Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 498 – Home Depot Ossuary

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The Twisted Sisters: “Never heard of ’em.” (X-Men #105)
Torque. Pretty sure that’s not the Invisible Woman in there. (X-Men #105)
Dun dun dun dun dun, Inspector Coil (X-Men #105)
More Logan backstory! MORE! (X-Men #105)
Does Nightcrawler teleport out of his clothes at the end of the day? (X-Men #105)
Psylocke should have worn her unstable cocktail dress. (X-Men #105)
A building sealed with the impenetrable perfection of boards. (X-Men #106)
I submit that if the Neo losing their powers for a few weeks could do this, there maaaaaay have been some flaws with their civilization. (X-Men #106)
Rogue PTUIs for us all. (X-Men #106)
Comics! (X-Men #106)
Just like DARE told us! (X-Men #106)
Hi, new Super Sabre and Crimson Commando! Bye, new Super Saber and Crimson Commando! (X-Men #106)
Behold, the effects of X-Men Forever! (X-Men #106)
Rogue, super spy. (X-Men #106)
Problem solved! (X-Men #106)
Hey, it’s that one scene from the X-Men Evolution intro that’s also that one scene from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! (Uncanny X-Men #386)
“I’ve kissed the lips that kissed you!” (Uncanny X-Men #386)
Thanks for breaking the tension, Paolo. (Uncanny X-Men #386)
WHEEEEE (Uncanny X-Men #386)
See? Not so judgey of Lee Forrester now, are we? (Uncanny X-Men #386)
NEXT TIME: X-Force versus monsters! Again!

498 – Home Depot Ossuary

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In which the Twisted Sisters are vanquished by water; there is no way to make Stryfe cool; and the X-Men fight a hurricane.

X-PLAINED:

  • Ego the Living Planet and his dysfunctional family
  • X-Men #105-106
  • Uncanny X-Men #386
  • The Neo (more) (again)
  • The state of Psylocke and Archangel’s relationship
  • The Twisted Sisters
    • Helix
    • Coil
    • Gyre
    • Ringlet
    • Torque
  • Pelicans
  • Bad decisions of past Jay and Miles
  • A mysterious stranger
  • Unrealized plans
  • Mystique and Wolverine’s forgotten friendship
  • Neo infrastructure
  • Big Casino’s name
  • An unlikely hybrid
  • A surprisingly large femur
  • The new Brotherhood
  • Lee Forrester (again)
  • Weather
  • Fan history

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force vs. Warborgs

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495 – The Goth

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In which Rogue is beset with leadership; Psylocke’s telekinetic sword is narratively inconsistent; the Crimson Pirates are bad at their job; and you should not look to Frank Punisher as a role model.

X-PLAINED:

  • Whether Dani Moonstar is still a Valkyrie
  • X-Men #103-104
  • Uncanny X-Men #384-385
  • A crossover
  • Tessa (somewhat)
  • A test
  • The Goth (group)
  • Skulls
  • The Crimson Pirates
  • The mind of Tullamore Voge
  • Something “rough trade” does not mean
  • Visual representation of telepathy
  • Kymri (again)
  • The Goth (individual)
  • Skycycles
  • A ruse
  • How to get the X-Perts at a convention near you
  • What happened to the Massachusetts Academy

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Forever

The visual companion to this episode will be up in the near future!

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As Mentioned in Episode 494 – You’ve Got Evil Mail

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Is Thunderbird cosplaying Colossus? (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Meet Neal Shaara! Or sometimes Neal Sharra, depending on who’s writing! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
In which Karima Shapandar literally jump-kicks her way into the issue. (See also the 1977 kung fu film The Invincible Armour.) (X-Men Unlimited #27)
And you haven’t even met Maggott yet! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
embarrassed_werewolf sounds like part of an auto-generated Reddit username. (X-Men Unlimited #27)
“Crap, instead of zapping them with the Robot Servant Ray, we zapped them with the Main Character Ray!” (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Aww, Sanjit. (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Hope you survive the experience! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Check out Gambit’s sideways-Legion hair! And Beast’s Banshee disguise! (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Darkstar speaks for us all. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
This ain’t Beast’s first brainwashing rodeo. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Listen, the Darkforce is just cool, okay? (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Dis not what Gambit had in mind. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
More like the Golden Death, really. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Darkstar’s face is the same as Miles’s when he first discovered Cloud/Sephiroth slash almost 30 years ago. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
“No, my only weaknesses – rain and tasers!” (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Technology safety tip: if you get a suspicious email, blow up your computer! (X-Men Annual 2000)
Adorable downtime! (X-Men Annual 2000)
I love these goofballs so much. (X-Men Annual 2000)
Rogue learned a lot of things during her time with Magneto, like: if you have a problem, throw it into space. (X-Men Annual 2000)
The focused totality of her cutting your goddamn head off. (X-Men Annual 2000)
Everyone just looks really cool here. That’s the only significance. (X-Men Annual 2000)
GUN ARRRRRRMMMSSSSS (X-Men Annual 2000)
That’s some Claremont dialogue, alright (complimentary). (X-Men Annual 2000)
I guess that’s why Stryfe’s not too concerned with peripheral vision. Explains the helmet. (X-Men Annual 2000)
NEXT TIME: The Goth!

494 – You’ve Got Evil Mail

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In which the X-Men zealously protect their trademarks; Cable can have as many moms as he wants to; not everyone should have to be a superhero; Lady Deathstrike knows how to handle unauthorized emails; and somehow there are still more gun arms.

X-PLAINED:

  • Lady Deathstrike
  • X-Men Unlimited #27-28
  • X-Men Annual 2000
  • One reason to recycle code names
  • Thunderbird III (Neal Shaara)
  • Sanjit Shaara and his electronic diary
  • Karima Shapandar
  • Bastion and the Prime Sentinels (again) (briefly)
  • Omega Prime Sentinels
  • Rebirth Island and what lurks there
  • Darkstar (Laynia Petrovna)
  • Unusual disturbances
  • Whether Gambit sleeps
  • The Black Death
  • Internet security training with Bastion
  • The genealogy of Nora Ephron romantic comedy You’ve Got Mail
  • Fashion
  • Stryfe (again) (briefly)
  • Psylocke’s telekinetic katana
  • Interactions between Madelyne Pryor and her large adult son
  • Spiral’s Body Shop

NEXT EPISODE: The Brotherhood targets Senator Kelly… again.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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490 – Chekhov’s Angel Dust

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In which Chris Claremont tries to make the Neo happen; Cecilia Reyes continues to have no time for this bullshit; Rogue gets some action; Shadowcat flees the comic; and Tessa returns.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Evolutionaries
  • X-Men #100-102
  • The current X-Men rosters
  • Thunderbird (Neal Shaara)
  • Claremont vs. continuity
  • Dove crimes
  • The Neo
    • Domina
    • Jaeger
    • Rax
  • Fancy space suits
  • What to do with someone else’s bone claws
  • Some guy named Seth
  • The High Evolutionary’s love nest
  • A Phoenix-saga callback
  • Rave
  • Warren Kenneth Worthington III’s weird fantasies
  • Whether unstable molecules are self-cleaning
  • Seventeen deaths of Mister Sinister
  • Salvo the Living Gun
  • How to keep track of X-Men
  • Time travel problems
  • X-Men LEGO sets we’d like to see

NEXT EPISODE: Live from Washington, D.C.!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 484 – Hell Tuba

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A miniseries based on a miniseries! (X-Men: Magik #1)
What are we looking at? Not sure. Is it rad? Definitely. (X-Men: Magik #1)
To paraphrase: it doesn’t have to be practical if it’s AWESOME. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Not the most efficient way to blow up a bunch of Teslas, but certainly stylish. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Only one of them got the note about the dress code. But which? (X-Men: Magik #1)
The Battle for Hell’s Deep. (X-Men: Magik #1)
So, like, what if the sky broke and then cut off your goddamned head, is my question (X-Men: Magik #2)
Everyone’s outfits are very long. (X-Men: Magik #2)
Did we mention that this series is in a hell dimension? (X-Men: Magik #2)
(Pushes up Norse glasses:) Technically, Surtur’s sword Twilight would only be on fire if he’d entered Asgard upon the day of Ragnarök, and… (X-Men: Magik #2)
And then sometimes the art is suddenly beautiful. (X-Men: Magik #2)
(wailing guitar solo) (X-Men: Magik #2)
I now pronounce you Hell-Lord and Sorceress! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Hey, tell us more about Lord Militant Phemous and his Huscarls! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Meanwhile, in the Hell-actic Senate… (X-Men: Magik #3)
You get out of the sky and finish your evil-chrome-skeleton-god dinner this instant, young man! (X-Men: Magik #3)
All hail the Hell Tuba! (X-Men: Magik #4)
Welp, there you have it. (X-Men: Magik #4)
Hey, it’s Death’s Head II! Hi, Death’s Head II! (X-Men: Magik #4)
I’m pretty sure Judas Priest has a song about this. (X-Men: Magik #4)
We need to start a metal band just so we can use this as an album cover. (X-Men: Magik #4)
The last day of summer camp is always bittersweet. (X-Men: Magik #4)
NEXT TIME: Generation X versus that thing!

484 – Hell Tuba

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In which the 2000 Magik miniseries is not a good comics series but is an excellent heavy metal concept album; Nightmare has a nightmare; and tubas work differently in Hell.

X-PLAINED:

  • Belasco: the early years
  • Magik (2000 series) #1-4
  • Magik (Amanda Sefton) (Jimaine Szardos) (more) (again)
  • Some art stuff
  • The realm of Nightmare
  • The Splinter Realms
  • The Soul Sword (Amanda Sefton version)
  • An Archfiend of the Pit
  • Nugent
  • Chekhov’s Hell computer (and its secretions)
  • Kurt Wagner’s short and bizarre career in the church
  • Vitchen
  • Several cool demon battles
  • The Dread Dormammu
  • Gleeg
  • A problem
  • Muspelheim
  • Twilight (sword)
  • Some Mephisto nonsense
  • Hades, maybe
  • Epithets
  • A convocation
  • Weird Hell guys
  • Duke Bleys
  • The Archenemy
  • The Hell Tuba
  • The most demonic brass instrument
  • Some time travel bullshit
  • Stories where Emma Frost is at her best
  • Villain reuse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X gets new threads!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

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I appreciate that Shadowcat’s new costume involves her perpetually flipping the (very sharp) bird. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
I mean, it could be worse – you could be Colossus. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
[Epic metal begins] (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Is Nightcrawler trying to distract from his awful new color scheme by diving at the reader crotch-first? (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
A different look than usual, but I’m not mad at it. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
SEEMS FINE. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Except that one time! And kind of that other time! (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Chekhov’s removable skeleton. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
I mean, we’re not not going to show the shattered-moon-and-mountain-of-skulls every time it comes up. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Magik x-plains the miniseries. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
After this, Warren will be required to take a Defensive Swooping class. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Oof – right in the outfit! (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
(bonk) (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
A warm welcome back to Polaris’s chest-skull! (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Listen, it’s not my fault I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to every woman I’ve dated! And it definitely doesn’t imply anything!” (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Hey! That’s my favorite nipple you almost cut off!” (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Dude needs to hydrate. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
We’d normally say not to mess with perfection, but that’s not a bad evolution of the Phoenix costume! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Now that’s a demon. Well, Ru’tai. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
The origin of Magik’s bare midriff! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
You’re missing a bloodstone and a Banshee! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Paging Doctor Belmont… (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Way better than throwing a Poké Ball. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Hey, now there are SIX bloodstones! At least Belasco’s throne is rad. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
From the Arcane Tome of Evil Fashion. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
BOOM! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
What if Magik was She-Ra? (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
NEXT TIME: Magik gets metal.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

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In which a lot has happened in the Six Month Gap (and we even get to learn about some of it); we’d missed Claremontian narration; Miles has questions about Colossus’s ponytail; the Soulsword is basically a Poké Ball; the Shadow Pope is cooler than the regular Pope; and Magik has a secret.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some big news
  • X-Men: Black Sun #1-5
  • Phoenix and Psylocke’s sorta-power-swap
  • Implied continuity
  • The N’Garai
  • Belasco
  • Limbo
  • Magik (Illyana Rasputin)
  • New costumes
  • Priests vs blood magic
  • An impressively overcomplicated evil plot
  • Chekhov’s skeleton
  • Body swaps and/or possession
  • Thunderbird (Neal Sharra)
  • Pilgrimm and the Ru’tai (again, surprisingly)
  • Astral meetups
  • Confusing bloodstone math
  • A Triple-Tech
  • Magik (Amanda Sefton)
  • Counting X-generations
  • Our favorite X-decades

NEXT EPISODE: More Magik!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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