Nick Fury – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 265 – Rude Awakenings

September 22, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that that’s supposed to be Forge in the lower right-hand corner? (X-Men Annual #5)

The Shi’ar sext WEIRD. (X-Men Annual #5)

Professor X was definitely naked, right? (X-Men Annual #5)

The weirdest thing about this panel is that the tractor beam seems to have shrunk her shirt by about half. (X-Men Annual #5)

Professor X X-Plains human-Shi’ar relations. (X-Men Annual #5)

FASHION! (X-Men Annual #5)

Imagine how confusing it must be to run into Jubilee on alien planets. (X-Men Annual #5)

I DID NOT NOTICE THE HANGING TEDDY BEAR UNTIL I CLIPPED THE PANEL FOR THIS VISUAL COMPANION. (X-Men Annual #5)

He’s a hugger. (X-Men Annual #5)

Be fair, Gambit: there are a LOT of reasons Cyclops is never fun at parties. (X-Men #34)

BUT WHO IS LURKING IN THE FOREGROUND? (X-Men #34)

Sinister, moisturize your damn clones. (X-Men #34)

Oh, hey, Threnody! (X-Men #34)

‘Kay. (X-Men #34)

Ewwwwwwww. (X-Men #34)

Please bear in mind that these are costumes S.H.I.E.L.D. just happened to have lying around the Helicarrier. (X-Men #35)

“Also, do you know how hard it was to dress you in skintight neoprene while you were unconscious?” (X-Men #35)

The end of the world looks pretty rad. (X-Men #35)

Some artists definitely made some choices. (X-Men #35)

That’s our Cyclops. (X-Men #35)

Some of the layouts in this issue are really nice. (X-Men #35)

Sunset Grace X-Plains Sunset Grace (and marries Ronald Reagan). (X-Men #35)

Ouch. (X-Men #35)

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

FURTHER LISTENING

We covered The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix in Episode 229 – Giant-Size Special #7!

265 – Rude Awakenings

September 22, 2019 Jay 20 comments

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In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.

X-PLAINED:

Some guy from Earth-1610
X-Men: Unlimited #5
X-Men #34-35
Shi’ar sexting
A rude awakening (literal)
Rococo Stryfe
Some uncomfortable fashion choices
X-pajamas
Definitely nude Charles Xavier
Breasts
Shi’ar imperial bullshit
A very impressive headdress
Reality TV… in space!
A rude awakening (metaphorical)
Shi’ar childhood
Negotiation
A total dick move
Another total dick move
Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
The return of Threnody
The titles of several sex tapes
High-tech spelunking
Sinister’s secret DNA library
Controversial outfits
Nick Fury’s stuff
Sunset Grace
The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 239 – Rap and Rumble (feat. Max Carleton)

March 18, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Awkward Family Portraits: The Avengers Edition (Avengers #368)

Nick, no. (Avengers #368)

The Avengers were not always Marvel’s A-List team. (Avengers #368)

TFW your kid gets replaced by a shapeshifter and then explodes. (Avengers #368)

“Mr. Agent” BWAHAHAHAHA (Avengers #368)

Trolling Henry Peter Gyrich is the real superheroism. (Avengers #368)

“Just like Dracula would.” (Avengers #368)

Oh, hey, it’s the yelling disembodied head of Charles Xavier! (Avengers #368)

Everyone else is rushing into battle; and there’s Cap, just, like, “FORGET THIS I’M GONNA FIGHT THE SKY” (X-Men #26)

Good work, Mr. Agent. (X-Men #26)

Avengers West Coast #101

Hawkeye should enter every room this way. (Avengers West Coast #101)

Genosha: Still the Goddamn Worst. (Avengers West Coast #101)

Did they, though? I kind of suspect he named himself that. (Uncanny X-Men #307)

The cover IS the trading card. (Avengers #69)

1993 seems like a little late to have two yelling Xavier heads in one story, but you do you.(Avengers #69)

Well, he sure pontificates like Magneto. (Avengers #69)

And yet, he won’t be out for another decade and change. (Avengers #69)

NEXT EPISODE: Live at Emerald City Comic Con, with Vita Ayala, Seanan McGuire, and Leah Williams!

LINKS & FURTHER MAXIMOFFS:

Max Carleton is an unmitigated delight! Here’s where you can check out more of his work:
- Read Max’s comics about comics at Waiting for the Trade!
- Follow him on Twitter!
- Hear Max and Tina dive into the weird and somewhat horrifying world of Once Upon a Time in Welcome to Storybrooke…
- …and find their secret podcast by supporting them on Patreon!
- Then come back and listen to Max and Jay talk about the wonders and horrors of the X-Men anime in our Episode 115 – So Many Teeth.
Life on the Infinite Farm, by Richard Evan Schwartz
Erdös Numbers
Aud Koch’s impressive take on Viv Vision’s family tree
Seriously, Marvel, give Aud all your mystical characters immediately.

239 – Rap and Rumble (feat. Max Carleton)

March 18, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which we enter the era of bomber jackets; the covers are the cards; Genosha remains neither green nor pleasant; the A is for “Avengers,” not “A-list”; Henry Peter Gyrich is the straightest of men; Cyclops sets an important precedent; Exodus is a huge jerk; we speculate about movies we have definitely not seen; Stephen Strange is not a qualified OBGYN; the Avengers are really weird even by our standards; and Max manages to connect two of Marvel’s most complicated family trees.

X-PLAINED:

One way to name babies
Blood Ties
Infinite bomber jackets
Avengers #368-369
X-Men #26
Avengers West Coast #101
Uncanny X-Men #307
Several very fancy covers
A shadow government, but not that kind of shadow government
Genosha (more) (again)
The Avengers, as of 1993
A special delegation
The Genoshan resistance
U.S. Agent
A time Cyclops told someone other than Dracula to follow their heart
The many belts of Nicholas Fury
Several members of the Maximoff family (more) (again)
Black Knight (Dane Whitman)
Sersi
A very drawn-out fight
Roy Thomas dialogue
The racist icing on the racist cake
Exodus (Bennet du Paris)
Diplomacy, kind of
Apolitical avenging
Magneto’s dream
A green and pleasant beverage
Yet another energy-dome-enclosed crisis
The giant, angry disembodied head of Charles Xavier
What is definitely the actual plot of the Purge movies
The surprisingly torrid private lives of the Maximoffs
Scarlet Witch and Vision’s kids
Master Pandemonium and his weird baby hands
Damian Hellstrom
How we’d handle Magneto’s family in modern Marvel
Robopaternity
A possible link between the Summers and Maximoff families

NEXT EPISODE: Live at Emerald City Comic Con, with Vita Ayala, Seanan McGuire, and Leah Williams!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 221 – Better Than LEGO

November 5, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Bella, as seen on FaceTime between rounds of headbutting the phone.

The late, great, immensely fluffy Buzz Lightyear.

What, you thought this whole thing was just gonna be photos of cats? (Sorry) (X-Force #20)

Whoops. (X-Force #20)

That hair, though! Why, Shatterstar? WHY? (X-Force #20)

Those spacesuits look incredibly cumbersome. (X-Force #20)

You never forget your favorite ship. (X-Force #20)

That is a GREAT use of a spread. (X-Force #20)

X-Force really only has the one setting. (X-Force #21)

Aw. AW. (X-Force #21)

AWWWWWWWWW (X-Force #21)

“THE TEETH COMMAND IT!” (X-Force #21)

And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #21)

“The guns were inside you all along!” (X-Force #22)

Well, then. (X-Force #22)

But he looks so happy about it! (X-Force #22)

I was gonna make a callback to that one tangent about how Cable probably carries a bunch of tampons because they are useful and he seems like the kind of dude who has a good attitude about menstruation, but it seemed too forced. (X-Force #22)

This is both excessive and silly, Gideon. (X-Force #22)

“Am I forever damned to eat crackers sideways?!” (X-Force #23)

Look at him! He’s just propped up in the corner! (X-Force #23)

OH, SNAP! (X-Force #23)

I’m still kind of peeved that this isn’t spelled out in Sam’s accent. It just feels wrong like this. (X-Force #23)

NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke vs. Revanche!

LINKS & FURTHER MONSTROSITIES:

221 – Better Than LEGO

November 5, 2018 Jay 12 comments

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In which Miles stops worrying and learns to love X-Force; you should absolutely not google the phrase “face jam”; the kids take a field trip to Graymalkin; Jay reverse-engineers Shatterstar’s hair; Donald Pierce gets a new job; Sam Guthrie is the most trustworthy man in the Marvel Universe; Cable is your guns grandma; Professor earns its name; X-Force really only has one setting; and not every Sluggo is lit.

X-PLAINED:

A bunch of stuff Quicksilver did
Several cats
X-Force #20-23
The Externals (more) (again)
A deeply unlikely hairstyle
Graymalkin / Ship / Professor
A somewhat one-sided reunion
Yahoos
Inaccurate arithmetic
Why Feral sounds like that
Neither Tom, Dick, nor Harry
War Machine (James Rhodes)
Salvage
Sam Guthrie’s long trail of dead father figures
Shatterstar
How to fight an External
The seventh plague
What Domino’s been up to
Hammer’s mom
Tigerstryke (more) (again)
Sluggo (but not that Sluggo)
Learning to appreciate the ’90s

NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke Vs. Revanche!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 197 – Wolverine and the Honker of Doom

May 13, 2018 Jay 6 comments

Listen to the episode here.

“Just follow your heart,” Jay told David.

We have no idea how accurate this depiction of Kamehameha Day is; but from what we’ve read, it sounds like a really cool holiday. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Our villains. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Also a villain. (The doctor, not the kid. The kid is just super doomed.) (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Nick Fury writes like a twelve-year-old girl, and that makes me so happy. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Wolverine rising from bodies of water: never not rad. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Meanwhile in a history that might have been… (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

“Turtleneck Dracula” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, bro. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

I really legitimately love this dude’s design. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Seriously. Wolverine. Moonlight. Bodies of water. It’s a thing. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Despite evidence to the contrary, Shiv’s head is neither exploding nor severed in this panel. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

It’s hard to be a grown-up, Wolverine. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

“I’m ALSO sorry that S.H.I.E.L.D. never figured out a less passive-aggressive way to apologize.” (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

“Dear Diary, nobody understands me.” (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

The second-best time Wolverine blew up a helicopter. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

And they all lived happily ever after. (Wolverine: Bloody Choices)

Damn, Fury, get some better mementos. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

Dude sneaking up behind Wolverine is about to have the most anticlimactic day of his life. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

Gahck is awesome. In other news, I’m really upset about the vertical spacing in that third balloon. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

SPINY HONKER (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

Once more for the back row: THE HONKER OF DOOM! (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

I’m really just including this panel for the phrase “great rogue honker.” (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

THE HONKER OF DOOM! (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

Gahck has no time for your nonsense. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

He looks so happy! (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

Probably feasible? Maybe? Ehh, it’s Wolverine, we’ll allow it. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

I feel you, Robopocalypse. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

“Once you’re one of my horsemen, of course, you’ll have access to an excellent Employee Assistance Program, as well as paid time off!” (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

Wolverine has a LOT of semicanonical kids floating around the Marvel Universe. (Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure)

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur vs. the X-Men, kind of!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

Come see us at FlameCon!
We covered Wolverine: Bloodlust in episode 190 – Local Yokels.
Glen Danzig was in fact briefly in the running for the role of Wolverine. (Don Adams, alas, was not.)
Dirty chai is chai tea with a shot of espresso. And now you know.
Sorry about that, Chief!
Here’s the Hawkeye fan film Miles mentioned!
Cargo Cults are really interesting.

197 – Wolverine and the Honker of Doom

May 13, 2018 Jay 38 comments

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In which Wolverine is an eternal teenager; most of what Jay knows about Hawaii comes from Lilo and Stitch; Shiv is a complicated fellow; Nightcrawler represents an unattainable beauty standard; the Easter Bunny flies at dawn; Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure is delightful; Logan inadvertently starts a cult; Gahk does as she pleases; Jay and Miles are going to FlameCon; and we are all now Honkers forever.

X-PLAINED:

What Bloodscream and Roughouse have been up to
Albert and Elsie Dee
An unorthodox vocal warm-up
Wolverine: Bloody Choices
Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure
The Wolverine formula
Kamehameha Day (which Jay mispronounced; sorry!)
Mr. Bullfinch
Mr. Kapeland
Shiv
Doc Corbel
Nick Fury’s penmanship
How retail works
Secret agents, maybe
A stimulating combination
Karate pants
A darker, grittier version of the Easter bunny
Wolverine’s apocryphal childhood
Characters who can pull off the Wolverine hairstyle
Don Adams as Wolverine
Win/win murder scenarios
Two adult men discussing their feelings
Honkers
Cargo cults
The Tribe of Fire
Gahck
Some romance
A Spiny Honker
The Honker of Doom
Pit traps, with and without shallow holes
A dastardly but ineffectual plot
Apocalypse, kind of
One of Wolverine’s many kids (who may or may not be Erista)
Jay & Miles at FlameCon 2018
How to get us at your local convention
Reading comics with Miles’s dad
Seriously, though: honkers

NEXT EPISODE: Even more Excaliburs

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

173 – The Muir Island Saga, Part 2

November 19, 2017 Jay 43 comments

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In which Abs-lantis will not be denied; “slightly traumatized” is basically the default state of Xavier’s original students; we pick up the slack for Nicieza; Banshee and Moira MacTaggert probably have an active and varied love life; Xavier miscounts the X-Men; we look back over the Claremont/Simonson era of the X-Universe; and Jay makes a case for the re-resurrection of Jean Grey.

X-PLAINED:

X-Men: Red
Namor’s beard
The conclusion of the Muir Island Saga
Uncanny X-Men #280
X-Factor #70.
Cool orange spacesuits that make you immune to telepathy
Off-brand Magneto hats
Literary terrors of our childhoods
Agents DeMarco & Heacock (R.I.P.)
Casual use of nuclear weaponry
The cavalry
The end of the Shadow King
The most dysfunctional timeline
Uncanny X-Men #200-278
The case for an eclectic X-Universe
X-Campus
Resurrections, and when they do and don’t work

NEXT EPISODE: Ed Piskor’s Grand Design

The visual companion to this episode will be up sometime before the end of 2017, by which point Jay’s lungs will hopefully be working again. Yay?

(Seriously, though, fuck this cold. Fuck this cold so much.)

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 158 – No Focus, Less Direction

August 6, 2017 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Oh, like THAT’s a big deal or something.” (Uncanny X-Men #273)

That’s a lot of X-Men. (Uncanny X-Men #273)

Bobby, you incorrigible scamp! Way to EXPLODE THE PIPES IN THE SOLE BATHROOM SHARED BY EIGHTEEN PEOPLE. (Uncanny X-Men #273)

The original creative teams will be played by Storm in this panel. (Uncanny X-Men #273)

Awk-ward. (Uncanny X-Men #273)

Telekinetics don’t need shower curtains. (Uncanny X-Men #273)

We unironically adore this ridiculous pair of panels. (Uncanny X-Men #273)

This is a lot creepier if you remember that the Shadow King took over Jean permanently in one of the earths Excalibur visited… (Uncanny X-Men #273)

Meanwhile, in the sexy, sexy Savage Land… (Uncanny X-Men #274)

Between the art and the cascade of dramatic Magneto captions, this splash kinda encapsulates the whole arc. (Uncanny X-Men #274)

Whoa. (Uncanny X-Men #274)

To be fair, that was always a really iffy battle tactic. (Uncanny X-Men #274)

“Also, am I imagining the sudden switch to romance comic framing?” (Uncanny X-Men #274)

No one gets dressed more dramatically than Magneto. (Uncanny X-Men #274)

Zaladane: boring as hell, but damn does she know how to dress! (Uncanny X-Men #274)

That’s prudent, I suppose, for a certain value of the term. (Uncanny X-Men #274)

Please note that:
A) Ka-Zar is calling Rogue “Red” despite the fact that her hair is clearly brown.
B) A mostly-naked man and his tiger buddy are clearly not REMOTELY the weirdest things those S.H.I.E.L.D. troops have shared a transport with.
(Uncanny X-Men #275)

It sure is 1991. (Uncanny X-Men #275)

Every goddamn time. (Uncanny X-Men #275)

Where’s an editorial footnote when you actually need one? (Oh, fine, I’ll do it: See Classic X-Men #12 and #19, respectively! -Jaded Jay) (Uncanny X-Men #275)