Cerise – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 508 – Destiny’s Doodles

December 7, 2025 Jay Leave a comment

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A quick workout with Charles Xavier. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

At my funeral, I want a kazoo band. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

Joe Mactaggert is a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

Rachel’s actually okay, but Kitty doesn’t know that yet. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

DAMNIT. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

I wonder how weird and specific Destiny’s diaries get. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

Bad times. (Uncanny X-Men #389)

Is this a bit? (X-Men #109)

They’re gonna hook up, and then everyone’s going to forget that Thunderthird ever existed. Poor guy. (X-Men #109)

Ye Olde Hot Chocolate Hall. (X-Men #109)

Seriously, though, what the hell? (X-Men #109)

Oh, my. (X-Men #109)

I love that instead of making the holy family generally mutant-looking, they straight-up used X-Men statues. (X-Men #109)

Coming soon: X-Treme X-Men! (X-Men #109)

Based on size, maybe it’s a box of tissues? (X-Men #109)

Wellp. (X-Men #109)

BEHOLD YOUR LEGACY (X-Men #109)

NEXT EPISODE: Colossus dies!

508 – Destiny’s Doodles

December 7, 2025 Jay 9 comments

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In which Professor Xavier is a jock; all of Shadowcat’s friends are dead; Storm recruits a team; Bishop makes new pals; and everyone gets festive.

X-PLAINED:

Some of Mystique’s secret kids
Uncanny X-Men #389
X-Men #109
Charles Xavier’s workout routine
Two funerals
Rave (the drug)
The wrong necklace
Destiny’s doodles
A large knife
Charles Xavier/Moira MacTaggert backstory
A snowball fight
A very sketchy circus
A break-up
“Christmas cheer”
A mysterious package
An X-Men nativity
Sage (Tessa)
Origins of X-Treme X-Men
Several gifts, some more mysterious than others
Charles Xavier’s legacy
Warwolves (more) (again)
Archangel’s color vision

NEXT EPISODE: Colossus dies!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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502 – Milkshakes of Despair (Maximum Security, Part 2 of 2)

October 12, 2025 Jay 2 comments

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In which t’ieves and assassins dress to impress; Bishop returns; Rogue and Carol Danvers have a moment; and the revolution will be stored on compact disc.

X-PLAINED:

The New Son
The First Half of Maximum Security
Gambit #23
X-Men #107
X-Men Unlimited #29
Maximum Security #3 (briefly)
Several of Gambit’s buddies
How to dress for… stealth? I guess?
Heth’sa of the planet Culth
Where Carl the X-Cutioner got his silly outfit
A heist
How to restore your lost honor without messing up the timeline
12-18 milkshakes
What Colossus is into these days
Vampire clowns (maybe)
Z’Cann
The Blood Brothers
Vibes memories
A big fight
A touching moment of touching
Mechamage, briefly
Quasar, superficially
Cadre K
The Skrull cows
Writing for the trade vs. podcast pacing
Limits of power-cancelling accessories

NEXT EPISODE: Dream’s Rather Anticlimactic End!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

October 12, 2025 Miles Leave a comment

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Now that we look at them again, the D’Bari were really more Asparagus People than Broccoli People. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

What’s wrong with this picture? (Uncanny X-Men #387)

…I mean, Corsair does make some good points. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

In honor of Cerise: lip massage time! (Uncanny X-Men #387)

“C’mon, mess with us – make our day!!” (Uncanny X-Men #387)

Hey, it’s a Darkmantle! And also yet another instance of a character getting swallowed and slimed! (Uncanny X-Men #387)

That panel reference, though. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

In which Max Power discovers raves. (Iron Man #35)

In which Max Power improves raves. (Iron Man #35)

It’s magic dirt. (Iron Man #35)

What I love is that this scene implies that the spore of Ego the Living Planet has a detailed understanding of retro-idyllic middle America. (Iron Man #35)

PORCH GUY MOUTH (Iron Man #35)

Ego, the Living Town. (Iron Man #35)

Babies always look cuter to their parents than to anyone else. (Iron Man #35)

Welcome back, Bishop! (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

He’s about to say “Micro Machines.” He’s missed them in his time away. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

I don’t know how to say this, man, but I don’t think your girlfriend is good for you. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

“If you’d like to know more, son, just listen to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men episodes 387 through 500.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

“And your nose.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

Man, I missed this guy. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

I feel like Deathbird played the “I’m not touching you” game a lot as a kid. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

Aww, these two. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

NEXT TIME: Maximum Security concludes!

501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

October 5, 2025 Jay 7 comments

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In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka.

X-PLAINED:

The fate of the D’Bari
Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet
Maximum Security #1
Uncanny X-Men #387
Iron Man #35
Bishop the Last X-Man #15
Voting in space
A bad plan
U.S. Agent (John Walker)
A peculiar marketplace
A dangerous hat
Starhammer
Space romance problems
Breaking into Earth
Max Power
Magic dirt
Littletown, Nebraska
An extremely upsetting baby
A very impressive crash landing
What Bishop’s been up to
Human X-characters we’d like to see more of
Some kid named Michael
Trading cards we’d like

NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security concludes!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 428 – Naked in a Cake

October 22, 2023 Miles Leave a comment

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So who is that in the cake? (Excalibur #124)

A bridal shower! (Excalibur #124)

A bachelor party! (Excalibur #124)

Seriously, why is this a thing (Excalibur #124)

Yep, we’ve missed the Crazy Gang. (Excalibur #124)

Awk-ward (Excalibur #124)

To answer Suzy Eddie Izzard’s question: cake and death! (Excalibur #124)

And then Feron’s life got even worse. (Excalibur #124)

And a good time was had by all… especially Captain UK and Mimic, I assume. (Excalibur #124)

Love and chaos. (Excalibur #125)

Cameos! (Excalibur #125)

More cameos! (Excalibur #125)

I have questions about this pipe organ. (Excalibur #125)

Healthy… communication? Is that a thing in the Marvel Universe? Is that allowed? (Excalibur #125)

WHO INVITED THE NAZIS (Excalibur #125)

And have they ever earned it. (Excalibur #125)

Gatecrasher has the weeds! (Excalibur #125)

Lockheed, I know you want Piotr and Kitty to get together, but I assure you this will not work out. (Excalibur #125)

Nobody does wedding receptions like the Starlight Citadel of Otherworld. (Excalibur #125)

Man, that really is a shockingly tiny invitation. (Excalibur #125)

See, Feron? Just because everyone forgets about you doesn’t mean you have to jump out of a cake to try to murder people! (Excalibur #125)

Saturnyne, this is literally the worst possible time. (Excalibur #125)

Kurt, this is… also not a great time. (Excalibur #125)

Dammit, now I’m tearing up. (Excalibur #125)

And that, as they say, is that. (Excalibur #125)

NEXT TIME: X-Factor is back! Kind of!

428 – Naked in a Cake

October 22, 2023 Miles 9 comments

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In which you shouldn’t invite nazis to your wedding, there’s a lot of multiverse, Captain Britain and Meggan are pretty heteronormative but make it work, everybody forgot Feron, and the next husband will be Gatecrasher’s.

X-PLAINED:

Captain Britain varieties
The history of Brian Braddock and Meggan Puceanu, abridged
Excalibur #124-125
Mutants most likely to jump out of a cake
The Crazy Gang (again)
Meggan’s crush on Colossus
Colossus’s guilt about Meggan’s crush on Colossus
A surprise bridal shower
The return of Captain UK
Brian Braddock’s teetotaling techniques
Mimic’s ever-changing facial hair
Glorious, glorious chaos
Poor, poor Feron
Multiple awkward conversations
The return of Widget and also everyone else
Lightning Force (dammit)
A lengthy but not exhaustive list of Captains Britain
So many cameos
…Seriously, so many cameos
Dai Thomas’s anti-iron
Shockingly healthy communication
Bouquet brawls and garter gar-nage
A bittersweet ending
Nightcrawler’s best outfit
The universe where the X-Men X-Plain Jay & Miles
Our hypothetical post-finale Excalibur lineup

NEXT EPISODE: The return of X-Factor! Kind of!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 232 – Careful With That Axe, Cerise

January 27, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

…Okay. then. (Excalibur #68)

“Now, do you want new handlebars, or should I just go ahead and go back to my lamp?” (Excalibur #68)

HI, STARJAMMERS! (Excalibur #68)

And that’s why you always leave a note. (Excalibur #69)

Oh, c’mon. I know you’re evil and bloodthirsty, but shooting corpses is just gratuitous. (Excalibur #69)

Sigh. (Excalibur #69)

Well, that works. (Excalibur #69)

I love this person. (Excalibur #69)

Fang! But not that Fang! A different Fang! (Excalibur #69)

Aw, these two. (Excalibur #70)

Awk-ward. (Excalibur #70)

The saddest staring contest. (Excalibur #70)

This seems legally dubious, but okay. (Excalibur #70)

Cerise X-Plains war crimes. (Excalibur #70)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Unlimited!

LINKS & FURTHER ANECDOTES

No, seriously, Saurians are Jewish.
That one Wolverine cover, and the story behind it.

232 – Careful With That Axe, Cerise

January 27, 2019 Jay 25 comments

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In which we’re still not over Into the Spider-Verse; Excalibur becomes an official X-book; Feron tries to help; Butts are fundamental; we care about the weird stuff; threats are unnecessary; and we were all always already Erik the Red.

X-PLAINED:

Several characters’ Earth-65 counterparts
The X-Office
Judging people for not being Alan Davis
Excalibur #68-70
A slippery story title
The unceremonious disappearance of Captain Britain
Mullets of space and time
Angst-ridden super-types, all of whom are morbidly obsessed with death
The other war criminal in Excalibur
Fashion trends of the Shi’ar Empire
Krag
Important conversations to have with your significant other
A sadness staredown
Cerise’s actual secret origins
A fairly poetic life sentence
The cleverest fights
Our 2019 Convention Schedule
How to get Jay & Miles at your local convention

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Unlimited!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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