controlled by Evil Professor Xavier. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #3)
“Oh, HELL, yes,” says Kitty. “Cross THAT one off the bucket list.” (The X-Men and the Micronauts #3)
The worst part is that he gets so much creepier. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #3)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (The X-Men and the Micronauts #4)
Remember the time Phoenix wiped out one planet, so Jean Grey had to die? Yeah, so do we. Marvel editorial, not so much. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #4)
Modified rule: When someone else in Kitty’s body makes her a new costume, steal someone else’s drink. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #4)
JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH FUNNIER X-MEN WOULD BE IF THEY’D STAYED SIX INCHES TALL. (The X-Men and the Micronauts #4)
Next week: Captain America in a loincloth!

Links and Further Reading

33 – Crossoverload

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Art by David Wynne! Prints here, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne! Prints here, or contact David for the original.

In which we dive into two crossovers; our DCU is the DCAU; the Greys just cannot catch a break; Darkseid is basically Santa Claus; the Phoenix Force has Cyclops feels; Baron Karza is the sonic screwdriver of supervillains; and the Enigma Force is aptly named.

CONTENT NOTE: The Micronauts portion of this episode involves not-particularly-graphic but still fairly involved discussions of sexual violence. If that’s not something you want to listen to, we’d recommend stopping the episode after the Teen Titans portion at 26:26, and fast-forwarding to 47:52 for conclusions, questions, and outro.

X-Plained:

  • Crossover Earth
  • Amalgam
  • Crossovers
  • The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans
  • The Teen Titans
  • The One True Flash
  • Cosmic Kirby
  • Darkseid
  • Metron
  • The Source Wall
  • Deathstroke the Terminator
  • Ravok
  • Butte sex
  • Cyclops and the Phoenix Force
  • The X-Men and the Micronauts #1-4
  • Bill Mantlo
  • The Hero Initiative
  • Micronauts
  • The Microverse
  • Baron Karza
  • Evil Xavier (more)(again)(seriously, how is anyone still surprised when this happens)
  • Several moral event horizons crossed in quick succession
  • Female protagonists in X-books

Next Week: Captain America in a loincloth!

You can find a visual companion to the episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration here, or contact David Wynne for the original!