Deathbird – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

502 – Milkshakes of Despair (Maximum Security, Part 2 of 2)

October 12, 2025 Jay One comment

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In which t’ieves and assassins dress to impress; Bishop returns; Rogue and Carol Danvers have a moment; and the revolution will be stored on compact disc.

X-PLAINED:

The New Son
The First Half of Maximum Security
Gambit #23
X-Men #107
X-Men Unlimited #29
Maximum Security #3 (briefly)
Several of Gambit’s buddies
How to dress for… stealth? I guess?
Heth’sa of the planet Culth
Where Carl the X-Cutioner got his silly outfit
A heist
How to restore your lost honor without messing up the timeline
12-18 milkshakes
What Colossus is into these days
Vampire clowns (maybe)
Z’Cann
The Blood Brothers
Vibes memories
A big fight
A touching moment of touching
Mechamage, briefly
Quasar, superficially
Cadre K
The Skrull cows
Writing for the trade vs. podcast pacing
Limits of power-cancelling accessories

NEXT EPISODE: Dream’s Rather Anticlimactic End!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

October 12, 2025 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Now that we look at them again, the D’Bari were really more Asparagus People than Broccoli People. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

What’s wrong with this picture? (Uncanny X-Men #387)

…I mean, Corsair does make some good points. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

In honor of Cerise: lip massage time! (Uncanny X-Men #387)

“C’mon, mess with us – make our day!!” (Uncanny X-Men #387)

Hey, it’s a Darkmantle! And also yet another instance of a character getting swallowed and slimed! (Uncanny X-Men #387)

That panel reference, though. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

In which Max Power discovers raves. (Iron Man #35)

In which Max Power improves raves. (Iron Man #35)

It’s magic dirt. (Iron Man #35)

What I love is that this scene implies that the spore of Ego the Living Planet has a detailed understanding of retro-idyllic middle America. (Iron Man #35)

PORCH GUY MOUTH (Iron Man #35)

Ego, the Living Town. (Iron Man #35)

Babies always look cuter to their parents than to anyone else. (Iron Man #35)

Welcome back, Bishop! (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

He’s about to say “Micro Machines.” He’s missed them in his time away. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

I don’t know how to say this, man, but I don’t think your girlfriend is good for you. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

“If you’d like to know more, son, just listen to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men episodes 387 through 500.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

“And your nose.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

Man, I missed this guy. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

I feel like Deathbird played the “I’m not touching you” game a lot as a kid. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

Aww, these two. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

NEXT TIME: Maximum Security concludes!

501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

October 5, 2025 Jay 7 comments

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In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka.

X-PLAINED:

The fate of the D’Bari
Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet
Maximum Security #1
Uncanny X-Men #387
Iron Man #35
Bishop the Last X-Man #15
Voting in space
A bad plan
U.S. Agent (John Walker)
A peculiar marketplace
A dangerous hat
Starhammer
Space romance problems
Breaking into Earth
Max Power
Magic dirt
Littletown, Nebraska
An extremely upsetting baby
A very impressive crash landing
What Bishop’s been up to
Human X-characters we’d like to see more of
Some kid named Michael
Trading cards we’d like

NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security concludes!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 473 – The Baker’s Dozen (The Twelve, Part Three)

December 29, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

You know it’s serious business when someone smashes the logo. (Uncanny X-Men #377)

How long did it take him to set up that machinery? (Uncanny X-Men #377)

He said it! He said it! (Uncanny X-Men #377)

Apocalypse’s balls. (Uncanny X-Men #377)

Apocalypse’s balls, version two. (Cable #76)

A younger Cable. (Cable #76)

Aw, man. (Cable #76)

FEELINGS. (Cable #76)

Potato snow. (Cable #76)

Maybe the bodice is scale, not quilted? But it really looks quilted. (Cable #76)

The power of continuity! (X-Men #97)

The chewy center of Apocalypse. (X-Men #97)

And THAT’S how you reference Uncanny X-Men #137. (X-Men #97)

Well, shit. (X-Men #97)

NEXT EPISODE: Jay & Miles 2024 Winter Special!

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES

The Atomium is extremely cool.

473 – The Baker’s Dozen (The Twelve, Part Three)

December 29, 2024 Jay 10 comments

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In which you know it’s serious business when a logo gets smashed; the prophecy of the Twelve is an elaborate prank; we have a lot of Summers family feelings; Apocalypse is not a very good planner; and the Twelve reaches its conclusion.

X-PLAINED:

Who Madelyne Pryor’s psychic ghost really is
The story so far
Uncanny X-Men #377
Cable #76
X-Men #97
Perks of immortality
A slightly gratuitous way to destroy an airplane
Several doppelgangers
Apocalypse’s big, stupid plan
A fancy science machine
The Atomium
The Twelve
The three elements
The best issue of the Twelve
Orb action
Cable’s knowledge of history
Summers feelings
How to establish stakes
Potato storms
The mutant Skrulls (more) (again)
Cadre K
Categories of mutants
How to beta test an Armageddon machine
Alpha nerd Charles Xavier
Weaponized continuity
The color(s) of Cyclops’s eyes
How to evoke Uncanny X-Men #137
An unfortunate twist
Mundane uses of superpowers
The Altar
What would have improved the Twelve

NEXT EPISODE: Winter Special!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

December 22, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Intense emotion, fiddly gadgets, and dramatic narration. What more do you need? (Wolverine #146)

Gravity be damned, Nightcrawler’s going to punch some bricks and stomp some turtles. (Wolverine #146)

Generation Blue, Generation Red. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #211. (Wolverine #146)

Warren Kenneth Worthington III, you give that tiny caveman back his club! (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #170. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #179. (Wolverine #146)

Now that is a fight scene. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #153. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #169. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #148. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Uncanny X-Men #242. (Wolverine #146)

Referencing Wolverine #74. (Wolverine #146)

Neat, they’re (psychically) wearing their outfits from that time they were partners in Madripoor! (Wolverine #146)

Angel’s darkness looks like light? You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. (Wolverine #147)

Flechettes! (Wolverine #147)

Referencing… oh, wait, this one actually has a caption. (Wolverine #147)

Poor kid… (Wolverine #147)

United by trauma. (Wolverine #147)

Everyone is just so sharp on this page… (Wolverine #147)

Silhouettes: climax! (Wolverine #147)

Silhouettes: denouement! (Wolverine #147)

“Do I have to call your parents, children?” (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Heh. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

I wish we saw more of these two together. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Damaging currency is a federal crime, Wolverine! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

This page has earned its Kirby Krackle. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

“You see, I have to be extra spooky to even out everyone else’s happiness. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Like a hairy little astromech droid at a scomp port. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

Science! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

And they died miserably ever after. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)

NEXT TIME: The Twelve concludes!

LINKS & FURTHER FELINES:

A metaphor that is also a very real space cat
Jay is delighted to have been wrong! The Philharmonic Gets Dressed is totally still in print!
Dave has been one of Jay’s comfort movies for longer than he entirely cares to admit.

472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

December 22, 2024 Jay One comment

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In which the Twelve should really be twelve chapters long; Archangel has issues; we continue to bemoan the absence of captions; the X-Men ditch their crossover event for a side quest; Magneto is Genosha’s official chaperone; and we would absolutely elect Emma Frost to a school board.

X-PLAINED:

What Cable does next
The event so far
Wolverine #146-147
Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999
Whether the Shadow King is moist
Why tiny cavemen can’t have nice things
Numerous flashbacks and allusions
Archangel’s third-stage evolution
The Philharmonic Gets Dressed
Abraham Kieros (again)
Apocalypse as a self-help guru
Fully nude Wolverine
X-51 #8 (briefly)
Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
A miracle of magnetism
Scomp linking
A big fancy machine
Exodus (more) (again)
Mutants we’d like to see in public office
The (theoretical) Essex administration

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve concludes!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 471 – Eyebrows and Powers (The Twelve, Part One)

December 15, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Which of our lucky contestants will make it into… The Twelve? (Uncanny X-Men #376)

The exceptionally ripped man he is today. (Uncanny X-Men #376)

Well, it beats breaking up with a text message… maybe? (Uncanny X-Men #376)

The costume so rad Jubilee would remember it existed and start wearing it on the regular years later when she became a vampire! (Uncanny X-Men #376)

…He says that during sex too, doesn’t he? (Uncanny X-Men #376)

Havok-hat versus fez: fight! (Uncanny X-Men #376)

“Why hello up there, Nate and Little Nate!” (Cable #75)

Angry faces! (Cable #75)

Angry faces, continued! (Cable #75)

Not gonna lie, that’s legitimately badass. (Cable #75)

WHO PUT THAT THERE?! (Cable #75)

En Sabah Snake (Cable #75)

Now kiss! (Cable #75)

Survival of the Toothiest (Cable #75)

Black Friday shopping gets worse every year. (X-Men #96)

“…if you know what I mean.” (X-Men #96)

Aww, c’mon, Scott – Fiz is just happy to be here! (X-Men #96)

Say what you will about Apocalypse, but he does design some pretty excellent costumes. (X-Men #96)

I really dig this take on Storm’s cape. (X-Men #96)

Hi Rory! Sorry about your, uh, everything! (X-Men #96)

Dear Alan Davis: please keep drawing Nightcrawler forever. (X-Men #96)

We just love this guy. (X-Men #96)

NEXT TIME: The Twelve continues!

471 – Eyebrows and Powers (The Twelve: Part One)

December 15, 2024 Miles 7 comments

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In which we begin our coverage of The Twelve; Scott and Jean get sucked back in AGAIN; Apocalypse probably doesn’t tip; and we have become awfully fond of Cable.

X-PLAINED:

A codename that deviates from common patterns
The story so far
Uncanny X-Men #376
Cable #75
X-Men #96
Fiz the Skrull (again)
The Twelve
Foreshadowing, both accurate and otherwise
The Living Monolith (more) (again)
That one font
Time-travel logic
Cable vs. eyes
Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
A trap
Why the Twelve are the Twelve
The evolution of Cable

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve continues!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!