Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

HAWK TALK – Social Distance Special

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Normally, this would be a skip week and there wouldn’t be an episode – but things are pretty weird in the world right now. Let’s talk X-Men comfort reads – with bonus complete lack of editing!

As Mentioned in Episode 270 – X-Ray Goggles and Mail-Order Lizards (feat. Steve Stokes)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Imagine this, but with scissor-cut holes where the monsters used to be. (Fantastic Four #12)
DOOM DISAPPROVES!
Yep, Bill Sienkiewicz still has it. (New Mutants: War Children #1)
And Steve Ditko? Well, he always had it. (Strange Tales #??)
And thus began the debate which continues to this day: who would win in a fight? (It was a tie.) (Fantastic Four #12)
Guaranteed live delivery? Thank that one guy from Sarasota!
That’s right, Fin Fang Foom predates most of the Marvel Universe. AS HE SHOULD. (Strange Tales #89)
Miles, his partner Anna, Steve, and his wife Lilly!
NEXT EPISODE: The Phalanx Covenant (finally) begins!

 

270 – X-Ray Goggles and Mail-Order Lizards (feat. Steve Stokes)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we hear from two generations of Stokeses for the price of one, buying comics for your son is a great way to rationalize reading them yourself, you should probably be reading The Immortal Hulk, and a 30-year comics hiatus ain’t stopping Steve.

X-PLAINED:

  • A well-loved copy of Fantastic Four #1
  • Marvel vs. DC in the Silver Age
  • Requirements for an acceptable Doctor Doom
  • The perils of competitive newsstand shopping
  • Comics conventions: the days before Hall H
  • The Long Game
  • Bill Sienkiewicz: best of the best
  • The Worst Comic Book Guy
  • What makes the X-books special
  • The experimental storytelling of New Mutants
  • The Original Five
  • The Long Box (and the Easter basket)
  • Contagious enthusiasm
  • Returning to the Marvel Universe as a lapsed reader
  • Art styles over the years
  • Tragic tales of mail-order chameleons
  • The joys of the mainstreaming of nerddom
  • Superhero movies as message pill pockets
  • Fin Fang Foom
  • HoX/PoX freakouts as father/son bonding
  • Acid in vampires’ faces and other childhood traumas

NEXT EPISODE: The Phalanx Covenant (finally) begins!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 268 – Disquettes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Back to the Future made time travel seem like so much more fun. (Excalibur #81)
I love Christmas traditions! Red and green outfits, walks on the beach, having the lighthouse that was destroyed in a climactic multiversal event suddenly exist again for no good reason… (Excalibur #81)
I kind of love these weirdos. (Excalibur #81)
It’s cool, Douglock, Jay doesn’t recognize them either. (Excalibur #81)
Comedy gold. (Their choice of seating helps too.) (Excalibur #81)
Charles and Moira: best exes. (Excalibur #81)
Seriously, best exes. (Excalibur #81)
“For me, it’s always like this.” (Excalibur Annual #2)
“-and he looks faaaaabulous!” (Excalibur Annual #2)
Jamie Braddock: terrible from the start. (Excalibur Annual #2)
There! Fixed! Take that, psychology! (Excalibur Annual #2)
“Sorry, Amanda – spooling looked so cool we had to do it again, and we drew your name from the hat.” (Excalibur Annual #2)
Cons: spooling nightmares and crashing planes. Pro: that plane is so spacious! (Excalibur Annual #2)
“Until next time, boils and ghouls – pleasant screams!” (Excalibur Annual #2)
Either that picture is only symbolically there, or Kitty’s computer has real bad taste in image choice. (Excalibur Annual #2)
Kurt Wagner: best bro. (Excalibur Annual #2)
We didn’t talk about this in the episode, but the nerd in me really appreciates that this issue took two full pages to show us exactly how Proteus’s jail cell works. (Excalibur Annual #2)
NEXT TIME: Jay and Seanan McGuire talk villains!

268 – Disquettes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Excalibur addresses a number of dangling plot threads, Britanic finally gets (somewhat) interesting, Kitty really wants Douglock to be Doug, Professor Xavier and Moira MacTaggert are the best exes, and the future has peculiar priorities.

X-PLAINED:

  • The life and death of Jamie Braddock
  • Excalibur #81
  • Douglock (more) (again)
  • Inker ambiguity
  • Britanic and Meggan’s Christmas costumes
  • The Excalibur Lighthouse’s sudden and inexplicable resurrection
  • Mo’ time travel, mo’ problems
  • 20,097 rocks on a shoreline
  • Douglock: overly literal, dryly funny, or just plain thirsty?
  • The Emotional Beat of Damocles
  • The problems with crunch time
  • Princess Diana: Excalibur vs. X-Statix
  • Language and time
  • Excalibur Annual #2
  • Appropriately bombastic narration
  • Fashions of the future
  • Psychic psychotherapy
  • Sibling rivalry
  • Mr. Poo
  • Braddock moppets
  • Oversimplification vs. ambiguity
  • Spooling chambers (more)
  • Excalibur as an X-leftovers book
  • Air travel: leg-room vs. sorcerous doom
  • Hannibal King: vampire detective and/or penciler
  • Shadowcat and the pain of hope
  • A Doug’s-eye view of New Mutants
  • Emma Frost and aging
  • Dazzler and roller derby

NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Seanan McGuire talk villains!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 258 – True Believers, Opportunists, and Crooks (feat. Lisa Winters)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wait, I could have taped my carefully-clipped-out newspaper strips into a book designed especially for that purpose? HAD I BUT KNOWN! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #0)
…although the IKEA box that Jay decoupaged those strips onto does look pretty damned cool.
Newspaper strip motivations only get two or three panels’ worth of complexity. (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Hey, it’s a Sunday page! I don’t think my paper got these. (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Did… did that guy just have that picket sign with him? Just in case? (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Breaking into places is pretty easy, I guess. Time for a life of crime! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Pacing! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Laser cages, surprises, goblin gliders – this one’s got it all! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
PUMPKIN BOMB WITH A KNIFE STICKING OUT OF IT FOR PRESIDENT (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
You know how your skin gets wrinkly if you stay in the tub for too long? (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
I mean, newspaper comics are fun, but… Backstory! Motivation! Continuity! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Remember Amazing Adventures volume 2 #11? This miniseries does! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Hank McCoy: Master of Disguise. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Moichandising! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Can’t fit that into a newspaper strip! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Banter! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
“Basically, we used to party all the time, but then this furry guy broke a wristwatch and everything sucked after that.” (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
Prosaic? More like AWESOME! …Admittedly, I say this as someone outside of the cage. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
This scientist only appears on a few pages, but he’s already the best villain in the series. And he doesn’t even have a pumpkin bomb with a knife sticking out of it. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
They tried rolling out a Goblin Glider rental program in Portland, but mostly folks just crashed them into things. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Uh, Landon, you’ve got something in your teeth – no, to the left – yeah, you got it. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Dammit, Jason, it’s not even October! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
I love this guy. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Landon-type Pokemon are weak against Irony-type attacks. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
If you have a 90s Marvel cartoon, you work Wolverine in wherever you can. It’s the law. (Spider-Man: The Animated Series season 2, episode 17, The Mutant Agenda)
Landon’s transformation takes a somewhat different turn on-screen than on the page. (Spider-Man: The Animated Series season 2, episode 18, Mutants’ Revenge)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor mourns and moves on.

258 – True Believers, Opportunists, and Crooks (feat. Lisa Winters)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Lisa Winters pinch-hits for Jay, we take a trip to the newspaper funnies and back, Spider-Man and Beast are natural BFFs, nothing good ever happens at the Brand Corporation, and “mutant” can be a pretty fuzzy concept.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bessie the Hellcow
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the newspaper strip storyline)
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the comic book miniseries)
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the cartoon episodes)
  • Four-color hoards
  • Three-panel newspaper comic structure
  • Sunday strips (and their Mark Trail deceptions)
  • Hero Jaws – a breakfast-based theory
  • Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
  • The Brand Corporation
  • The Beast (Henry McCoy)
  • Narratively convenient Spider Sense
  • Hobgoblin (Jason Macendale Jr.)
  • Goblin gliders
  • Picket signs (*air horn sound*)
  • Finger blasters (heh)
  • Laser cages
  • Arcade’s superpower flowcharts
  • Mutants: newspaper versus comic continuity
  • Coming home to the 90s
  • Lisa’s favorite X-Man
  • Beast’s versatile character design
  • Spider-to-X ratios
  • Dark, tortured heroes
  • Herbert Landon’s selective memory
  • Confirmation bias
  • Anti-mutant cancer goo
  • Ironic reversals
  • Wolverine, the most marketable mutant
  • Evil British accents
  • The most adaptable Spider-Man / X-Men crossovers
  • The X-Men and the newspaper funnies

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor mourns and moves on.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 254 – Carry Each Other

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
All these years, Miles thought he was quoting Jean Grey, but it turned out to be Oscar Wilde. AS USUAL. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
“Dammit, Logan never made me talk about feelings!” (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Green ain’t your color anyway, kid. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
I love every aspect of this segment except for every aspect of its format. Except the Jubilee silhouette at the top, that part’s pretty cool. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Ian Churchill, please draw more things. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Jean’s had tentacles for arms, so I guess legs like that aren’t that weird. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
At last, indeed. (X-Men #30)
“I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is write real pretty.” (X-Men #30)
Oh god Excalibur #75 comes right after this (X-Men #30)
Aww, these guys. (X-Men #30)
Keep this panel in case you ever need to tie a bow tie! (X-Men #30)
Everyone. (X-Men #30)
These two. (X-Men #30)
Perfect vows, part 1. (X-Men #30)
Perfect vows, part 2. (With bonus second-best-kiss-ever.) (X-Men #30)
See? It is wholly appropriate, Bono. (X-Men #30)
Let’s just not think about how Logan wrote that. (X-Men #30)
Family. (X-Men #30)
Dammit, Rogue! (X-Men #30)
Double dammit, Gambit! (X-Men #30)
Tears every time. (X-Men #30)
Scott’s only been married a few hours and he’s already so much better at feelings! (X-Men #30)
You’re right, Kitty! Reality does bite! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Warren Kenneth Worthington III, this is not the time or place! At all! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Shatterstar tries. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Sean Cassidy: banned from every karaoke bar on the east coast. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Kurt’s still got it. Obviously. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
NEXT EPISODE: Well, at least the cover’s sparkly.

254 – Carry Each Other

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.

X-PLAINED:

  • The perils of animated weddings
  • X-Men: The Wedding Album
  • Nonstandard trim sizes
  • Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
  • Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
  • Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
  • Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
  • A most excellent wedding dress
  • Cursive fonts in comics
  • Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
  • X-Men #30
  • An event decades in the making
  • Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
  • Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
  • The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
  • The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
  • The bow-tie scene
  • A phenomenal two-page spread
  • A set of perfect vows
  • A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
  • Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
  • Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
  • Video albums vs. Instagram
  • Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
  • Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
  • The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context

NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 233 – Electromagnetism Unlimited

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Listen to the episode here.

X-Men Unlimited.
“Scott! Ororo! Why are you blasting in opposite directions? Siena Blaze is RIGHT THERE! Look where I’m pointing!” -Charles Xavier (X-Men Unlimited #1)
We’re not sure if Cyclops’s eyes actually do that when they’re closed, but damn if it doesn’t look cool. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Alan Davis has his hair. Chris Bachalo has his eyeballs. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Bachalo’s characters are just so expressive! (X-Men Unlimited #1)
That visual pacing, though. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
How many ways are there to say “we just really like Chris Bachalo’s art”? (X-Men Unlimited #1)
After this awkward exchange, Cyclops blurts out “Stand down, Wolverine!” for reasons he can’t quite explain. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Cyclops and Storm: still one of my favorite, and one of the most under-appreciated, friendships in the Marvel Universe. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
This is why Miles’s parents moved from Michigan to Florida. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Siena, you jerk. Go to your room! Or the Malibu Universe. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Awwwww (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Hell of a cover, that. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Not many artists can do awe-inspiring. Jan Duursema can. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
What Happened To Ute, version 1. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
So maybe it’s not so weird that Magneto’s middle name is (supposedly) Magnus. (Daredevil vol. 4 #10)
This is the roughest PowerPoint presentation I’ve ever seen. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Gabrielle Haller’s facial expression is its own set of speech bubbles. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Work buds! (X-Men Unlimited #2)
I mean, I know some of them are pretty evil, but I feel really bad for everyone here. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Adrian Eiskalt X-Plains Magneto. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Magneto: flesh and bone, and that only makes him more impressive. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
A good writer knows when to let the art speak. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
What Happened To Ute, version 2. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Not for nothing does Magneto’s cape resemble wings. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
NEXT TIME: Guess who’s back?