Look at this gorgeous monstrosity. (Stryfe’s Strike File)
This dude would not appear in the main Marvel Universe until about a decade after he was introduced here. (Stryfe’s Strike File)
FORESHADOWING! (Stryfe’s Strike File)
Mystique’s worst kid, by a fairly wide margin. (Stryfe’s Strike File)
Remember her; she’ll be a big deal later. (Stryfe’s Strike File)
Stryfe: The Worst Kid in Your Fandom. (Stryfe’s Strike File)
SPOILER: This cover is profoundly misleading. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
WARREN KENNETH WORTHINGTON III, YOU DID WHAT?! (Uncanny X-Men #297)
A rare moment of candor from Professor X. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
The only part of this issue that I REALLY have trouble believing is that Jubilee was carying around a second pair of ‘blades just for funsies. Those things are cumbersome as heck. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
DAMNIT, JUBILEE. THIS IS WHY NOBODY TRUSTS YOU. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
Aw. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
And Aw, again. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
Yet a third Aw. (Uncanny X-Men #297)
She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll explode your face. (X-Force #19)
Bobby has had a pretty rough year. (X-Force #19)
Slow clap. (X-Force #19)
Vanessa is not having a great time post-X-Force. (X-Force #19)
PHOENIX II DECOLLETAGE! (X-Force #19)
Those are actually… really snazzy team uniforms. Dang. (X-Force #19)
And that was the end of THAT particular metaphor. (X-Force #19)
If you want to get involved in the transcripts–or just hang out with rad folks–come join us on Discord! (Transcription organization happens in the Greymalkin channel.)
In which “wolves” proves a remarkably broad category in the 616; we at least nominally wrap up X-Cutioner’s Song; Stryfe could really use a style guide; we issue our first-ever music challenge; Jubilee is an agent of chaos; Gambit’s powers are a metaphor; Charles Xavier has a complicated relationship to disability; the quality of Jay’s penmanship is a matter of official record; Boom Boom is a remarkably good costume designer; Cannonball comes into his own as a leader; and every “WHAT?!” you hear on this show is fresh and original.
X-PLAINED:
Wolves, to a very limited extent
Jay & Miles (kinda) at NYCC
Transcripts
X-Cutioner’s Song
Stryfe’s Strike File
Uncanny X-Men #297
X-Force #19
A gentle bird caught in a swirling tornado of lust and desperation
Shades of me
Shades of you
Shades of them
Our first-ever music challenge
Some foreshadowing
Nostalgia
A very nice hug
The one good side effect of Stryfe’s technoorganic virus
Charles Xavier vs. disability politics
Several practical jokes in very poor taste
Teacher-student bonding
An excellent epithet
Some lettering choices
An extended Hail Caesar riff
The Clooney Scale
An enduring mystery
Clone powers
Exclamatory logistics
NEXT EPISODE: Hey, remember Excalibur?
MUSIC CHALLENGE: Write and record a song based on or using text from Stryfe’s Strike File (or any of his rants from X-Cutioner’s Song)! Send your masterpieces (or links to ’em) to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com, with the subject STRYFE SONG!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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Meet the Excalibur of Earth-99476! (Excalibur #51)
This Sauron’s opinions on jorts are never canonically established, but I think we all know. (Excalibur #51)
I see what you did there, Davis. (Excalibur #51)
Ka-Zar, Lord of the Savage Land! (Excalibur #51)
The Fantastic Five! (Excalibur #51)
There is definitely an alternate universe that is the same as 616 in every way except that Dai Thomas ended this call by yelling, “The Aristocrats!” (Excalibur #51)
It’s true. I will pretty much always pay to watch the X-Men beat up Professor X. (Excalibur #52)
You know it’s an illusion because none of them is wearing a plaid suit. (Excalibur #52)
Several aspects of Rachel’s backstory as presented in this issue will be retconned away, but this is the most significant of those. (Excalibur #52)
WELL THAT EXPLAINS A THING OR TWO (Excalibur #52)
And then they went to space. For like a year. (Excalibur #52)
That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)
Spoiler: Kitty is cutting off his cast and it’s itchy. (Excalibur #54)
That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)
Oh, man, can you imagine Meggan at Disney World? I bet she has THE MOST fun and also gets asked to leave very quickly. (Excalibur #54)
It seems kind of ridiculous that he jumps straight to “must be an illusion” after everything he’s seen, but… That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)
I love the Crazy Gang and very much want them to be happy. (Excalibur #54)
The best kind of twist ending! (Excalibur #54)
The mystery deepens and gets even cooler-looking. (Excalibur #54)
As promised, here is a photograph of two-year-old Jay dressed as a compsognathus.
In which you should all come see us at FlameCon; all lizards are good lizards; we recap a recap; the Phoenix force is really complicated; Earth-99476 may or may not be the secret history of Earth-616; Alan Davis takes on continuity; the X-Men fail to save the day; the Phoenix says its piece; Rachel takes a vacation in space; Captain Britain doesn’t like to be psychoanalyzed; and the Crazy Gang gets a happy ending.
X-PLAINED:
Evil Shadowcats
Jay & Miles at FlameCon
Excalibur #51, 52, and 54
A brief history of Excalibur
The Phoenix Force
A recap of a recap
What this episode isn’t covering
Lizard Excalibur
The most meta t-shirt in the multiverse
Several long-ago Halloween costumes
Dinosaurs of Earths-616 and -99476
National Lampoon Vacation apocrypha
Earth-99476 and its Savage Land
The Fantastic Five
A vow of vengeance
Feron as an antecedent to Kubark
Alan Davis’s modern authorial counterpart
A telepathic journey
The full history of the Phoenix Force (as established circa 1991)
Inherited vs. inherent mutant powers (and a No-Prize explanation thereof)
The rehabilitation of Rachel Summers
Several retcons yet to come
Jean Grey’s inconsistent relationship to the Phoenix Force
A mysterious disappearance
What the Crazy Gang has been up to
The nicest kind of twist
A very easy way to make Kitty Pryde textually queer
Differentiating X-teams
The X-Plain Discord
Strong Guy’s new hobby
NEXT EPISODE: Cable: Blood & Metal
UPDATE: Not only can birds see color, but they can see a wider spectrum than humans. THE MORE YOU KNOW!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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In which writer Kelly Thompson joins us to talk Rogue and Gambit; Antarctica is Earth’s answer to the Blue Area of the Moon; Kelly unfreezes one of the great X-romances; Rogue has walked a mile in everyone’s shoes; you should probably not take romantic cues from fictional characters; Gambit should always wear hot pink; and continuity is fundamentally messy.
X-PLAINED:
What happened in Antarctica
The Trial of Gambit
Rogue and Gambit
Narrative tension vs. growth
Dueling accents
Kelly’s defining Rogue and Gambit stories
The cool-versus-creepy line
Making deep cuts accessible
The evolution of Rogue
The future of the X-line
Favorite costumes
Equal-opportunity objectification
Fundamental contradictions of continuity
Hawkeye team-ups
Date night with Rogue and Gambit
MTV’s Are You the One
RomCom hybrids
NEXT EPISODE: Meet the N-Men!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which Gambit is transatlantically terrible; Rick Leonardi is the poor man’s Alan Davis (but in a good way); we try and fail to care about British royals; Miles should probably read some Oscar Wilde already; Jay has a lot of feelings about The Rocketeer; Shadowcat gets a genuinely stylish costume; and we would read the hell out of a series about Destiny, Mystique, and Wolverine’s WWII adventures.
X-PLAINED:
Why Gambit isn’t welcome in the United Kingdom
X-Men: True Friends #1-3
The poor man’s Alan Davis
Trad night
Laird Alasdhair Kinross and his nonthreatening but convenient heterosexuality
Inexplicably absent familial relationships
Queen Lilibet the Second
Lady Regina Windermere
Several notable British fascists of the 1930s
A snazzy airplane
Several nefarious plots
Formal pajamas
The mystery of the Hypercolor™ kilt
A large number of strong feelings about The Rocketeer
Kitty Pryde’s best costumes
Weaponized cosmic queerness (again)
Power, agency, and the Dark Phoenix Saga
How characters end up with their specific mutations.
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine, again.
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which we continue to follow the post-Siege Perilous X-Men; Dazzler finally makes her big-screen debut; Callisto gets a day job; Colossus gets a ponytail; still more X-Men fake their deaths; Jean Grey gets tentacles; Professor Wolverine is a jerk; and Jay overthinks Community.
X-PLAINED:
The new-new Howling Commandos
Hit-Monkey
Uncanny X-Men #259-263
Dazzler: The Movie (again)
Freddie Stanacheck
Eric Beale
What Dazzler would do
Peter Nicholas
Jenny Ransome and Phillip Moreau (again)
Twin Peaks references, canonical and otherwise
Genoshan foreign policy
The value of allegory
Some regrettable X-costumes
That time Jean Grey got tentacles
Molly the cat
Dubious medical ethics
Hardcase and the Harriers
An unlikely pizza party
A theoretical Community/X-Men costume party
NEXT EPISODE: Spotlight on the Starjammers!
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
The visual companion to Episode 68 will be up a little late, because we’ve been moving all weekend. Meanwhile, please enjoy a sneak peek at our new home, which can double as a rousing game of Spot the Anna!
In which we catch our breath after the Mutant Massacre; Miles’s taste is both epic and adorable; Dazzler’s Achilles heel is fame; Madelyne Pryor; it’s hard to be a teenage ghost; Crimson Commando is not actually Frank Borman (but we wish he were); Wolverine may or may not make truck noises; Heroes for Hope is profoundly baffling; and Sunspot would definitely be way into Leslie Knope.
X-PLAINED:
Several untimely deaths
Uncanny X-Men #214-216
Heroes for Hope
The post-Mutant Massacre X-Men
Malice
Another set of Phoenix callbacks
The Murder Grandpas
Crimson Commando
Super Sabre
Stonewall
Actual superhero Marsha P. Johnson
Priscilla the jerk
Wolverine SFX
Some fairly spectacular misunderstandings
One hell of a jam comic
X-costumes
A Thomas Magnum for 21st-century X-kids
NEXT WEEK: Elle Collins and Graeme McMillan X-Plain Beast’s solo adventures!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!