Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

As Mentioned in Episode 479 – Nancy Drew and the Secret of Carrion Cove

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Jay’s not wrong that the buildings look like giant dildos… but at least they look like fancy dildos! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
Starring: a bunch of fashionable jerks, mostly! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
Not a good look when your cops look just like the cops who used to oppress you… (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
Magneto: Master of Magnetism and Monologues! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
okay but what about the chest-skull (Magneto: Dark Seduction #1)
That floaty platform has a heated floor, blind spot monitoring, and built-in GPS. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
For all your chat reaction needs! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
These here comical books are lookin’ pretty comical-booky. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
Magneto talks to… someone! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #2)
We just like this cover. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
Everybody fights everybody! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
In which dust illustrates speed and impact! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
It’s like the portrait-instead-of-landscape version of widescreen storytelling! (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
Father of the year. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #3)
To her credit, she does have all the Kirby Krackle. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
Because Mister Sinister is the hidden force behind literally everything. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
Rest in Ponytail, Fabian Cortez. (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
“Time to conceive some other on-again, off-again offspring who suck less.” (Magneto: Dark Seduction #4)
NEXT TIME: X-Man!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

  • That thing about the cooking show and spreader bars and Namor that Jay was talking about
  • Information and pencils from Chris Claremont and Rick Leonardi’s canceled Phoenix miniseries

479 – Nancy Drew and the Secret of Carrion Cove

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In which Genosha gets better and/or worse; Fabian Cortez is the Secretary of Betrayal; having an action figure of yourself is the path to immortality; and Hammer Bay sounds like a sex toy company.

X-PLAINED:

  • Triathlon
  • The Revolution relaunch and the six-month gap
  • Magneto: Dark Seduction #1-4
  • Erotic skyscrapers
  • Magneto (again) (forever)
  • X-Men Tijuana Bibles
  • The Genoshan Cabinet
  • Dark friendship with benefits
  • Polaris’s newfound interest in heavy metal
  • Magneto’s on-again, off-again children
  • Carrion Cove
  • Coloring symbolism and/or errors
  • Spat and Grovel (kind of)
  • Magneto’s ancestral f**k-ghost
  • Socialism!
  • Magneto’s mysterious mind-voice
  • Neal Conan
  • The Avengers of 2000
  • Kirby Krackle
  • Magneto’s smooth arc into villainy
  • Bonking
  • Human nature
  • Rachel Summers in the Body Shoppe
  • Our (lack of) coverage of solo comics

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 478 – The Monologue Tube

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Alan Davis protests the death of Cyclops. (From this link)
X-teams, past to present. (At least the ones who still had comics in 2000.) (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Well, at least this time he’s leaving with someone other than those five motorcycle guys who could turn into a sixth motorcycle guy. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
It really, really isn’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“…why do you call yourself X-Man, anyway?” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Suddenly, the plot! (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“Sacre blue, non! Our elf ears!” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“you guys i am so mad right now you have no idea” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Toad, did you just… have that mirror with you? (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Just a really good cover. (X-Force #101)
That pacing, though. (X-Force #101)
Aww man. (X-Force #101)
We’ve all been there, kid. Well, maybe not exactly there, but like… metaphorically. (X-Force #101)
Meltdown counsels a sad child in a comic by Joseph Harris, part 2. (X-Force #101)
Doctor Wily, is that you? (X-Men #99)
“You wanna play paintball with us?” (X-Men #99)
How does a costume that looks so good when you’re blue look so silly when you’re not? (X-Men #99)
I’m not so sure about this Storm-and-Marrow-as-camp-counselors subplot, but I do love me some soap opera. (X-Men #99)
Businesspeople and bikers: the two genders. (X-Men #99)
Tentacle-guys, demons, and hulks: the three genders. (X-Men #99)
Mystique really misses that lamp. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Logan may be dying, but his eyebrows are very impressive right now. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
“Plus, they charged us like thirty bucks just to bring a carry-on!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)
The S stands for Sexy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
We’ve all had that dream, Blob. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Bye, Alan Davis! It’s been weird but pretty fun! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
NEXT TIME: Magneto versus everybody.

478 – The Monologue Tube

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In which Alan Davis is Team Cyclops; everyone gets depowered; it’s hard to connect with kids your age when you’re a superhero; Sinister’s gotta sinister; everyone gets repowered; and the ‘90s were much more eclectic than they get credit for being.

X-PLAINED:

  • Side effects of Decimation
  • Uncanny X-Men #379-380
  • X-Force #101
  • X-Men #99
  • Cadre K
  • Summers family drama
  • The High Evolutionary (more) (again)
  • The (other) time all the mutants got depowered
  • Kevin
  • A very beautiful book
  • The ongoing mess of Genoshan politics
  • The Neo (slightly)
  • To what extent Logan’s claws are a mutant power
  • Sinister monologues
  • Herbert Evolutionary
  • The New New Men
  • The ‘90s, in general
  • What makes a Morlock

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto: Dark Seduction!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 477 – Ages of Apocalypse

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Jean Grey sums up this podcast. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
No smoking in the Skull Cave. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“Was this outfit a mistake? I’m worried this outfit was a mistake.” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“This outfit was definitely not a mistake, sugah.” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
To be fair, not her worst costume. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Remember this for the next four chapters! ‘Cause the writers won’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Don’t bring a sword to a gun- and/or Psimitar-fight. (Cable #77)
We learned that a horse helmet is called a chanfron, sometimes spelled shaffron, and that Magneto’s horse has the greatest one of all time. (Cable #77)
The literal power behind the throne. (Cable #77)
*cries in alternate timeline* (Cable #77)
We never get sick of that coloring technique. (Cable #77)
*record scratch* “You’re probably wondering how I got here…” (Wolverine #148)
“Logan, you know perfectly well that skeletons can’t drink, and even asking me is offensive and hurtful.” (Wolverine #148)
Is this issue good? That’s the wrong question. Is this issue fun? Absolutely. (Wolverine #148)
Nate Grey as Onslaught… Could this get any more 90s? (Wolverine #148)
I mean, might be an upgrade at this point. (See also: One World Under Doom, on sale now.) (Wolverine #148)
One of a very large number of excellent Phoenix costume color combinations. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
What’s Siphon’s deal? No one knows! (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Don’t think of it as losing a costume so much as gaining a robo-pterodactyl. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Hey, it’s Excalibur! Kinda! (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Know why there isn’t sound in space? Because Banshee lost his voice. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
The one we’ve been waiting for! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
That ol’ Alan Davis alchemy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
I want to read a whole comic about them! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Utterly charming. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
The Brotherhood of 2099! Between Magneto and Polaris, we have complete shoulder fur-coverage. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
“Everyone, blast your thing at the thing!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Comic book structure as comic book storytelling. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
NEXT TIME: All the mutants lose their powers!

As Mentioned in Episode 475 – Cross-Time Crisis

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If ever there was a time to bring back Bill Sienkiewicz for a cover… (X-Force #99)
Look at that varied crowd of background characters! And also that pig backpack! (X-Force #99)
Black toner cartridge has been depleted. Please replace black toner cartridge. (X-Force #99)
Is there a ghost in that necklace? Or maybe Malice 2.0? We’ll never know. (X-Force #99)
Sometimes, the bear eats you. (X-Force #99)
Don’t apologize for your awesome fantasy world, Arcadia! It’s great! (X-Force #99)
Creeeeepy doll. (X-Force #99)
Hi, Triune Understanding subplot! Bye, Triune Understanding subplot! (X-Force #99)
Not with a whimper, but with a bang and also a lot of narration. (X-Force #99)
Meet Dani, Dani, Dani, and Dani. (X-Force #99)
The Queen of the Star Swords: multiversal conqueror and also heavy metal album cover subject. (X-Force #100)
That’s all we get to see of the Queen of the Star Swords’ citadel. Looks like it’s probably pretty cool, though, right? (X-Force #100)
Less spiky than in the present day, but still a good look, Queen. (X-Force #100)
And that’s it for the resurrected-Juliana subplot. At least this one gets a satisfying, if sad, conclusion. (X-Force #100)
Well, the inside of the citadel looks pretty cool, at least! (X-Force #100)
Meet X-Force of Earth-130000! (X-Force #100)
It’s X-Force of Earth-8280, we think! Maybe Cannonball was supposed to be Cypher? (X-Force #100)
The saddest X-Force, numerical reality designation unknown. (X-Force #100)
X-Force of Earth-10003, AKA the Pete Wisdom-verse. (X-Force #100)
X-Force of… a lot of places. Fight! (X-Force #100)
“I’ll zap you so hard you’ll turn into a baby!” (X-Force #100)
G’Journey, Cable of Earth-3100… (X-Force #100)
…and G’Journey, John Francis Moore’s X-Force. (X-Force #100)
NEXT TIME: Mondo’s back, for the first time!

As Mentioned in Episode 474 – Giant-Size Special #13 (feat. Anthony Oliveira)

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Hey, that’s not what Warlock looks like in this series! (Warlock #1)
Jeez, Doug’s coffin needs to put up a NO TRESPASSING sign or something. (Warlock #1)
We had to really try to not just post all of Warlock’s transformations in this visual companion. (Warlock #1)
Meet Hope! No, not that one. The other one. (Warlock #1)
Anime hair, robot dinosaurs, and angst! (Warlock #2)
Classic (x2). (Warlock #2)
Warlock’s health is readable through the length of his cape. (Warlock #2)
Meet the Psi-Cops! (Warlock #3)
Our core cast! (Warlock #4)
Terry Gilliam’s been trying to make this movie for decades. (Warlock #4)
Jack Kirby smiles from the afterlife. (Warlock #4)
We love these kids. Wish they’d stuck around. (Warlock #4)
Mainspring can villain-splain with the best of them. Also… toucan? (Warlock #5)
I mean, to Warlock’s credit, it is pretty cool. (Warlock #5)
Team-up time! (Warlock #6)
“Alas, poor Bastion! I knew him-” SPAKKOW! (Warlock #6)
An oversimplification of the events of this story? Yes. Still hilarious? Also yes. (Warlock #7)
Friendship! (Warlock #7)
Grade A villainy, Mainspring! (Warlock #7)
I WANNA CLIMB IT. (Warlock #8)
“I know writers who use subtext, and they’re all cowards.” (Warlock #8)
If dad bods were evil. (Warlock #8)
/ FIGHT / TRANSFORM / MAGIC / ITEM / (Warlock #9)
“Eel” catch you later, dad! (Warlock #9)
When strength of identity meets strength of robot dinosaur. (Warlock #9)
If most of the cast will never be seen again, that’s not a bad panel to go out on. (Warlock #9)
Avengers Academy: Marvel’s Voices Infinity Comic by Anthony Oliveira!
NEXT TIME: Demon Bear!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

474 – Giant-Size Special #13 (feat. Anthony Oliveira)

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Classic (x2). (Warlock #2)

In which the Warlock ongoing series is fun, and fun is good; people should maybe leave Doug Ramsey’s grave alone; Tony Stark is probably not in touch with the Indigo Girls; the heroes skate awfully close to the “no killing” line; Bastion gets exhumed, rehumed, and re-exhumed; you should really read the Avengers Academy Infinity Comic; and you remain the best listeners of any podcast, ever.

X-PLAINED:

  • X-related characters of Avengers Academy
  • Warlock vol. 5, #1-9
  • Warlock (more) (again)
  • M-Tech
  • Jay’s Bluey Test for all-ages media
  • The visual semiotics of Warlock
  • Project Mainspring
  • Hope (Esperanza Ling)
  • Chi-Chee
  • Psi-cops
  • Gatekeepers
  • Technarchs
  • The transmode virus
  • A fancy hat
  • Many guest stars
  • The Phalanx (more) (again)
  • Psiren
  • Psimon
  • The techno-mechanic virus
  • Complicated feelings
  • Psycho Man (more) (again)
  • Astro-computers
  • Hope’s actual powers
  • Template
  • Magus (more) (again)
  • Avengers Academy Marvel Voices Infinity Comic
  • Why there are so many Canadian comic-book writers
  • Superhero comics vs. religious texts
  • Defining heroism
  • Escapade
  • Captain America of the Railways
  • Bloodline
  • Red Goblin
  • Moon Girl
  • Kid Juggernaut
  • Blackheart
  • Ongoing storytelling
  • Emplate as a queer character
  • Marcus Wetherell
  • What else to read if you love Avengers Academy Marvel Voices Infinity Comic
  • The 11th Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence
  • Many people to whom we are profoundly grateful

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Demon Bear!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

Winter Not-So-Special

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Because reality is full of things, the Winter Special is… not quite ready. But it will be in a week, and we think you’re going to love it! Apologies for the delay and we’ll see you then!

As Mentioned in Episode 472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

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Intense emotion, fiddly gadgets, and dramatic narration. What more do you need? (Wolverine #146)
Gravity be damned, Nightcrawler’s going to punch some bricks and stomp some turtles. (Wolverine #146)
Generation Blue, Generation Red. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #211. (Wolverine #146)
Warren Kenneth Worthington III, you give that tiny caveman back his club! (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #170. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #179. (Wolverine #146)
Now that is a fight scene. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #153. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #169. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #148. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #242. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Wolverine #74. (Wolverine #146)
Neat, they’re (psychically) wearing their outfits from that time they were partners in Madripoor! (Wolverine #146)
Angel’s darkness looks like light? You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. (Wolverine #147)
Flechettes! (Wolverine #147)
Referencing… oh, wait, this one actually has a caption. (Wolverine #147)
Poor kid… (Wolverine #147)
United by trauma. (Wolverine #147)
Everyone is just so sharp on this page… (Wolverine #147)
Silhouettes: climax! (Wolverine #147)
Silhouettes: denouement! (Wolverine #147)
“Do I have to call your parents, children?” (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Heh. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
I wish we saw more of these two together. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Damaging currency is a federal crime, Wolverine! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
This page has earned its Kirby Krackle. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
“You see, I have to be extra spooky to even out everyone else’s happiness. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Like a hairy little astromech droid at a scomp port. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Science! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
And they died miserably ever after. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
NEXT TIME: The Twelve concludes!

LINKS & FURTHER FELINES: