Danger Room – Page 3 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

152 – Ghosts of Future Present

March 27, 2017 Jay 58 comments

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Email | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

In which Franklin Richards makes everything more complicated; Reed Richards is a terrible parent; Days of Future Present is a surprisingly good ghost story; Valeria Richards is awesome (but does not appear in this crossover); everyone’s got hounds these days; Banshee is your sad cyborg dad; Phoenix has a lot of feelings; and X-Factor once again manages to up the ante for child endangerment.

X-PLAINED:

Nightcrawler’s brief clerical career
Days of Future Present
Annuals, in general
Some extraordinarily specific Namor headcanon
Fantastic Four Annual #23
New Mutants Annual #6
X-Factor Annual #5
Uncanny X-Men Annual #14
Franklin Richards
Several statuses quo
The reproductive potential of Doombots
Ms. Marvel (Sharon Ventura)
Ahab
A Code Red Time Emergency
One of Jay’s dream pitches
Your sad cyborg dad
The worst tea party
One hell of a kiss
Robocop vs. Terminator

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur gets eclectic!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

Jay Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E9: Survival of the Fittest

March 8, 2016 Jay 20 comments

I can summarize most episodes of X-Men: Evolution from memory, in a fair degree of detail; so it surprised me when, in reviewing the Season 1 roster, I realized I recalled almost nothing of “Survival of the Fittest” beyond the fact that it involved some kind of summer camp scenario. When I started to watch, I realized why: in a season where even the bad episodes are usually entertaining, this one is just boring as all hell.

On my first pass, I stopped taking notes five minutes in, because nothing was happening. By the halfway mark, I was actively fantasizing about watching paint dry.¹ But I am nothing if not committed, readers. I promised you a recap, and a recap you would have, come hell or high water.

Ah, well. At least I get to judge cartoon teenagers for their fashion choices.

As Mentioned in Episode 75 – By Their Deeds You Shall Know Them

September 22, 2015 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/20/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

It’s hard to be a mutant teenager. (X-Factor #16)

We kind of skirted this part of the storyline, because it makes us both super uncomfortable and we weren’t really sure what angle to approach it from. You do you. (X-Factor #16)

Boom Boom fits right in at X-Factor! (X-Factor #16)

“Triumphant strangulation” is not a phrase you get to use under very many circumstances. (X-Factor #16)

Well, no, but it’s a nice sentiment. (X-Factor #16)

WHOOPS. (X-Factor #17)

The kids are the only ones who are not treating this as business as usual. (X-Factor #17)

X-Factor is THE WORST at interventions. (X-Factor #17)

Bobby, now is probably not the best time to joke about flight safety. Also, I’m kind of genuinely horrified that they APPARENTLY KEEP SPARE UNIFORMS WHERE THE LIFE VESTS GO. This is like how in the LEGO Blackbird there’s a chair blocking the door of the cabinet with the fire extinguisher and… okay, look, I realize no one else cares about this. BUT IT BUGS ME. (X-Factor #17)

“Not that I don’t appreciate the rescue, but don’t you people ever use doors?” (X-Factor #17)

“NOPE!” (X-Factor #17)

Cameron Hodge is so good at villain speeches. (X-Factor #17)

FANCY THAT, SKIDS. (X-Factor #18)

“I mean, we’re gonna get brainwashed by Scott and Jean’s clone’s kid’s clone, and then join a cult; and I’ll get killed in space by Holocaust; but the Phoenix Force is definitely not involved in most of that.” (X-Factor #18)

Scott’s life is basically an ongoing game of Hallucination or Hologram right now. (X-Factor #18)

“Skids, sometimes when two grown-ups love each other very much, and one of them was briefly replaced by a cosmic force, and the other married her clone, and–look, just give us a minute, please.” (X-Factor #18)

Ouch. (X-Factor #18)

DUH. (X-Factor #18)

Oh, hi, Angel. (X-Factor #18)

“Nineteen issues in, and we STILL haven’t figured doors out.” (X-Factor #19)

Cyclops X-Plains superhero comics in a nutshell. (X-Factor #19)

THOSE ARE NOT HORSES. Awesome, but not horses. (X-Factor #19)

Have I mentioned that X-Factor is the worst at interventions? Because X-Factor is definitely the worst at interventions. (X-Factor #19)

Well, then. (X-Factor #19)

The kids X-Factor rescued remain by far and away the most functional aspect of the whole operation. (X-Factor #20)

NEXT WEEK: Rachel & Miles Live at Rose City Comic Con, with Ann Nocenti, Jeff Parker, and Christopher Yost!

75 – By Their Deeds You Shall Know Them

September 21, 2015 Jay 29 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Email | RSS

In which Masque is the worst Morlock; makeouts are a good reason to learn to control your powers; Cyclops and Marvel Girl are terrible role models; Iceman is the heart of X-Factor; Cameron Hodge finally shows his hand; the kids are all right (and probably the only ones who are); and we’ve basically given up on X-Factor ever learning to use doors.

X-PLAINED:

The Right
The Ani-Mator
X-Factor #16-20
Training with X-Factor
Skids’ backstory
Motivational makeouts
Miles’s Thor-ner
Thor #377-378
Why you don’t make deals with frost giants
The mystical realm of Pittsburgh
Redundant funeral graffiti
A totally rad villain speech
The evolution of Iceman
Dubious flight safety precautions
Rictor (Julio Esteban Richter)
Some really epic gaslighting
A probably-inevitable confrontation
Supervillain team-building exercises
Park maintenance

NEXT WEEK: Rachel & Miles Live at Rose City Comic Con; with Ann Nocenti, Jeff Parker, and Christopher Yost!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 57 – Apocalypse Soon

May 17, 2015 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Oh, this guy. (X-Factor #2)

As a side effect of her return from near-death, Jean can perfectly recall any outfit–except her own. (X-Factor #2)

“But at least I know how to put on my goddamn pants.” (X-Factor #2)

Oh, Vera, what have they done to you? (X-Factor #2)

“Trust me, this is in no way an allegory for any other situations in your life.” (X-Factor #2)

Walls are the real victims in Layton’s run. (X-Factor #2)

Why do thugs ever fall for that line? Seriously. (X-Factor #2)

It’s okay, Scott. We’re only a few issues away from Louise Simonson. (X-Factor #2)

X-Factor vs. yet another wall. (X-Factor #2)

Dr. Maddicks: kind of awful. (X-Factor #2)

In addition to being kind of a crap scientist, Carl Maddicks is a terrible parent. (X-Factor #3)

I was seriously considering having this entire as-mentioned just be X-Factor knocking down walls. (X-Factor #3)

Jean recognize her team’s signature move. (X-Factor #3)

Aaaaand there goes another wall. (X-Factor #3)

Scott and Jean finally have a talk about–wait, no, just kidding, they’re about to get interrupted by urgent news. (X-Factor #3)

AMAZING, Hank. AMAZING. (X-Factor #3)

LOOK AT THIS GLORIOUS COVER. (X-Factor Annual #1)

Wellp. (X-Factor Annual #1)

Thank you for that highly relevant footnote, comic book. (X-Factor Annual #1)

Not sure if this is better or worse than the underwear. (X-Factor Annual #1)

Headcanon: Heinreich has worked out a whole backstory for this secretary, and he’s really disappointed that he didn’t get to use more of it. (X-Factor Annual #1)

Serious question: is this the only time Bobby’s clothing transforms to ice along with him? DISCUSS. LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED. (X-Factor Annual #1)

How come some of these people are wearing robot underpants and others are not? (X-Factor Annual #1)

The Crimson Dynamo is not, in fact, the Red Scare. UNFORTUNATELY. (X-Factor Annual #1)

But seriously, the mix-up is pretty understandable.

Iceman vs. Iceman! (X-Factor Annual #1)

Oh, for the love of… (X-Factor Annual #1)

They’re fighting Tower and knocking down a wall at the same time! Two drinks! (X-Factor #4)

Joanna Cargill is so awesome. SO. AWESOME. (X-Factor #4)

At least he put on pants this time? I guess? (X-Factor #4)

X-Factor: actually kind of terrible. (X-Factor #4)

In case you happened to be wondering where the original art from this page is, the answer is our office. (Thank you, Tom!) (X-Factor #4)

Does no one ever use doors in this comic? (X-Factor #4)

Best outfit, best character, worst attempt at a cliffhanger. Also, I’m pretty sure one of us used to have a Mage: The Ascension character named Time Shadow. (X-Factor #4)

“It’s like we were briefly allowed to evolve as characters but have since reverted to a social dynamic we had long since outgrown.” (X-Factor #5)

True Fact: If one of you had submitted this outfit for the plainclothes cosplay contest, you would have won, no questions asked. (X-Factor #5)

And there goes another wall. (X-Factor #5)

Frenzy has no patience for your sub-par command of Yiddish. (X-Factor #5)

The less-than-inspiring debut of one of the X-Men’s greatest villains. (X-Factor #5)

Many thanks to Bobby Roberts for 57 spectacular episodes of production, advice, and boundless patience. You are the best, and we love you forever. (Art by David Wynne.)

Next week: MINISERIES MAYHEM!

57 – Apocalypse Soon

May 17, 2015 Jay 21 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Email | RSS

Art by David Wynne. We're not selling prints of this one, but you can still hit David up for the original! — Art by David Wynne. We’re not selling prints of this one, but you can still hit David up for the original!

In which Miles tries to find things to like about Bob Layton’s X-Factor run; Cyclops’s life is literally an anxiety dream; X-Factor is very Leverage; Layton’s Angel is just godawful; Rachel is all about the Red Scare; Frenzy is awesome; and we bid a fond farewell to producer Bobby Roberts.

X-PLAINED:

An Apocalypse that might have been
Mid-80s X-title thematic disambiguation
The limited value of nostalgia
Creative history of X-Factor
X-Factor #2-5 and Annual #1
The baffling reinvention of Vera Cantor
Tower (Edward Pasternak)
Dubious didactic strategies
Carl Maddicks
Artie Maddicks
Muffin the kitten
Bad timing
Soviet mutant policy
Soviet robot disambiguation
The Doppelganger (Wolfgang Heinreich)
A ruse
Alexei Garnov, Mentac the Living Computer, Concussion, Iron Curtain, and Siberian Tiger
The worst phonetic accent we have ever seen.
The Alliance of Evil
Frenzy (Joanna Cargill)
The color of Beast’s fur
Our favorite X-Men toys

NEXT WEEK: Miniseries Mayhem!

Many thanks to Bobby Roberts for 57 spectacular episodes of production, advice, and boundless patience. You are the best, and we love you forever.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re not selling prints of this week’s illustration, but you can contact David Wynne for the original!

Rachel Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E1: Strategy X

February 17, 2015 Jay 43 comments

I was a little too old to catch X-Men: Evolution the first time around. It debuted my freshman year of college, corresponding with the peak of my nerd pretension—that larval-geek phase where you insist on calling all comics graphic novels—and like the arch little fucker I was, I dismissed it sight-unseen as X-Men dumbed down.

A few years ago, I finally sat down and watched my way through X-Men: Evolution and came away with two conclusions: teenage Rachel was kind of a dolt; and X-Men: Evolution is delightful.

Not only is Evolution not X-Men dumbed down, it’s a really clever, appealing reinvention. In fact, Evolution accomplishes what the Ultimate universe never quite could: shaking off years of continuity and attracting an entirely new audience with a distilled version of one of Marvel’s most convoluted lines.

If you’re not familiar with X-Men: Evolution, the premise is roughly thus: The Xavier Institute is an extracurricular boarding school of sorts, whose students are mainstreamed into their district school—Bayville High—for academics. Some of the characters—Storm, Wolverine, and Professor Xavier on the side of the angels; Mystique, Magneto, and a few others on the other end of the moral spectrum—stay adults; everyone else is aged down to teenagers. Evolution draws characters and some story hooks from the comics, but for the most part, it occupies its own discrete continuity.

And as continuities go, it’s a good one. It’s clever and fun, it’s got a ton of heart, and it stays true to the core themes and characters of the source material without becoming overly beholden to the letter of the text. By the end, it’ll become a really, really good show; but even when it’s bad, X-Men: Evolution is bad in really entertaining ways.

Which is important, because X-Men: Evolution gets off to a pretty rocky start.

As Mentioned in Episode 26 – The Other Team America (featuring Chris Sims)

October 14, 2014 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne!

Bobby is so very Bobby. (New Mutants #1)

Yeah, so, Dani, maybe get a handle on that. (New Mutants #1)

Remember, at this point, as far as everyone on Earth knew, the X-Men were dead. (New Mutants #1)

Oh, Storm. (New Mutants #1)

Meanwhile on Muir Island, REVELATIONS! (New Mutants #1)

“You’re not the X-Men. You’re just, um, wearing their original superhero costumes. Because, stuff.” (New Mutants #1)

OH, SHIT. THOSE GUYS. (New Mutants #1)

Well, that’ll end well. (New Mutants #2)

Gyrich realizes that part of the price of appearing in an X-Men book is occasionally having your conversation partner drop out for an extended inner monologue. (New Mutants #2)

“Son, I know Peter Corbeau, and you’re no Peter Corbeau.” (New Mutants #2)

Mostly including this to point out that FANDOM ZONE is a great name for a comics shop. (New Mutants #2)

FORESHADOWING. (New Mutants #3)

OH, NO! (New Mutants #3)

Aw, Illyana. (New Mutants #3)

Remember that time Bob McLeod drew a full page of a teenager and casual nudity and there was no sexualization whatsoever? Because that was RAD. (New Mutants #3)

Oooh, clever! (New Mutants #3)

Reinforcing the case for X-Men watching Star Trek. (New Mutants #3)

Aw, bros. And Magnum, P.I. For more on what happens next, see Episode 20. (New Mutants #3)

The more things change… (New Mutants #4)

That one time Professor Xavier wasn’t a jerk. (New Mutants #4)

And then the New Mutants just straight-up broke into a school dance. (New Mutants #4)

AW, SAM. (New Mutants #4)

WHY WOULD YOU PUT ALL THAT TNT THERE? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? (New Mutants #4)

… (New Mutants #4)

ETHICS. (New Mutants #4)

For more on these baffling gentlemen, see the links below.

Well, hello, Viper and Silver Samurai. (New Mutants #5)

Oh! Of course! Team America! Because, um, right, those guys. (New Mutants #5)

‘Kay. (New Mutants #5)

Xavier X-Plains the A-plot. (New Mutants #5)

Wait, what? (New Mutants #5)

Aw, Shan. (New Mutants #6)

Aw, Shan. (New Mutants #6)

Not that Black Mesa. (New Mutants #6)

Well, I think we can all be pretty excited that Team America have finally learned to control their dangerous power of making an extra good motorcycle dude. Dodged a bullet there. (New Mutants #6)

Next Week: NYCC Special, with Russell Dauterman and Kris Anka!

Links:

26 – The Other Team America (featuring Chris Sims)

October 12, 2014 Jay 17 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Email | RSS

In which Danielle Moonstar is the Wolverine of the New Mutants, Henry Peter Gyrich is the Walter Peck of the Marvel Universe, Michael Rossi is no Peter Corbeau, Xavier is a Brood Queen (who is a jerk), Bob McLeod draws really good teenagers, the New Mutants do an after-school special, Chris Sims drops in for some emergency X-Plaining, Elsie Carson is the Harvey and Janet of Hydra, and Team America is generally sort of baffling.

X-Plained

Viper
Brood stuff
The original New Mutans (more) (again)
The New Mutants #1-6
Denial
Dani vs. the Danger Room
Mall stories
Neighborhood kids
Henry Peter Gyrich
Sebastian Shaw (again)
Project Wideawake (sort of)
Michael Rossi
A poorly-timed crossover
Gabrielle Haller
A profoundly unethical relationship
A Very Special Episode
Overkill
Magnum, P.I.
Team America (but not that one)
Elsie Carson, middle manager of Hydra
The Girl With the Silver Eyes
X-Men reading order

The visual companion for this episode will go up mid-week, due to New York Comic-Con generally kicking our asses (Among MANY other things, Rachel is tweeting–mostly cool X-cosplay pics–from the show floor, and Miles is working at the Dark Horse booth. Come say hi!). Meanwhile, for further supplemental material, we recommend reading Chris’s in-depth history of Team America:

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!