storm – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

330 – Suddenly, Ninjas

April 18, 2021 Jay 13 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the podcast turns seven; Matt has officially edited half the podcast; a lot of things are made by metal; Doctor Strange is a big weirdo; Gambit is a scoundrel, not a villain; Wolverine goes goth; Onslaught could probably use a better herald; Bishop fires two guns whilst going aaaaaaa; and we commit to making what sense we can of Onslaught.

X-PLAINED:

How Betsy got her body back
Several simultaneous anniversaries
Uncanny X-Men #329-330
X-Men #50
Some ninja bullshit
A lot of less-benign-than-it-looks racism
Excellent use of a neon sign
An odd couple
The evolution of art tools
Steam vs. metal
Gomurr the Ancient
The Ebon Vein
Catastrophic magic
Our favorite iterations of Doctor Strange
The Crimson Dawn
How one becomes Gomurr the Ancient
Tar (Proctor of the Crimson Dawn)
Post (Herald of Onslaught)
An entity who may or may not be Onslaught
Continuity party tricks
Survivors of the Age of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Brood X!

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As Mentioned in Episode 317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

December 20, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Oh, c’mon, you did NOT need a double gatefold for that. (X-Men #45)

OW.

(Not a metaphor.) (X-Men #45)

Included to showcase some really damn good use of balloon and caption placement. (X-Men #45)

Aw, Rogue. (X-Men #45)

Damn, that’s good composition. (X-Men #45)

Just here to rub salt in the wound by out-glamming you. (X-Men #45)

It’s true: there’s something extra sad about brooding in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #326)

IT SURE IS 1995 IN HERE. (Uncanny X-Men #326)

Seriously, Boomer, don’t be friends with Sabretooth. (Uncanny X-Men #326)

To those of you who get reaction images from these: You’re welcome. (Uncanny X-Men #326)

Gambit clearly subscribes to the Rory Campbell school of rehabilitation. (Uncanny X-Men #326)

Well, WE certainly recognize it! (Uncanny X-Men #326)

Now, that’s a wraparound cover! (X-Men Annual 1995)

Somebody’s been reading Age of Apocalypse. (X-Men Annual 1995)

“They’re never sure how many of them they are, and the uncertainty is difficult to live with.” (X-Men Annual 1995)

These three look like time travelers dressed in what each is certain everyone was wearing in 1995. (X-Men Annual 1995)

At least they’re stylish? I guess? (X-Men Annual 1995)

“I see hair more glam than any in this universe.” (X-Men Annual 1995)

“Several, at this point.” (X-Men Annual 1995)

Well, kinda. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Also, they all, um, teleported away. To a farm. Where they can run and play with the other villains. (X-Men Annual 1995)

NEXT: Leprechauns, obviously.

317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

December 14, 2020 Jay 12 comments

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In which Nicholas Cage is more of a concept than a human being; Rogue’s angst-fueled road trip continues; Gambit and Sinister have complementary aesthetics; there are a lot of Guthries; the Trasks are never up to any good; and whether or not it is canon, Ghost Rider has definitely teamed up with Johnny Cash.

X-PLAINED:

Ghost Rider (film)
Nicholas Cage
Rogue and Gambit
X-Men #45
Uncanny X-Men #326
Uncanny X-Men Annual 1995
A gratuitous gatefold
Alliteration vs. consonance
Osmium
Fancy captions
Aesthetics
Shorts
Gambit vs. Sabretooth
Questionable medical policy
AIDS and the Legacy Virus, revisited
Humanity’s Last Stand
Guthries
Preacher
The evolution of killer robots
Superhero-musician team-ups
Otherworld vs. the M’Kraan crystal

NEXT EPISODE: THE LEPRECHAUNS RETURN

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As Mentioned in Episode 313 – Iguanafall

November 8, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Not even close, but go on. (Storm #1)

Spoiler: no. (Storm #1)

That is some weird-ass product placement. (Storm #1)

This is the worst panel. I hate it and everything it stands for. (Storm #1)

SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THOSE TEETH THIS IS NOT OKAY (Storm #1)

You’d think that context might salvage it. You would be wrong. (Storm #1)

The best character in this miniseries. (Storm #2)

Coooool. (Storm #2)

Misdirection or mistake? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (Storm #1)

I guess this counts as a malicious pose, but I feel like its main victims are her spine and ribcage. (Storm #2)

Hi, Callisto! Bye, Callisto! (Storm #2)

I refuse to accept this as “Daddy.” (Storm #2)

ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew (Storm #3)

Yeah, I don’t quite get it, either. (Storm #3)

“And I TRIPLE-DARE YOU!” (Storm #4)

Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a timeline where Aidan Quinn was cast as Cable, and I want to go there. (Storm #4)

THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO DISPOSE OF A BOMB WHOSE CONTENTS YOU DO NOT KNOW. (Storm #4)

Damn, Storm. Harsh. (Storm #4)

SURE WHY NOT LET’S JUST GO WITH THAT (Storm #4)

Really? You’re going to end your miniseries HERE? (Storm #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Jay has a lot of feelings about this issue of X-Factor

LINKS & FURTHER REPTILES:

This dress was weirdly central to the Internet Discourse of 2015.
We covered Lifedeath II in Episode 45 – A Woman Who Could Fly.
Here’s where you can find some of the more obscure stories we’ve X-Plained:

313 – Iguanafall

November 8, 2020 Jay 12 comments

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In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.

X-PLAINED:

Storm’s pirate adventures
Storm #1-4
Mark Trail
The Morlocks (more) (again)
Unacceptable gradients
Butt murder
Fashion
Several memes of yesteryear
Product placement
The new Worst Panel
Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
How not to identify a body
The Hill (Limbo)
“Daddy”
The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
Still more members of Gene Nation
A new costume
The most obscure stories we’ve covered
That time Wolverine at his own arm

NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 311 – Love Makes a Super Team

October 25, 2020 Jay 2 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This friendship really never gets old. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Freakin’ Genesis, man. (X-Men Annual 1995)

The Nasty Boys, they are not. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Nathaniel Essex: The Hollywood Dracula Years. (X-Men Annual 1995)

The ladies love the cape. (X-Men Annual 1995)

In all fairness, I’m not sure I’d want to be naked in Teen Hank and Bobby’s makeouts cabin without cleaning first, either. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Meanwhile in the UK, a dramatic man and his dramatic ponytail! (X-Men Annual 1995)

I still think the photos were a bit much. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Anniversary or no, this image does not justify a double gatefold. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Jean Grey: thirsty on main. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Me, too, Monet. Me, too/ (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Damn, Piotr. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

“Non, mon ami, I do not have Prince Albert in a can.” (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Marrow may be bloodthirsty, but she’s also inclusive! (Uncanny X-Men #325)

What. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Ew. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

This is why we can’t have nice things and/or organs. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

NEXT EPISODE: The Nobody People, with author Bob Proehl!

311 – Love Makes a Super-Team

October 18, 2020 Jay 16 comments

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In which we decide to stop recognizing the nominal difference between X-Men and Uncanny X-Men; time travel may or may not wait for you; Mister Sinister has probably appeared in at least one Ed Wood film; we are a pro-Tingle podcast; X-Men is about family; the Braddock twins catch up; Sailor Moon > Shinobi Shaw; Generation X is inducted into the baseball tradition; and Storm does what she does with Morlocks in sewers.

X-PLAINED:

Franklin Richards’ impressive lineage
311
Yet another structure for annuals
X-Men Annual 1995
Uncanny X-Men #325
Serious academic discussions
Faye Livingstone
Mister Sinister’s Hollywood adventures
Tyler Dayspring / Tolliver / Genesis (again)
Teenage optimism
An absolutely nonsensical villainous plot
A Hank McCoy that might have been
Friendship
Fraternal correspondence
Romance
Morlocks
The first time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
Gene Nation
A really excessive cover
An intergenerational baseball game
Another fairly nonsensical villainous plot
The second time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
X-horror
Other media X-fans may enjoy reading, playing, or watching

NEXT EPISODE: Bob Proehl X-Plains the Resonant Duology!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 306 – Between Here and There

August 30, 2020 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Kids, send in your answers for a prize! (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Pink was IN for pretty much all projectiles in 1995. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Jeez, Warren, get over it. Everyone has to wear a mask these days. It’s not that hard. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Now I want to see what Bishop would think of Mandy. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

I really like Jean’s family. Shame what Claremont did to them in 2006. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Getting punched by the Juggernaut is a way quicker method of depilation than waxing or electrolysis. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Uncanny X-Men #12-13 could’ve been cut down to about a page and a half if Psylocke had been around. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

This page was very important to young Miles. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

Okay, who spiked the Danger Room? (Uncanny X-Men #323)

X-Force’s former leader, folks. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

Low blow, Trish. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

On one hand, Iceman is a loyal and caring friend. On the other hand, he calls himself The Bobster. It kind of evens out. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

Logan, this is how we got banned from Denny’s, remember? (Uncanny X-Men #323)

The Container Crew. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

DC’s Azrael only wishes he could look this cool. (Uncanny X-Men #324)

Look at my teeth! LOOK AT THEM! (Uncanny X-Men #324)

Would’ve been funnier if it was a vampire bar. (Uncanny X-Men #324)

You said it, Logan. (Uncanny X-Men #324)

1.5 stars in Yelp’s morgue section (Uncanny X-Men #324)

This Fall on CBS! (Uncanny X-Men #324)

Letting Bobby’s call go to voicemail? Jeez, this is almost as bad as that time she blew up a pony! (Uncanny X-Men #324)

NEXT TIME: Hey, it’s these kids!

LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES:

Check out Episode 203 – The X-Man’s Burden for more on the apparent death of the Morlocks!
WHOA, DANG! Jay wrote an official X-Men comic, which comes out on September 16!

306 – Between Here and There

August 30, 2020 Jay 9 comments

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In which we continue our ongoing tour of the post-Age of Apocalypse X-Universe; Onslaught gets a name; nobody’s sure what Noah Dubois is doing there; Iceman gets to be the practical one, for once; T&A should not generally appear on the same visual plane; someone needs to talk to Cannonball about kink safety; and Emma Frost lets a call go to voicemail.

X-PLAINED:

Tarzan fandom
X-Man, summarized
Uncanny X-Men #322-324
Color as a narrative tool
The evolution of Storm’s shower etiquette
How not to relax with Lucas Bishop
Seat-of-the-pants plotting
Parenting
Noah Dubois, sort of
A road trip
Sexiness vs. sexualization
Emma Frost as Caprica Six
How not to walk a supervillain
Cannonball’s uniform
Sack
Vessel
Greycrow (more) (again)
The worst morgue and/or disco ever
Edna and Norton McCoy
Times Rogue has absorbed Colossus’s powers
X-Men: Marvels Snapshot

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)

“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)

“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)

Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)

If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)

It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)

you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)

This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)