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272 – Children of the Phalanx (the Phalanx Covenant, Part 2 of 3)

November 10, 2019 podcasts 16 comments

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Ship was inside Cable all along; Life Signs is the Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant (but only in the bad ways), it’s lucky that the Phalanx doesn’t have WiFi; Nightcrawler embraces chaos; and we promise the crossover gets better next chapter.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable got his Ship back
Miles’s official stance on candy corn
The Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant
X-Factor #106
X-Force #38
Excalibur #82
A monastery party
Douglock (more) (again)
Forge-O-Vision
How Steven Lang got mixed up with the Phalanx
Stages of Phalanx development
Babel
Giuseppe Russo, shepherd
The Phalanx, but dogs
Shinar
What you get when you meet a stranger in the Alps
Whom we’d like to see draw the Phalanx
Mindwifery
Adulthood
“Stealth”
Where baby Phalanxes come from
Teamwork
Good stories about Hope Summers
What happened to Paul Bailey

NEXT EPISODE: Rock climbing with the Summers Family

The visual companion to this episode will be up later in the week.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 264 – Autotune the Phalanx

September 15, 2019 As Mentioned, As Mentioned 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Symbolism, Douglock. It’s full of Symbolism. (Excalibur #78)

Aw, these kids. (Excalibur #78)

Seriously, though, it’s really easy to imagine them breaking into song at this point. (Excalibur #78)

Ouch. (Excalibur #78)

We do not recommend doing this, for a lot of reasons. (Excalibur #78)

Ouch. (Excalibur #78)

They’re so dramatic! (Excalibur #79)

Courtney Camperson is a very good moppet. (Excalibur #79)

Damn, Kitty. That was uncalled for. (Excalibur #79)

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO MEAN TO ROBOTS (Excalibur #80)

Aw, kiddo. (Excalibur #80)

The juxtaposition of what actually happens in these pages with what Stryfe assumed would happen is such a good use of the medium. (Excalibur #80)

(Excalibur #80)

Dang, Amanda Conner. DANG. (Excalibur #80)

I don’t entirely know how to process charming Charles Xavier. (Excalibur #78)

CHARLES, YOU SCAMP! (Excalibur #79)

“But watch out if anyone approaches you about, like, becoming pope. That won’t end well.” (Excalibur #80)

NEXT EPISODE: Star crossed… IN SPACE!

264 – Autotune the Phalanx

September 15, 2019 podcasts 17 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we celebrate our 100^th episode with producer Matt Hunter; you should always be kind to robots; Stryfe has a lot of very petty contingency plans; Britanic is bad at helping; we explore a peculiar pairing of book and arc; Charles Xavier has his moments; and Zero and Douglock defiy destiny.

X-PLAINED:

The current occupant of Fantomex’s body
Excalibur #78-80
The Douglock “chronicles”
Zero
Douglock
Several feelings
Britanic (again)
Camping fonts
Drones
Radio Shack
Helping
Pentagon-sense
What being human is all about
Charles Xavier, hero of the beach
Rory Campbell’s voice
Technoorganic vs. transmode viruses
Kymera

NEXT EPISODE: Star-crossed in space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 256 – Mullets of Time and Space

July 14, 2019 As Mentioned, As Mentioned 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Always aspire to a higher level of time paradox! (Excalibur #75)

How much extra creepiness does this already creepy scene get from the bolding of “his”? (Excalibur #75)

It’s his girlfriend. He called and asked her to come over. There is literally no reason that this should be so mysterious and pseudo-suspenseful. (Excalibur #75)

You do you, Amanda. (Excalibur #75)

PITCH: “What if only Captain Britain’s arms had returned from the timestream?” (Excalibur #75)

If you need me, I will be over here having FEELINGS about the lack of official acknowledgement of this relationship. (Excalibur #75)

“I was going to have some really dubious facial hair.” (Excalibur #75)

This better be worth it. (Excalibur #75)

[Ron Howard narrator voice] It was not worth it. (Excalibur #75)

GET IT? GET IT? GET IT? (Excalibur #75)

I hope you’re happy in the life you’ve chosen for yourself. (Excalibur #76)

“I mean, for some value of the term.” (Excalibur #76)

Well, that’s portentous. (Excalibur #76)

This is UNQUESTIONABLY the face of a man who has attempted to eat a toaster, a tube of lipstick, and several telephones. (Excalibur #76)

Nightcrawler, in his moppet days. (Excalibur #76)

I don’t understand D’Spayre’s torso muscles; and, frankly, I don’t care to. (Excalibur #76)

SEE WHAT I MEAN?! (Excalibur #77)

D’Spayre’s only weaknesses are joy and, by remarkable coincidence, children named Amil. (Excalibur #77)

WHAT?! (Excalibur #77)

The cutest pin-up. (Excalibur #77)

NEXT EPISODE: The adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING:

You can hear all about D’Spayre’s first clash with the X-Men (or at least one of them) in Episode 14 – Look Upon My Man-Thing and D’Spayre!
We talked about the time Margali Szardos build Nightcrawler his own private hell in Episode 134 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival.

256 – Mullets of Time and Space

July 14, 2019 podcasts 16 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which you raised a lot of money for Trans Lifeline; we continue to miss Alan Davis; Rory Campbell should not be narrating a climactic event; Daytripper needs to dial up her eldritch patter; the universe is dubiously self-correcting; Britannic is not nearly weird enough; and we have ongoing concerns about the anatomy of incarnate concepts.

X-PLAINED:

The X-Men of Earth-77995
Excalibur #75-77
Daytripper
A somewhat pointless sacrifice
Rough times in the timestream
Britannic
X-theology
D’Spayre’s butt
The rest of D’Spayre
Margali Szardos
The blood-brain barrier
Acrobatic flirtation
The Winding Way
Stark emptiness
A shocking possible resurrection
Major X
Essential characters

NEXT EPISODE: The Adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 249 – The Parent Trap

May 26, 2019 As Mentioned, As Mentioned No comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sieniewicz, ahoy! (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I can’t stop imagining some poor craftsman meticulously working on this window and then disappearing forever. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

We have fun. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

“We’ll kill him sometime between 8 AM and maybe about 1 PM on Monday, unless we have to cancel.” (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I like this guy. He’s sensible and he dresses like a Capcom protagonist. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Spoiler: Nah. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Maverick is pretty much the worst houseguest. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

THAT FACE. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Supersenses out of nowhere would be pretty awful. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Damn, Creed. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I like that it’s unclear which of them constitutes the main threat in this horror scene. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

How much funnier would this cover have been with Graydon? (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Mystique takes pride in her murder-work. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

After he storms out, the camera goes soft-focus and she sings “Somewhere That’s Green.” (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Parenting lessons with Kurt Wagner! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Mystique is so classy. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Nobody will tell him. It’s the tragedy equivalent of a running joke. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

This kid! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Family is where the skulls are. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

And you thought Summers family reunions were awkward! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Moms, amirite? (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Oof, that footnote. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Family! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Fabian Nicieza!

LINKS & FURTHER MUTATIONS:

Go look at Peter Nguyen’s Gifted illustrations and cry for the comics that might have been!

249 – The Parent Trap

May 26, 2019 podcasts 7 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Sabretooth is weirdly ubiquitous; Maverick is a terrible guest; not all second chances are equivalent; Graydon Creed is the red delicious apple of people; Mystique is the master of murder monologues; and the Darkholmes give the Summers family a run for its dysfunctional money.

X-PLAINED:

X-Men Unlimited #3-4
Sabretooth (more) (again)
Emergency back-up Wolverine
Faces
A stained-glass window that is probably a metaphor
Evocation
Maverick’s nose
Maverick’s manners
Commcast (but not that one)
Sabretooth’s mind
The “mystery” of Nightcrawler’s parentage
Mystique’s murder monologues
Killing Eve
The skull of friendship
Several versions of Nightcrawler’s backstory
Glove magic
One way to get out of an awkward family conversation
The ‘90s X-Men cartoon
Character migration between media

NEXT EPISODE: Fabian Nicieza!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 As Mentioned, As Mentioned No comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sure! Why not? What could POSSIBLY go wrong? (Excalibur #72)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #73)

Damnit, Siena Blaze. (Excalibur #73)

Phoenix demands proportionate arms! (Excalibur #73)

I don’t know why the fact that Moira kept Proteus’s entire genome on CD-ROM strikes me as hilarious; but it really, really does. (Excalibur #73)

Yelling in the Timestream: The Brian Braddock and Rachel Summers Story. (Excalibur #74)

You see the eyes, right? (Excalibur #74)

The odds that Mr. Sinister got that knife at a mall kiosk are basically 100%. (Excalibur #74)

You’re a good kid, Jubilee. (Excalibur #74)

I like to think they’re both just yelling. (X-Force #31)

The garden is a metaphor that is also a real garden. (X-Force #31)

Why is this random blonde dude so hung up on the Cassidy family? We’ll never know. (X-Force #31)

I just really love those yelling pages. (X-Force #31)

“And yet, despite all those years of gardening, I’m still not sure how to hold a rake.” (X-Force #31)

He’s an angry tree, but he’s an angry tree who cares. (X-Force #31)

NEXT EPISODE: More family fun!

248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 podcasts 10 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Tom Cassidy and Cain Marko may be the most stable couple in the Marvel Universe; Rory Campbell is no Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; Siena Blaze remains a big jerk; the Cassidy family has some issues; and we are dismayed by an inexplicable dearth of leprechauns.

X-PLAINED:

Birthday presents
What Excalibur has been up to
Excalibur #72-74
X-Force #31
How to be mysterious
The Proteus Room
The continually terrible choices of Moira MacTaggert
Porridge ghosts
An unnatural disaster
Chekhov’s solid rock
Rory Campbell
Destructo Woman
Limitations of CD-ROMs
Siryn (Theresa Cassidy)
The Cassidy family
How not to treat a gunshot wound
Kelvin Donaghann and his fancy hair
An intervention
The future of the New Mutants feature film
Underwear

NEXT EPISODE: Family Reunion!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!