professor x – Page 6 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

274 – The Red Shoe Prophecies (feat. Chris Eddleman)

November 24, 2019 Jay 16 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Chris Eddleman joins us for a close look at House of X and Powers of X; Doug Ramsey is highly relevant; resurrection is problematic in a universe with a documented afterlife; there is no reasonable in-continuity justification for the lack of trans Marvel characters; and your OT3 is canon.

X-PLAINED:

The Phalanx (more) (again) (retconned)
House of X
Powers of X
Krakoa (more) (again) (retconned)
Moira MacTaggert (retconned)
Bar Sinister
Sinister Secrets
Portentous red shoes
The Man-Machine Ascendancy
Chimeras
North
Cardinal
Rasputin
Homo Novissima
Transhumanism in the Marvel Universe
The metaphysics of Krakoan resurrection
The Five
The true nature of Goldballs’ powers
Trans representation and its absence
Retroactive foreshadowing

NEXT EPISODE: Still not quite Generation X

CORRECTION: The story Jay referred to as “Everything Burns” is in fact titled “Time Runs Out,” although a good many things do burn over its course.

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As Mentioned in Episode 272 – Children of the Phalanx

November 17, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

(X-Factor #106)

Damn skippy. (X-Factor #106)

Ew. (X-Factor #106)

Okay, the Phalanx is legitimately both cool and scary here. (X-Factor #106)

The looks on their respective faces really make this panel. (X-Factor #106)

R.I.P. (X-Factor #106)

Oh, THESE jerks. Again. (X-Factor #106)

Forge-o-Vision involves a lot of lucite rods, apparently. (X-Factor #106)

Douglock X-Plains the Phalanx. (X-Factor #106)

Spoiler: It’s all Phalanx. (X-Force #38)

My kingdom for this panel as drawn by Barry Windsor-Smith. (X-Force #38)

HE LOOKS LIKE A DINOSAUR OKAY (X-Force #38)

The Babel Spire has some serious Inferno vibes. (Excalibur #82)

Oh, yeah, this DEFINITELY ends well. (Excalibur #82)

Presenting: The stealth team. (Excalibur #82)

NEXT EPISODE: The Summers family goes rock climbing.

272 – Children of the Phalanx (the Phalanx Covenant, Part 2 of 3)

November 10, 2019 Jay 19 comments

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In which Ship was inside Cable all along; Life Signs is the Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant (but only in the bad ways), it’s lucky that the Phalanx doesn’t have WiFi; Nightcrawler embraces chaos; and we promise the crossover gets better next chapter.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable got his Ship back
Miles’s official stance on candy corn
The Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant
X-Factor #106
X-Force #38
Excalibur #82
A monastery party
Douglock (more) (again)
Forge-O-Vision
How Steven Lang got mixed up with the Phalanx
Stages of Phalanx development
Babel
Giuseppe Russo, shepherd
The Phalanx, but dogs
Shinar
What you get when you meet a stranger in the Alps
Whom we’d like to see draw the Phalanx
Mindwifery
Adulthood
“Stealth”
Where baby Phalanxes come from
Teamwork
Good stories about Hope Summers
What happened to Paul Bailey

NEXT EPISODE: Rock climbing with the Summers Family

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 268 – Disquettes

October 13, 2019 Miles Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Back to the Future made time travel seem like so much more fun. (Excalibur #81)

I love Christmas traditions! Red and green outfits, walks on the beach, having the lighthouse that was destroyed in a climactic multiversal event suddenly exist again for no good reason… (Excalibur #81)

I kind of love these weirdos. (Excalibur #81)

It’s cool, Douglock, Jay doesn’t recognize them either. (Excalibur #81)

Comedy gold. (Their choice of seating helps too.) (Excalibur #81)

Charles and Moira: best exes. (Excalibur #81)

Seriously, best exes. (Excalibur #81)

“For me, it’s always like this.” (Excalibur Annual #2)

“-and he looks faaaaabulous!” (Excalibur Annual #2)

Jamie Braddock: terrible from the start. (Excalibur Annual #2)

There! Fixed! Take that, psychology! (Excalibur Annual #2)

“Sorry, Amanda – spooling looked so cool we had to do it again, and we drew your name from the hat.” (Excalibur Annual #2)

Cons: spooling nightmares and crashing planes. Pro: that plane is so spacious! (Excalibur Annual #2)

“Until next time, boils and ghouls – pleasant screams!” (Excalibur Annual #2)

Either that picture is only symbolically there, or Kitty’s computer has real bad taste in image choice. (Excalibur Annual #2)

Kurt Wagner: best bro. (Excalibur Annual #2)

We didn’t talk about this in the episode, but the nerd in me really appreciates that this issue took two full pages to show us exactly how Proteus’s jail cell works. (Excalibur Annual #2)

NEXT TIME: Jay and Seanan McGuire talk villains!

268 – Disquettes

October 13, 2019 Miles 15 comments

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In which Excalibur addresses a number of dangling plot threads, Britanic finally gets (somewhat) interesting, Kitty really wants Douglock to be Doug, Professor Xavier and Moira MacTaggert are the best exes, and the future has peculiar priorities.

X-PLAINED:

The life and death of Jamie Braddock
Excalibur #81
Douglock (more) (again)
Inker ambiguity
Britanic and Meggan’s Christmas costumes
The Excalibur Lighthouse’s sudden and inexplicable resurrection
Mo’ time travel, mo’ problems
20,097 rocks on a shoreline
Douglock: overly literal, dryly funny, or just plain thirsty?
The Emotional Beat of Damocles
The problems with crunch time
Princess Diana: Excalibur vs. X-Statix
Language and time
Excalibur Annual #2
Appropriately bombastic narration
Fashions of the future
Psychic psychotherapy
Sibling rivalry
Mr. Poo
Braddock moppets
Oversimplification vs. ambiguity
Spooling chambers (more)
Excalibur as an X-leftovers book
Air travel: leg-room vs. sorcerous doom
Hannibal King: vampire detective and/or penciler
Shadowcat and the pain of hope
A Doug’s-eye view of New Mutants
Emma Frost and aging
Dazzler and roller derby

NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Seanan McGuire talk villains!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 265 – Rude Awakenings

September 22, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that that’s supposed to be Forge in the lower right-hand corner? (X-Men Annual #5)

The Shi’ar sext WEIRD. (X-Men Annual #5)

Professor X was definitely naked, right? (X-Men Annual #5)

The weirdest thing about this panel is that the tractor beam seems to have shrunk her shirt by about half. (X-Men Annual #5)

Professor X X-Plains human-Shi’ar relations. (X-Men Annual #5)

FASHION! (X-Men Annual #5)

Imagine how confusing it must be to run into Jubilee on alien planets. (X-Men Annual #5)

I DID NOT NOTICE THE HANGING TEDDY BEAR UNTIL I CLIPPED THE PANEL FOR THIS VISUAL COMPANION. (X-Men Annual #5)

He’s a hugger. (X-Men Annual #5)

Be fair, Gambit: there are a LOT of reasons Cyclops is never fun at parties. (X-Men #34)

BUT WHO IS LURKING IN THE FOREGROUND? (X-Men #34)

Sinister, moisturize your damn clones. (X-Men #34)

Oh, hey, Threnody! (X-Men #34)

‘Kay. (X-Men #34)

Ewwwwwwww. (X-Men #34)

Please bear in mind that these are costumes S.H.I.E.L.D. just happened to have lying around the Helicarrier. (X-Men #35)

“Also, do you know how hard it was to dress you in skintight neoprene while you were unconscious?” (X-Men #35)

The end of the world looks pretty rad. (X-Men #35)

Some artists definitely made some choices. (X-Men #35)

That’s our Cyclops. (X-Men #35)

Some of the layouts in this issue are really nice. (X-Men #35)

Sunset Grace X-Plains Sunset Grace (and marries Ronald Reagan). (X-Men #35)

Ouch. (X-Men #35)

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

FURTHER LISTENING

We covered The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix in Episode 229 – Giant-Size Special #7!

265 – Rude Awakenings

September 22, 2019 Jay 20 comments

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In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.

X-PLAINED:

Some guy from Earth-1610
X-Men: Unlimited #5
X-Men #34-35
Shi’ar sexting
A rude awakening (literal)
Rococo Stryfe
Some uncomfortable fashion choices
X-pajamas
Definitely nude Charles Xavier
Breasts
Shi’ar imperial bullshit
A very impressive headdress
Reality TV… in space!
A rude awakening (metaphorical)
Shi’ar childhood
Negotiation
A total dick move
Another total dick move
Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
The return of Threnody
The titles of several sex tapes
High-tech spelunking
Sinister’s secret DNA library
Controversial outfits
Nick Fury’s stuff
Sunset Grace
The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 264 – Autotune the Phalanx

September 15, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Symbolism, Douglock. It’s full of Symbolism. (Excalibur #78)

Aw, these kids. (Excalibur #78)

Seriously, though, it’s really easy to imagine them breaking into song at this point. (Excalibur #78)

Ouch. (Excalibur #78)

We do not recommend doing this, for a lot of reasons. (Excalibur #78)

Ouch. (Excalibur #78)

They’re so dramatic! (Excalibur #79)

Courtney Camperson is a very good moppet. (Excalibur #79)

Damn, Kitty. That was uncalled for. (Excalibur #79)

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO MEAN TO ROBOTS (Excalibur #80)

Aw, kiddo. (Excalibur #80)

The juxtaposition of what actually happens in these pages with what Stryfe assumed would happen is such a good use of the medium. (Excalibur #80)

(Excalibur #80)

Dang, Amanda Conner. DANG. (Excalibur #80)

I don’t entirely know how to process charming Charles Xavier. (Excalibur #78)

CHARLES, YOU SCAMP! (Excalibur #79)

“But watch out if anyone approaches you about, like, becoming pope. That won’t end well.” (Excalibur #80)

NEXT EPISODE: Star crossed… IN SPACE!

264 – Autotune the Phalanx

September 15, 2019 Jay 18 comments

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In which we celebrate our 100^th episode with producer Matt Hunter; you should always be kind to robots; Stryfe has a lot of very petty contingency plans; Britanic is bad at helping; we explore a peculiar pairing of book and arc; Charles Xavier has his moments; and Zero and Douglock defiy destiny.

X-PLAINED:

The current occupant of Fantomex’s body
Excalibur #78-80
The Douglock “chronicles”
Zero
Douglock
Several feelings
Britanic (again)
Camping fonts
Drones
Radio Shack
Helping
Pentagon-sense
What being human is all about
Charles Xavier, hero of the beach
Rory Campbell’s voice
Technoorganic vs. transmode viruses
Kymera

NEXT EPISODE: Star-crossed in space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!