Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Professor Xavier is a Jerk

As Mentioned in Episode 488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

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Color-coded Horsemen of Apocalypse! (Mutant X #19)
What’s the magic word? (Mutant X #19)
Someone let that flying aerobics instructor in! The rain is going to wreck her hair! (Mutant X #20)
That A on his belt stands for Ally! (Mutant X #20)
Note that Charles Xavier’s Evil Mullet is never seen outside of these two panels. (Mutant X #21)
Not a bad riff on the Phoenix costume, honestly. (Mutant X #21)
And then Professor X turned into Doctor Fate. (Mutant X #22)
“That’s right, my friends! We must strike Galactus with every color of the traffic light!” (Mutant X #22)
You ever have a dream where someone is mean to you and then you’re still mad at them when you see them in real life? (Mutant X #23)
Behold! Bargain-basement X-Man, with bonus moppets! (Mutant X #23)
Just a hell of a cover. (Mutant X #24)
Why would you put a portal to the Negative Zone in the goddamn FLOOR?! At least put up a guard rail or something! I’m calling OSHA! (Mutant X #24)
Spoiler: they all just go to a bar. (Mutant X #25)
Flowers for Beast-gernon. (Yes, yes, we know Algernon is the mouse.) (Mutant X #25)
ah jeez (Mutant X #25)
It’s cool, Bloodstorm. We’ve all been there. (Mutant X #26)
The Marauders! (Mutant X #26)
Meet Dagger. And also sorta Cloak. (Mutant X #27)
Awwwwww (Mutant X #27)
Okay, that kid is way too chill. (Mutant X #28)
That’s way better than Evil Xavier’s mullet! (Mutant X #29)
Why, it’s the brand new Sabre-Roaster 3000, as seen on TV! (Mutant X #29)
Plus Iron Giant Man, but he’s too big for this panel! (Mutant X #30)
(This caption intentionally left blank) (Mutant X #31)
After this, they blow up the moon! (Mutant X #31)
The Beyonder x-plains Mutant X! And also eats Captain America. (Mutant X Annual 2001)
It’s really hard to pick a favorite! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Benjamin E. Yonder, you put the population of New York City down right now! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Well, I would have said “WHAT?!” (Mutant X #32)
Dracula dies not with a bang, but with a PFFFT. (Mutant X #32)
*sniffle* (Mutant X #32)
Goodbye, Earth-1298. It’s been a hell of a ride. (Mutant X #32)
NEXT TIME: Black ops in black leather!

488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

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In which we reap the consequences of our choices; possession is 18/10 of the law; Sinister dresses for the occasion; Hank gets his groove back; Havok of Earth-1298 is a jerk; Hank loses his groove; Captain America blows up the moon; the Beyonder experiences a stirring; Dracula makes a deal; and Mutant X May comes to an end.

X-PLAINED:

  • The aftermath of Mutant X
  • Mutant X #19-32
  • Mutant X Annual 2001
  • The story so far
  • Character color coding
  • Some telepathic misdirection
  • Apocalypse of Earth-1298
  • Charles Xavier of Earth-1298
  • Professor X’s Juggernaut-fightin’ mullet
  • A whole lot of possession
  • Fake Galactus
  • Several fears
  • X-Man of Earth-1298
  • Child batteries
  • The worst place for a portal to the Negative Zone
  • How Hank McCoy became the Brute
  • Vampire problems
  • The Marauders of Earth-1298
  • The Outcasts of Earth-1298
  • Cloak & Dagger of Earth-1298
  • James Hudson of Earth-1298
  • The Avengers of Earth-1298
  • The Beyonder of Earth-1298 who is also kind of the Goblin Force
  • Several additional superheroes
  • A last stand
  • The appeal of alternate timelines
  • Earth-1298’s best glow-ups

NEXT EPISODE: Attack of the Meatspore Stormtroopers!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 469 – Killed by Death

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“Okay, everybody dig in!” (Uncanny X-Men #375)
And the fun begins. (Uncanny X-Men #375)
Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #375)
“Can I touch it?” (Uncanny X-Men #375)
Jaq and Fiz. (X-Men #95)
I can’t be the only one who finds this whole scene hilarious. (X-Men #95)
Well, damn. (X-Men #95)
Ouch. (X-Men Unlimited #25)
NEXT EPISODE: Solo shenanigans!

469 – Killed by Death

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In which the Shattering officially concludes; you can’t swoop over the phone; toddlers are engines of pure chaos; the X-Men do some processing; and we are mildly scandalized by the absence of footnotes.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rama-Tut
  • Evan Sabahnur
  • Uncanny X-Men #375
  • X-Men #95
  • X-Men Unlimited #25
  • Skrull problems
  • One very upsetting way to identify a traitor
  • Skrullverine
  • Fiz and Jaq
  • The Ally
  • A ruse
  • Death’s mask
  • A dramatic revelation
  • Processing
  • The unrealized potential of Spirit Halloween
  • Wolverine memories
  • Rogue’s temporary tattoos
  • Yet another time loop

NEXT EPISODE: We segue into solo series!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 169 – Bad Kansas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
SO, THAT’S GRAPHIC. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Yeah, I’m with Phoenix on this one. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Oh, that’s NEVER good. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
I’m not gonna say that Havok’s hat is the greatest abomination of this world, but it’s a pretty bad hat. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Oh, that makes perfect… sense? (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Seriously. Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
It’s hard to be a Phoenix host in a hell dimension. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Those eyebrows, though. Daaaamn. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Seriously, those things are off the rails. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
And then the Phoenix defeated the Nazis with the power of gayness. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
Well, that’s one way to do it. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
So, yeah. Giant Naked Cosmic Nazi Space Xavier. (Excalibur: Weird War III)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Have we mentioned that Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs? Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Aw, lurking moppets! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Warlock! We’ve missed you! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Well, that’s one way to make friends. (New Mutants Summer Special)
It’s… it’s… A METAPHOR! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Nothing familiar going on here… (New Mutants Summer Special)
Aw, Rahne. Every dang time. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Mookie has a bright future in P.R. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Welcome to Hunter S. Thompson’s Phantom Tollbooth! Meet Manufactured Consent… (New Mutants Summer Special)
…and a possibly-recognizable political figure. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Media literacy is the real superpower! (No, seriously; it’s really important.) (New Mutants Summer Special)
Somewhere, there’s a parallel universe where Brett Blevins is a really successful political cartoonist. (New Mutants Summer Special)
I’m not sure exactly what we’re supposed to get out of this panel. (New Mutants Summer Special)
This kid is so great. (New Mutants Summer Special)
And now, Situation Ethics! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Burn down the establishment, Mookie! Seize the means of production! (New Mutants Summer Special)
Well, that went some places. (New Mutants Summer Special)
Look, we never said it was a subtle story. (New Mutants Summer Special)
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur: The Fill-Ins!

169 – Bad Kansas

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Justin Thyme is a forgotten superstar of comics; Nazis should pretty much never be used as a metaphor; Charles Xavier is somehow even worse than usual; Excalibur may lack object permanence; Phoenix defeats Hitler with the power of gayness; we may have hit Peak Nocenti; Brett Blevins should draw Boom Boom forever; and the New Mutants get a taste of media theory.

X-PLAINED:

  • The exact nature of Shatterstar and Longshot’s relationship
  • Excalibur: Weird War III
  • New Mutants Summer Special: A Mutant in Megalopolis
  • Justin Thyme
  • Bad Kansas
  • Nazi Charles Xavier
  • Kinda-Nazi Moira MacTaggert
  • The Reichsmen
  • Lightning Squad (again)
  • Naked Space Xavier
  • Largely unsuccessful denouement
  • The Wobbly Sneaker Gang
  • Megalopolis
  • Media theory and several of its anthropomorphic personifications
  • Socially conscious comics
  • The Gifted
  • The New Mutants trailer

NEXT EPISODE: Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 165 – Pop Rocks

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Triple gatefold? That’s a lot of gatefold! (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Oh, man, the Starjammers are so cool, even when they’re evil alien duplicates. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
And that was the end of Wolverine, forever. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Not gonna lie: there are a LOT of splash pages and spreads in this visual companion. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
So many reasons, Banshee. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
I mean, technically Wolverine just won back her throne, but, whatever. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Look at all those fancy X-Men! (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Wolverine parties like a Robert E. Howard protagonist. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
I know this is supposed to be sinister, but it’s also kind of hilarious. (You gotta imagine the YOINK SFX in the second panel.) (Uncanny X-Men #275)
PROFESSOR XAVIER IS A JERK! (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Another two-page spread? DON’T MIND IF I DO! (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Pop rocks! (Uncanny X-Men #276)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
I want to watch this movie. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
No, but seriously: Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Well, that got weird. Weirder. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Star Trek reference! Take a drink! Wait, no, that’s not a podcast game, that’s just Jay’s reading game. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Yep, it’s another two-page spread. Don’t blame us–blame Jim Lee! (Uncanny X-Men #277)
…well, that explains some things. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Oh, snap! (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Ooh, callback! Very clever, Gambit. Kinda creepy, but, y’know, clever. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Even when he’s a skrull, it’s pretty satisfying to watch Charles Xavier get punched. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
VAMP! (Uncanny X-Men #277)
NEXT EPISODE: Stealth at all times.

165 – Pop Rocks

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

 

In which Charles Xavier returns to the pages of Uncanny X-Men; Storm is out of our league forever; Miles would be a terrible president; Psylocke picks up the frequent-shower torch; everyone gets possessed; Gambit acts more Sinister than he is; and our NYCC panel is definitely on THURSDAY, not Friday.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Pantheon
  • Uncanny X-Men #275-277
  • Dinosaurs in space
  • A very impressive cover
  • Several kinds of manacle
  • Small children we’d like to see beat up Gladiator
  • Varying levels of Evil Charles Xavier
  • A nefarious plan
  • Double death
  • FailCat Logan
  • Two bad, beautiful babes with really big guns
  • Some excellent sound effects
  • Awesome space fights
  • Shopping with Deathbird
  • Mall vs. maul
  • X-archenemies

NEXT EPISODE: The Kings of Pain!

NOTE: Seriously, the NYCC Panel is on THURSDAY. Not Friday. THURSDAY. It’s official now.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

126 – Live at Rose City Comic Con, with Greg Pak

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Art by David Wynne. No prints this week, but you can contact David to purchase the original!
Art by David Wynne. No prints this week, but you can contact David to purchase the original!

In which we return to Rose City Comic Con and somehow manage to one-up last year’s Stryfe cold open; Greg Pak has secretly written all of the X-books; Cullen Bunn may or may not be watching you RIGHT NOW; the X-Men distill down to murder and kissing; Toshiro Mifune should be everybody; Miles swears first (for once); and we can’t wait to see all of your X-Men roller derby names!

X-PLAINED:

  • Cold open escalation
  • Onslaught
  • Greg Pak
  • Continuity exegesis
  • Marrying history and narrative
  • Murder and kissing
  • X-Treme X-Men vol. 2
  • Reimagining characters across the multiverse
  • Governor-General James Howlett
  • Magneto: Testament
  • Where superheroes should and shouldn’t intersect with geopolitical events
  • Our X-Men buddy-cop duos of choice
  • X-Commencement speakers
  • X-Men roller derby names
  • Contemporary vs. retrospective representations of current events

NEXT WEEK: The New Mutants go to Asgard!

There’s not exactly a visual companion to this episode, but you can find a Rose City Comic Con gallery on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

No prints for sale this time, but you can still contact David Wynne for the original of this week’s illustration!

As Mentioned in Episode 69 – Weird Science

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 8/9/2015 in the shop (once Redbubble’s uploader starts working again, anyway), or contact David for the original.
Just another 70’s monster comic. You’d never know it was about an X-Man. (Amazing Adventures #11)
Drama, destruction, and slightly off-model mutants. (Amazing Adventures #11)
Flashback to Hank leaving the X-Men. Who knows if he’ll ever come back? (Amazing Adventures #11)
In which Carl Maddicks is a total jerk, and Hank McCoy is very good at science. (Amazing Adventures #11)
Great use of panel borders by Tom Sutton on this page. (Amazing Adventures #11)
The Beast at the height of his invulnerability and his creepiness. (Amazing Adventures #11)
Spectacularly horrific splash page by Tom Sutton and Mike Ploog (Amazing Adventure #12)
The closet’s just more trouble than it’s worth. (Amazing Adventure #12)
A visually striking panel of Iron Man flirting with the Beast. (Amazing Adventure #12)
Don’t panic; nothing on this page is actually happening. (Amazing Adventure #12)
Mastermind is as long-winded as Unus is unimpressed. (Amazing Adventure #13)
The Carnival is a haven for the strangest of mutants and the saddest of clowns. (Amazing Adventure #13)
Two mysterious and seemingly boring people arrive at the super-science ultra-mega-labs of the Brand Corporation. (Amazing Adventure #13)
This Beast is a little intense. (Amazing Adventure #13)
When Mastermind loses, he loses hard. (Amazing Adventure #13)
Drama in pajamas. (Amazing Adventure #14)
If you’ve never met Quasimodo the Living Computer… You’re probably fine, actually. (Amazing Adventures #14)
We never learn why Hank went to Patsy’s place to collapse, but the more important question is, why does she keep that Target dorm room floor lamp right in front of the door?(Amazing Adventures #15)
Hank really hasn’t been running his whole life, but film noir dialogue seems appropriate for the debut of the black (soon to be blue) Beast. (Amazing Adventures #15)
At the Xavier School, Scott stands silently in shadow, while Charles and Jean won’t let Warren use the switchboard. (Amazing Adventures #15)
Angel takes things in stride. (Amazing Adventures #15)
Nothing can defeat the hugging power of the Beast. (Amazing Adventures #15)
Hank meets Roy Thomas, and the Juggernaut literally falls out of the sky. (Amazing Adventures #16)
Meanwhile, in Canada… (The Incredible Hulk #161)
Hank continues to make odd choices in pretty much everything. (The Incredible Hulk #161)
The Hulk drops in. (The Incredible Hulk #161)
Wheel of mutants (this is all part of Nixon’s plan). (Captain America #174)
This is what happened in the 616 instead of Watergate. (Captain America #175)
Edward G. Robinson shows up at Avenger auditions. (Avengers #137)
Introducing the new smiling, fun-loving Beast. I wonder why his eyelids are so heavy? (Avengers #137)
The soothing effects of Stevie Wonder and Carlos Castaneda. (Avengers #137)
Patsy Walker finally lives her dream. (Avengers #144)
Family drama at the Indian restaurant. (Marvel Team-Up #124)
Hank has a bad day at the disco. (Avengers #178)
NEXT WEEK: Everything is terrible.

Special thanks to our awesome guest hosts, Elle Collins and Graeme McMillan, who not only covered the episode, but also provided this visual companion AND answered a bunch more questions in text (we’ll be posting those later this week). If you love Elle and Graeme as much as we do and want to hear more of ’em, here’s where to find those two on the web: