Raven Darkholme – Page 4 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

283 – Legion Quest Quest

February 2, 2020 Jay 10 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Jay is writing a Cyclops one-shot; It is honestly truly almost Legion Quest; Mystique plays the long game; sometimes filler is a good thing; Havok is a geophysicist, not a geographer; Lila definitely stole it; and more stories should be set in space junkyards.

X-PLAINED:

How Betsy Braddock got her original body back
Marvel Snapshots: X-Men
The lead-up to Legion Quest
X-Factor #108-111
Mystique’s skill set
Legion (David Haller) (more) (again)
Freedom Force
The most powerful of devices
A dream about a dream
An intersection of unreliable narrators
The narrative justification for Legion Quest
A rock monster
Jornick
Lila Cheney (more) (again)
A Kurt Vonnegut reference
The K’Lanti
A space junkyard
The end of X-Factor’s second iconic era
Our favorite male/female X-friendships
Pros and cons of line cohesiveness

NEXT EPISODE: Chip Zdarsky!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 249 – The Parent Trap

May 26, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sieniewicz, ahoy! (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I can’t stop imagining some poor craftsman meticulously working on this window and then disappearing forever. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

We have fun. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

“We’ll kill him sometime between 8 AM and maybe about 1 PM on Monday, unless we have to cancel.” (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I like this guy. He’s sensible and he dresses like a Capcom protagonist. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Spoiler: Nah. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Maverick is pretty much the worst houseguest. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

THAT FACE. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Supersenses out of nowhere would be pretty awful. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Damn, Creed. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I like that it’s unclear which of them constitutes the main threat in this horror scene. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

How much funnier would this cover have been with Graydon? (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Mystique takes pride in her murder-work. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

After he storms out, the camera goes soft-focus and she sings “Somewhere That’s Green.” (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Parenting lessons with Kurt Wagner! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Mystique is so classy. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Nobody will tell him. It’s the tragedy equivalent of a running joke. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

This kid! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Family is where the skulls are. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

And you thought Summers family reunions were awkward! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Moms, amirite? (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Oof, that footnote. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Family! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Fabian Nicieza!

LINKS & FURTHER MUTATIONS:

Go look at Peter Nguyen’s Gifted illustrations and cry for the comics that might have been!

249 – The Parent Trap

May 26, 2019 Jay 8 comments

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In which Sabretooth is weirdly ubiquitous; Maverick is a terrible guest; not all second chances are equivalent; Graydon Creed is the red delicious apple of people; Mystique is the master of murder monologues; and the Darkholmes give the Summers family a run for its dysfunctional money.

X-PLAINED:

X-Men Unlimited #3-4
Sabretooth (more) (again)
Emergency back-up Wolverine
Faces
A stained-glass window that is probably a metaphor
Evocation
Maverick’s nose
Maverick’s manners
Commcast (but not that one)
Sabretooth’s mind
The “mystery” of Nightcrawler’s parentage
Mystique’s murder monologues
Killing Eve
The skull of friendship
Several versions of Nightcrawler’s backstory
Glove magic
One way to get out of an awkward family conversation
The ‘90s X-Men cartoon
Character migration between media

NEXT EPISODE: Fabian Nicieza!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In French, Sabretooth’s name is “Dents du Sabre,” and it’s not nearly as menacing. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

“Fetch the pestridder, Birdy–We’ve got ninjas in the rutabagas.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

As seen in Marvel vs. Capcom !(Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Sabretooth is a terrible boss, but marginally better than the Hand, maybe, I guess. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Ah, yes, the sound of telepathic soothing: PHOOOOOO. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Note the arms and the axe. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

TURBO-SABRETOOTH! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Tribune: Banker. Politician. Pundit. Supervillain. Definitely about to go to BotCon cosplaying his OC. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

This series has consistently excellent covers. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I was going to make an Elements of Style joke based on that sound effect, but it seemed like kind of a stretch. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

HI, MYSTIQUE! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Do you think Mystique spends an inordinate amount of time researching who from the pasts of people she knows will make them the most uncomfortable? Probably. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I’m not saying this is peak Mystique; but I’m also not saying it’s not. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3: Large Angry Men Yelling!

TEETH. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I appreciate this panel so damn much. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

“Look at us: just a pair of stone cold badasses doing stone-cold badass stuff.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

‘Kay. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

HOW DID HE FIT THE PAULDRONS UNDER THE TUXEDO? (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I love that Mystique still has her cigarette holder. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

rghrargh (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

OKAY THEN (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

YEP THIS SURE IS HAPPENING (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND SO IS THIS (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

SURE WHY NOT (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER PROBABLY (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

NEXT EPISODE: There should be leprechauns, and there aren’t, and I’m still angry about it.

And now, for your edutainment, a selection of Mark Trail panels, presented in no particular order:

marktrail_a_little_something_about_wildlife

LINKS & FURTHER WOODLAND CREATURES:

Experience the magic of Mark Trail for yourself.
If Jay wrote a Mark Trail parody Twitter account–which we’re certainly not admitting that he does–it would probably read exactly like this one.
The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom is one of many delightful novels by Gordon Korman, who was a mainstay of Jay’s childhood. (It’s so weird that there are Bruno & Boots movies now!)

247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which the Hand probably doesn’t even offer dental; literally everyone is less creepy than the Joker and Harley Quinn; toxic masculinity is Sabretooth’s adamantium; Mark Trail is a wild ride; Wolverine trashes the dress code and gets funky; Larry Hama is your god now; and Sabretooth: Death Hunt scores a solid six on the butt-kick scale.

X-PLAINED:

Mark Trail vs. X-Men
Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
Clones of Sabretooth
Birthday traditions
Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1-4
Ps[i don’t remember; that one guy]
Low-context ninjas
A somewhat tasteful omission, I guess
The glow (and its counterintuitive sound effect)
Turbo Sabretooth
Tribune (Graydon Creed)
Mark Trail
Affirmations with Sabretooth
“Leni Zauber”
Dress codes
The butt-kick scale
A tearaway tuxedo
Dubious grenade handling
Parenting with Mystique
One thing Wolverine knows
The CHK-LIT gun
Comics bankers
A very qualified recommendation
Our preferred versions of Sabretooth’s origin
Relative redeemability

NEXT EPISODE: Siena Blaze and the Mystery of the Missing Leprechauns!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 228 – Thinkin’ Shorts

December 23, 2018 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I mean, it’s not that much worse than Botox. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Of all the people Gamesmaster could choose to bring to the forefront of his mind, he chose these assholes. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Yes, yes, you’ve made some terrible mistakes, Forge – but at least you’re wearing those shorts again! (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Miles would totally buy that action figure. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

This is how you comic book. (Uncanny X-Men #301)

Damn, Romita. Damn, Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Just repeat to yourself: it’s just a show, I should really just relax! (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Plato called this “the noble lie”. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

You know, I guess that is about how you’d have to angle your hips if you were balancing on one leg because some green-haired jerk from the future cut off your other one. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Should’ve known that guy was a racist asshole – look at the color of his baseball cap. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Can’t blame the guy – for being furious or for pummeling Fitzroy. (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Yes, Jay, Kitty looks pretty weird in this panel, but – FEELINGS! (Uncanny X-Men #302)

Dammit, Friends of Humanity, give Madrox his outfit back! And also stop being murderous bigots! (X-Force #24)

Rusty and Skids have been focusing pretty hard on good posture since leaving the New Mutants. (X-Force #24)

Who has the worse employees, Sam Guthrie or Alex Summers? (X-Force #24)

“Thanks for holding me up while I practice my Liefeld kicks, buddy!” (X-Force #24)

Petey the Dog reference: $34.95. Improbable toaster gun: $1750.00. The look on Grizzly’s face: priceless.(X-Force #24)

Magneto is the best at Space Tetris. (X-Force #24)

Boom-Boom and Feral: best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)

Remember, at least two of these characters used to train with X-Factor. (X-Force #24)

Boom-Boom and Feral: still the best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)

Fair enough, kids. (X-Force #24)

Jay’s Warlock figure still kinda freaks Miles out.

Next time: our fifth annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

228 – Thinkin’ Shorts

December 23, 2018 Miles 8 comments

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In which it still sucks to be a Rasputin; John Romita Jr. has a solid, if muscular, grasp of anatomy; Jay and Miles are better exes than Forge and anyone; and Cannonball’s many younger siblings have almost prepared him for running X-Force.

X-PLAINED:

Peters Parker
The Merry X-Men Holiday Special
Comic book release schedules vs. J&MXPtXM
Uncanny X-Men #301-302
Trevor F**king Fitzroy, possibly the worst Upstart
Comics Code Authority closeting versus real-life closeting
21st Century Torture Devices
Risky mood fonts
Robert’s Rules of Upstart Order (this week)
Gamesmaster vs. the Isolationist
Shinobi Shaw: Good At Sex
Russian tragedy (more, again)
Charles Xavier and his poor decisions
Shi’ar tech support
Pants and villainy
Racist jerks vs. rhetorical questions
TIME PARADOX
Weirdly specific contingencies
Piotr Rasputin and his justified fury
X-Force #24
Meaningless (but fun!) timestamps
The Friends of Humanity (who are not our friends)
Rusty and Skids’ latest arrest
Disappointed Dad Sam Guthrie
Action vs. public perception
Vinz Clortho
Domino’s continuing quest to figure out what exactly an X-Force is
The dramatic return of… well, you know
Spacesuit logistics
Numerical universe designations
Plastic Warlock

NEXT EPISODE: Our Fifth Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 193 – Sewers of Tomorrow

April 15, 2018 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

On one hand: These dudes are pretty rad. On the other hand: being able to detect normal humans is a pretty ridiculous mutant power. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

John Romita, Jr. can be hit-or-miss, but he definitely draws some rad miscreants of the future. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

WOMP. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

Compulsory Fitzroy Hair Appreciation Moment(TM). (Uncanny X-Men #277)

The Witness, in all his really creepy glory. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with this dude? (Uncanny X-Men #277)

I don’t understand what’s happening with Cyclops’s torso; and, frankly, I don’t want to. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

“Look! A distraction!” (Uncanny X-Men #278)

The first appearance of the letter… (Uncanny X-Men #278)

…and the second, FROM THE SAME FLIPPIN’ PAGE. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Thaaaaat’s our Archangel! (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Can confirm. -Jay (Uncanny X-Men #278)

*Today, at least. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Long Island cops are clearly unfamiliar with Cyburai. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Mystique is exceptionally bad at helping. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Damnit, Forge. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Storm’s reaction is appropriate. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Bobby. Have you MET your parents? (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Best. Date. Ever. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Remember that time Mikhail Rasputin turned a random skater into a tree? Because that certainly happened. (Uncanny X-Men #280)

Hanging out naked in the rain? This dude is DEFINITELY learning the ropes from Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #280)

DAMNIT, Forge. (Uncanny X-Men #280)

NEXT EPISODE: Brood trouble in the Big Easy!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

Learn all about the Cyburai in Episode 160 – Hank McCoy and the Hickey of Destiny!
Laura Dern is precious and must be protected at all costs.

193 – Sewers of Tomorrow

April 15, 2018 Jay 28 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Email | RSS

In which we pour one out for Malcolm and Randall; Cyclops is the worst at fun; Storm is better than you and always will be; Bishop forgets his first name; the X-Men can’t tie bow ties; Iceman’s dad is spectacularly awful; Mikhail Rasputin may have some lingering issues; and Doug Ramsey would probably have been pretty entertained by Hackers if he had survived long enough to see it.

X-PLAINED:

Whether Professor Xavier is dead
Marvel time vs. podcast time
Uncanny X-Men #287-290
The Wit and Wisdom of Henry McCoy
A dance of death and destruction
Styglut
Future flashbacks
Sewers of tomorrow
The Witness
“Fun”
Blood math
A mysterious letter
A terrible date
Several capes
The return of the cyburai
A theoretical Hackers crossover

NEXT EPISODE: Brood trouble in the Big Easy!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)