Your friend is extremely agitated and saying strange things. Do you: a) call a super-scientist like Reed Richards, b) call a telepath like Jean Grey, or c) throw her in a straitjacket and hope for the best? (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Wolverine violently poses forward! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Cable as a wizard with Warlock as a wizard-staff? YES PLEASE (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
You can tell a lot about an artist by how they draw Warlock. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Oh, Doug the Peasant – you may not have your 616 counterpart’s mutant linguistic abilities or Alan Davis Hair Swoop, but at least you have… a mom who’s kind of a jerk? (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
“I mean, jeez, Richard! I could have been on the can or something! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Yeah, that’s pretty much the normal way to check how strong booze is. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Congratulations, Princess Rain! Now that you’re properly orphaned, you can start your quest – grab a wooden sword and cloth armor and get going! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Fantasy-Magneto’s outfit: not all that different from Normal-Magneto’s outfit. That reflects well on both of them. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
“You make a valid point owwwwww” (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Magnus’s text parser needs some work. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
New Mutants, Earth 616 style… (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
…and Earth 1991 style. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Andy Kubert draws a pretty kick-ass Werewolf Rahne. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Okay, I know Wolverine’s the bad guy right now, but that’s legit badass. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
This was my favorite part of Hugh Jackman’s Les Miserables. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Cable: master of witty comebacks in any reality. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Wolverine improving his catchphrase? Magnus playing Sentinel? This spread has it all! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
This is no one’s finest hour. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Wake up, punch Cable, fall back asleep. I’d call that a successful day! (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Wolverine, I know you meant that to be reassuring, but it actually sounds pretty threatening. (Wolverine: Rahne of Terra)
Next time: this guy.
THE 2016 SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE IN X-CELLENCE
Best X-Writer: Dennis Hopeless
Best X-Artist: Alti Firmansyah
Best X-Colorist: David Curiel
Best Ongoing Series: All-New Wolverine
Best Miniseries: Worst X-Man Ever
Good Sport Award: Scott Koblish
Best Book Miles Wishes He Hadn’t Put Off Reading For This Long: Marjorie Liu’s X-23
In which we get a visit from Kid Apocalypse and debut a track from his upcoming album; Jay No-Prizes Community; Rahne of Terra is pretty damn delightful; Cable is an armchair editor; we finally release the unexpurgated version of Dennis Hopeless’s version of the Noodle Incident; and you remain–to nobody’s surprise–the best listeners of any podcast, ever.
Kid Apocalypse (Quinn Allan)
Portland Snowpocalypse 2017
“Return of the King”
Rapping in character
Beats in the gutters
A vehement defense of Nate Grey
Wolverine: Rahne of Terra
Many puns of varying quality
A definitely 100% true and accurate explanation of the Noodle Incident
The Third Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence
NEXT EPISODE: The debut of Gambit!
In retrospect, we should totally have made reference to the song “Beards Going Nowhere” during our discussion of surfing the timestream on glam hair. We regret the omission.
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
In Episode 104, we challenged you to submit your versions of the Noodle Incident: whatever Big, Terrible Thing Cyclops did to earn the enmity of most of the post-Secret Wars Marvel Universe.
We got a lot of awesome entries, but in the end, the standouts were clear. It is therefore out great pleasure to announce the official winner of the 2016 Noodle Incident Contest:
We also decided to go ahead and expand the winners’ circle to include a runner-up, because any shaggy-dog joke that makes us laugh as hard as Zachary SP’s deserves a prize of its own:
Following SECRET WARS, Cyclops ended up more-or-less where he was before, leading the outlaw X-Men. But incubating in his head was a surviving ember of the Phoenix Force from when he merged with it during the incursion from Earth-1616. As a primal force of rebirth, the power of the Phoenix didn’t stay dormant for long. When it flared back to life, it brought with it memories of Battleworld up until Cyclops’ death at the hands of Doom.
Realizing the artificial nature of this new reality, Cyclops became resentful. Someone rebuilt the entire world and didn’t bother to try and make things any better for mutants? And – even worse – they rebuilt Cyclops-the-terrorist without necessarily replicating the decisions he made that got him to that point. Someone else was responsible for him being where he was.
Cyclops being Cyclops, he could not accept this as easy absolution for his mistakes. He wouldn’t even undo those mistakes, given the opportunity. He wanted to take full responsibility for his actions. He wanted to be sure that he was in control of – if nothing else – himself. To that end, he started building a device.
The press was calling him “terrorist” and “supervillain” anyway. Why not live up to it?
Time travel wasn’t the answer. Hank tried to give Scott the kind of perspective he needed when he brought forward the original five X-Men, but, for once, Hank didn’t go far enough. Cyclops felt the need to extend his perception to all points on his personal timeline at once. If he succeeded at his goal, maybe he could make different decisions along that timeline. Maybe not. It didn’t matter. Scott had seen enough time travel to know that “going back and fixing things” never makes anything better. He just had to know that all the Cyclopses that make up the Cyclops of today were Cyclops. He had to relive all those moments, all at the same time, to be sure.
He had the means to do this at his disposal all along. After all, what he was searching for was unimpeded vision. He needed to take off the visor for the last time.
One set of scavenged Hank McCoy marginalia, one jury-rigged Cerebro, one hijacked particle accelerator, and four truckloads of ruby quartz later, the Psioptic Gene-Force Accumulator was ready. Having learned supervillainy from the best, he took the time to broadcast his manifesto to the world before he activated his machine. After finishing his speech, he took off his visor and stared down eternity.
The tidal effects of Cyclops’ amplified, contained, and compounded optic blasts registered on seismographs worldwide. No one noticed, though, because the psychic effects hit first. Cyclops’ machine didn’t only affect him; its ripples spread to everyone on Earth. In an instant, everyone’s perceptions stretched forward and backward to encompass every conscious moment of their lives. The effect of suddenly being aware of every decision one has ever made was too much to bear for the vast majority of the world’s population. The world’s population was paralyzed with existential fear and guilt. And yet, Cyclops poured more and more power into the machine.
The superheroes stopped him, of course. It turns out the superhero community has a disproportionate number of people who are accustomed to agonizing over past tragedies 24/7. Spider-Man rallied the troops. Kitty Pryde got them inside. Magneto put Cyclops down. Squirrel Girl was also there, and also she was totally fine because Squirrel Girl has no regrets.
Once the world’s perceptions de-stretched back to their usual 4-D capabilities, they associated Cyclops with the near-lethal dose of guilt they all just suffered. Everyone had unpleasant memories they’d rather have forgotten dredged up by Cyclops’s machine. Mentioning the event tended to dredge those memories back up, so no one discussed any specifics about the incident ever again.
How did Cyclops know his machine would work? There is a principle in physics where objects falling into massive gravity wells stretch out, becoming longer and thinner as they are pulled in. He simply replicated this principle with the combination of force and vision inherent to his optic blasts instead of mass.
In which Brett White joins us for a look at the current state of the X-line; Dennis Hopeless helps shed some light on a persistent mystery; Brett has a lot of feelings about the Dark Riders; All-New Wolverine is our everything; All-New X-Men is the new New Mutants; X-Men ’92 is the prize at the bottom of the continuity cereal box; we speculate on potential fatalities in the upcoming Death of X; and everything is probably going to be more or less okay.
Why everyone is mad at Cyclops
The Noodle Incident
How we variously define X-titles
The current state of the X-line
The 8-Month Gap
Extraordinary X-Men (Current series)
Uncanny X-Men (Current series)
Old Man Logan (Current series)
All-New X-Men (Current series)
X-Men: Worst X-Man Ever
X-Men ’92 (Current series)
The Dark Riders
Being personally invested in characters you don’t own
The mystic end of the X-Men cinematic universe
Mysteries and mysteries
NEXT WEEK: Continuity Has Its Eyes on You: Live from ECCC with Kris Anka, Al Ewing, Scott Koblish, and G. Willow Wilson!
EDITED: NOODLE INCIDENT SUBMISSIONS ARE NOW CLOSED. We’ll be announcing the winners sometime between 4/18 and 4/22. Thank you to everyone who participated!!!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!