Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 347 – Onslaught Begins

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
He's a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
He’s a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)
Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)
It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)
It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)
The wreck of Professor Xavier's office... (X-Men #54)
The wreck of Professor Xavier’s office… (X-Men #54)
...and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)
…and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)
Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
HE'S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
HE’S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
13_OX1
I know he's evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
I know he’s evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER ALLUSIONS

347 – Onslaught Begins

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we stop procrastinating and dive headfirst into Onslaught; Professor Xavier is a jerk; Dark Beast wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Onslaught declaims like it’s the Silver Age; Bishop gets some long-awaited closure; and we pitch alternate candidates for the X-traitor.

X-PLAINED:

  • Hyperstorm
  • Onslaught (entity)
  • Onslaught (event)
  • Uncanny X-Men #334
  • X-Men #54
  • Onslaught: X-Men #1
  • How to pronounce “Buccellato”
  • The opposite of a pep talk
  • Nate Grey vs. Professor X
  • The Z’noxx (again)
  • One of several times Charles Xavier has faked his own death
  • Muscle March
  • Franklin Richards
  • The Gem of Cyttorak
  • A villain speech
  • That one recording Bishop found in the future
  • The X-traitor
  • Li’l Charlie
  • Magneto’s hood ornament
  • Alternate takes on the X-traitor

NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught continues.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 339 – Luck Be a Lady

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(Press the “i” icon in the bottom-right to see captions in the gallery. It’s a known WordPress bug we’re still looking for a way around!)

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wolverine, now with 100% less nose. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Wolverine, now with 100% less nose. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Because no X-Man has ever made a worse decision, ever, right? (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Because no X-Man has ever made a worse decision, ever, right? (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Honestly, I'd be worried, too. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Honestly, I’d be worried, too. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Aw, Nate. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Aw, Nate. (Uncanny X-Men #332)
Way to make it weird, Logan. (Wolverine #101)
Way to make it weird, Logan. (Wolverine #101)
Never not adorable. (Wolverine #101)
Never not adorable. (Wolverine #101)
Elektra cameo! (Wolverine #101)
Elektra cameo! (Wolverine #101)
Meanwhile in a Bob Ross painting... (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Meanwhile in a Bob Ross painting… (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Preacher needs to get better at stretching his canvases. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Preacher needs to get better at stretching his canvases. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
The Bishop carry. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
The Bishop carry. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Ouch. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Ouch. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Oh, THAT guy, again. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Oh, THAT guy, again. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Seriously, this seems logistically unlikely. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Seriously, this seems logistically unlikely. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Depixelization is no fun, apparently. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
Depixelization is no fun, apparently. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
And she's back! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
And she’s back! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996)
NEXT EPISODE: X.S.E.!
NEXT EPISODE: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TOMFOOLERY

339 – Luck Be a Lady

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which evil robots are fundamentally more optimistic than climate change; Ozymandias could probably use a new hobby; Wolverine goes full Kate Beaton; “Luck Be a Lady” would be a kickass hymn; Shard gets a body (kinda); and the X-Men definitely do that.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some of Stryfe’s team-ups
  • Fatal Attractions (briefly)
  • X-Cutioner’s Song (briefly)
  • Genesis / Tolliver / Tyler Dayspring
  • Several other individuals named Genesis
  • Lost noses, historical and fictional
  • Uncanny X-Men #332
  • Wolverine #100-101
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual 1996
  • Zoe Culloden (The Expediter)
  • Ozymandias
  • Wolverine, golden retriever
  • An Elektra cameo
  • Wild Thing
  • Bishop and Shard (again)
  • The return of Preacher
  • The Hound (again)
  • A reunion
  • Deplxelation
  • Krakoan team niches
  • What heroes do

NEXT: X.S.E.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 333 – Fight Train

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I'd like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)
I’d like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)
Just another Thursday on the PATH... (X-Men #51)
Just another Thursday on the PATH… (X-Men #51)
TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)
TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)
...Somehow. (X-Men #52)
…Somehow. (X-Men #52)
Remember that name; you'll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)
Remember that name; you’ll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)
I wasn't kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)
I wasn’t kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)
NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!
NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!

333 – Fight Train

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles discovers owl legs; Iceman dwells in subtext; Dark Beast overperforms; Daredevil is a delightful trash fire of a person; Graydon Creed’s presidential run is somewhat less shocking in 2021; Rogue does not enjoy playing ‘Got your nose’; and Mister Sinister is not a friend to public transportation.

X-PLAINED:

  • Post-Decimation resurrections
  • Owl legs
  • Uncanny X-Men #331
  • X-Men #51-52
  • Iceman’s complicated personal life
  • Casual crossovers
  • The facial hair of Warren Kenneth Worthington III
  • The terrible decisions of Matt Murdock
  • How to subtly test your in-laws for mutant powers
  • What Mister Sinister sounds like
  • A bad plan
  • The debut of Bastion
  • DNA
  • Foreshadowing

NEXT EPISODE: Emplate Sucks

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 330 – Suddenly, Ninjas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Photo backgrounds are among his arcane talents. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Photo backgrounds are among his arcane talents. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
*skitter* (Uncanny X-Men #329)
*skitter* (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Seriously, I love this concept. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Seriously, I love this concept. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
If I had a dollar for every time I'd seen an angry man pull a tiny dude out of the back of an old woman, I would be... well, broke, but that's not the point. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
If I had a dollar for every time I’d seen an angry man pull a tiny dude out of the back of an old woman, I would be… well, broke, but that’s not the point. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Ah, yes, the sacred goth club. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Ah, yes, the sacred goth club. (Uncanny X-Men #329)
Seriously, there is no reasonable justification for this. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Seriously, there is no reasonable justification for this. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Note: He pulled that figurine out of Archangel's chest. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Note: He pulled that figurine out of Archangel’s chest. (Uncanny X-Men #330)
Looks like one of those days. (X-Men #50)
Looks like one of those days. (X-Men #50)
Sure, why not? (X-Men #50)
Sure, why not? (X-Men #50)
WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE BEAST? (X-Men #50)
WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE BEAST? (X-Men #50)
Another day, another giant floating head in the Xavier manor. (X-Men #50)
Another day, another giant floating head in the Xavier manor. (X-Men #50)
NEXT EPISODE: Brooding.
NEXT EPISODE: Brooding.

330 – Suddenly, Ninjas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the podcast turns seven; Matt has officially edited half the podcast; a lot of things are made by metal; Doctor Strange is a big weirdo; Gambit is a scoundrel, not a villain; Wolverine goes goth; Onslaught could probably use a better herald; Bishop fires two guns whilst going aaaaaaa; and we commit to making what sense we can of Onslaught.

X-PLAINED:

  • How Betsy got her body back
  • Several simultaneous anniversaries
  • Uncanny X-Men #329-330
  • X-Men #50
  • Some ninja bullshit
  • A lot of less-benign-than-it-looks racism
  • Excellent use of a neon sign
  • An odd couple
  • The evolution of art tools
  • Steam vs. metal
  • Gomurr the Ancient
  • The Ebon Vein
  • Catastrophic magic
  • Our favorite iterations of Doctor Strange
  • The Crimson Dawn
  • How one becomes Gomurr the Ancient
  • Tar (Proctor of the Crimson Dawn)
  • Post (Herald of Onslaught)
  • An entity who may or may not be Onslaught
  • Continuity party tricks
  • Survivors of the Age of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Brood X!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 322 – Do More Crimes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Never let Gambit take you anywhere. (X-Men #46)
Never let Gambit take you anywhere. (X-Men #46)
Jean, seriously, do you have any idea how old your niece and nephew are? (X-Men #46)
Jean, seriously, do you have any idea how old your niece and nephew are? (X-Men #46)
Bobby, no. (X-Men #46)
Bobby, no. (X-Men #46)
We have X-Babies. This is not a drill. (X-Men #46)
We have X-Babies. This is not a drill. (X-Men #46)
Charming, ain't they? (X-Men #46)
Charming, ain’t they? (X-Men #46)
Wait... who?! (X-Men #46)
Wait… who?! (X-Men #46)
HI, DAZZLER! (X-Men #47)
HI, DAZZLER! (X-Men #47)
This whole issue feels kind of like a Western, helped along by this incredibly classic framing. (Uncanny X-Men #327)
This whole issue feels kind of like a Western, helped along by this incredibly classic framing. (Uncanny X-Men #327)
"Okay, but also, your face is melting." (Uncanny X-Men #327)
“Okay, but also, your face is melting.” (Uncanny X-Men #327)
OH SNAP denied (Uncanny X-Men #327)
OH SNAP denied (Uncanny X-Men #327)
This is legitimately adorable. (Uncanny X-Men #327)
This is legitimately adorable. (Uncanny X-Men #327)
"Y'know... stuff." (Uncanny X-Men #327)
“Y’know… stuff.” (Uncanny X-Men #327)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk talk! NEXT EPISODE: SOMEHOW, EVEN MORE X-BABIES!
NEXT WEEK: Hawk talk!

NEXT EPISODE: SOMEHOW, EVEN MORE X-BABIES!

LINKS & FURTHER MISDIRECTION:

322 – Do More Crimes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the X-Babies fail to charm; clones are people, too; Iceman doesn’t (quite) come out; Gambit and Bishop bond; Joseph comes into ambiguous being; and Principal Nezu and Charles Xavier would probably get along okay.

X-PLAINED:

  • Inconsistent quality
  • X-Men #46-47
  • Uncanny X-Men #327
  • The X-Babies (more) (again)
  • Sfogliatelle
  • Gog
  • Gog’n’Magog
  • Politics of the Mojoverse
  • Personhood of constructed entities
  • What makes an X-Babies story work
  • Jay’s favorite episodes of The Muppet Show
  • Age-appropriate literature
  • Fictional books
  • Fun with Bishop
  • Several restaurants
  • Hypothetical casting
  • What Magneto’s been up to
  • Joseph
  • Sister Maria
  • Why Magneto gets de-aged a lot
  • Amnesia
  • Various orphans and individuals affiliated therewith
  • How to keep up with upcoming X-titles
  • A cross-media friendship
  • True Believer: The Rise and Fall of Stan Lee

NEXT EPISODE: HAWK TALK

THE ONE AFTER THAT: MORE X-BABIES SO MANY X-BABIES

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!