Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 171 – Badly Punctuated Equilibrium

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! https://xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/X170.mp3
Domestic bliss, X-Factor-style. (X-Factor Forever #1)
Aw, this guy. (X-Factor Forever #1)
Timmy’s grandmother has good judgment. (X-Factor Forever #1)
“Hey, kids! Have some flechettes!” (X-Factor Forever #1)
Dang. Good job, Hank. (X-Factor Forever #1)
“I did, however, find myself some sweet new glasses.” (X-Factor Forever #1)
Every drawing of Apocalypse’s face in this series is utterly delightful. (X-Factor Forever #2)
When writers no-prize the art… (X-Factor Forever #2)
DAMNIT, TIMMY. (X-Factor Forever #2)
Happy birthday, Timmy, I guess? (X-Factor Forever #2)
Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor Forever #3)
This series makes a fairly good case for both mutant rights and subsidized childcare. (X-Factor Forever #3)
How you know it’s serious business. (X-Factor Forever #3)
I love that they have named and numbered all of their special moves. (X-Factor Forever #3)
“Dude, we are literally holding up one of those children, right here, in front of you.” (X-Factor Forever #3)
Well, shit. (X-Factor Forever #3)
Aw, man, this cover is so fun. (X-Factor Forever #4)
If only your boss listened to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men. (X-Factor Forever #4)
X-Factor, doing what they do best! (X-Factor Forever #4)
BUT WHY ARE THEY ALL DRESSED UP? (X-Factor Forever #4)
Can we all just take a moment to enjoy Sinister’s deeply goofy face in this panel? (X-Factor Forever #4)
“Who’s on first,” Summers family edition. (X-Factor Forever #4)
Seriously, it’s a great reaction image. (X-Factor Forever #4)
Pretty much any variation on this panel will always get me straight in the feels. (X-Factor Forever #4)
“I dunno. What if we just, like, lob a baby at him?” (X-Factor Forever #5)
I just really like this panel. (X-Factor Forever #5)
“You didn’t tell me this was a VACATION,” said Cyclops. (X-Factor Forever #5)
NEXT EPISODE: The Muir Island Saga, and the secret origins of this nonsense!

171 – Badly Punctuated Equilibrium

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which 1991 runs right into 2010, X-Factor: Endgame (and everything after it) never happened, Jay covets the hell out of Cyclops’s X-Factor: Forever jacket, Apocalypse’s alternative universe motives are actually pretty fascinating, and Miles will never call his junk Traitorous Unit.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Strucker siblings (and the Strucker siblings)
  • X-Factor Forever #1-5
  • Earth-TRN237
  • What makes a good Forever comic
  • The best jacket in the X-universe (and some other redesigns)
  • MaXimum pants
  • Ship the ship
  • The Celestial Host
  • Dan Panosian’s Smug Apocalypse
  • The Master Meld variations
  • Force versus heat (and art versus word balloons)
  • En Sabah Nur, thoughtful employer
  • Gammenon the Gatherer and honey-related implements
  • Combat (and podcasting) maneuver names
  • The Apocalypse Journal
  • Eternals versus Deviants versus Inferior, Shitty Humans
  • Slow, crappy science and adorable mutant rats
  • Mutant fertility
  • Arishem the Judge and his magic space-thumb
  • Definitive versions of characters and their relationships
  • En Sabah Nur and Your Changing Body
  • That time X-Factor threw a baby at a robot to save the world
  • DC Comics’s Hellfire Club
  • Trans X-Men
  • But no seriously that jacket

NEXT EPISODE: The Muir Island Saga, part 1

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Man, Excalibur, way to be jerks. (Excalibur #37)
If I had a dollar for every dream that had started this way… (Excalibur #37)
Spoiler: Nah. (Excalibur #37)
Kitty, you probably should’ve seen that coming. (Excalibur #37)
And now, some West Coast Avengers! (Excalibur #37)
The Lady of the… swimming pool? (Excalibur #37)
Convenient, that! (Excalibur #37)
Headcanon: He is definitely singing that music. (Excalibur #37)
Pietro’s not wrong; he’s just an asshole. (Excalibur #38)
Captain Britain, everybody. (Excalibur #38)
The heart of Limbo! (Excalibur #38)
“The reel, on the other hand…” (Excalibur #38)
“For me, it was Tuesday.” (Excalibur #39)
Bye, S’ym! (Excalibur #39)
And then everyone forgot he existed. (Excalibur #39)
Or maybe you should learn how meter works. Y’know, just a thought. (Excalibur #40)
Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur. (Excalibur #40)
Lockheed, NO. (Excalibur #40)
Aw. Dai Thomas has his moments. (Excalibur #40)
Spoiler: They do not kill him. (Excalibur #40)
The punchline is that they STILL haven’t figure out phones. (Excalibur #40)
This gag really never gets old. (Excalibur #41)
‘Kay. (Excalibur #41)
It’s always Inferno in here. (Excalibur #41)
This must be the best day of Dai Thomas’s life. (Excalibur #41)
Is it ever, though? (Excalibur #41)
THERE IS NO WAY THAT THAT WON’T BACKFIRE HORRIBLY. (Excalibur #41)
I like the idea that Cable is basically the X-Switchboard at this point. (Excalibur #41)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever!

170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles speculates about superheroes’ sex lives; Doctor Doom is an incorrigible scamp; the Lady of the Lake visits California; Captain Britain lacks basic superheroic social skills; Jay has strong feelings about doggerel; the warwolves know how to commit to a bit; and Excalibur and the X-Men continue to have terrible communication skills.

X-PLAINED:

  • One aspects of doombot functionality
  • Excalibur #37-41
  • The Soul Sword’s origins and current status
  • Promethium
  • Semantic disambiguation with regards to Limbo
  • The West Coast Avengers
  • The Lady of the Swimming Pool
  • Doctor Doom’s personal demons
  • Several team-ups
  • The heart of Limbo
  • Phoenix science
  • Darkoth the Demon (Desmond Pitt)
  • The Trial of Lockheed
  • A long-awaited reunion that isn’t actually a long-awaited reunion
  • A theoretical Frost-Summers wedding
  • What happened to Jen Askani post- “Endgame”

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 169 – Bad Kansas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
SO, THAT’S GRAPHIC. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Yeah, I’m with Phoenix on this one. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Oh, that’s NEVER good. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
I’m not gonna say that Havok’s hat is the greatest abomination of this world, but it’s a pretty bad hat. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Oh, that makes perfect… sense? (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Seriously. Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
It’s hard to be a Phoenix host in a hell dimension. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Those eyebrows, though. Daaaamn. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Seriously, those things are off the rails. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
And then the Phoenix defeated the Nazis with the power of gayness. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Well, that’s one way to do it. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
So, yeah. Giant Naked Cosmic Nazi Space Xavier. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Have we mentioned that Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs? Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Aw, lurking moppets! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Warlock! We’ve missed you! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Well, that’s one way to make friends. (New Mutants Summer Special)
It’s… it’s… A METAPHOR! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Nothing familiar going on here… (New Mutants Summer Special)
Aw, Rahne. Every dang time. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Mookie has a bright future in P.R. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Welcome to Hunter S. Thompson’s Phantom Tollbooth! Meet Manufactured Consent… (New Mutants Summer Special)
…and a possibly-recognizable political figure. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Media literacy is the real superpower! (No, seriously; it’s really important.) (New Mutants Summer Special)
Somewhere, there’s a parallel universe where Brett Blevins is a really successful political cartoonist. (New Mutants Summer Special)
I’m not sure exactly what we’re supposed to get out of this panel. (New Mutants Summer Special)
This kid is so great. (New Mutants Summer Special)
And now, Situation Ethics! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Burn down the establishment, Mookie! Seize the means of production! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Well, that went some places. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Look, we never said it was a subtle story. (New Mutants Summer Special)
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur: The Fill-Ins!

169 – Bad Kansas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Justin Thyme is a forgotten superstar of comics; Nazis should pretty much never be used as a metaphor; Charles Xavier is somehow even worse than usual; Excalibur may lack object permanence; Phoenix defeats Hitler with the power of gayness; we may have hit Peak Nocenti; Brett Blevins should draw Boom Boom forever; and the New Mutants get a taste of media theory.

X-PLAINED:

  • The exact nature of Shatterstar and Longshot’s relationship
  • Excalibur: Weird War III
  • New Mutants Summer Special: A Mutant in Megalopolis
  • Justin Thyme
  • Bad Kansas
  • Nazi Charles Xavier
  • Kinda-Nazi Moira MacTaggert
  • The Reichsmen
  • Lightning Squad (again)
  • Naked Space Xavier
  • Largely unsuccessful denouement
  • The Wobbly Sneaker Gang
  • Megalopolis
  • Media theory and several of its anthropomorphic personifications
  • Socially conscious comics
  • The Gifted
  • The New Mutants trailer

NEXT EPISODE: Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

168 – Live at NYCC, feat. Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Legends Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson join us for our first-ever live show on the East coast!

NEXT EPISODE: Bits ‘n’ Bobs

No visual companion this week, but keep an eye out for our NYCC gallery!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 167 – Full Circle

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Dude, you literally gave Ship to X-Factor. (X-Factor #65)
Aw, buddy. (X-Factor #65)
Valid point. (X-Factor #65)
This makes NO SENSE given the original context of the quotation, and I’m irrationally upset about that. (X-Factor #65)
An entirely reasonable reaction to Archangel, TBH. (X-Factor #66)
How you can tell that Important Stuff Is Afoot. (X-Factor #66)
Meet Jen “Not Rachel Summers” Askani! (X-Factor #66)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Factor #66)
Oof. (X-Factor #67)
Oh. Those guys. (X-Factor #67)
Nothing nice ever happens on the moon. (X-Factor #67)
Look at these beautiful weirdos! (X-Factor #67)
Okay, but those animals are creepy as hell. (X-Factor #68)
There are a lot of callbacks to the Dark Phoenix Saga in this story, but this is one of the best. (X-Factor #68)
OH, SNAP. (X-Factor #68)
It’s okay. You’ll get to raise him in the future, in a surprisingly good miniseries! (X-Factor #68)
And the Watcher gets the last word. (X-Factor #68)
Whilce Portacio and Jackson Guice’s unused cover for the original X-Factor #66. Thanks, Comic Book Resources!
And now, The Apocalypse Manifesto, which is not a manifesto at all, but whatever.
I’m not gonna write witty captions for all of these. Just read ’em if you feel like it.
Seriously.
It’s been a very long several weeks. Don’t judge me.
NEXT EPISODE: Live from NYCC, with Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson!

167 – Full Circle

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which things are not as they were; “yaybopunk” is definitely our aesthetic; Cable is officially foreshadowed; and the NYCC live show did in fact go really well!

X-PLAINED:

  • Cable’s childhood
  • Some ECCC plans
  • X-Factor #65-68
  • The Riders of the Storm
  • “Riders on the Storm”
  • Some X-Factors that might have been
  • Babies as drawn by Whilce Portacio
  • Medieval cats
  • Yaybohunk vs. yaybopunk
  • A red herring
  • Jen Askani
  • A kidnapping
  • Visual representations of hacking
  • How to effectively evoke the Dark Phoenix Saga
  • The plural of “Apocalypse”
  • Rad fights on the moon
  • Something you should definitely cosplay
  • Cyclops narration
  • A psychic duel
  • A choice
  • Resets vs. returns
  • The Apocalypse Manifesto
  • The Crafters of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Live at New York Comic Con, with Chris Claremont & Louise Simonson!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 166 – Proteus Has Two Mommies

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“We don’t need no conservation of mass!” (New Mutants Annual #7)
Harness and Piecemeal. It only gets creepier from here. (New Mutants Annual #7)
This is definitely the last thing you see before you die. (New Mutants Annual #7)
Spoiler: Nope. (New Mutants Annual #7)
99% sure these dudes do not actually know how to play chess. (New Mutants Annual #7)
How great would it have been if Cable had made a Gulliver’s Travels joke? So great. (New Mutants Annual #7)
“Attack them with all your sound effects!” (New Mutants Annual #7)
Spoiler: They do, and it’s not. (New Mutants Annual #7)
OH, THANK GOD. (New Warriors Annual #1)
Piecemeal’s shirt is a little on-the-nose. (New Warriors Annual #1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdJg6Duzzf4 (New Warriors Annual #1)
Namorita is great. (New Warriors Annual #1)
Oh, dear me. (New Warriors Annual #1)
I really like all the character-intro pages in this crossover. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
Mother of the year, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
You’re never too evil or too sexy for some good, old-fashioned filicide! (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
You sure are, James. You sure are. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
Inappropriate, Bobby. (X-Factor Annual #6)
None of my math textbooks were ever this psychedelic. (X-Factor Annual #6)
I briefly considered making this visual companion nothing but character-intro pages. (X-Factor Annual #6)
“Kings of Pain? Oh, yeah, isn’t that the crossover where Cyclops encourages a disturbed youth to commit suicide?” (X-Factor Annual #6)
(Nah, actually, he’s comparatively ethical about it; especially considering that the kid is technically already dead and has been for years.) (X-Factor Annual #6)
Okay, then. (X-Factor Annual #6)
NEXT EPISODE: Summers family bullshit on the moon!

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