In which Professor is too cool for the Phalanx; fatphobia is significantly more dangerous than Fred Dukes; Strong Guy catches a plane; Emma Frost will not let you coast; Jubilee says goodbye to the X-Men; and it’s probably for the best that we have avoided corporate advertisers.
X-PLAINED:
Mr. M
Thor: Metal Gods
Ship (more) (again)
The Phalanx vs. the Borg
Several cover homages
X-Force #39
X-Factor #107
Uncanny X-Men #318
Prosh
The myriad delights of embodiment
A complex theory about Leprechauns
Benefits of single-issue stories
Strong Guy vs. the Blob
Strong Guy vs. Gravity
Strong Guy vs. an airplane
Strong Guy vs. biology
Several explosions
The kids of Generation X
Deluxe-format comics
The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning
Goodbyes
Dazzler’s relative immortality
Jay’s X-Men Happy Meal Toy wish list
How to make a page-accurate Warlock toy
NEXT EPISODE: The Soul Sword Trilogy
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In which Chris Eddleman joins us for a close look at House of X and Powers of X; Doug Ramsey is highly relevant; resurrection is problematic in a universe with a documented afterlife; there is no reasonable in-continuity justification for the lack of trans Marvel characters; and your OT3 is canon.
X-PLAINED:
The Phalanx (more) (again) (retconned)
House of X
Powers of X
Krakoa (more) (again) (retconned)
Moira MacTaggert (retconned)
Bar Sinister
Sinister Secrets
Portentous red shoes
The Man-Machine Ascendancy
Chimeras
North
Cardinal
Rasputin
Homo Novissima
Transhumanism in the Marvel Universe
The metaphysics of Krakoan resurrection
The Five
The true nature of Goldballs’ powers
Trans representation and its absence
Retroactive foreshadowing
NEXT EPISODE: Still not quite Generation X
CORRECTION: The story Jay referred to as “Everything Burns” is in fact titled “Time Runs Out,” although a good many things do burn over its course.
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In which we have been on All the Podcasts; Full Shred Thrash is easier to say that it sounds; the Phalanx uses dial-up; Cable is a very large man; Larry Hama writes excellent banter; Cyclops has been progressively desensitized to plane crashes; Cameron Hodge is never graceful in defeat; and Final Sanction is actually about family.
X-PLAINED:
Mithras
A large number of guest appearances
Thor: Metal Gods
The Phalanx Covenant so far
Full Shred Thrash
Adam Kubert
Wolverine #85
Cable #16
Gorp, Waldo, and Apache
Popping silk
A Summers family reunion
Jean and Nathan
Jean Grey’s astral form
Genetics
Several airplanes
Mountain climbing
Gelatinous yahoos
Several impermanent deaths
Pregnant X-team members
Outside references to the X-Men
NEXT EPISODE: House of X, feat. Chris Eddleman
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In which Ship was inside Cable all along; Life Signs is the Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant (but only in the bad ways), it’s lucky that the Phalanx doesn’t have WiFi; Nightcrawler embraces chaos; and we promise the crossover gets better next chapter.
X-PLAINED:
How Cable got his Ship back
Miles’s official stance on candy corn
The Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant
X-Factor #106
X-Force #38
Excalibur #82
A monastery party
Douglock (more) (again)
Forge-O-Vision
How Steven Lang got mixed up with the Phalanx
Stages of Phalanx development
Babel
Giuseppe Russo, shepherd
The Phalanx, but dogs
Shinar
What you get when you meet a stranger in the Alps
Whom we’d like to see draw the Phalanx
Mindwifery
Adulthood
“Stealth”
Where baby Phalanxes come from
Teamwork
Good stories about Hope Summers
What happened to Paul Bailey
NEXT EPISODE: Rock climbing with the Summers Family
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And we open our cover spotlight series with Monet, who is, for some reason, tiptoeing in big clunky boots. (Uncanny X-Men #316)
A name AND implied backstory? Yeah, she’s doomed. (Uncanny X-Men #316)
Okay, yeah, Kubert’s Banshee can get it. (Uncanny X-Men #316)
This is actually a great look. Too bad it’s a Phalanx doppelgänger. (Uncanny X-Men #316)
There they are, folks: Banshee’s abs. (Uncanny X-Men #316)
Next up: Synch! (X-Men #36)
He just looks so wrong with the intact glasses! (X-Men #36)
Showing a bunch of predominantly white cops holding guns on an unarmed black teenager while claiming that superpowers are the only issue in play is a pretty good illustration of exactly how the mutant metaphor fails at intersectionality. (X-Men #36)
Oh, hey, the Phalanx got legit scary! (X-Men #36)
[whispered] but why does the phalanx need abs (X-Men #36)
Heck, yeah, dynamic covers! (Uncanny X-Men #317)
The gang’s (almost) all here! (Uncanny X-Men #317)
Seriously, he might as well just wear a t-shirt that says “I’m a supervillain pretending to be a teenager.” (Uncanny X-Men #317)
nope (Uncanny X-Men #317)
For those of you wondering: Yes, they will eventually hook up. (Uncanny X-Men #317)
What I’m mostly getting from this is that the Phalanx offers great dental. (Uncanny X-Men #317)
In which we’re finally both back in the virtual studio; Generation X is the new Inferno; the Phalanx Covenant begins; we’re not talking about Hickman in our coverage of this story; Banshee is the adult in the room; the Phalanx is pretty sexist; and gross powers are cool.
X-PLAINED:
Blink
Peter Sís
The Phalanx Covenant
“Generation Next” (but not Generation Next)
Uncanny X-Men #316-317
X-Men #36-37
Yet another way to do a crossover event
Some very good visual branding
What we’re not covering
Sexy Banshee
Retired Colonel Gayle Cordbecker
Monet St. Croix (kind of)
Coaxing
Early days of the Internets
Everett Thomas (Synch)
The fate of Sara Grey
Phalanx Phashion
Angelo Espinosa (Skin)
Clarice Ferguson (Blink)
Some guy allegedly named Gregor
Harvest
A very expensive house
An apparent death
NEXT EPISODE: Forge does not get a puppy.
NOTE: Jay was right: LiveJournal first launched in 1999.
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