Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/22/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
X-Men! (X-Men Annual #9)
New Mutants! (X-Men Annual #9)
Check out the gorgeous John R. Neill homage going on in that title card. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Karma, transformed. Adams draws her very differently–both more realistically and more recognizably–than Sienkiewicz or Leialoha; and it would be awesome to see a superhero with this as their default shape. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Marvel Asgard is basically the land of metal album covers. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Aw, Doug. No one appreciates you. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Asgardian Wars is chock full of pop-culture cameos and references. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
GET IT? Not if you weren’t reading Longshot as it was coming out! (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Warlock in a nutshell. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Bobby has found his element. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
AMARA, WHAT IS THE FIRST RULE OF DEALING WITH FAIRIES? (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
The hands-down most awesome variation on the Darkchylde design. If only this had stuck around. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
No, seriously, Shan is literally on Arrakis. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
THE WARRIORS THREE ARE THE BEST AND ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU OTHERWISE IS FULL OF WRONG. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Fire-elf Magma. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Throughout the nine realms, skalds sing of the masterwork fire extinguishers of Nidavellir. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
The Dani-becomes-a-Valkyrie arc reminds me of the thing where literally everyone else realizes you’re queer before you do. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Another Darkchylde panel, because this costume is just so damn good. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
IT’S STORM AND SHE’S A HAWK AND SHE HAS A TEENY MOHAWK. That’s all. Carry on with your business. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Those title cards, though. (X-Men Annual #9)
What, don’t you have a psychic link with your “roommate”? (X-Men Annual #9)
‘Kay. (X-Men Annual #9)
TOO SOON, RACHEL. TOO SOON. (X-Men Annual #9)
Because I was raised by bleeding-heart feminists in the ’80s, I now have “Free to Be… You and Me” stuck in my head. THANKS, CLAREMONT. (X-Men Annual #9)
Aw, man. (X-Men Annual #9)
I want to see a “What If” splinter story where Sam is an epic hero and also basically Carrot from Discworld. I mean, there kind of is one–“What if the New Mutants Had Stayed in Asgard”–but still. MORE. (X-Men Annual #9)
DANI LITERALLY NO ONE IN THIS ROOM HAS PHYSICAL POWERS. (X-Men Annual #9)
Art Adams draws awesome Warlock. (X-Men Annual #9)
WOLF MAKEOUTS! (X-Men Annual #9)
Subtext: Not just for the ladies! (X-Men Annual #9)
This isn’t directly relevant to the episode. It’s just awesome. (X-Men Annual #9)
NOW LET’S GO DEFEAT THE FRENCH! (X-Men Annual #9)
It’s no KRAKADOOM, but I guess it’ll do. (X-Men Annual #9)
Dani is THE BEST VALKYRIE. (X-Men Annual #9)
“Well, at least I have this 1/6-scale statuette to keep me company.” (X-Men Annual #9)
NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Miles get lucky.
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
The Mighty Thor #362 is one of the best issues of one of the best runs in Marvel history.
For craft wonks, we recommend the hell out of the Thor Artist’s Edition, if you can get your hands on a copy.
Actually, you know what? Just go read the whole Simonson run, right now. It’s collected and available in a bunch of forms. You won’t regret it. we promise.
Once you’re done reading Thor, go watch Leverage, because it is wonderful.
In which Asgardian Wars occupies the precise intersection of Miles’s favorite things; Marvel Asgard is your favorite metal album; no one appreciates Cypher; Wolfsbane gets some action; Warlock gets meta; Cannonball is a catch; Rachel Summers gets a new costume; Loki does Shakespeare; and Rachel overthinks Leverage.
X-PLAINED:
Various Mjolnirs and their attendant powers
Asgardian Wars
New Mutants Special Edition #1
X-Men Annual #9
The Surtwar
Art Adams
Amora the Enchantress
Lorelei
Several pop culture cameos
A really dubious beach party
The Viking Sorceress Asgardian Portrait of Dorian Grey
Ed Grimley
Hrimhari
Wolf makeouts
The Marvel version of Norse mythology
The Warriors Three
Rule #1 of dealing with fairies
A hawk ‘hawk
Valkyries
Einherjar
A costume in somewhat questionable taste
Interdimensional lightning-bolt mixology
Our favorite Thor story, ever
How to get your friends and neighbors into comics
Asgardian mutants (or lack thereof)
X-Leverage cross-casting
NEXT WEEK: Longshot!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Evolution Rogue is awesome. She’s one of the characters who fares best in reimagining–as I wrote about Cyclops in S1E1, Rogue is very recognizably written in the spirit of some of the best previous versions of the character, with the letter flexible enough to let her develop organically in her new context and setting.
So it should be no surprise when I tell you that a lot of the best stuff in the generally pretty shaky and uneven Season One centers around Rogue. And that, my friends, begins here. Lace up your best New Rocks, dig up some black lipstick (or steal your friend’s eyeliner crayon and be careful not to lick your lips), and get ready to rumble.
You know how I said that X-Men: Evolution is really entertaining even when it’s really, really bad? This week, we’re gonna put that to the test. Prepare for more rock puns than you have ever heard in a single 22-minute stretch. Also, Transformers. Kinda.
In other news, I still have no idea what the titles refer to.
BUT FIRST, A PRETEND HORROR MOVIE!
We open with the Pryde home, in a fictional town in Illinois. The town has a name, but I don’t care what it is, and it’s never going to be relevant again, so I’m just gonna call it Fake Deerfield. Cool? Cool.
Kitty dreams that she’s falling, and–spoiler–she actually falls through her bed and floor and lands in the basement. She wakes up screaming, and her parents rush down to comfort her. They think she was sleepwalking–until they look up and a PORTENTOUS FLASH OF LIGHTNING illuminates her blanket, embedded in the basement ceiling.
OH MY GOD! THAT’S–actually, wait, that’s not scary at all.
Okay, look, I get what they were shooting for here, but you know who has the least horror-movie powers of just about all the X-Men? Hint: It’s definitely Kitty, barring the stories where phased becomes her default state (which this isn’t). Framing this scene and the Prydes’ cheerfully generic suburban house like a horror movie reminds me of one of those recut trailers where you try to make a movie look like a genre it obviously isn’t; or a kid telling a shaggy-dog joke and then waiting for you to be overjoyed at the lack of punchline; or the entire movie White Noise.1 It’s all buildup, with no proportionate payoff.
Meanwhile, back at Stately Xavier Manor, Kitty’s late-night spill pings Cerebro. Does anyone else find it unsettling that Professor X has a psychic supercomputer that provides him with turnaroundfull body scans of teenagers?
Also, Cerebro accurately predicts the outfit that Kitty is going to wear to school the next day.2
“What am I?” wails Kitty. “What’s happening to me?” Just give it five seconds, kid–the credits montage identifies you quite clearly as Shadowcat.
I was a little too old to catch X-Men: Evolution the first time around. It debuted my freshman year of college, corresponding with the peak of my nerd pretension—that larval-geek phase where you insist on calling all comics graphic novels—and like the arch little fucker I was, I dismissed it sight-unseen as X-Men dumbed down.
A few years ago, I finally sat down and watched my way through X-Men: Evolution and came away with two conclusions: teenage Rachel was kind of a dolt; and X-Men: Evolution is delightful.
Not only is Evolution not X-Men dumbed down, it’s a really clever, appealing reinvention. In fact, Evolution accomplishes what the Ultimate universe never quite could: shaking off years of continuity and attracting an entirely new audience with a distilled version of one of Marvel’s most convoluted lines.
If you’re not familiar with X-Men: Evolution, the premise is roughly thus: The Xavier Institute is an extracurricular boarding school of sorts, whose students are mainstreamed into their district school—Bayville High—for academics. Some of the characters—Storm, Wolverine, and Professor Xavier on the side of the angels; Mystique, Magneto, and a few others on the other end of the moral spectrum—stay adults; everyone else is aged down to teenagers. Evolution draws characters and some story hooks from the comics, but for the most part, it occupies its own discrete continuity.
And as continuities go, it’s a good one. It’s clever and fun, it’s got a ton of heart, and it stays true to the core themes and characters of the source material without becoming overly beholden to the letter of the text. By the end, it’ll become a really, really good show; but even when it’s bad, X-Men: Evolution is bad in really entertaining ways.
Which is important, because X-Men: Evolution gets off to a pretty rocky start.
Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/22/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Ruth and Luca Aldine. (X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 #5)
Our introduction to Legion. (New Mutants #25)
Legion has consistently inspired some of the best covers in Marvel’s lineup. (New Mutants #26)
DON’T WEAR FRINGED BOOTS TO THE GYM, TOM CORSI. DON’T DO THAT. (New Mutants #26)
That creepy laughter is so awesome. (New Mutants #26)
VVTOOOOM! (New Mutants #26)
Warlock is the best ever, forever. (New Mutants #26)
WARLOCK IS THE BEST EVER, FOREVER. (New Mutants #26)
Not gonna lie: watching the White Queen take Empath to task was pretty satisfying. (New Mutants #26)
Warlock is not super good at being human, and it is charming as hell. (New Mutants #26)
In which Charles Xavier owns some fairly heinous shit. (New Mutants #26)
No, seriously: Legion covers are pretty much always top notch. (New Mutants #27)
Next time you watch Pink Floyd’s The Wall, pretend it’s about Legion and Professor X. It works surprisingly well. (New Mutants #27)
Jack, Jemail, Cyndi–and David. (New Mutants #27)
Legion’s mindscape. It’s not a Demon Bear, but it’ll do. (New Mutants #27)
Does Jack Wayne scare you? He should. (New Mutants #27)
Cyndi: your angry teenager’s inner angry teenager. (New Mutants #27)
Who needs nuance when you can straight-up stab a dude instead? (New Mutants #27)
Love, love, love this title page. (New Mutants #28)
Lee Forrester contemplates consent, power dynamics, and maybe also Lovecraftian horrors. (New Mutants #28)
The last panel is, of course, a lie. (New Mutants #28)
The first time Legion broke the Marvel Universe. (X-Men vol. 2 #41)
The second time Legion broke the Marvel Universe. (X-Men: Legacy vol. 1 #248)
Legion’s mental prison, at the beginning of X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 #1…
…and after the jailbreak in X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 #2.
The Origamist. (X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 #4)
It is entirely fair to judge X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 by Mike Del Mundo’s gorgeous, brilliant covers.
Seriously, look at this. They are all this good. (X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 #6)
Professor Y. (X-Men: Legacy vol. 2 #6)
Next Week: We were going to cover a whole bunch of X-Men, but we ended up spending the whole time talking about Storm and Lifedeath II. WE REGRET NOTHING.
In which Legion grows from setting to protagonist; Rachel is a master of narrative rationalization; “Claremont” is a verb; Warlock befriends an airplane; Xavier owns a significant mistake; New Mutants does a deep dive into power dynamics; you should go read X-Men: Legacy already; and Si reveals the true secret nature of reality.
X-PLAINED:
Blindfold (Ruth Aldine)
Luca Aldine
Legion (David Haller)
Mental illness in fiction
New Mutants #26-28
Socialized medicine
Appropriate gym apparel
Rachel’s favorite scene from any X-book, ever
Claremonting
Jack Wayne
Cyndi
Jemail Karami
Roughly 20 years of condensed continuity
The Age of Apocalypse
Age of X
X-Men: Legacy vol. 2
Father issues
David Haller’s accent
The Origamist
Santi Sardina
A visual metaphor
The true secret nature of reality
Professor Y
The Franklin Richards Universe Hypothesis
NEXT WEEK: Spotlight on Storm
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
In which Nimrod is probably an honorary Summers by this point; Claremont hits a centennial; it’s probably pretty hard to get an unconscious person into tight leather pants; the X-Men finally encounter a world that actually hates and fears them; and the Power Pack fits somewhat uneasily with the grown-up Marvel Universe.
X-PLAINED:
Nimrod
Uncanny X-Men #193-195
Thunderbird II (James Proudstar)
Situation-inappropriate attire
The worst Hellions
Firestar (Angelica Jones)
Why you call ahead before breaking into NORAD
Leadership
Public opinion
Juggernaut fights
How the X-Men wake up
Nazgûl
Tyranny of the Masses: The Robot
The Voltron Special
The Power Pack
Navigating crossovers
NEXT WEEK: Firestar!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
The Amazing Nightcrawler, drawn by The Amazing Sienkiewicz! (New Mutants #22)
Nightcrawler is a pretty awesome teacher; it’d have been cool to see more of him in this capacity. (New Mutants #22)
Aw, Rahne. (New Mutants #22)
Well, that escalated quickly. (New Mutants #22)
AW, RAHNE. (New Mutants #22)
The villains of Rahne’s fairy tale look awfully familiar. (New Mutants #22)
Back to those guys shortly. First: Cats! (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
Ohhhh, hey, it’s Cloak and Dagger! (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
Spider-Man spends a lot of this issue lurking around and providing exposition. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
“I mean, dude, the title of the book is Marvel Team-Up, not Marvel Let’s Fight in a Church.” (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
“How did you guess you were on a butcher block? I mean, aside from that it’s a big square table and you’re in a slaughterhouse and everything probably smells like blood and… NOPE! DEFINTELY SUPERPOWERS AT WORK!” (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
What?! Dude, it’s not even addictive. That’s the stupidest evil plan ever. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
This isn’t really relevant to the episode; it’s just hilarious. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
NONE MORE GOTH (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
Wait, what? (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
‘Kay. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
Spider-Man’s “Yeah.” in that last panel, though. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)
THAT COVER. (New Mutants #23)
“On Wednesdays, we dress glam.” (New Mutants #23)
Harry’s Hideaway is basically the Heartbreak Hotel of Salem Center, but like a million times less awesome. Still awesome, mind, but the Heartbreak Hotel sets a high bar. (New Mutants #23)
It’s really easy to forget that the X-Men are also kind of officially students? Maybe? Sometimes? (New Mutants #23)
At this point, New Mutants is basically the Sam and Dani Show, and we are 100% down with that. (New Mutants #23)
Aw, Rahne. (New Mutants #23)
WELL, THAT CAN’T BE GOOD. (New Mutants #23)
That is… an awfully Demon Bear-looking Sunspot on that cover. Not that we’re complaining, mind. (New Mutants #24)
Now you don’t need to read Marvel Team-Up Annual #6! You’re welcome! (New Mutants #24)
Indulge us in a momentary digression to make note of Magneto’s fancy hair. (New Mutants #24)
Like Rogue, we are firmly on Sam’s team on this one. (New Mutants #24)
Oops. (New Mutants #24)
We’re not sure whose fault they are, but we’re really, really into the way some combination of Claremont, Orzechowski, and Sienkiewicz uses captions and arrows in this book in general, and this spread in particular. (New Mutants #25)
GIANT BLUE XAVIER HEAD! (With some paradoxically good advice, but still. GIANT BLUE XAVIER HEAD!) (New Mutants #25)
‘Kay. (New Mutants #25)
I really want them to just yell “NONE MORE GOTH” every time they teleport away. (New Mutants #25)
Illyana may be sleepy, but she’s not wrong. (New Mutants #25)
NONE MORE GOTH! (New Mutants #25)
NEXT WEEK: We talk to G. Willow Wilson! She talks to us! ALSO: X-MEN!
Links and Further Reading:
Information and links to donate toward Bill Mantlo’s ongoing care
(You can also send physical donations–and cards and letters–addressed as follows:
Mike Mantlo
26364 East Pintail Road
Long Neck, DE 19966
Please make out any checks to “Michael Mantlo” — Bill’s legal guardian.)
Waiting for the T is absolutely delightful, and if you’re not already reading it, we acutely envy you the experience of going back through the archives for the first time.