Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 350 – The Xavier Protocols

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.
Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.
It's always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)
It’s always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)
First version of the armor. Don't get too attached. (Excalibur #100)
First version of the armor. Don’t get too attached. (Excalibur #100)
In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)
In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)
Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or--? (Excalibur #100)
Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or–? (Excalibur #100)
Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards's head... (Fantastic Four #415)
Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards’s head… (Fantastic Four #415)
I'll admit: They look remarkably cool.
I’ll admit: They look remarkably cool.
You don't say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)
You don’t say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)
THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)
THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)
What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)
What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)
This is among the weirder meta-product placement I've seen. (Fantastic Four #415)
This is among the weirder meta-product placement I’ve seen. (Fantastic Four #415)
There's... a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)
There’s… a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)
Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)
Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)
Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)
Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)
How you can tell it's a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)
How you can tell it’s a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)
IT'S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)
IT’S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)
I don't know why, but Onslaught's pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)
I don’t know why, but Onslaught’s pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)
That is... somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)
That is… somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)
That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)
That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)
That's quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)
That’s quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER CHOICES

 

350 – The Xavier Protocols

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
And a real, live, downloadable sketch variant!

In which we celebrate a milestone with a special collectible episode; there may already be a Charles Xavier in your basement; Onslaught lacks subtlety; Bill Watterson may or may not have changed his licensing policy on Earth-616; guns should not have hair; and Jay once again exercises his questionable lyrical skills.

X-PLAINED:

  • Excalibur #100
  • Fantastic Four #415
  • X-Factor #125
  • X-Men #55
  • Onslaught (more) (again)
  • The Xavier Protocols
  • The many secret subbasements of Charles Francis Xavier
  • The Xavier Protocols
  • An extremely poor file-retrieval system
  • Onslaught vs. the Fantastic Four
  • Li’l Charlie
  • A circus, kind of
  • Lang disambiguation
  • Onslaught’s new look
  • Onslaught vs. several Avengers
  • An unlicensed rug
  • The only thing Bill Watterson loves
  • Metaphorical Turkish delight
  • The Brand Corporation (more) (again)
  • Dark Descendents
  • Hairy guns
  • Caps for Sale
  • A really big fight
  • A very dramatic EMP
  • Why Onslaught looks like that

NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught!

“Magneto’s Cape” lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Marsha Norman. Performed by Steve Pence and Adam Faruqi and produced by Adam Faruqi.

CORRECTION: There are only three variant covers to this episode, not four; Jen Vaughn had to bow out due to other commitments.

Check out the visual companion to this post on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 329 – Scheming and Argument

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Same cover, different week. (Excalibur #94)
Same cover, different week. (Excalibur #94)
Rahne "Aleph from Global Frequency" Sinclair. (Excalibur #94)
Rahne “Aleph from Global Frequency” Sinclair. (Excalibur #94)
Sorry. I just can't accept this as Tangerine. (Excalibur #94)
Sorry. I just can’t accept this as Tangerine. (Excalibur #94)
He could totally have rocked the swim cap, though. (Excalibur #94)
He could totally have rocked the swim cap, though. (Excalibur #94)
Ew, they're all goopy. (Excalibur #94)
Ew, they’re all goopy. (Excalibur #94)
Well, damn. (Excalibur #94)
Well, damn. (Excalibur #94)
We call that a "Muir Hello." (X-Man #12)
We call that a “Muir Hello.” (X-Man #12)
It also goes PING! (X-Man #12)
It also goes PING! (X-Man #12)
Okay: That is legitimately cool. (X-Man #12)
Okay: That is legitimately cool. (X-Man #12)
The actual tagline of Squeezits(TM) was "Squeeze the fun out of it." I swear to g-d I'm not making this up. (X-Man #12)
The actual tagline of Squeezits(TM) was “Squeeze the fun out of it.” I swear to g-d I’m not making this up. (X-Man #12)
Look at those mid '90s computer graphics! (Excalibur #95)
Look at those mid ’90s computer graphics! (Excalibur #95)
Moira doesn't give a fuck if she's not your real mom; she's grounding you anyway. (Excalibur #95)
Moira doesn’t give a fuck if she’s not your real mom; she’s grounding you anyway. (Excalibur #95)
Oh, Rory. Buddy. (Excalibur #95)
Oh, Rory. Buddy. (Excalibur #95)
This is also roughly how it feels to read like 20 years of X-Men in a sitting. (Excalibur #95)
This is also roughly how it feels to read like 20 years of X-Men in a sitting. (Excalibur #95)
What Excalibur's thinking about. (Excalibur #95)
What Excalibur’s thinking about. (Excalibur #95)
NEXT EPISODE: The herald of Onslaught; but also this fashion situation.
NEXT EPISODE: The herald of Onslaught; but also this fashion situation.

329 – Scheming and Argument

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nate Grey has the soul of a man in a mesh shirt; Black Air is somehow even worse than you thought it was; Hulk does not want to be x-treme teen from alternate dimension; we are excited as hell for the upcoming Frasier/Ewing Gamma Flight; and Moira MacTaggert is (sometimes) the adult we need.

X-PLAINED:

  • Nate Grey’s (possible) demon zombie baby
  • What Excalibur’s been up to lately
  • Excalibur #94-95
  • X-Man #12
  • Yet another take on roughly the same dark future
  • Dark-future disambiguation
  • Bangs
  • The Black Wall
  • Leather vs. vinyl
  • Sentinels pooping sentinels
  • Nate Grey (more) (again)
  • Gamma Flight
  • Excessively silly diagnostic technology
  • Squeezits(TM)
  • A minor intervention
  • X-characters most likely to lead a successful book club
  • Warlock on Krakoa

NEXT EPISODE: The Herald of Onslaught (for real, this time, we promise)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 320 – The Accountability Wagon

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I know the cover blurb isn't actually foreshadowing, but the cover blurb is kiiiinda foreshadowing. (Excalibur #91)
I know the cover blurb isn’t actually foreshadowing, but the cover blurb is kiiiinda foreshadowing. (Excalibur #91)
There's writing a phonetic accent... and then there's writing someone making fun of someone else's accent, phonetically. (Excalibur #91)
There’s writing a phonetic accent… and then there’s writing someone making fun of someone else’s accent, phonetically. (Excalibur #91)
Aw. (Excalibur #91)
Aw. (Excalibur #91)
For your Twitter fight needs. (Excalibur #91)
For your Twitter fight needs. (Excalibur #91)
This is roughly how I react to having to share personal information with colleagues, too. (Excalibur #91)
This is roughly how I react to having to share personal information with colleagues, too. (Excalibur #91)
They're good friends. (Excalibur #91)
They’re good friends. (Excalibur #91)
THE SUBTITLES THO (Excalibur #91)
THE SUBTITLES THO (Excalibur #91)
Creeeeeepy. (Excalibur #91)
Creeeeeepy. (Excalibur #91)
I know his teeth are also supposed to be steel, but they look just off enough from the rest of his face that I can't shake the idea that they're normal teeth, which idea is profoundly and inexplicably unsettling. (Excalibur #92)
I know his teeth are also supposed to be steel, but they look just off enough from the rest of his face that I can’t shake the idea that they’re normal teeth, which idea is profoundly and inexplicably unsettling. (Excalibur #92)
Huh. (Excalibur #92)
Huh. (Excalibur #92)
You sure did. (Excalibur #93)
You sure did. (Excalibur #93)
[Music rises] (Excalibur #93)
[Music rises] (Excalibur #93)
Ah, Rahne. You're such a good kid. (Excalibur #93)
Ah, Rahne. You’re such a good kid. (Excalibur #93)
FUCK YEAH RAHNE SINCLAIR! (Excalibur #93)
FUCK YEAH RAHNE SINCLAIR! (Excalibur #93)
NEXT EPISODE: Same Sabretooth, different day.
NEXT EPISODE: Same Sabretooth, different day.

320 – The Accountability Wagon

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Pete Wisdom is the guy you love to glare at; Nightcrawler is right (and a delightfully complex individual); Colossus has a lot of issues; and Wolfsbane gets the confrontation we’ve been waiting for since the New Mutants graphic novel.

X-PLAINED:

  • Wolfsbane’s powers
  • Excalibur #91-93
  • The somewhat nebulous age of Kitty Pryde
  • Betrayal
  • What’s been up on Muir Isle
  • Organized sports, Excalibur-style
  • Pubs and what happens in them
  • Drinking with Excalibur
  • Shovel talks
  • Phonetic accents, redeemed
  • A fairly one-sided fight
  • Colossus’s issues (more) (again)
  • Anatomy and physiology of organic steel
  • Accountability, trauma, and their intersections
  • An exceptionally cathartic confrontation
  • A hoodie Jay desperately wants
  • Where cold opens come from
  • Whether and how Gambit passes for human

NEXT EPISODE: Same Sabretooth, different day

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 309 – Excellent Turtle

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Really, who wouldn't fall for him? (Excalibur #87)
Really, who wouldn’t fall for him? (Excalibur #87)
Okay, then. (Excalibur #87)
Okay, then. (Excalibur #87)
Sugar Man doesn't really add anything to the Genosha storyline. (Excalibur #87)
Sugar Man doesn’t really add anything to the Genosha storyline. (Excalibur #87)
Cover > comic. (Excalibur #88)
Cover > comic. (Excalibur #88)
Seriously, WHAT DID HE WRITE WITH? (Excalibur #88)
Seriously, WHAT DID HE WRITE WITH? (Excalibur #88)
WE HAVE FUN. (Excalibur #88)
WE HAVE FUN. (Excalibur #88)
Okay, fair. (Excalibur #89)
Okay, fair. (Excalibur #89)
This is some old-school mystery comic staging, and I AM HERE FOR IT. (Excalibur #89)
This is some old-school mystery comic staging, and I AM HERE FOR IT. (Excalibur #89)
Sure, why not? (Excalibur #90)
Sure, why not? (Excalibur #90)
Damnit, Black Air! (Excalibur #90)
Damnit, Black Air! (Excalibur #90)
I bet they're great at parties. (Excalibur #90)
I bet they’re great at parties. (Excalibur #90)
...Okay, then. (Excalibur #90)
…Okay, then. (Excalibur #90)
Ha, ha, Pete Wisdom's life is worse than yours. (Excalibur #90)
Ha, ha, Pete Wisdom’s life is worse than yours. (Excalibur #90)
I'm not gonna say this is the MOST ominous narration ever superimposed over a hookup, but it's up there. (Excalibur #90)
I’m not gonna say this is the MOST ominous narration ever superimposed over a hookup, but it’s up there. (Excalibur #90)
Rory Campbell is anti-mutant, but he's also just a raging asshole. (Excalibur #89)
Rory Campbell is anti-mutant, but he’s also just a raging asshole. (Excalibur #89)
DRAMATIC PARALLELS! (Excalibur #90)
DRAMATIC PARALLELS! (Excalibur #90)
NEXT EPISODE: Swingers in space.
NEXT EPISODE: Swingers in space.

309 – Excellent Turtle

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which ballistics get weird; Black Air is no W.H.O.; we have surprisingly mixed feelings about Pete Wisdom and Kitty Pryde as a couple; there is an actual creepy clown bar in Portland; blood eagles are excessively ostentatious; the Uncreated just want to be cool; and Rory Campbell continues his descent into supervillainy.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Forever Man
  • Turner D. Century
  • Excalibur #87-90
  • Excalibur (more) (again)
  • Genosha (more) (again)
  • Some extremely confusing bullets
  • Philip Moreau
  • Jenny Ransome
  • Black Air
  • Dream Nails
  • Spy bars
  • Foundations of Kitty Pryde and Pete Wisdom’s relationship
  • Captions
  • Work/life separation
  • A creepy clown bar
  • Easy Tiger
  • Blood eagles
  • Shrine
  • A virus and/or bacteria
  • The Uncreated
  • Gor the God-Butcher
  • Data security
  • Rory Campbell vs. Spoor
  • How the X-Men got their name
  • Terrigen toxicity

NEXT EPISODE: Starjammers!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 276 – Wizard Problems

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I'm still kind of angry that this isn't the interior art style. (Excalibur #83)
I’m still kind of angry that this isn’t the interior art style. (Excalibur #83)
But are there roller skates? (Excalibur #83)
But are there roller skates? (Excalibur #83)
Still creepy; still cool. (Excalibur #83)
Still creepy; still cool. (Excalibur #83)
'Kay. (Excalibur #83)
‘Kay. (Excalibur #83)
There's something very Philip Bond about this pair of panels; and I, for one, am here for it. (Excalibur #83)
There’s something very Philip Bond about this pair of panels; and I, for one, am here for it. (Excalibur #83)
Ew. (Excalibur #83)
Ew. (Excalibur #83)
Evil Kitty's hair is SO GREAT. (Excalibur #84)
Evil Kitty’s hair is SO GREAT. (Excalibur #84)
Seriously. So. Excellent. (Excalibur #84)
Seriously. So. Excellent. (Excalibur #84)
Is it, though? (Excalibur #84)
Is it, though? (Excalibur #84)
Purple on purple. (Excalibur #84)
Purple on purple. (Excalibur #84)
"Magic, subtext, whatever." (Excalibur #84)
“Magic, subtext, whatever.” (Excalibur #84)
Choices, choices. (Excalibur #84)
Choices, choices. (Excalibur #84)
It's like when a character has been written out of a show but the actor's contract isn't up so they have to keep doing flashbacks. (Excalibur #85)
It’s like when a character has been written out of a show but the actor’s contract isn’t up so they have to keep doing flashbacks. (Excalibur #85)
Starring Eliot Spencer as Wolverine. (Excalibur #85)
Starring Eliot Spencer as Wolverine. (Excalibur #85)
That's just... not true. Like, at all. (Excalibur #85)
That’s just… not true. Like, at all. (Excalibur #85)
AND THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Excalibur #85)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Excalibur #85)
Next Episode: Jorts Unlimited!
Next Episode: Jorts Unlimited!

LINKS & FURTHER DIVERSIONS:

276 – Wizard Problems

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Excalibur gets a regular writer again; we judge a book against against its covers; nothing good ever comes from being sexy on Muir Isle; and the soul sword’s real power is cutting through continuity.

X-PLAINED:

  • Stegron
  • Dinosaur powers
  • Excalibur #83-85 (The Soul Sword Trilogy)
  • Warren Ellis on Excalibur
  • Excalibur (more) (again)
  • Bends Sinister and Bend Sinister
  • Outsider days
  • Mail
  • Boundaries
  • Darkoth
  • Gravemoss
  • The Winding Way
  • Shrill
  • A problematic prosthesis
  • Roger Corman’s The Raven
  • A large number of continuity errors
  • Gratuitous dickery
  • An untold tale
  • The semantics of skin removal
  • Possession vs. retrograde amnesia
  • The circle of nostalgia

NEXT EPISODE: Jorts Unlimited!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!