Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Bastion

342 – Angry Birds

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles does his best, birds are weird, some of the most dangerous villains are pink, and we are in the Onslaught Zone.

X-PLAINED:

      • Malibu Comics and Marvel Comics, sitting in a (multiversal) tree, KILLING
      • Archangel: Phantom Wings
      • Unorthodox artistic decisions
      • Archangel (Warren Kenneth Worthington III)
      • Angst, renewed
      • Bird ichor
      • Tuesday Bird and her Mad Max outfit
      • How (not?) to flirt
      • Uncanny X-Men #333
      • Various Roberts Kelly
      • Graydon Creed, doin’ Mom proud
      • Bastion, Nimrod, & Master Mold
      • Operation Zero Tolerance
      • X-Teams and their lanes
      • A naked murder-uncle
      • Pink villains
      • Obscure callbacks
      • Event synergy
      • X-Men #53
      • Day to-day challenges of telepathy
      • Super-Saiyan Magneto
      • Phoenix (Jean Grey), actual adult
      • Onslaught
      • That scene from 1964’s X-Men #3
      • A surprisingly insightful look at Professor X’s dark side
      • Logan’s assorted friendships with teen girls
      • XMEN Disease

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force gets, predictably, x-treme.

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As Mentioned in Episode 339 – Luck Be a Lady

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(Press the “i” icon in the bottom-right to see captions in the gallery. It’s a known WordPress bug we’re still looking for a way around!)

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wolverine, now with 100% less nose. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Wolverine, now with 100% less nose. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Because no X-Man has ever made a worse decision, ever, right? (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Because no X-Man has ever made a worse decision, ever, right? (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Honestly, I'd be worried, too. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Honestly, I’d be worried, too. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Aw, Nate. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Aw, Nate. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Way to make it weird, Logan. (Wolverine #101)
Way to make it weird, Logan. (Wolverine #101)
Never not adorable. (Wolverine #101)
Never not adorable. (Wolverine #101)
Elektra cameo! (Wolverine #101)
Elektra cameo! (Wolverine #101)
Meanwhile in a Bob Ross painting... (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Meanwhile in a Bob Ross painting… (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Preacher needs to get better at stretching his canvases. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Preacher needs to get better at stretching his canvases. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
The Bishop carry. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
The Bishop carry. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Ouch. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Ouch. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Oh, THAT guy, again. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Oh, THAT guy, again. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Seriously, this seems logistically unlikely. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Seriously, this seems logistically unlikely. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Depixelization is no fun, apparently. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Depixelization is no fun, apparently. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
And she's back! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
And she’s back! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
NEXT EPISODE: X.S.E.!
NEXT EPISODE: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TOMFOOLERY

339 – Luck Be a Lady

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which evil robots are fundamentally more optimistic than climate change; Ozymandias could probably use a new hobby; Wolverine goes full Kate Beaton; “Luck Be a Lady” would be a kickass hymn; Shard gets a body (kinda); and the X-Men definitely do that.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some of Stryfe’s team-ups
  • Fatal Attractions (briefly)
  • X-Cutioner’s Song (briefly)
  • Genesis / Tolliver / Tyler Dayspring
  • Several other individuals named Genesis
  • Lost noses, historical and fictional
  • Uncanny X-Men #332
  • Wolverine #100-101
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996
  • Zoe Culloden (The Expediter)
  • Ozymandias
  • Wolverine, golden retriever
  • An Elektra cameo
  • Wild Thing
  • Bishop and Shard (again)
  • The return of Preacher
  • The Hound (again)
  • A reunion
  • Deplxelation
  • Krakoan team niches
  • What heroes do

NEXT: X.S.E.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 338 – Chomp & Stomp

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
And THAT'S how you get around a collar with a five-second shapeshift limit. (X-Factor #122)
And THAT’S how you get around a collar with a five-second shapeshift limit. (X-Factor #122)
The Hound, in all his dubious glory. (X-Factor #123)
The Hound, in all his dubious glory. (X-Factor #123)
Shard's expression in the last panel is so delightful. (X-Factor #123)
Shard’s expression in the last panel is so delightful. (X-Factor #123)
Don't mess with Polaris. (X-Factor #123)
Don’t mess with Polaris. (X-Factor #123)
"You can try back later, but it'll just be cows." (X-Factor #123)
“You can try back later, but it’ll just be cows.” (X-Factor #123)
The Uh-Oh Room. (X-Factor #124)
The Uh-Oh Room. (X-Factor #124)
"This isn't... awkward or anything, right?" (X-Factor #124)
“This isn’t… awkward or anything, right?” (X-Factor #124)
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine makes it weird.
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine makes it weird.

338 – Chomp & Stomp

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Factor’s lineup shifts further towards villainy; Wild Child is neither wild nor a child; bureaucrat Val Cooper > action Val Cooper; Marvel invests in Bastion; and foreshadowing works better in some titles than in others.

X-PLAINED:

  • How Wolverine got his adamantium back
  • A marriage of convenience
  • X-Factor #122-124
  • Amalgam comics
  • A clever workaround
  • Several new looks
  • Belle Fourche (again)
  • Several ways to fail to control supervillains
  • The Hound
  • The Hazard Chamber
  • Different titles’ relationships to dark futures
  • Statting up Beast in D&D
  • Characters with more narrative impact dead than alive

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine makes it weird.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 333 – Fight Train

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I'd like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)
I’d like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)
Just another Thursday on the PATH... (X-Men #51)
Just another Thursday on the PATH… (X-Men #51)
TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)
TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)
...Somehow. (X-Men #52)
…Somehow. (X-Men #52)
Remember that name; you'll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)
Remember that name; you’ll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)
I wasn't kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)
I wasn’t kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)
NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!
NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!

333 – Fight Train

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles discovers owl legs; Iceman dwells in subtext; Dark Beast overperforms; Daredevil is a delightful trash fire of a person; Graydon Creed’s presidential run is somewhat less shocking in 2021; Rogue does not enjoy playing ‘Got your nose’; and Mister Sinister is not a friend to public transportation.

X-PLAINED:

  • Post-Decimation resurrections
  • Owl legs
  • Uncanny X-Men #331
  • X-Men #51-52
  • Iceman’s complicated personal life
  • Casual crossovers
  • The facial hair of Warren Kenneth Worthington III
  • The terrible decisions of Matt Murdock
  • How to subtly test your in-laws for mutant powers
  • What Mister Sinister sounds like
  • A bad plan
  • The debut of Bastion
  • DNA
  • Foreshadowing

NEXT EPISODE: Emplate Sucks

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
This looks like a "Sexy Spider-Woman" costume from Party City. (X-Force #34)
This looks like a “Sexy Spider-Woman” costume from Party City. (X-Force #34)
IT'S FOR FLIRTING, RICTOR. (X-Force #34)
IT’S FOR FLIRTING, RICTOR. (X-Force #34)
I guess this is just his thing now. (X-Force #34)
I guess this is just his thing now. (X-Force #34)
These guys.
These guys. <3 (X-Force #34)
At least one person on this art team clearly thought Rictor was Gambit. (X-Force #34)
At least one person on this art team clearly thought Rictor was Gambit. (X-Force #34)
Seriously, though, why did they come along? (X-Force #34)
Seriously, though, why did they come along? (X-Force #34)
Who even sits like that while they're thinking? (X-Force #34)
Who even sits like that while they’re thinking? (X-Force #34)
Starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (X-Force #35)
Starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (X-Force #35)
The. Worst. Security. System. (X-Force #35)
The. Worst. Security. System. (X-Force #35)
X-Force kind of needs a team counselor. (X-Force #35)
X-Force kind of needs a team counselor. (X-Force #35)
I want a whole side story about the two of them raising some hell. (X-Force #35)
I want a whole side story about the two of them raising some hell. (X-Force #35)
Okay, but for the record, atomic bombs are also bad. (X-Force #35)
Okay, but for the record, atomic bombs are also bad. (X-Force #35)
Cable, have you even read this comic? (X-Force #35)
Cable, have you even read this comic? (X-Force #35)
That's our boy. (X-Force #36)
That’s our boy. (X-Force #36)
Sucks to be Nimrod, I guess? (X-Force #36)
Sucks to be Nimrod, I guess? (X-Force #36)
I'm really uncomfortable with the concept of "hot Apocalypse." (X-Force #37)
I’m really uncomfortable with the concept of “hot Apocalypse.” (X-Force #37)
Later, S'mores. (X-Force #37)
Later, S’mores. (X-Force #37)
I don't know why this panel is so funny to me, but IT'S SO FUNNY. (X-Force #37)
I don’t know why this panel is so funny to me, but IT’S SO FUNNY. (X-Force #37)
That's not how you coffin, guys. (X-Force #37)
That’s not how you coffin, guys. (X-Force #37)
Right there with you, Sam. (X-Force #37)
Right there with you, Sam. (X-Force #37)
"Also, you're big jerks." (X-Force #37)
“Also, you’re big jerks.” (X-Force #37)
NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!
NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bastion, to some extent
  • X-Force #34-37
  • Optical disambiguation
  • Moonstar
  • Face tentacle semantics
  • Sandwiches (again)
  • The Richter family
  • An entirely avoidable fight
  • Some time-travel bullshit
  • Hannigan Electronics
  • An insecurity system
  • Nimrods
  • Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
  • Defining traits of the Externals
  • Adoption, X-Factor style
  • Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!