Doctor Doom – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

December 19, 2021 Miles 7 comments

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s hard to be Joseph; we do our best to explain the inexplicable; Miles is full of feelings; Hulk smashes; and Onslaught finally (mostly) ends.

X-PLAINED:

Heroes Reborn Return
Wild times with the Dreaming Celestial
Onslaught so far
X-Men #56
Onslaught: Marvel Universe
Jay’s definitive Bond
Joseph (more)
The physical evolution of Onslaught
Sense of scale
Hawkeye (TV series)
Onslaught’s goals, to what extent they exist
The three genders
A really big fight
A miracle of magnetism
The (nominal) end of the Age of Heroes
Beast’s scientific career
Chamber’s voice

NEXT EPISODE: Several epilogues

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As Mentioned in Episode 353 – Scientists and Superheroes

November 28, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Forge X-Plains. (X-Factor #126)

Wait, if she’s also visible as herself, why does it even MATTER which wings she uses? (X-Factor #126)

Don’t steal the man’s tagline. (X-Factor #126)

I really enjoy this cover. (Fantastic Four #416)

“NOBODY menaces the Richardses but me!” (Fantastic Four #416)

Aw his silly device. (Fantastic Four #416)

“You have my abs.” (Fantastic Four #416)

THIS WEIRDO (Fantastic Four #416)

“DOOM WOULD ALSO ENJOY A LATTE.” (Fantastic Four #416)

This page super reminds me of the credits of the movie Help! (X-Men Unlimited #12)

They were cooler when they were just a neon sign come to life. (X-Men Unlimited #12)

This probably happens to Strange a lot. (X-Men Unlimited #12)

I’m sorry, Spite; I can’t take you seriously without a Y and possibly a gratuitous apostrophe in your name. (X-Men Unlimited #12)

A large boy. (X-Men Unlimited #12)

…they fight crime! (X-Men Unlimited #12)

NEXT EPISODE: some bullshit.

LINKS & FURTHER SPINOFFS

I’m pretty sure we’ve linked to Robert Cop before, but just in case, here you go.

353 – Scientists and Superheroes

November 21, 2021 Jay 10 comments

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In which Dark Beast is an unlikely father figure; Wild Child remains low-budget Wolverine; X-Factor foreshadows the XSE; no one else thwarts Richardses on Doom’s watch; the cow goes “hate”; and Juggernaut fails to grow as a person.

X-PLAINED:

The Red Ghost
Onslaught thus far
X-Factor #126
Fantastic Four #416
X-Men Unlimited #12
Random’s origins (kind of)
Pinochle
Kristoff Vernard
Several villains
Juggernaut’s adventures in the Gem of Cyttorak
Gomurr the Ancient (again)
Spite
Unreliable narrators
The evolution of Cyttorak
Wolverine’s hair
X-arcs we’d like to see as video games

NEXT EPISODE: To nobody’s surprise, Onslaught.

CORRECTION: Kristoff Vernard is not in fact a clone of Doctor Doom.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 298 – Unlikely Avengers

June 21, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

All of our TeePublic profits this month are going to Trans Lifeline! Have you always wanted a mask that says THEY’RE NOT LASERS? Now’s your chance!

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Seriously, can we not? (X-Universe #1)

Don’t worry; they all die in about a page and a half. (X-Universe #1)

“…ladies.” (X-Universe #1)

Blark 4 Lyfe (X-Universe #1)

See what we mean about the Darkseid thing? (X-Universe #1)

Damnit, Matt. (X-Universe #1)

These badasses! (X-Universe #1)

This should really have been the cover to #1. (X-Universe #2)

They’ve got names, and they’re not recognizable characters in a series that’s all about recognizability, so–yep, gonna die. (X-Universe #2)

DAMNIT, Matt. (X-Universe #2)

Clint Barton? James Rhodes? Lester Whatshisname? Who even knows, anymore? (X-Universe #2)

GOOD JOB, VICTOR VON DOOM. (X-Universe #2)

HE COULD STILL BE ALIVE (X-Universe #2)

That’s an awfully fancy red herring, there. (X-Universe #2)

NEXT EPISODE: What didn’t happen!

298 – Unlikely Avengers

June 21, 2020 Jay 10 comments

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In which the moments of X-Universe are better than the whole; the code name “Dirigible” carries some inherent risks; Tony Stark is often more interesting without Iron Man; Clint Barton is no James Rhodes; there is somehow a Matt Murdock who makes even worse choices than the one from Earth-616; nobody should ever trust Mikhail Rasputin; and the baby’s name really doesn’t matter.

X-PLAINED:

J. Jonah Jameson’s stance on mutants
A way to get cool stuff AND support Trans Lifeline
X-Universe #1-2
Gwen Stacy (Earth-295)
Some really obnoxious white savior tropes
The Marauders (Earth-295)
How to waste Arcade
Spider-nostalgia
Owl noises
Tony Stark (Earth-295)
Clint Barton and/or James Rhodes (Earth-295)
Dr. Donald Blake (Earth-616)
Dr. Donald Blake (Earth-295)
Blark
Mikhail Rasputin (Earth-295)
Ship, but not Ship
Ben Grimm (Earth-295)
Sue Storm (Earth-295)
Bruce Banner (Earth-295)
A great many overplayed references
Matt Murdock (Earth-295)
Manuel de la Rocha (Earth-295)
Victor Von Doom (Earth-295)
Marte and Rafe McGuffin
The Upscale Program
A very hazardous plan
The Stryfe Force
The dreams of Donald Blake
A red herring named Frankie
Augmented humans in a mutant-centric world
How Wolverine communicates with animals
How Professor X lost his hair

NEXT EPISODE: What-ifs and might-have-beens!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 284 – Precious Baubles

February 9, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

LINKS & FURTHER CROSSOVERS

We talked about the original Fantastic Four vs. the X-Men series in Episode 74 – This Dumb Rumpus…
…and Dawn of X in Episode 274 – The Red Shoe Prophecies, feat. Chris Eddleman!
Friend of the show Stephanie Burt is annotating this series alongside Andrea Ayres over at Xavier Files!
Follow Chip on the Twitters!
Peruse his website!

284 – Precious Baubles, feat. Chip Zdarsky

February 9, 2020 Jay 6 comments

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In which we sit down with writer Chip Zdarsky to talk crossovers, continuity, metaphors, and X-Men/Fantastic Four!

X-PLAINED:

X-Men/Fantastic Four
A reunion
Richards kids
The state of Franklin Richards’ powers
Balancing characters in team books
Superhero teams as families
Several metaphors
Chip’s definitive X-Men
Reed Richards vs. Charles Xavier
Doom
Krakoan fashion
Switching gears
An exchange of portraits
Whether Garfield is a mutant
Evolution

NEXT EPISODE: Legion Quest (for real, this time)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 198 – How to Destroy the Universe Without Really Trying

May 20, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Alas, the Walter Simonson cover is a false alarm. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

Sweet threads, Brigadier! (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

Life Model Decoy life is hard. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

At this point, she should really just change her code name to “Ripley.” (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

Thiiiiiiiiis guy. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

“Maybe, like, a buck fifty?” (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

And that’s why we don’t experiment on ourselves, Dr. Cayre. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

Air-Walker is a cyborg who loves his work. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

And now, a whole bunch of Lockheed making really good shifty faces! (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

Seriously, it’s basically just this for like six images. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

What, you thought I was joking? (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

I was not joking. (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

(Okay, fine, I also threw in a Captain Britain suit on fire.) (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

But here’s one more Lockheed, for good measure! (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

“Remember when I basically destroyed the universe? Good times!” (Excalibur: Air Apparent)

Well, it’s no Excalibur #41 or 52, but I guess it’ll do. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

He’s got style, I’ll give him that. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

Doom is a tough audience. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

Scott Summers: hopelessly uncool in just about any time period. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

World War II Angel may in fact be the best Angel. Dang! (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

But what could it be?! (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

IT’S A HONKER OF DOOM! (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

Sure, why not? (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

This is one of those costumes that really only works in specific art styles; but this is one of them. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

I mean, he is kind of a notorious dick… (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

He died as he lived: crushed under a tower of word balloons. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

That Kitty and Bobby briefly dated later makes this much funnier. (Excalibur: XX Crossing)

NEXT EPISODE: Shattershot!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

How to Snakes is one of the best things on YouTube. Watch, listen, and learn.
Our RoboCop Remake is amazing and ABSOLUTELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. You’ve been warned.
This Monty Python sketch may clarify a few of Jay’s more bizarre moments in this episode.
To learn all about Honkers, listen to Episode 197 – Wolverine and the Honker of Doom.

198 – How to Destroy the Universe Without Really Trying

May 20, 2018 Jay 40 comments

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In which Excalibur goes 16-bit platformer; Alysande gets new threads; Shadowcat should probably just change her code name to Ripley; Captain Britain may or may not destroy the universe; Doctor Doom tries his hand at human resources; Excalibur is at home with weirdness; and no lizard needs breasts.

X-PLAINED:

Invisible Boy
Human heralds of Galactus
Excalibur Special Editions
Excalibur: Air Apparent
Excalibur: XX Crossing
Dr. Jonothon Cayre
Norm the LMD
Lava pits of Scotland
Some dubious herpetology
Eric the Cyborg (Coldblood-7)
Robert Cop
Special Man
Air-Walker and/or Gabriel Lam
A cosmic explosion
Captain Britain’s extra costume
Sidestep
An exceptionally awkward job interview
A counterintuitive plan
The other time-displaced X-Men
The best version of Angel
Angel’s third-greatest nemesis
Gladiator Hank
A very fancy vest
The best Excalibur Special Edition
The Phalanx vs. the Technarchy
Warlock vs. gender
Our thoughts on Avengers: Infinity War

Note: according to the letter column from Excalibur #54, at least some of the art credits for Excalibur: XX Crossing were incorrect, so some of our descriptions of who drew what in this episode are wrong. See the comments below for more information!

NEXT EPISODE: Shattershot!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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