472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

December 22, 2024 Jay One comment

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In which the Twelve should really be twelve chapters long; Archangel has issues; we continue to bemoan the absence of captions; the X-Men ditch their crossover event for a side quest; Magneto is Genosha’s official chaperone; and we would absolutely elect Emma Frost to a school board.

X-PLAINED:

What Cable does next
The event so far
Wolverine #146-147
Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999
Whether the Shadow King is moist
Why tiny cavemen can’t have nice things
Numerous flashbacks and allusions
Archangel’s third-stage evolution
The Philharmonic Gets Dressed
Abraham Kieros (again)
Apocalypse as a self-help guru
Fully nude Wolverine
X-51 #8 (briefly)
Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
A miracle of magnetism
Scomp linking
A big fancy machine
Exodus (more) (again)
Mutants we’d like to see in public office
The (theoretical) Essex administration

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve concludes!

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As Mentioned in Episode 467 – Disorganizing Principle

November 8, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

And then Marrow whacked a centaur with a dinosaur, as happens. (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Piotr Rasputin, clown in training. (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Nice Sienkiewicz-style sketchiness… (Uncanny X-Men #373)

What’s up, Doctor Klaw? (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Poor Sarah… (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Mikhail turns a chair into a dinosaur to prove every point. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

Jeez, at least put a beanbag chair in the corner or something. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

Marrow 4.0 meets Marrow 1.0. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

Marrow 4.0 meets Marrow 2.0. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

For him, it was Tuesday. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

I… definitely knew it all along! It was obvious, really! (Uncanny X-Men #374)

“I wish I could just turn into a bird like in X-Men Evolution.” (X-Men #93)

I’m starting with the elf in the mirror… (X-Men #93)

Honestly, Rogue’s response would’ve been understandable regardless of the nature of her powers. (X-Men #93)

Polaris is a little… out of character in this arc. Get used to it, I guess. (X-Men #93)

“So were Mystique and Destiny… Roommates? Gal Pals?” (X-Men #93)

I appreciate a clear sense of panel-to-panel movement. Even more so when it’s Rogue kicking ass. (X-Men #93)

Sunfire ponders how to quit the scene. (X-Men #94)

You wish it was just one journal, Kitty. Just you wait. (X-Men #94)

I know all of the As stand for Apocalypse, but I like to think Destiny was just giving her prophecies excellent grades. (X-Men #94)

Listen, Rogue, it could be worse – your mom may have disappeared in the middle of a sincere conversation, but at least she didn’t throw you off a bridge to be picked up by an evil wizard lady and her attractive daughter! (X-Men #94)

NEXT TIME: Jubilee gets revenge!

467 – Disorganizing Principle

November 3, 2024 Jay 3 comments

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In which Nightcrawler has a type; the Hill is a bad place to raise your kids up; Colossus introduces Marrow to art; we come out against autotrepanation; Mikhail Rasputin never learns; Destiny leaves clues from beyond the grave; and The Twelve looms.

X-PLAINED:

That one universe where Mystique raised Nightcrawler in an attic
An event in name only
Some shit that went down a while ago
The Hill (more) (again)
Uncanny X-Men #373-374
X-Men #93-94
Marrow as a child soldier
Rural Boston
Some asshole
Mikhail Rasputin (more) (again)
How to prove that you’re a god
The souls of furniture and some other things
The green psychic entity who’s been secretly controlling Mikhail Rasputin, I guess?
Ninja problems
B. Byron Biggs
Ronnie Lake
A Conspiracy
How Rogue and Destiny met
Compulsory heterosexuality
Destiny’s diaries
Prognostication vs. agenda-setting
Skrullverine’s power mimicry
How the Mannites could’ve been used in the Krakoan era

NEXT EPISODE: Secrets of Jubilee’s past!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 456 – Until/Unless

July 24, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Techno-organic cover #1! (Uncanny X-Men #371)

Cheer up, Chuck – it’s just naptime at your school! I guess they all forgot their red and blue mats. (Uncanny X-Men #371)

I’m not so sure about this plot development, but… she’s just so happy! (Uncanny X-Men #371)

Hey, don’t judge: you look way grosser under your outer layer. (Uncanny X-Men #371)

“Dis was not in Gambit’s horoscope!” (Uncanny X-Men #371)

The Phalanx Covenant by Doctor Seuss. (Uncanny X-Men #371)

Techno-organic cover #2! (X-Men #91)

Take that, Billy G! You know what you did. (X-Men #91)

I love these weird faces and terrifying bone-trees! (X-Men #91)

Oof, brutal. (But nice dress, Rogue!) (X-Men #91)

URRKK indeed! (X-Men #91)

And for one panel, we were joined by the spirit of Bill Sienkiewicz. (X-Men #91)

Techno-organic cover #3! Yep, that’s Colossus’s arm from the last cover – we didn’t realize they connected until our listener Alex pointed it out on the blog! (X-Men Annual 1999)

This montage is way more efficient at describing continuity than our podcast. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Colonel Nicholas J. Fury, leading with guns and crotch. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Red Skull loves the Power Glove. It’s so bad. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Miles learned about the field of neurosurgery’s Thumbtack Technique back in college. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Go, Gadget, Go! (X-Men Annual 1999)

Yes, we know Douglock’s robo-suspenders started out as a miscoloring of his New Mutants uniform, but… they kinda work? (X-Men Annual 1999)

None of these new series will make it past a year. (X-Men Annual 1999)

NEXT TIME: Cecilia’s back!

456 – Until/Unless

July 21, 2024 Miles 3 comments

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In which there’s nothing inherently wrong with monster-of-the-week; Marrow’s makeover extends to her font; Red Skull gets a Power Glove; Marvel sets up a slate of spinoffs; and you should hire Matt Hunter to produce your podcast!

X-PLAINED:

What Danger’s been up to lately
Uncanny X-Men #371
X-Men #91
X-Men Annual 1999
Crossover cover design
Skrullverine
Machine Man
Dethlok vs. Dethklok
Jack Truman (Agent 18) (to some extent)
A nice dress
An awkward reunion
Gambit as a mentor
Billy G.
A daring but silly rescue
Several upcoming series
Marrow’s bone bikini and/or pubes
Whether Rogue can absorb animals

NEXT EPISODE: Cecilia Reyes returns from retirement!

Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 455 – Space, Geeks, and Galactus

July 19, 2024 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Where the streets have no [right angles in their fr]ame (X-Men #89)

“Hey, this gravestone’s taken! Get your own!” (X-Men #89)

Perhaps our very favorite Spider-Man. (X-Men #89)

Still more competent than the Great Lakes Avengers. (X-Men #89)

Kitty meets “Kitty”. (X-Men #89)

PICTURED: the computer lab Jay and Miles worked in back in college. (X-Men #89)

You’re all dead! And wear red! And from your employers you have fled! (X-Men #89)

Just a hell of a nice cover. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

I mean, Fake-Vision’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

“Over”-acting? I don’t understand what that phrase means. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

“As you know, Skrull-Bob…” (Uncanny X-Men #370)

That is an exceptionally Muppet-y Skrull. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

Superbeings to the left of me, space pirates to the right… (Uncanny X-Men #370)

Skrull-ternative medicine. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

Hey, those Skrulls are Muppet-y too! (X-Men #90)

In which Alan Davis draws everybody. (X-Men #90)

Okay, so Professor X’s plan doesn’t work, but… hell of a speech, Chuck. (X-Men #90)

“I said just a little off the top!” (X-Men #90)

Welp, here we go. (X-Men #90)

Who designed this thing?! (X-Men #90)

Well damn. (X-Men #90)

“You come around here often, reflection?” (X-Men #90)

NEXT TIME: Douglock’s back!

455 – Space, Geeks, and Galactus

July 7, 2024 Jay 8 comments

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In which Roadhouse is basically a Wolverine story; Spider-Man does crimes; space names are derivative; there are lots of good reasons to yell at Professor Xavier; the X-Men do Doctor Who; Galactus is not interested in your puny human feelings; Marrow gets a new look; the Skrulls need a crash course in UI; and we overthink bones.

X-PLAINED:

The time the Skrulls did “A Piece of the Action”
The trouble with benevolent dictatorships
X-Men #89-90
Uncanny X-Men #370
A New York City that is not in fact New York City
“Spider-Man”
A ruse
Faces
Skrull problems
Mar-Vell
Adam Warlock
Sass vs. joviality
Skrull Cop City
Disguises
Nova (Frankie Raye)
How Galactus eats planets
Condiments
Several melees
Bone pubes
Skrull UI
Whether Moopsy could drink Wolverine’s bones
X-Musicals

NEXT EPISODE: The return of Douglock!

The Roald Dahl short story whose title Jay couldn’t recall is “Beware of the Dog.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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454 – X-Men ’97, Part 2

June 30, 2024 Miles 13 comments

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SPOILER WARNING: ALL OF THEM, NONSTOP

In which Barry Windsor-Smith is too sexy for television; we know what happens when unstable molecules get struck by lightning; X-Men gets political and does it spectacularly; this Captain America would not sew the cape; Magneto continues to throw things into space; and they kissed and we missed it.

X-PLAINED:

Fabian Cortez’s name
X-Men ’97 episodes 6-10
Lifedeath I & II: a surprising adaptation
Varying levels of going in blind
A somewhat different and possibly better Forge
The Adversary vs. the Owl Queen
Stormiest and least-Stormy costumes
Professor Charles Xavier, Official Space Boyfriend
Colonialism vs. Identity
Delayed catharsis
The narrative power of altered opening credits
What makes allyship effective (and not)
Justified mutant anger
The worst version of Nina DaCosta
What makes Prime Sentinels scary
Summers family feels
The best damned fight scenes out there
Bastion, robo-avatar of conservative white patriarchy
Simultaneous crossovers
A psychic gay bar
A last boss arena
Acolyte equivalencies
Phoenix Ex Machina
Crying
Whether Magneto was right
Apoca-futures and Apoca-pasts
A bulletin board and our hopes for its contents
Soft Serve
Kitty Pryde’s coffee shop AU
X-Men ’97 as the perfect gateway

NEXT EPISODE: Skrulls!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

The Judgment of Magneto by Asher Elbein

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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453 – X-Men ’97, Part 1

June 23, 2024 Jay 21 comments

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SPOILER WARNING: ALL OF THEM, NONSTOP

In which we put the comics on hold to take a look at X-Men ’97; it is still always Inferno in here; Wolverine is best used sparingly; a Marvel show finally embraces politics; Wolverine is best in small doses; Madeylne Pryor still always deserves better; Jubilee grows up; and we are all in on this series.

X-PLAINED:

“Beyond Good and Evil”
X-Men: The Animated Series and our respective feelings about it
X-Men ’97, episodes 1-5
Watching X-Men ’97 with and without context
Making animated Cyclops work
The Magneto’s-hair-length morality index
Politics
Voices
Adaptation pacing
Agency
Abcissa
Foreshadowing
Time compression
Horniest Rogue
Death in cartoons
A metaphor
Nonbinary identity in 1997
Character evolution

NEXT EPISODE: Episodes 6-10

No visual companion this week!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!