Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Bastion

As Mentioned in Episode 362 – Lazy Summer Day

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
The turtle! (Generation X #20)
These cuties. (Generation X #20)
That’s… not how salads are supposed to work. (Generation X #20)
Behold: Banshee’s enormous arms. (Generation X #20)
Aw, this kid. (Generation X #20)
Aw, THESE kids. (Generation X #20)
Jubilee, no. (Generation X #21)
If I ever die, I hope Chris Bachalo draws a bunch of unsavory bikers in my memory. (Generation X #21)
Torres. (Generation X #21)
Seriously, how did she make that whole mansion out of a fairly brief exam paper? (Generation X #21)
Trevor Chase and his assailants. (X-Factor #127)
Maybe it’s a Ron Swanson thing and she gets his name wrong on purpose to keep him from getting too attached. (X-Factor #127)
Is it… a wabbit? (X-Factor #127)
NEXT EPISODE: Baseball!

LINKS & FURTHER MISCREANTS

362 – Lazy Summer Day

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Chris Bachalo draws excellent critters; Bastion is a terrible boss; everyone fucks in the Danger Room; Jubilee fails a midterm; and humans were the real monsters all along.

X-PLAINED:

  • The worst mutant power
  • Generation X #20-21
  • X-Factor #127
  • Bachalo critters
  • Bastion (more) (again)
  • Daria (but not the one you’re thinking of)
  • Chevy the janitor (again)
  • Mean Cuisine
  • Harker the cat
  • A threatening salad
  • Yet another time-traveling Nate
  • Flirting
  • A movie reference
  • U.S.1 and Baron von Blimp
  • Several ways to fail a midterm
  • “Autism”
  • Miguela Torres
  • Trevor Chase
  • A series of interviews
  • Richard Starkings and Comicraft
  • Destiny’s absence from film

NEXT EPISODE: Baseball!

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As Mentioned in Episode 357 – The Semiotics of Regret

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
This cover accomplishes what it sets out to do so beautifully… (Uncanny X-Men #337)
…as does its credits page. (Uncanny X-Men #337)
Nothing is entirely okay here. (Uncanny X-Men #337)
Hank, no. (Uncanny X-Men #337)
And wistfulness for dessert. (Uncanny X-Men #337)
Ah, that cover. Again. (X-Men #57)
Versions of this have been used roughly a zillion times; but it always works. (X-Men #57)
The 616, where televisions always flip through the most scene-appropriate clips. (X-Men #57)
Clean up your damn flechettes, Warren Kenneth Worthington III. (X-Men #57)
(He’s not covered in water; it’s the anti-psy field and the evocation of Days of Future Past.) (Onslaught Epilogue #1)
Not… the Rainbow Bears?! (Onslaught Epilogue #1)
Hi, kiddo. (Onslaught Epilogue #1)
Psychology is… different, here. (Onslaught Epilogue #1)
Sure, why not? (Onslaught Epilogue #1)
NEXT EPISODE: GIANT-SIZE WINTER SPECIAL, feat. Jonathan Hickman!

As Mentioned in Episode 356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
The 90s-est Rogue in the 90s-est crossover. (X-Men #56)
“Who but I could pose so impressively?” (X-Men #56)
“SENTINEL TZ-031 REPORTING TO HELP YOU MAKE YOUR POINT, SIR” (X-Men #56)
This Onslaught-form may mostly be a retcon to justify past artistic inconsistency – but damn it looks awesome. (X-Men #56)
“And not even one of them told me the actually-important parts of AoA’s whole deal.” (X-Men #56)
Kubert gets so much credit for making a quiet conversation this visually riveting. (X-Men #56)
“You may be a hybrid monstrosity composed of the worst parts of both myself and my greatest frenemy, but at least you seem to have excellent dental hygiene.” (X-Men #56)
This cover kinda sums it up. And that’s not a bad thing. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Well shit. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Scott Summers, master tactician. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Goosebumps. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
The world’s greatest heroes versus a bright orange glow to the right of the two-page spread. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Hope, thy name is Moppet. Despair, thy name is x-treme teen. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
“And on that day, the heroes channeled their collective courage and dedication into a single blast of punching and yelling.” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
BTOOM (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
I’m not crying you’re crying (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
*heavy metal horns* (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Thor, that’s not how it… oh, I guess it is. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Man, these two (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Nothing I can say will add to these panels. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
This shouldn’t work, but damn, it does. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
“In the meantime, I guess you could grab that universe-in-a-ball and learn contact juggling?” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
NEXT TIME: Onslaught ends, for real.

356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s hard to be Joseph; we do our best to explain the inexplicable; Miles is full of feelings; Hulk smashes; and Onslaught finally (mostly) ends.

X-PLAINED:

  • Heroes Reborn Return
  • Wild times with the Dreaming Celestial
  • Onslaught so far
  • X-Men #56
  • Onslaught: Marvel Universe
  • Jay’s definitive Bond
  • Joseph (more)
  • The physical evolution of Onslaught
  • Sense of scale
  • Hawkeye (TV series)
  • Onslaught’s goals, to what extent they exist
  • The three genders
  • A really big fight
  • A miracle of magnetism
  • The (nominal) end of the Age of Heroes
  • Beast’s scientific career
  • Chamber’s voice

NEXT EPISODE: Several epilogues

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 348 – Onslaught Continues

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In Apocalypse’s defense, this is also roughly what I wear to sleep. (Uncanny X-Men #335)
“Quick! Let’s fight for no reason!” (Uncanny X-Men #335)
“Next, we’re gonna shut down Blue Man Group.” (X-Men Unlimited #11)
This is what every bar is like, right? (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Rogue has no time for your nonsense. (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Damn, Bastion. Cold. (X-Men Unlimited #11)
“Do you like… magnets?” (X-Men Unlimited #11)
SEE? GUN ARM! (X-Men Unlimited #11)
Did Thor ever actually wear that outfit in a comic book? (Avengers #401)
Vision is RIGHT THERE, man. (Avengers #401)
Including this panel entirely for Gratuitously Topless Thor. (Avengers #401)
Uncalled for, Silver-Age callback. (Avengers #401)
That is not the face of a man who has driven around in a magnet-shaped car. (Avengers #401)
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught (but also Sinister)!

348 – Onslaught Continues

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which all the heroes fight each other, a lot.

X-PLAINED:

  • Teenage Iron Man
  • Onslaught thus far
  • What Onslaught wants
  • Uncanny X-Men #335
  • X-Men Unlimited #11
  • Avengers #401
  • The rebirth of Apocalypse
  • The Apocalocophagous
  • The Age of Wonders
  • X-Man vs. Professor X
  • Nate Grey-sitting
  • Humanity’s Last Stand
  • Simon Trask
  • Bastion
  • Rogue and Joseph
  • Avengers fashion
  • Assumptions
  • Other characters who could merge Onslaught-style
  • Origins of the Angry Claremontean Narrator

NEXT EPISODE: Yes, still Onslaught.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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342 – Angry Birds

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles does his best, birds are weird, some of the most dangerous villains are pink, and we are in the Onslaught Zone.

X-PLAINED:

      • Malibu Comics and Marvel Comics, sitting in a (multiversal) tree, KILLING
      • Archangel: Phantom Wings
      • Unorthodox artistic decisions
      • Archangel (Warren Kenneth Worthington III)
      • Angst, renewed
      • Bird ichor
      • Tuesday Bird and her Mad Max outfit
      • How (not?) to flirt
      • Uncanny X-Men #333
      • Various Roberts Kelly
      • Graydon Creed, doin’ Mom proud
      • Bastion, Nimrod, & Master Mold
      • Operation Zero Tolerance
      • X-Teams and their lanes
      • A naked murder-uncle
      • Pink villains
      • Obscure callbacks
      • Event synergy
      • X-Men #53
      • Day to-day challenges of telepathy
      • Super-Saiyan Magneto
      • Phoenix (Jean Grey), actual adult
      • Onslaught
      • That scene from 1964’s X-Men #3
      • A surprisingly insightful look at Professor X’s dark side
      • Logan’s assorted friendships with teen girls
      • XMEN Disease

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force gets, predictably, x-treme.

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As Mentioned in Episode 339 – Luck Be a Lady

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(Press the “i” icon in the bottom-right to see captions in the gallery. It’s a known WordPress bug we’re still looking for a way around!)

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wolverine, now with 100% less nose. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Because no X-Man has ever made a worse decision, ever, right? (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Honestly, I’d be worried, too. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Aw, Nate. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Way to make it weird, Logan. (Wolverine #101)
Never not adorable. (Wolverine #101)
Elektra cameo! (Wolverine #101)
Meanwhile in a Bob Ross painting… (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Preacher needs to get better at stretching his canvases. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
The Bishop carry. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Ouch. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Oh, THAT guy, again. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Seriously, this seems logistically unlikely. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Depixelization is no fun, apparently. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
And she’s back! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
NEXT EPISODE: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TOMFOOLERY

339 – Luck Be a Lady

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which evil robots are fundamentally more optimistic than climate change; Ozymandias could probably use a new hobby; Wolverine goes full Kate Beaton; “Luck Be a Lady” would be a kickass hymn; Shard gets a body (kinda); and the X-Men definitely do that.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some of Stryfe’s team-ups
  • Fatal Attractions (briefly)
  • X-Cutioner’s Song (briefly)
  • Genesis / Tolliver / Tyler Dayspring
  • Several other individuals named Genesis
  • Lost noses, historical and fictional
  • Uncanny X-Men #332
  • Wolverine #100-101
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996
  • Zoe Culloden (The Expediter)
  • Ozymandias
  • Wolverine, golden retriever
  • An Elektra cameo
  • Wild Thing
  • Bishop and Shard (again)
  • The return of Preacher
  • The Hound (again)
  • A reunion
  • Deplxelation
  • Krakoan team niches
  • What heroes do

NEXT: X.S.E.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!