Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Absorbing Man

As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

  • Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
  • Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
  • Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
  • Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
  • Brooding in multiple ways at once.
  • Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
  • Reconciling cross-universe timelines
  • The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
  • Comparative Summers Backstory
  • Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
  • Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
  • Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
  • The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
  • Brood problems
  • The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
  • The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
  • Diablo (Earth-295)
  • Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
  • The fall of the Guthrie family
  • An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
  • A trip to the moon
  • Death (Maximus Boltagon)
  • Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
  • Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

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As Mentioned in Episode 43 – It’s Not a Secret If It’s in the Title

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Heroes! (Secret Wars #1)
Villains! (Secret Wars #1)
Battleworld! (Secret Wars #1)
“Also, we’ll totally show up DC and Kenner!” (Secret Wars #1)
Doctor Doom: ever the opportunist. (Secret Wars #1)
This is the best panel of Secret Wars. You can stop reading now. (Secret Wars #1)
DON’T HELP DOCTOR DOOM UP. (Secret Wars #1)
“Damn,” thinks Doom, “If I could do that, those jerky heroes would NEVER have offered to help me up.” (Secret Wars #2)
So, yeah, that happens. (Secret Wars #3)
Johnny Storm: The smoothest man in the Marvel Universe. Also, this raises some questions. Why not spell out “four”? Does he pronounce it differently? Make a hand signal? IT’S A MYSTERY. (Secret Wars #4)
How did this get past the CCA? Who the hell knows. (Secret Wars #5)
Man, if I got super high with a guy I was into and then hallucinated Secret Wars, that would pretty much be the end of that relationship. (Secret Wars #5)
“Ohhhhh, the OTHER Spider-Woman.” (Secret Wars #7)
‘Kay. (Secret Wars #8)
Meet Klaw. (Secret Wars #9)
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THIS CAN POSSIBLY END POORLY. (Secret Wars #10)
Yeah, Colossus, but would you tumble 4 her? (Secret Wars #11)
Seriously, did these guys learn NOTHING from the Cold War? (Secret Wars #11)
Okay, that’s legitimately a pretty cool gimmick. (Secret Wars #12)
MEET YOUR PROTAGONIST. (Secret Wars II #1)
Stewart “Unflattering Caricature of Steve Gerber” Cadwall. (Secret Wars II #1)
Wellp. (Secret Wars II #1)
He’s never actually seen food, but damnit, he’s played River City Ransom! (Secret Wars II #2)
Can you imagine being any of the people the Beyonder interacts with? (Secret Wars II #2)
Remember that time Peter Parker had to teach a cosmic entity to poop? BECAUSE THAT CERTAINLY HAPPENED. (Secret Wars II #2)
Seriously, it’s all downhill from here. (Secret Wars II #2)
This will propel the plot of like two months of other comic books. Not even joking. (Secret Wars II #2)
So, then that happens. (Secret Wars II #3)
There is literally no romantic or sexual relationship in this series that is okay by any reasonable definition. Also note that AMAZING block of “next issue” text. (Secret Wars II #4)
Boom-Boom is the hands-down best thing to come out of Secret Wars II. (Secret Wars II #5)
Jim Shooter’s X-Men: “Mutant kid in need? NAH, LET’S KILL A DUDE!” (Secret Wars II #5)
Even the Thing is having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for this debacle. (Secret Wars II #7)
This is roughly how Rachel imagines Marvel Editorial circa 1985.
Reasonable. (Secret Wars II #8)
The Beyonder: Definitely a really sympathetic protagonist. (Secret Wars II #8)
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. (Secret Wars II #8)
Remember this, because it will have hella repercussions down the line. (Secret Wars II #9)
Ah, Molecule Man, one of the unforgettable heavy-hitters of the Marvel Universe. (Secret Wars II #9)
Remember that time a bunch of heroes saved the universe by murdering a baby? (Secret Wars II #9)
NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!

 

43 – It’s Not a Secret If It’s in the Title

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we cover 21 issues in one episode; Secret Wars is a toy commercial; Jim Shooter’s X-Men are not the X-Men to which we are accustomed; Doctor Doom makes a surprisingly benevolent god; Secret Wars II is neither secret nor a war; The Beyonder learns to poop; and Boom-Boom is the best thing to come out of Secret Wars.

X-Plained:

  • Secret Wars
  • The not-particularly-secret origin of Secret Wars
  • Binary morality
  • Battleworld
  • The Wrecking Crew
  • Klaw
  • The Beyonder
  • Molecule Man
  • Doki-Doki Universe
  • Titania and Volcana
  • Zsaji
  • Secret Wars II
  • The Passion of Jim Shooter
  • Stewart Cadwall
  • What people do
  • Tie-ins
  • Pooping
  • What it means to be Spider-Man
  • Boom-Boom (Tabitha Smith)
  • The time a bunch of superheroes saved the universe by killing a baby

NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!