In which Swimsuit Catalog is not an actual style of martial arts; Onslaught dabbles in vandalism; Crule is a special guy; we identify briefly with X-Force; and Charles Xavier is the Keyser Soze of Onslaught.
X-PLAINED:
Externals on Krakoa
Relative levels of violence in X-books
X-Force #52-54
Camp Hayden, KY
Onslaught-facilitated power-ups
Gideon (again)
At least one apparent death
How it feels to be us
Businesswear
Whether Cannonball is an external
Nazis in the Captain Britain Corps
Doop
NEXT EPISODE: Sinister vs. Public Transit
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In which nobody’s ages ever make sense; Sebastian Shaw catches up on villain speeches; nobody puts Louise Simonson in a corner; Tabitha Smith has a bad day; Gambit and Bat Manuel have a lot in common; and Warpath outruns Adam X.
X-PLAINED:
X-Force #49-51
Haircuts
The return off Sebastian Shaw
Stansfield
A series of kidnappings
Solar-powered superpowers
Attempted murder
Memories
Cable as an audience surrogate
Tabitha’s new codename
The first Tick live-action series
Warpath’s running speed
Risqué
What gravity sounds like
X-leisure activities
Magneto’s human name/s
NEXT EPISODE: A Tale of Two Beasts
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Damn, those bunny slippers are intense.(X-Force #48)
Please note that Siryn has her own personal breeze. (X-Force #48)
“Y… you’re not?” (X-Force #48)
Large. (Uncanny X-Men #328)
LARGE. (Uncanny X-Men #328)
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU FIRST-AID A MAJOR ABDOMINAL WOUND (Uncanny X-Men #328)
We may never know why Professor X chose to install Cerebro in a Multi-Axis Trainer, but he certainly appears to have done so. (Sabretooth Special #1)
Dang, that’s a lot of drop shadows. (Sabretooth Special #1)
Deja vu all over again. We may never know why Professor X chose to install Cerebro in a Multi-Axis Trainer, but he certainly appears to have done so. (Sabretooth Special #1)
In which Sabretooth does not get effectively rehabilitated; nobody has the moral high ground; Val Cooper is the worst possible person to call in any emergency; Bishop needs a better support system; Jay knows several things about onions; and not everything has to be a mammal.
X-PLAINED:
Sabretooth (more) (again)
X-Force #48
Uncanny X-Men #328
Sabretooth Special #1
Bunny slippers
An intervention
Stages of grief
What not to do with Sabretooth
An evil squirrel
Onions
The three genders
Mutant Massacre callbacks
Caption disambiguation problems
The overabundance of boobs on fictional non-mammalian species
NEXT EPISODE: INTO THE CLONE ZONE!
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That Wolverine shadow looming over the title has a serious Maurice Sendak vibe. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)
I know the whole point is for the shadow to be menacing, but how funny would it be if Wolverine were just freakin’ huge in this series, for no reason? (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)
Don’t smoke in the Danger Room, Gambit. It’s not supposed to be THAT kind of danger! (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)
This is a good version of Gambit; I will give the series and Sale that much. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)
I dunno; the exploding cards might make that difficult. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)
SEE WHAT I MEAN?! (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)
Viper called; she wants to know what you did with her entire look. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)
YES, LOGAN, IT MATTERS VERY MUCH. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)
Well, then. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)
I’m pretty sure the subtext here is that Gambit’s gonna do a sex with that painting. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #3)
The end. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #3)
X-Men ’92 did it better. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)
Mastermind X-Plains the plot. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)
Dudes, man. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)
That’s certainly one take on Sarte. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)
In which Jay and/or patriarchy ruin everything; Archangel is dubiously aspirational; we need a moratorium on Jack the Ripper stories; there are a lot of Masterminds; and Arcade is a whole bundle of psychosexual weirdness.
X-PLAINED:
Tom Malverne (Jack the Ripper)
Lunch
Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1-4
Loeb & Sale
Jack the Ripper in fiction
Alexandra Davies
Fun on international flights
That one time Jay thought the NSA was going to come for him
Martinique Wyngarde (Mastermind II)
Mastermind, Mastermind, and Lady Mastermind disambiguation
Collateral damage
Various Dies Hard
Several heists
Several hallucinations
Variations on the death of Miss Locke
Problematic third brothers
NEXT EPISODE: Hawk Talk!
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Next up: this cover sadly walking away from a gathered crowd of additional copies of this cover. (X-Force #44)
They’re about five minutes away from standing on each other’s shoulders and wearing a big trench coat to seem like an adult. (X-Force #44)
All of the elements of a relaxing vacation: an idyllic cottage, a beautiful forest, adorable animals, a tiny speedo… (X-Force #44)
“Also, I’m going to need you to start doing machines. You’ve been cool but rude for too long.” (X-Force #44)
“Ah’m nigh invulnerable when Ah’m excited!” (X-Force #44)
Morally yellow and purple. (X-Force #44)
“DOOM”? Are we looking at Caliban and Sabretooth or Surtur and his anvil? (X-Force #45)
Adam Pollina draws some pretty great faces. (X-Force #45)
“Every time he seems to be ready to come down, he loses count of his pouches and has to start all over again.” (X-Force #45)
If you asked me what X-book would look most like a romance comic in 1995, I would not have predicted X-Force. (X-Force #45)
Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that the character Mimic has spent the most time with in the preceding decade was the Hulk. (X-Force #45)
Rutland, Vermont: not just a frequent setting of 1970s Marvel and DC comics, but totally a real place! (Avengers #119)
“Is that..? Couldn’t be. But who else has that topknot and ‘burns combo?” (X-Force #46)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #46)
These animals look way more judgmental than the ones in the last hologram. (X-Force #46)
“This new hair gel… When it says ‘apply sparingly’, it means it.” (X-Force #46)
“What? Someone on your team now has more pouches than me? I’ll be right over!” (X-Force #46)
Reminds me of my first car. (X-Force #47)
Aww, kid. (X-Force #47)
I’m not sure why Adam Pollina sometimes randomly gives us art nouveau backgrounds, but I’m not complaining. (X-Force #47)
Jeez, now I’m scared to go outside. (X-Force #47)
Aww not this again (X-Force #47)
This haircut! Bring back this exact haircut! (Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe #1)
NEXT TIME: The kinda-new, sorta-different X-Factor.
LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:
Rutland, Vermont had multiple Marvel and DC stories set in it during the 1970s – but it’s also a real place. Apologies for telling everyone it was imaginary, and thank you to all the listeners who kindly pointed out that it wasn’t!
In which Jay discovers a continuity loop; phonetic spelling reaches a new level of implausibility; it’s always already Onslaught; X-Force’s roster gets shaken up; Siryn goes undercover; and the Upstarts remain vaguely plot-relevant despite our fervent wishes.
X-PLAINED:
Mimic (Calvin Rankin)
Wing problems
X-Force #45-47
One of Adam Pollina’s more remarkable non-Marvel art credits
One of many homages to the cover of X-Men #138
X-Force, its members, and its recent history
Phonetic spelling
Warpath’s hair
Baffling managerial decisions
Whether Reed Richards is machine washable
Many pouches
An unlikely friendship
Sabretooth’s state of mind
Rutland, VT
The Weisman Institute for the Criminally Insane
Dr. Rachel Weisman
Jeremy Stevens
Part of why we like following X-books over time
Character redesigns
CORRECTION: In addition to being the setting of a number of 1970s Marvel and DC stories, Rutland, VT is actually a real place with a famous annual (and largely superhero-themed) Halloween parade!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
