As Mentioned in Episode 479 – Nancy Drew and the Secret of Carrion Cove

March 4, 2025 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Jay’s not wrong that the buildings look like giant dildos… but at least they look like fancy dildos! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)

Starring: a bunch of fashionable jerks, mostly! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)

Not a good look when your cops look just like the cops who used to oppress you… (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)

Magneto: Master of Magnetism and Monologues! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)

okay but what about the chest-skull (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)

That floaty platform has a heated floor, blind spot monitoring, and built-in GPS. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)

For all your chat reaction needs! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)

These here comical books are lookin’ pretty comical-booky. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)

Magneto talks to… someone! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)

We just like this cover. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)

Everybody fights everybody! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)

In which dust illustrates speed and impact! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)

It’s like the portrait-instead-of-landscape version of widescreen storytelling! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)

Father of the year. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)

To her credit, she does have all the Kirby Krackle. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)

Because Mister Sinister is the hidden force behind literally everything. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)

Rest in Ponytail, Fabian Cortez. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)

“Time to conceive some other on-again, off-again offspring who suck less.” (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)

NEXT TIME: X-Man!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

That thing about the cooking show and spreader bars and Namor that Jay was talking about
Information and pencils from Chris Claremont and Rick Leonardi’s canceled Phoenix miniseries

479 – Nancy Drew and the Secret of Carrion Cove

March 4, 2025 Miles 10 comments

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In which Genosha gets better and/or worse; Fabian Cortez is the Secretary of Betrayal; having an action figure of yourself is the path to immortality; and Hammer Bay sounds like a sex toy company.

X-PLAINED:

Triathlon
The Revolution relaunch and the six-month gap
Magneto: Dark Seduction #1-4
Erotic skyscrapers
Magneto (again) (forever)
X-Men Tijuana Bibles
The Genoshan Cabinet
Dark friendship with benefits
Polaris’s newfound interest in heavy metal
Magneto’s on-again, off-again children
Carrion Cove
Coloring symbolism and/or errors
Spat and Grovel (kind of)
Magneto’s ancestral f**k-ghost
Socialism!
Magneto’s mysterious mind-voice
Neal Conan
The Avengers of 2000
Kirby Krackle
Magneto’s smooth arc into villainy
Bonking
Human nature
Rachel Summers in the Body Shoppe
Our (lack of) coverage of solo comics

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 478 – The Monologue Tube

February 23, 2025 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Alan Davis protests the death of Cyclops. (From this link)

X-teams, past to present. (At least the ones who still had comics in 2000.) (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Well, at least this time he’s leaving with someone other than those five motorcycle guys who could turn into a sixth motorcycle guy. (Uncanny X-Men #379)

It really, really isn’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)

“…why do you call yourself X-Man, anyway?” (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Suddenly, the plot! (Uncanny X-Men #379)

“Sacre blue, non! Our elf ears!” (Uncanny X-Men #379)

“you guys i am so mad right now you have no idea” (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Toad, did you just… have that mirror with you? (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Just a really good cover. (X-Force #101)

That pacing, though. (X-Force #101)

Aww man. (X-Force #101)

We’ve all been there, kid. Well, maybe not exactly there, but like… metaphorically. (X-Force #101)

Meltdown counsels a sad child in a comic by Joseph Harris, part 2. (X-Force #101)

Doctor Wily, is that you? (X-Men #99)

“You wanna play paintball with us?” (X-Men #99)

How does a costume that looks so good when you’re blue look so silly when you’re not? (X-Men #99)

I’m not so sure about this Storm-and-Marrow-as-camp-counselors subplot, but I do love me some soap opera. (X-Men #99)

Businesspeople and bikers: the two genders. (X-Men #99)

Tentacle-guys, demons, and hulks: the three genders. (X-Men #99)

Mystique really misses that lamp. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

Logan may be dying, but his eyebrows are very impressive right now. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

“Plus, they charged us like thirty bucks just to bring a carry-on!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)

The S stands for Sexy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

We’ve all had that dream, Blob. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

Bye, Alan Davis! It’s been weird but pretty fun! (Uncanny X-Men #380)

NEXT TIME: Magneto versus everybody.

478 – The Monologue Tube

February 23, 2025 Miles 6 comments

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In which Alan Davis is Team Cyclops; everyone gets depowered; it’s hard to connect with kids your age when you’re a superhero; Sinister’s gotta sinister; everyone gets repowered; and the ‘90s were much more eclectic than they get credit for being.

X-PLAINED:

Side effects of Decimation
Uncanny X-Men #379-380
X-Force #101
X-Men #99
Cadre K
Summers family drama
The High Evolutionary (more) (again)
The (other) time all the mutants got depowered
Kevin
A very beautiful book
The ongoing mess of Genoshan politics
The Neo (slightly)
To what extent Logan’s claws are a mutant power
Sinister monologues
Herbert Evolutionary
The New New Men
The ‘90s, in general
What makes a Morlock

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto: Dark Seduction!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

December 22, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Intense emotion, fiddly gadgets, and dramatic narration. What more do you need? (Wolverine #146)

Gravity be damned, Nightcrawler’s going to punch some bricks and stomp some turtles. (Wolverine #146)

Generation Blue, Generation Red. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #211. (Wolverine #146)

Warren Kenneth Worthington III, you give that tiny caveman back his club! (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #170. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #179. (Wolverine #146)

Now that is a fight scene. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #153. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #169. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #148. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #242. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Wolverine #74. (Wolverine #146)

Neat, they’re (psychically) wearing their outfits from that time they were partners in Madripoor! (Wolverine #146)

Angel’s darkness looks like light? You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. (Wolverine #147)

Flechettes! (Wolverine #147)

Referencing… oh, wait, this one actually has a caption. (Wolverine #147)

Poor kid… (Wolverine #147)

United by trauma. (Wolverine #147)

Everyone is just so sharp on this page… (Wolverine #147)

Silhouettes: climax! (Wolverine #147)

Silhouettes: denouement! (Wolverine #147)

“Do I have to call your parents, children?” (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Heh. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

I wish we saw more of these two together. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Damaging currency is a federal crime, Wolverine! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

This page has earned its Kirby Krackle. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

“You see, I have to be extra spooky to even out everyone else’s happiness. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Like a hairy little astromech droid at a scomp port. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Science! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

And they died miserably ever after. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

NEXT TIME: The Twelve concludes!

LINKS & FURTHER FELINES:

A metaphor that is also a very real space cat
Jay is delighted to have been wrong! The Philharmonic Gets Dressed is totally still in print!
Dave has been one of Jay’s comfort movies for longer than he entirely cares to admit.

472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

December 22, 2024 Jay One comment

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In which the Twelve should really be twelve chapters long; Archangel has issues; we continue to bemoan the absence of captions; the X-Men ditch their crossover event for a side quest; Magneto is Genosha’s official chaperone; and we would absolutely elect Emma Frost to a school board.

X-PLAINED:

What Cable does next
The event so far
Wolverine #146-147
Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999
Whether the Shadow King is moist
Why tiny cavemen can’t have nice things
Numerous flashbacks and allusions
Archangel’s third-stage evolution
The Philharmonic Gets Dressed
Abraham Kieros (again)
Apocalypse as a self-help guru
Fully nude Wolverine
X-51 #8 (briefly)
Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
A miracle of magnetism
Scomp linking
A big fancy machine
Exodus (more) (again)
Mutants we’d like to see in public office
The (theoretical) Essex administration

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve concludes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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461 – Things to Do in Denver When You’re X-Force

September 1, 2024 Jay 8 comments

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In which Magneto may be right but is also wildly impractical; X-Force goes on a sneaking mission; Magneto isn’t mad, he’s just disappointed; Rictor and Shatterstar return; Strong is not a common surname in the Marvel universe; and being a mutant on TV doesn’t mean you’re one in the comics.

X-PLAINED:

How Jubilee became a vampire
The most X-treme youth of them all
X-Force 94-95
X-Force Annual 1999
Genosha
Butler disambiguation
Clown jobs
A team-up predicated on an awkward breakup
Hammer Town
Delphi
Memory boxes
Several potential continuity error
Names
Genoshan robots
Archie
A hierarchy of potential fates
Vershiagen Industries and/or Vershlagen Industries
V2
Hanrancha
Stronghold
Martin Strong
Freddie
Michelle Balters (Neurotap) (more) (again)
Communication with X-teams
A sudden and depressing resolution
Continuity across media
Why Gambit doesn’t (usually) throw tarot cards

NEXT EPISODE: The Return of the Hellions (kinda)

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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454 – X-Men ’97, Part 2

June 30, 2024 Miles 13 comments

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SPOILER WARNING: ALL OF THEM, NONSTOP

In which Barry Windsor-Smith is too sexy for television; we know what happens when unstable molecules get struck by lightning; X-Men gets political and does it spectacularly; this Captain America would not sew the cape; Magneto continues to throw things into space; and they kissed and we missed it.

X-PLAINED:

Fabian Cortez’s name
X-Men ’97 episodes 6-10
Lifedeath I & II: a surprising adaptation
Varying levels of going in blind
A somewhat different and possibly better Forge
The Adversary vs. the Owl Queen
Stormiest and least-Stormy costumes
Professor Charles Xavier, Official Space Boyfriend
Colonialism vs. Identity
Delayed catharsis
The narrative power of altered opening credits
What makes allyship effective (and not)
Justified mutant anger
The worst version of Nina DaCosta
What makes Prime Sentinels scary
Summers family feels
The best damned fight scenes out there
Bastion, robo-avatar of conservative white patriarchy
Simultaneous crossovers
A psychic gay bar
A last boss arena
Acolyte equivalencies
Phoenix Ex Machina
Crying
Whether Magneto was right
Apoca-futures and Apoca-pasts
A bulletin board and our hopes for its contents
Soft Serve
Kitty Pryde’s coffee shop AU
X-Men ’97 as the perfect gateway

NEXT EPISODE: Skrulls!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

The Judgment of Magneto by Asher Elbein

No visual companion this week!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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453 – X-Men ’97, Part 1

June 23, 2024 Jay 21 comments

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SPOILER WARNING: ALL OF THEM, NONSTOP

In which we put the comics on hold to take a look at X-Men ’97; it is still always Inferno in here; Wolverine is best used sparingly; a Marvel show finally embraces politics; Wolverine is best in small doses; Madeylne Pryor still always deserves better; Jubilee grows up; and we are all in on this series.

X-PLAINED:

“Beyond Good and Evil”
X-Men: The Animated Series and our respective feelings about it
X-Men ’97, episodes 1-5
Watching X-Men ’97 with and without context
Making animated Cyclops work
The Magneto’s-hair-length morality index
Politics
Voices
Adaptation pacing
Agency
Abcissa
Foreshadowing
Time compression
Horniest Rogue
Death in cartoons
A metaphor
Nonbinary identity in 1997
Character evolution

NEXT EPISODE: Episodes 6-10

No visual companion this week!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!