Phoenix – Page 5 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

254 – Carry Each Other

June 30, 2019 Miles 12 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.

X-PLAINED:

The perils of animated weddings
X-Men: The Wedding Album
Nonstandard trim sizes
Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
A most excellent wedding dress
Cursive fonts in comics
Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
X-Men #30
An event decades in the making
Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
The bow-tie scene
A phenomenal two-page spread
A set of perfect vows
A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
Video albums vs. Instagram
Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context

NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

June 23, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Aw, these kids. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

THEY’RE SO BAD AT BEING PEOPLE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

I also love them. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Really, this is one of those issues that just makes me want the X-Men to always be happy and never have to do any superhero stuff. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Fucking hawks, always poaching passes on the gridiron. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Jean “Grab fate by the throat and hold on until it stops moving” Grey. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

What do YOU think Jean is saying here? Fill in her word balloon for a chance to, I dunno, I guess we could publish a gallery of them? (Uncanny X-Men #208)

The second scariest face in this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Excellent use of ironic juxtaposition, there. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

It’s very text-heavy in Charles Xavier’s brain. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

“Now, let’s talk about my silvery mane.” (Uncanny X-Men #209)

I bet he wouldn’t be so depressed if he knew how good his depression beard looked! (Uncanny X-Men #209)

WHY DOES NOBODY IN THIS UNIVERSE HAVE APPROPRIATE PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES?! (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Version 1. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Version 2. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Ah, there it is. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

“Funny, I don’t remember that day being quite so caption-heavy.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

“Later, we’re all going to go break into the zoo and flash the zebras. Trust us. It’s TRADITION.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

Not a lot, Carl. Not a lot. (Uncanny X-Men #210)

“Look, Nathan, this is basically how we bond in my family.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

He just hangs out in that position. (Uncanny X-Men #210)

“Let’s see. I went after a man in hospice care and got my ass kicked. What’s even lower-hanging fruit?” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

I can’t stop imagining them having to bat those captions out of the way as they run forward. (Uncanny X-Men #210)

He looks so mad about it! (Uncanny X-Men #210)

NEXT EPISODE: Obviously.

LINKS & FURTHER HEADLINES

Max is a hero to the people.*
*Jay

253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

June 23, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which an engagement begins; Jean Grey’s Walden Puddle counterpart is definitely Nicole; Cyclops is the telepathic equivalent of a pit trap with spikes at the bottom; Charles Xavier’s subconscious is very dialogue-heavy; nobody ever has appropriate professional boundaries; Cable dabbles in passive aggression; and the best is yet to come.

X-PLAINED:

Some of Blaquesmith’s recent activities
Uncanny X-Men #308-310
A very sweet retcon
Thanksgiving “traditions”
How to scare crows
Emplates
Feelings and telepathy
A proposal
A misprint
Thanksgiving at the Xavier School
A somewhat alarming manifestation of a conscience
The lies Charles Xavier tells himself
Xavier’s depression beard
The evolution of Amelia Voght
Angry Claremontean Narrator: The Movie
The anticlimactic return of Carl “X-Cutioner” Denti
An unexpected resolution
Foreshadowing
Trans voices in the larger comics conversation

NEXT EPISODE: The wedding!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

HAPPY PRIDE! This month, we’re donating all of the proceeds from our TeePublic shopto Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 252 – Snakes on a Trolley

June 16, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

TBH, this candle situation was basically how Jay decorated his room in the ’90s, too. (X-Factor #97)

“Also, the hand of orbital lasers.” (X-Factor #97)

I love this panel so much. (X-Factor #97)

SERIOUSLY THOUGH SHE HAS ORBITAL LASERS (X-Factor #97)

Spoiler: both of these dudes spend this arc being nonstop awful. (X-Factor #97)

“Antici– (X-Factor #98)

–pation!” (X-Factor #98)

Meanwhile, in a nearby Ralph Bakshi movie. (X-Factor #98)

Aw, Jamie. (X-Factor #98)

Haven’s real superpower is her AMAZING HAIR. (X-Factor #98)

Forge, fuck off. Lorna is literally the only competent member of X-Factor, including you. (X-Factor #99)

The snake shoes, in all their structurally questionable glory! (X-Factor #99)

Aw, Rahne. (X-Factor #99)

Aw, Rahne! (X-Factor #99)

I feel vaguely that I should be making a “what does G-d need with a starship” joke here, but frankly, Star Trek V doesn’t deserve the nod. (X-Factor #100)

Don’t tell them that. Never tell them that. (X-Factor #100)

You see what I mean about the captions, though, right? (X-Factor #100)

This is basically Jay’s morning routine. (X-Factor #100)

Aw, Jamie. (X-Factor #100)

It’s okay; he’ll be back eventually, mostly, probably. (X-Factor #100)

And now, an out-of-context infomercial-style tag! (X-Factor #100)

NEXT EPISODE: Haven’t we been here before?

LINKS & FURTHER MODES OF TRANSPORTATION

We did indeed review Dark Phoenix; and you can find that review–and links to everywhere else we’ve been talking about it online–right here.
Friend, have you seen the wonders of the Wolverine Meets Freddie Mercury saga? Either way, here it is (plus a pretty splendid coda).
You can find the comments Miles mentioned attached to Episode 241 – Conducive to Moral Subversion.
The Trolley Problem is a pretty interesting ethical thought experiment and also a pretty interesting way to send yourself spiraling into an existential crisis!
Yes, Miles’s stepdad actually has a trolley company.
Please read all of Max Wittert’s Jean & Scott comics immediately.

252 – Snakes on a Trolley

June 16, 2019 Jay 7 comments

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In which Miles invokes Freddie Mercury; Polaris is more competent than the rest of X-Factor put together; Armageddon theology does not intersect well with superpowers (or politics, or anything else); Val joins a cult (kind of); Random joins the team (kind of); Haven is a surprisingly nonviolent mass-murderer; Havok is confused by women; and good guys don’t have orbital lasers.

X-PLAINED:

Hope across the multiverse
X-Factor #97-100
Haven (Radha Dastoor)
Man, Mutant, and the New Humanity
A very fashionable outfit
One of the greatest Marvel art submissions of all time
Trinket the cat
Catalogs
A dramatic entrance
Mahapralaya (kind of)
Jamie Madrox vs. Jamie Madrox vs. the Legacy Virus
The Trolley Problem
Possession
Orbital lasers as a metric of morality
Monsoon (Aloba Dastoor)
The apparent death of Jamie Madrox
Our favorite takes on the Phoenix
Who our X-Universe counterparts should be

NEXT EPISODE: A very short engagement!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

HAPPY PRIDE! This month, we’re donating all of the proceeds from our TeePublic shop to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sure! Why not? What could POSSIBLY go wrong? (Excalibur #72)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #73)

Damnit, Siena Blaze. (Excalibur #73)

Phoenix demands proportionate arms! (Excalibur #73)

I don’t know why the fact that Moira kept Proteus’s entire genome on CD-ROM strikes me as hilarious; but it really, really does. (Excalibur #73)

Yelling in the Timestream: The Brian Braddock and Rachel Summers Story. (Excalibur #74)

You see the eyes, right? (Excalibur #74)

The odds that Mr. Sinister got that knife at a mall kiosk are basically 100%. (Excalibur #74)

You’re a good kid, Jubilee. (Excalibur #74)

I like to think they’re both just yelling. (X-Force #31)

The garden is a metaphor that is also a real garden. (X-Force #31)

Why is this random blonde dude so hung up on the Cassidy family? We’ll never know. (X-Force #31)

I just really love those yelling pages. (X-Force #31)

“And yet, despite all those years of gardening, I’m still not sure how to hold a rake.” (X-Force #31)

He’s an angry tree, but he’s an angry tree who cares. (X-Force #31)

NEXT EPISODE: More family fun!

248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 Jay 10 comments

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In which Tom Cassidy and Cain Marko may be the most stable couple in the Marvel Universe; Rory Campbell is no Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; Siena Blaze remains a big jerk; the Cassidy family has some issues; and we are dismayed by an inexplicable dearth of leprechauns.

X-PLAINED:

Birthday presents
What Excalibur has been up to
Excalibur #72-74
X-Force #31
How to be mysterious
The Proteus Room
The continually terrible choices of Moira MacTaggert
Porridge ghosts
An unnatural disaster
Chekhov’s solid rock
Rory Campbell
Destructo Woman
Limitations of CD-ROMs
Siryn (Theresa Cassidy)
The Cassidy family
How not to treat a gunshot wound
Kelvin Donaghann and his fancy hair
An intervention
The future of the New Mutants feature film
Underwear

NEXT EPISODE: Family Reunion!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 236 – Baggage of Traumas Past

February 24, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

THAT’S the image I always remember from this scene. (Wolverine #75)

The inside of Wolverine’s mind is surprisingly derivative. (Wolverine #75)

Throes of the Phoenix Saga… Wolverine #75)

Scott is clearly with me on this reading. (Wolverine #75)

There are a lot of people who would have made more sense than Illyana here. (Wolverine #75)

IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN JEAN GREY. (Wolverine #75)

Aw. (Wolverine #75)

That. Sound. Effect. (Wolverine #75)

One very good day to frame a conversation. (Wolverine #75)

I hate it when I get extra body parts via retcon. (Wolverine #75)

Use as you see fit. (Wolverine #75)

And then, everything got awkward. (Excalibur #71)

How you know something big is going on and/or your sales are flagging. (Excalibur #71)

Professor Xavier is a JERK. (Excalibur #71)

Ouch. (Excalibur #71)

Meanwhile in the B-Plot… (Excalibur #71)

AW. (Excalibur #71)

Aw, man, my heart. (Excalibur #71)

WELL THAT WAS A SURPRISE. (Excalibur #71)

Aw, Piotr. I’d like to say that it gets better for him from here, but… (Excalibur #71)

Has anyone ever rocked a blue-and-gold Phoenix costume? It’s not half bad! (Excalibur #71)

NEXT EPISODE: Time to get X-TREME!

LINKS & FURTHER CLONES:

Ask Stryfe
Come see us at Emerald City Comic Con! We’ll be tabling all weekend, and on Saturday, we’ve got both a live show and a party!

236 – Baggage of Traumas Past (Fatal Attractions, Part 3)

February 24, 2019 Jay 27 comments

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In which Decimation was kind of sketchy; you should definitely come see us in Seattle; Wolverine has a rough day; Colossus has yet another rough day; Excalibur plans for the future; and Fatal Attractions comes to a close.

X-PLAINED:

How Professor X got his groove and/or powers back
Jay & Miles at Emerald City Comic Con
Wolverine #75
Excalibur #71
Psychic trauma
High-stakes references
The personal Ragnarok of a shattered soul
A really effective sound effect
The first day of the rest of Logan’s life
Butterflies of the Xavier School
Muir Island’s psychiatric ward
Medical consent
The worst bar, probably
Professorial disambiguation
What Micromax and Kyluun are probably definitely up to
Several variably awkward Grey-Summers family reunions
A betrayal
Amelia Voght
Unuscione
Katu
The future of Excalibur
Proactive superheroism
How not to make a White Russian
Shadowcat’s recovery post-Mutant Massacre
Our etymological destinies

NEXT EPISODE: It’s time to get X-TREME!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!