Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned on Episode 18 – You’ve Got a Dracula Problem

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Listen to the episode here!

Dr. Nemesis is delightful.
Kinda in love with this cover. (X-Men #159)
What could it be? (X-Men #159)
Ah, there’s the Bill Sienkiewicz we know and love! (X-Men #159)
Note that we are still classily refraining from making a “gave her the D” joke. (X-Men #159)
Well, then. (X-Men #159)
Kitty Van Helsing. (X-Men #159)
Well, that resolved neatly. (X-Men #159)
The crossover leaves something to be desired, but the covers are superlative. (X-Men #1)
Comics industry: This is why we can’t have nice things. This panel. Specifically. (X-Men #1)
Well, that was a rapid and largely unsupported conclusion, Cyclops. (X-Men #1)
“WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A DRACULA PROBLEM.” (X-Men #1)
Blade has all the best toys. (X-Men #2)
You know how sometimes vampires are a metaphor for sex? Yeah, that. (X-Men #2)
Note that the vampire X-Men are just the normal X-Men, but with teeny, adorable fangs. (X-Men #2)
Remember that time Blade Godwin’d an entire crossover event? (X-Men #2)
We won’t lie to you, Cyclops: It’s pretty bad.
That’s very Castlevania 2 of you. (X-Men #2)
On one hand, they’re hella sexualizing a teenager. On the other hand, at least the vampires seem to be pretty body-positive about it? (X-Men #3)
WELL, THEN. (X-Men #3)
“Oh, my god! She’s TERRIBLE AT SPANISH WEB!” (X-Men #3)
Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? (X-Men #3)
So, that happened. (X-Men #3)
In which Wolverine and Jubilee are 100% the bad kids from a Chick Tract. (X-Men #4)
“Vampires? Sure, cher, but first guess what Gambit is wearing…” (X-Men #4)
Curse of the Mutants Cyclops kinda reads like someone who read a bunch of hard-boiled detective novels but didn’t quite understand the jargon. (X-Men #4)
Great idea. Questionable execution–would’ve made a great mid-fight reveal–but great idea. (X-Men #5)
Suddenly, hundreds of ‘shippers felt a great disturbance in the force. (X-Men #5)
Yes, Cyclops. Yes, we are. (X-Men #5)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #5)
Dracula, ladies and gentlemen. (X-Men #5)
He’s not wrong. (X-Men #6)
Creepiest bluff ever? Creepiest bluff ever. (X-Men #6)
The world legitimately needs more Storm-and-Gambit-being-sneaky stories. They’re good bros, those two. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Someday, we’ll do a roundup of every variation of this line that has appeared in an X-book, but not today. (Storm and Gambit #1)
DAMN SKIPPY. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Remember how Dr. Nemesis is delightful? Dr. Nemesis is delightful (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
They do this gag like five times over the course of the issue, and it never stops being funny. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Madison Jeffries and Kavita Rao: also delightful (but not as delightful as Dr. Nemesis). (No one is as delightful as Dr. Nemesis.) (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
See? (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Jury’s still out on this one. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
PITCH: A limited series where Dazzler and Northstar team up with the disco vampires. CALL US, MARVEL. (X-Men vs. Vampires #1)
Next week: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (sort of)!

AND NOW, THE CONTEST WINNERS!

Last week, we asked you to pitch your best ideas for X-Men games to win a download code for the <em>Days of Future Past</em> mobile game. (Thanks again, Glitchsoft!)

Before we announce the winners, let us take a moment to rave: You are brilliant, and we are legitimately pretty pissed off that we can’t play most of these games, because they look awesome. We wish we could give you all prizes.

Based on a complicated imaginary algorithm involving on originality, narrative/gameplay fit and integration, playability, and personal whim, we are pleased to announce that the grand-prize winners are as follow:

Newtype53:

1) The Silver-Age X-Men (taking heavily from Season One and First Class), going right up to the Bronze age with the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix Saga. Why?

2) It’s a Japanese-style “dating sim” game, with a heavy focus on character relations. Any mutant combat will cover RPG elements in an old 8-bit Final Fantasy format, with a 5-man team selectable for the squad.

3) Marvel Girl. However, each of the other original 5 X-Men have their own storyline that unlock after beating Jean’s, with Jean’s storyline being the canon one that follows up through her canonical death as the Dark Phoenix (or does it? Multiple endings with potential happy endings, anyone?). Do you choose to follow the canon and romance Cyclops? What about his brooding brother who just wants a damned normal life? Or the magnificent Angel? The brooding Wolverine? The angry Thunderbird? Do you still love Hank when he’s literally blue? Or are you more into Iceman? The potential is endless! Romance Professor X (ewwwwwww) for the bonus unlockable option to play through a storyline as Professor X, manipulating the hell out of your students to your own ends!

As a bonus, any Mutant met can be drawn into the X-Men through specific dialogue choices, though none of the recruited X-Men can be romanced. However, this may alienate other members of the team, and can even cause them to leave the X-Men!

Craig S:

1) X-Treme X-Men

2) Turn-based RPG

3) James Howlett, Kurt Waggoner, Emmeline Frost, Xavier’s Head, Dazzler

Chrono-trigger style game where you travel from timeline to timeline hunting down evil Charles Xaviers, generally in the order you choose. You’d start with a basic team, and collect new members as you go to their individual timelines.

We’ll be e-mailing you those download codes later today!

We also want to take a moment to acknowledge two other really superlative entries. You do not get download codes, so, as a compensation prize, here is another picture of that panel of Cyclops telling Dracula to follow his heart:

FollowYourHeart

SO ANYWAY.

BEST JUST-FOR-FUN:

Elle:

1. Kitty Pryde and Wolverine (the ’84-85 miniseries)
2. Ninja Gaiden-esque sidescrolling platformer with melodramatic cutscenes. Ninjas ninjas ninjas.
3. Alternate levels as Kitty getting into trouble in Japan and Wolverine trying to find her. In the last level you can choose which of them to play as you fight the other one, but then the winner has to take on final boss Ogun.

BEST NOT-SURE-THIS-ACTUALLY-COUNTS-AS-A-GAME-BUT-WE-ARE-BOTH-IMPRESSED-AND-SLIGHTLY-FRIGHTENED-BY-YOUR-INGENUITY:

McArdle:

1. Name: Siege Perilous: The Game
2. Platform: pervasive throughout your life. You download an app on your phone and it replaces your twitter, your facebook, your instagram, your contacts, and everything else with the media and social life of a better version of yourself. The game is to learn to live as that person. There is no going back.
3. Playable character: you, but maybe a ninja version of you.

18 – You’ve Got a Dracula Problem

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In which Dr. Nemesis is delightful, Bill Sienkiewicz foreshadows himself, Dracula hits on absolutely everyone, Blade Godwins a crossover event, Jubilee get a jet ski, the X-Men do Castlevania 2, Rachel and Miles pick a vacation destination, and Cyclops wants you to follow your heart.

X-Plained:

  • Dr. Nemesis
  • A very good page of a very good comic
  • Dracula variations
  • X-Men #159
  • Appropriate use of holy symbols
  • “The D”
  • Tomb of Dracula
  • Bloodstorm
  • Carrotstorm
  • Curse of the Mutants
  • Jubilee
  • Crossover events
  • Why we can’t have nice things
  • Some really sweet weaponry
  • The Dracula Reassembly Machine
  • Phone sex with Gambit
  • The point of being Lord of the Vampires
  • X-Club
  • Authorial voice in comics
  • Why there probably won’t be a Starjammers movie

Next Episode: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (kind of)!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

“Don’t Worry, I Can Fix It In Post” – An Interview With Bobby Roberts

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Photo courtesy of Bobby Roberts. Used with permission.


Our producer, Bobby Roberts, is fucking awesome. Long ago, when we first moved to Portland, he was half of the only local DJ team we have ever not only voluntarily listened to but actively sought out. These days, Bobby is the warm, beating heart of local geek culture, and somehow manages to be both the coolest and the nicest person we know.

You know that Bobby is awesome, because you’ve been complimenting his work for months now. He’s the man behind the curtain: the guy who takes the podcast from a couple jerks rambling about funnybooks to a pretty tight, professional-sounding show.

Since week one, you’ve been asking us for more info about the production-and-editing end of things, so this week, Rachel sat down with Bobby to learn his dark eldritch secrets. Read on for production tips, mic talk, favorite X-Men, and more; then go binge-listen to Welcome to That Whole Thing, which is, frankly, way better than what we do here.

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Starjammers: The Musical

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The Bollywood Starjammers, by David Wynne
Starjammers: The Musical, by David Wynne

Last week, our kickass Patreon subscribers unlocked monthly illustrations as a milestone goal, and we are tremendously pleased to present the first of those, in which David Wynne brings us the Starjammers as they were always meant to be seen: a musical extravaganza!

Patreon subscribers get a high-res desktop background version of the image. If you want one you can hold, frame, lick, &c., David will have the original for sale here, and prints and cards will be available for the rest of August in our Redbubble shop.

(And if you want the desktop, you can subscribe to the Patreon here!)

Win a Copy of the Days of Future Past Mobile Game!

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Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 4.12.32 PM

UPDATE: WINNERS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED HERE.

Hey, listeners, we have a treat for you!

As we mentioned a few episodes back, Glitchsoft was kind enough to send us a download code so we could try out their Days of Future Past mobile game, which we’ve been enjoying immensely. It’s not exactly Days of Future Past, but–as far as we’re concerned–it’s something better: X-Men Easter Eggs the Game. It plays fast and loose with continuity, but with an obvious eye to the source material–and the same things that differentiate it from canon make it a really fun platformer in ways that evoke–albeit single-player–the classic-for-a-reason beat ’em up. Rachel, who didn’t grow up playing platformers and so never developed Ninja Gaiden reflexes, was particularly impressed with the learning curve: it’s genuinely challenging, but never frustrating to the point of impossibility.

There’s also a lot of unlockable content–characters, costumes, abilities, and bonus materials–and the first three add a lot of replay value, because you can do different things in different levels with different characters. Note also that we said unlockable, not purchaseable: there are no in-app purchases in Days of Future Past, which, as far as we’re concerned, is a huge point in its favor. It probably won’t win any awards, but it’s an awfully enjoyable way to spend an afternoon.

We’re posting about this here not just to recommend Days of Future Past–which we do–but because, in addition to a copy for us to review, Glitchsoft sent us two additional download codes to give away to listeners.

Here’s the skinny:

If you want to win a copy of Days of Future Past, comment on this post BY 10 PM PST ON FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, with three things:

  1. An X-Men story you think would make a good video game;
  2. What genre of game it would be (platformer, RPG, puzzle, &c.); and
  3. A list of playable characters.

UPDATE: WINNERS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED in the Episode 18 “As Mentioned” post.

FINE PRINT:

  • Prizes are courtesy of Glitchsoft.
  • Rachel and Miles are in no way affiliated with Glitchsoft, Marvel, Disney, the Xavier Institute, the Jean Grey School, the Shi’ar Empire, the Hellfire Club, the Massachusetts Academy, or anyone but our own bad selves (and, limitedly, Comics Alliance, which is in no way involved in this contest).
  • This contest is entirely subjective! Feel free to pander to our tastes, but bear in mind that we’ll probably be more favorably inclined to things we haven’t thought of ourselves.
  • Decisions cannot be appealed. This is a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy.
  • We’ll be evaluating based solely on the three categories we mentioned above; no bonus points for art or additional materials.
  • You can provide context and explanations if you want, but please keep ’em under 50 words; we’re not going to read through ten-page pitch documents. (Also, bear in mind that you’re competing for a $2.99 game–maybe try to keep the amount of work you put in proportional to that.)
  • Winners will be announced on August 10. The codes expire on AUGUST 19. Use ’em or lose ’em.
  • Sorry, Android users: Days of Future Past is currently iOS only. We obviously have no way of regulating this, but gunning for a game just so someone else can’t play it is a total dick move. Please don’t do that.
  • If you want to play along but don’t want a download code, please put **JUST FOR FUN** at the top of your comment.

 

As Mentioned in Episode 17 – The Island of Dr. Corbeau

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Listen to the episode here!

Is there a friendship equivalent to “we ‘ship it”? Because, that. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
And you think it’s a pain when your parents visit. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
Corsair, X-Plained. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
Cyclops: Not all that quick on the uptake. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
Remember when this happened and it was hilarious? (Uncanny X-Men #114)
Get used to it, kid. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
Roy and Phil are the new Harvey and Janet. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
That’s… pretty valid, actually. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
Corsair does a lot of X-Plaining this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #154)
In Cyclops’s defense, he did, in fact, have the worst childhood ever. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
This is basically how the Shi’ar say Hello. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
Never change, Kitty Pryde. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
The lady in the fuchsia coat is hardcore judging you, Corsair. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
The Brood’s arsenal includes a super rad op-art ray. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
‘Kay, then. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
Wolveine is hella into fighting with the Brood, which is good, because he’s gonna be doing a lot of that a couple arcs from now. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
Spoiler: He’s gonna be okay. (Uncanny X-Men #155)
REMEMBER THESE BADASSES? They’re back. And we love them. (Uncanny X-Men #156)
We weren’t kidding when we said Phil and Roy were the new Harvey and Janet. (Uncanny X-Men #156)
THE STARJAMMERS ARE SO RAD THAT WE CAN ONLY TALK ABOUT THEM IN ALL CAPS. (Uncanny X-Men #156)
Hepzibah demonstrates the proper way to interrupt a dramatic moment. P.S. REMEMBER WHEN WE SAID THE STARJAMMERS ARE FUCKING DELIGHTFUL? THE STARJAMMERS ARE FUCKING DELIGHTFUL, YOU GUYS. (Uncanny X-Men #156)
The Brood are dicks, man. (Uncanny X-Men #156)
It’s okay. He’ll be back. (Uncanny X-Men #157)
Yeah, we’re not sure what’s going on in that first outfit, either. (Uncanny X-Men #157)
Uncanny X-Men #157, in which Kitty Pryde saves the world with costumes. Like, seriously.
And then, for no apparent reason, she changes into a Peter Pan outfit. You do you, Kitty. You do you. (Uncanny X-Men #157)
Meanwhile, in Avengers Annual #10, it’s raining Marvels.
Fun fact: Jessica Drew is long-time buds with the X-Men. (Avengers Annual #10)
Well, that explains it. (Uncanny X-Men #158)
Rogue’s default villain M.O. was really, really creepy. (Avengers Annual #10)
REMEMBER HOW THAT HAPPENED AND NONE OF THE AVENGERS SAW ANY PROBLEM WITH IT? (Avengers Annual #10)
You know the runs that gymnasts do as the lead-up to really spectacular tumbling passes? This is Chris Claremont’s equivalent, only instead of doing a bunch of flips, he is going to call out some of the most bullshit writing of the previous year. (Avengers Annual #10)
STANDING. FUCKING. OVATION. That said, it’s pretty depressing that this came out in 1981 and still reads as a lot more progressive than the handling of sexual violence in a lot of current comics. (Avengers Annual #10)
The return of Dr. Peter Corbeau. (Uncanny X-Men #158)
I WONDER IF THIS WILL BECOME RELEVANT LATER. (Uncanny X-Men #158)
Senator Kelly: Still a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #158)
“Hey, Alex, you know how all you wanted was a normal life? Yeah, I just dropped by to tell you our dad’s been alive for the last twenty years. And he’s a space pirate. And your hat looks stupid.” (Uncanny X-Men #158)
Object lesson: Everyone is Mystique. Everyone is always Mystique. (Uncanny X-Men #158)
Can we talk for a sec about Rogue’s superlative villainface game? (Uncanny X-Men #158)
CAROL MOTHERFUCKING DANVERS. (Uncanny X-Men #158)
Next week is going to be SO AWESOME.

Links and additional reading:

17 – The Island of Dr. Corbeau

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In which we make our Comics Alliance debut, Cyclops makes a startling discovery, Carol Danvers joins the team (sort of), Chris Claremont calls out some bullshit, Havok still has terrible taste in hats, and Peter Corbeau gets his own theme music

Content note: In this episode, we spend a lot of time talking about a rape that occurs in a previous Avengers arc, the community and narrative response thereto, and the larger landscape and ethics of portrayals of sexual violence in superhero comics.

X-Plained

  • Mystique’s mercurial alliances
  • Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men
  • Uncanny X-Men #154-158
  • Avengers Annual #10
  • Bollywood Starjammers
  • The dread Psi-Scream
  • Shi’ar Fashion Technology
  • Dr. Peter Corbeau (more) (again)
  • Rogue
  • Carol Danvers
  • The Whole Marcus Thing
  • Chris Claremont vs. rape culture
  • Computers
  • Gender politics of the Dark Phoenix Saga

Next week: Dracula!

Clarification, since we neglected to specify in the episode: Avengers #200 was written by James Shooter, George Pérez, Bob Layton, and David Michelinie; Avengers Annual #10 was written by Chris Claremont.

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

YAYBO! We’re on Comics Alliance!

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xplain_on_ca

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men makes its official Comics Alliance debut with Episode 17: The Island of Dr. Corbeau!

A quick note on what this means going forward:

If you listen to the podcast here, or via iTunes or Stitcher, nothing’s changing. New episodes and visual companions will continue to go up at rachelandmiles.com every Sunday.

BUT new episodes will also be up a few days eariler–Thursdays–at Comics Alliance and on their YouTube channel.

CA is one of our favorite comics sites (full disclosure: Rachel’s a regular contributor, but we’ve been reading it since long before), and we’re really, really excited to be joining badasses like War Rocket Ajax and the Arkham Sessions in its lineup.

For CA listeners who’ve made their way back to us, here are some links to help you get started:

Thanks for listening!

About That Cyclops News

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cyclops3_renaudvariant
Cyclops #3, Paul Renaud variant

Since it’s already come up on Twitter, we want to take a minute to address Sunday’s announcement that writer Greg Rucka will be leaving Cyclops after issue five.

If you’ve been following this podcast–or Rachel elsewhere–for any length of time, you know that we love Greg, we love Cyclops, and we love Greg’s work on the Cyclops ongoing. We are of course sorry to see him leave–but we absolutely support his decision.

More, we are so glad to have seen one of our favorite writers (and human beings) set the tone and bar for a title that’s come to mean a lot to both of us. We’re looking forward to reading the remaining three issues of his run–and we fervently hope oncoming writer John Layman will continue in the same spirit.

We also want to take this opportunity to address something that’s likely to come up again as we delve into more series and creators come and go:

As far as we are concerned, it is never, ever cool to hassle or guilt-trip a creator for leaving a company-owned book, and–assuming they’ve not been disclosed publicly–their reasons for doing so are nobody else’s business.

Some of the discretion we choose to exercise here is a matter of professional courtesy or necessity–we’re both comics-industry professionals, and one of us is an employee at a publisher. Mostly, though, it’s a matter of basic human decency. Comics creators are people, and it’s important to us to respect their personal/professional boundaries, just as we want and expect others to respect ours. Gossip and speculation about other people’s intentions are really, really not welcome here.

Greg is a friend, so in this case it’s a little more personal than usual–but as far as we’re concerned, that’s a hard line, one we’ll be both observing in the podcast and enforcing in the comments.

TL;DR – If you want to complain about Greg Rucka leaving Cyclops or speculate about his reasons for doing so, you need to take that shit elsewhere.