Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 350 – The Xavier Protocols

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.
Extra collectible sketch cover! You can download your own in PDF format here.
It's always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)
It’s always fun to see how teams look in other books. (Excalibur #100)
First version of the armor. Don't get too attached. (Excalibur #100)
First version of the armor. Don’t get too attached. (Excalibur #100)
In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)
In all fairness, decapitation would kill most people. (Excalibur #100)
Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or--? (Excalibur #100)
Does he seriously do this for EVERY mutant? Or just X-Men? Or–? (Excalibur #100)
Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards's head... (Fantastic Four #415)
Meanwhile in a circus in Franklin Richards’s head… (Fantastic Four #415)
I'll admit: They look remarkably cool.
I’ll admit: They look remarkably cool.
You don't say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)
You don’t say, Reed. (Fantastic Four #415)
THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)
THE EYEBROWS OF TRUTH! (Fantastic Four #415)
What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)
What a good rug. (Fantastic Four #415)
This is among the weirder meta-product placement I've seen. (Fantastic Four #415)
This is among the weirder meta-product placement I’ve seen. (Fantastic Four #415)
There's... a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)
There’s… a lot going on on that cover. (X-Factor #125)
Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)
Everything but the skateboard. (X-Factor #125)
Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)
Somewhere, one is experimentally gnawing on Hearst Tower. (X-Men #55)
How you can tell it's a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)
How you can tell it’s a Really Big Event. (X-Men #55)
IT'S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)
IT’S REALLY NOT THE TIME, BOBBY. (X-Men #55)
I don't know why, but Onslaught's pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)
I don’t know why, but Onslaught’s pose in this panel cracks me the hell up. (X-Men #55)
That is... somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)
That is… somewhat different from its previous appearance. (X-Men #55)
That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)
That certainly is an ebon citadel! (X-Men #55)
That's quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)
That’s quite a look, Onslaught of the Future! (X-Men #55)
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER CHOICES

 

350 – The Xavier Protocols

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!
And a real, live, downloadable sketch variant!

In which we celebrate a milestone with a special collectible episode; there may already be a Charles Xavier in your basement; Onslaught lacks subtlety; Bill Watterson may or may not have changed his licensing policy on Earth-616; guns should not have hair; and Jay once again exercises his questionable lyrical skills.

X-PLAINED:

  • Excalibur #100
  • Fantastic Four #415
  • X-Factor #125
  • X-Men #55
  • Onslaught (more) (again)
  • The Xavier Protocols
  • The many secret subbasements of Charles Francis Xavier
  • The Xavier Protocols
  • An extremely poor file-retrieval system
  • Onslaught vs. the Fantastic Four
  • Li’l Charlie
  • A circus, kind of
  • Lang disambiguation
  • Onslaught’s new look
  • Onslaught vs. several Avengers
  • An unlicensed rug
  • The only thing Bill Watterson loves
  • Metaphorical Turkish delight
  • The Brand Corporation (more) (again)
  • Dark Descendents
  • Hairy guns
  • Caps for Sale
  • A really big fight
  • A very dramatic EMP
  • Why Onslaught looks like that

NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught!

“Magneto’s Cape” lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Marsha Norman. Performed by Steve Pence and Adam Faruqi and produced by Adam Faruqi.

CORRECTION: There are only three variant covers to this episode, not four; Jen Vaughn had to bow out due to other commitments.

Check out the visual companion to this post on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 347 – Onslaught Begins

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
He's a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
He’s a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)
Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)
Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)
It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)
It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)
The wreck of Professor Xavier's office... (X-Men #54)
The wreck of Professor Xavier’s office… (X-Men #54)
...and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)
…and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)
Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
HE'S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
HE’S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
13_OX1
I know he's evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
I know he’s evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.
NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER ALLUSIONS

347 – Onslaught Begins

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we stop procrastinating and dive headfirst into Onslaught; Professor Xavier is a jerk; Dark Beast wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Onslaught declaims like it’s the Silver Age; Bishop gets some long-awaited closure; and we pitch alternate candidates for the X-traitor.

X-PLAINED:

  • Hyperstorm
  • Onslaught (entity)
  • Onslaught (event)
  • Uncanny X-Men #334
  • X-Men #54
  • Onslaught: X-Men #1
  • How to pronounce “Buccellato”
  • The opposite of a pep talk
  • Nate Grey vs. Professor X
  • The Z’noxx (again)
  • One of several times Charles Xavier has faked his own death
  • Muscle March
  • Franklin Richards
  • The Gem of Cyttorak
  • A villain speech
  • That one recording Bishop found in the future
  • The X-traitor
  • Li’l Charlie
  • Magneto’s hood ornament
  • Alternate takes on the X-traitor

NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught continues.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 333 – Fight Train

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I'd like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)
I’d like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)
Just another Thursday on the PATH... (X-Men #51)
Just another Thursday on the PATH… (X-Men #51)
TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)
TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)
...Somehow. (X-Men #52)
…Somehow. (X-Men #52)
Remember that name; you'll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)
Remember that name; you’ll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)
I wasn't kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)
I wasn’t kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)
NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!
NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!

333 – Fight Train

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles discovers owl legs; Iceman dwells in subtext; Dark Beast overperforms; Daredevil is a delightful trash fire of a person; Graydon Creed’s presidential run is somewhat less shocking in 2021; Rogue does not enjoy playing ‘Got your nose’; and Mister Sinister is not a friend to public transportation.

X-PLAINED:

  • Post-Decimation resurrections
  • Owl legs
  • Uncanny X-Men #331
  • X-Men #51-52
  • Iceman’s complicated personal life
  • Casual crossovers
  • The facial hair of Warren Kenneth Worthington III
  • The terrible decisions of Matt Murdock
  • How to subtly test your in-laws for mutant powers
  • What Mister Sinister sounds like
  • A bad plan
  • The debut of Bastion
  • DNA
  • Foreshadowing

NEXT EPISODE: Emplate Sucks

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 321 – Revolving Doors

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Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Damn, those bunny slippers are intense.(X-Force #48)
Damn, those bunny slippers are intense.(X-Force #48)
Please note that Siryn has her own personal breeze. (X-Force #48)
Please note that Siryn has her own personal breeze. (X-Force #48)
"Y... you're not?" (X-Force #48)
“Y… you’re not?” (X-Force #48)
Large. (Uncanny X-Men #328)
Large. (Uncanny X-Men #328)
LARGE. (Uncanny X-Men #328)
LARGE. (Uncanny X-Men #328)
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU FIRST-AID A MAJOR ABDOMINAL WOUND (Uncanny X-Men #328)
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU FIRST-AID A MAJOR ABDOMINAL WOUND (Uncanny X-Men #328)
We may never know why Professor X chose to install Cerebro in a Multi-Axis Trainer, but he certainly appears to have done so. (Sabretooth Special #1)
We may never know why Professor X chose to install Cerebro in a Multi-Axis Trainer, but he certainly appears to have done so. (Sabretooth Special #1)
Dang, that's a lot of drop shadows. (Sabretooth Special #1)
Dang, that’s a lot of drop shadows. (Sabretooth Special #1)
Deja vu all over again. We may never know why Professor X chose to install Cerebro in a Multi-Axis Trainer, but he certainly appears to have done so. (Sabretooth Special #1)
Deja vu all over again. We may never know why Professor X chose to install Cerebro in a Multi-Axis Trainer, but he certainly appears to have done so. (Sabretooth Special #1)
NEXT EPISODE: INTO THE CLONE ZONE!
NEXT EPISODE: INTO THE CLONE ZONE!

321 – Revolving Doors

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Sabretooth does not get effectively rehabilitated; nobody has the moral high ground; Val Cooper is the worst possible person to call in any emergency; Bishop needs a better support system; Jay knows several things about onions; and not everything has to be a mammal.

X-PLAINED:

  • Sabretooth (more) (again)
  • X-Force #48
  • Uncanny X-Men #328
  • Sabretooth Special #1
  • Bunny slippers
  • An intervention
  • Stages of grief
  • What not to do with Sabretooth
  • An evil squirrel
  • Onions
  • The three genders
  • Mutant Massacre callbacks
  • Caption disambiguation problems
  • The overabundance of boobs on fictional non-mammalian species

NEXT EPISODE: INTO THE CLONE ZONE!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Oh, c'mon, you did NOT need a double gatefold for that. (X-Men #45)
Oh, c’mon, you did NOT need a double gatefold for that. (X-Men #45)
OW.
OW.
(Not a metaphor.) (X-Men #45)
(Not a metaphor.) (X-Men #45)
Included to showcase some really damn good use of balloon and caption placement. (X-Men #45)
Included to showcase some really damn good use of balloon and caption placement. (X-Men #45)
Aw, Rogue. (X-Men #45)
Aw, Rogue. (X-Men #45)
Damn, that's good composition. (X-Men #45)
Damn, that’s good composition. (X-Men #45)
Just here to rub salt in the wound by out-glamming you. (X-Men #45)
Just here to rub salt in the wound by out-glamming you. (X-Men #45)
It's true: there's something extra sad about brooding in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
It’s true: there’s something extra sad about brooding in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
IT SURE IS 1995 IN HERE. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
IT SURE IS 1995 IN HERE. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Seriously, Boomer, don't be friends with Sabretooth. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Seriously, Boomer, don’t be friends with Sabretooth. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
To those of you who get reaction images from these: You're welcome. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
To those of you who get reaction images from these: You’re welcome. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Gambit clearly subscribes to the Rory Campbell school of rehabilitation. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Gambit clearly subscribes to the Rory Campbell school of rehabilitation. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Well, WE certainly recognize it! (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Well, WE certainly recognize it! (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Now, that's a wraparound cover! (X-Men Annual 1995)
Now, that’s a wraparound cover! (X-Men Annual 1995)
Somebody's been reading Age of Apocalypse. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Somebody’s been reading Age of Apocalypse. (X-Men Annual 1995)
"They're never sure how many of them they are, and the uncertainty is difficult to live with." (X-Men Annual 1995)
“They’re never sure how many of them they are, and the uncertainty is difficult to live with.” (X-Men Annual 1995)
These three look like time travelers dressed in what each is certain everyone was wearing in 1995. (X-Men Annual 1995)
These three look like time travelers dressed in what each is certain everyone was wearing in 1995. (X-Men Annual 1995)
At least they're stylish? I guess? (X-Men Annual 1995)
At least they’re stylish? I guess? (X-Men Annual 1995)
"I see hair more glam than any in this universe." (X-Men Annual 1995)
“I see hair more glam than any in this universe.” (X-Men Annual 1995)
"Several, at this point." (X-Men Annual 1995)
“Several, at this point.” (X-Men Annual 1995)
Well, kinda. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Well, kinda. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Also, they all, um, teleported away. To a farm. Where they can run and play with the other villains. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Also, they all, um, teleported away. To a farm. Where they can run and play with the other villains. (X-Men Annual 1995)
NEXT: Leprechauns, obviously.
NEXT: Leprechauns, obviously.

317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

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In which Nicholas Cage is more of a concept than a human being; Rogue’s angst-fueled road trip continues; Gambit and Sinister have complementary aesthetics; there are a lot of Guthries; the Trasks are never up to any good; and whether or not it is canon, Ghost Rider has definitely teamed up with Johnny Cash.

X-PLAINED:

  • Ghost Rider (film)
  • Nicholas Cage
  • Rogue and Gambit
  • X-Men #45
  • Uncanny X-Men #326
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual 1995
  • A gratuitous gatefold
  • Alliteration vs. consonance
  • Osmium
  • Fancy captions
  • Aesthetics
  • Shorts
  • Gambit vs. Sabretooth
  • Questionable medical policy
  • AIDS and the Legacy Virus, revisited
  • Humanity’s Last Stand
  • Guthries
  • Preacher
  • The evolution of killer robots
  • Superhero-musician team-ups
  • Otherworld vs. the M’Kraan crystal

NEXT EPISODE: THE LEPRECHAUNS RETURN

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!