In which we enter the era of bomber jackets; the covers are the cards; Genosha remains neither green nor pleasant; the A is for “Avengers,” not “A-list”; Henry Peter Gyrich is the straightest of men; Cyclops sets an important precedent; Exodus is a huge jerk; we speculate about movies we have definitely not seen; Stephen Strange is not a qualified OBGYN; the Avengers are really weird even by our standards; and Max manages to connect two of Marvel’s most complicated family trees.
X-PLAINED:
One way to name babies
Blood Ties
Infinite bomber jackets
Avengers #368-369
X-Men #26
Avengers West Coast #101
Uncanny X-Men #307
Several very fancy covers
A shadow government, but not that kind of shadow government
Genosha (more) (again)
The Avengers, as of 1993
A special delegation
The Genoshan resistance
U.S. Agent
A time Cyclops told someone other than Dracula to follow their heart
The many belts of Nicholas Fury
Several members of the Maximoff family (more) (again)
Black Knight (Dane Whitman)
Sersi
A very drawn-out fight
Roy Thomas dialogue
The racist icing on the racist cake
Exodus (Bennet du Paris)
Diplomacy, kind of
Apolitical avenging
Magneto’s dream
A green and pleasant beverage
Yet another energy-dome-enclosed crisis
The giant, angry disembodied head of Charles Xavier
What is definitely the actual plot of the Purge movies
The surprisingly torrid private lives of the Maximoffs
Scarlet Witch and Vision’s kids
Master Pandemonium and his weird baby hands
Damian Hellstrom
How we’d handle Magneto’s family in modern Marvel
Robopaternity
A possible link between the Summers and Maximoff families
NEXT EPISODE: Live at Emerald City Comic Con, with Vita Ayala, Seanan McGuire, and Leah Williams!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which there is only one Big Pine Key; Empyrean is actually a pretty sensible dude; the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants are ride-or-die; you should probably avoid setting X-Men stories in Phoenix, Arizona; Adam X the X-Treme is the Longshot of the 1990s; Miles adopts a ship; heteronormativity is why we can’t have nice things; and you should really seriously come see us at ECCC!
X-PLAINED:
Why Nate Grey is Like That
X-Men Annual #2
X-Force Annual #2
The worst book Aron Wisenfeld ever drew
Big Pine Key
Empyrean
Jonathan Chambers
A very fancy bathrobe
What’s going on in Psylocke’s head
Pallative care for late-stage Legacy virus patients
Revanche’s fairly bleak legacy
X-Men: Time Gliders
How to dress to discuss Adam X the X-Treme
Adam X the X-Treme
Personal lettering styles
Michelle
Flashing, but not like that
Martin Strong
Miles’s new ship
Subtext vs. canon
Heteronormativity
X-Crayons
NEXT EPISODE: Jay gets really emotional about a remote control.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
They are very excited to be here. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
This is exactly how we dress to watch TV, too. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
Ugh, THESE jerks. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
I mean, they were living there anyway, and it’s probably just as well that you saved them from being murdered, but you do you. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
Forge, you have never been reassuring in your life. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Somewhere, a damp Magneto is skittering around waiting for his new carapace to harden. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
While I get that Warren’s intentions are probably good here, breaking into schools and holding the children while they sleep is generally frowned upon by LITERALLY EVERYONE. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Look at him evade like a pro. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
BECAUSE WE WERE TOO MENNY (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Hank McCoy for President. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
I wish they just lied continually to Bishop about the modern world. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Look at all those Xs! (Uncanny X-Men #300)
Forge, settle down, buddy. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
Iceman speaks for us all, here. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
PROFESSOR XAVIER IS KIND OF CREEPY. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
A good hug. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
And that’s why you always leave a note! Or don’t murder Magneto! One of those, probably! (Uncanny X-Men #300)
These villains are not wildly memorable. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
A rematch that’s been a long time coming. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
Even ’90s Cyclops has his moments. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
There’s the mutant metaphor, and then there’s the Jean Grey metaphor, which is related but not identical. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
“Magnets… I’ve had a few…” (Uncanny X-Men #300)
GLOWER. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
And then nobody was ever happy again. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
NEXT EPISODE: The Emma Frost Appreciation Society (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, et. al.)
In which X-Cutioner’s Song may be over, but its repercussions continue; Uncanny X-Men hits a major milestone; superhero comics are and always have been political; Bishop learns to banter; the X-Men gain an unlikely ally; and Magneto remains exceptionally difficult to kill.
X-PLAINED:
Jay & Miles at VVCBF
Uncanny X-Men #298-300
The Acolytes (more) (again)
The Upstarts (more) (again)
Several important lessons
A very fancy room
A very fancy brain
The unpleasant fate of Sharon Friedlander
The all-new, all-different Acolytes
Carmella Unuscione
The return of one of our favorite antagonists
A sick burn
The fate of Asteroid M
Molting
A debate
Graydon Creed (more) (again)
The tentative redemption of Robert Kelly
How to lose a debate with Joe Biden
A large number of prescient political references
Friends of Humanity
How to engage with a fascist in a televised debate
Noah DuBois
Fatale
A generic rural mob
Milan
A narratively convenient superpower
Amelia Voght
Seamus Mellencamp
Neophyte
The gospel of Magneto
A joyous reunion
The helmet that wouldn’t die
Ponytail ethics
Timelust
Several accents
The current state of Rogue’s powers
NEXT EPISODE: All Emma All Episode (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, and more)!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
You can get prints of David Wynne’s “Back to the Future Past” art here, or contact David for the original!
This guy.
We searched for the source for this for like an hour, with no luck. Wherever it comes from, we would very much like to send it back. (Update: It’s from X-Factor #69, with art by Whilce Portacio. Thank you, Breadcrumb!)
Rogue, no! He’s not worth it! He’s not even a Super Doctor Astronaut! (Uncanny X-Men #182)
Rogue’s schtick was–very briefly–throwing silver dollars. It did not last. (Uncanny X-Men #182)
Ooh, moral awakening! (Uncanny X-Men #182)
Aw, Kitty. Also, ace tandem use of speech and thought balloons. (Uncanny X-Men #183)
Remember when artists used to draw Wolverine at the proper height? (Uncanny X-Men #183)
SUNDAY PUNCH. Juggernaut, you delightful scamp. (Uncanny X-Men #183)
Wolverine is full of valuable life lessons, a remarkable number of which involve massive real-estate damage. (Uncanny X-Men #183)
Forge’s sweet, sweet pad. (Uncanny X-Men #184)
LOOK AT THIS DELIGHTFUL GENTLEMAN AND HIS DELIGHTFUL SHORTS (Uncanny X-Men #184)
Fun fact: Wolverine and the X-Men Forge is an unsettlingly accurate Miles doppelgänger.
He’s a nice dude. Too bad he’s SUPER DOOMED. (Uncanny X-Men #184)
Pro tip: the better Storm’s haircut, the better the general state of the timeline. (Uncanny X-Men #184)
Rachel Summers: THE SADDEST TIME TRAVELER. (Uncanny X-Men #185)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (Uncanny X-Men #185)
And now, Barry Windsor Smith! (Uncanny X-Men #186)
God, that opening. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Storm does not need superpowers to be more badass than you. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Straight talk. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
In a lot of ways, Storm’s arc over the last twenty or so issues has equipped her with the tools to get through this. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Straight talk, part two. Love that “Lifedeath” is veyr much a love story that very much doesn’t resolve as such. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Let’s take a moment to consider the logistics of this kick, shake our heads, and weep quietly. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
SHADOW PTEROSAURS (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Yukio callback! (Uncanny X-Men #187)
The best part is that he dressed up as a pilot, like that will somehow make this less conspicuous. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Colossus: Terrible boyfriend, pretty great brother. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
As it happens, Magneto’s asteroid got knocked out of orbit by THE BEST SPACE-ROBOT TEENAGER EVER, but we’ll get to that next episode. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Seriously. Saddest time traveler. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Next episode: Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.
In which there is a whole, whole lot going on; we continue to have no use for Michael Rossi; Wolverine should be an advice columnist; Forge makes bold fashion choices; the health of a timeline is directly tied to the awesomeness of Storm’s hair; and the X-Men get their first dark-future refugee.
X-Plained:
Dire Wraiths
ROM
Tailoring
Uncanny X-Men #182-188
Just how much story can be shoehorned into seven issues
A dubious Silent Hill metaphor
The people in Rogue’s head
Inexorable momentum
Several profoundly uncomfortable conversations
Parallel narrative in comics
Being friends with Wolverine
Casual enmity
Forge
Miles’s X-doppelganger
Tiny shorts
Chekhov’s Raygun
Rachel Summers (again)
Timeline disambiguation
Rachel disambiguation
“Lifedeath: A Love Story”
Feelings
Storm, powers, and identity
X-Men Mad-Libs
Hound marks
X-Men: The End
Next Week: THE DEMON BEAR SAGA!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – as well as links to recommended reading and the winners of the stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest – on our blog.
This ridiculous motherfucker who is now THREE PEOPLE. What the hell, Fantomex?
This isn’t Cyclops’s worst vacation. Hell, it’s not even his worst honeymoon. (X-Men #176)
Wolverine and Mariko: dealing with relationship issues like grown-ups. We choose to believe that wearing a mask that looks like your hair is a prerogative of adulthood. (X-Men #176)
You’d REALLY THINK Scott would know what an octopus looks like by now, but I guess he was blindfolded for a lot of his time in Octopusheim. (X-Men #176)
Scott! The sea’s a lovely lady when you play in her. But if you play with her, she’s a BITCH! Play in the sea, yes, but never play with her. You’re lucky to be here! You’re lucky to be ALIVE! (X-Men #176, with sincere apologies to the late, great Spalding Gray. Seriously, go watch Swimming to Cambodia. And Monster in a Box. And Gray’s Anatomy. Now.)
Yeah, good luck with that, Sparky. (X-Men #176)
Val Cooper: Definitely the sister of Special Agent Dale Cooper.
The early ’80s: A more innocent time, when all a hero needed was coke and epic shoulder pads, and you could kill Wolverine by slitting his throat. (X-Men #177)
Why is Alex dressed like an elf? (X-Men #177)
As diversions go, that’s a pretty impressively orchestrated one. Go, Brotherhood! (X-Men #177)
CYCLOPS WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN WRONG WITN YOU (X-Men #178)
“Get the asprin, Rogue. I feel a crossover event coming on.” (X-Men #178)
Awyeah. (X-Men #178)
Why is Kitty wearing an unbranded Fantastic 4 costume? Who the hell knows? Do we even need a reason, at this point? (X-Men #178)
99% sure Cyndi Lauper wrote a song about this. (X-Men #179)
This is innocuous in context, until you realize he’s sniffing a dead teenager in a morgue. (X-Men #179)
Aw, Leech. (X-Men #179)
LOOK AT THIS FUCKING WIZARD LOOK AT HIS HAT LOOK AT HOW HE CLEARLY BELONGS ON THE SET OF FLASH GORDON (X-Men #179)
Professor Xavier engages in a rare moment of being absolutely delightful. (X-Men #178)
I like to imagine that Kitty and Doug’s side adventures are the subject of a mid-’80s feature film starring Jenny Lewis. (X-Men #180)
Sky closure is the best closure. (X-Men #180)
Literally the only worthwhile panel in all twelve issues of Secret Wars. (Secret Wars #1)
“I’ll see she’s raised as if she were my own. HOPE SHE LIKES BEING DROWNED IN PUDDLES.” (X-Men #181)
Oh. That guy. Again. (X-Men #181)
This Erica Henderson drawing of Warlock and Cypher doing Troy and Abed in the Morning may be the single nerdiest thing Rachel owns, and that’s saying something.
In which Cyclops is the worst at vacations, Mystique is your favorite MurderMom™, Havok is eternally ABD, Kitty Pryde does science, Callisto doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation, Xavier has a Troy Barnes moment, Miles may be the only person with fond memories of Secret Wars, and Rachel finally gets to make Spalding Gray references.
X-Plained:
Fantomex
Uncanny X-Men #176-181
Reset issues
Scott Summers’s second-worst honeymoon
Cephalopod disambiguation
Project Wideawake (more) (again)
Valerie Cooper
Foreshadowing
Public displays of affection
Leech
How X-Men age
A sewer wizard
Doug Ramsey
Secret Wars
Japan
Mystique’s kids
Douglock
Mystique’s powers
The other X-Men Forever
Next Week: The New Mutants gets weird!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.