Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 502 – Milkshakes of Despair

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Alternately, maybe don’t date Ego the Living Planet. (Gambit #23)
Ma’am you are wearing all neon (Gambit #23)
“…the Terran name that has been given to my uniform: Carl!” (Gambit #23)
Lip massage. (X-Men #107)
Rogue knows how to turn a bad day into a good day. (X-Men #107)
TBH, same, Rogue. (X-Men #107)
It’s cool; he’s into it. (X-Men #107)
Welcome back, Bishop! (X-Men #107)
There’s something going on with Colossus’s arms that I don’t entirely understand. (X-Men Unlimited #29)
okay but by this token HALF THE EARTH HAS BEEN ENTIRELY DESTROYED and i am pretty sure this is not addressed post-event (X-Men Unlimited #29)
I know this is a really serious moment; but also, oh, my. (X-Men Unlimited #29)
I find this panel very funny. That’s all. (X-Men Unlimited #29)
NEXT EPISODE: Dream’s rather anticlimactic end!

502 – Milkshakes of Despair (Maximum Security, Part 2 of 2)

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In which t’ieves and assassins dress to impress; Bishop returns; Rogue and Carol Danvers have a moment; and the revolution will be stored on compact disc.

X-PLAINED:

  • The New Son
  • The First Half of Maximum Security
  • Gambit #23
  • X-Men #107
  • X-Men Unlimited #29
  • Maximum Security #3 (briefly)
  • Several of Gambit’s buddies
  • How to dress for… stealth? I guess?
  • Heth’sa of the planet Culth
  • Where Carl the X-Cutioner got his silly outfit
  • A heist
  • How to restore your lost honor without messing up the timeline
  • 12-18 milkshakes
  • What Colossus is into these days
  • Vampire clowns (maybe)
  • Z’Cann
  • The Blood Brothers
  • Vibes memories
  • A big fight
  • A touching moment of touching
  • Mechamage, briefly
  • Quasar, superficially
  • Cadre K
  • The Skrull cows
  • Writing for the trade vs. podcast pacing
  • Limits of power-cancelling accessories

NEXT EPISODE: Dream’s Rather Anticlimactic End!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

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Now that we look at them again, the D’Bari were really more Asparagus People than Broccoli People. (Uncanny X-Men #387)
What’s wrong with this picture? (Uncanny X-Men #387)
…I mean, Corsair does make some good points. (Uncanny X-Men #387)
In honor of Cerise: lip massage time! (Uncanny X-Men #387)
“C’mon, mess with us – make our day!!” (Uncanny X-Men #387)
Hey, it’s a Darkmantle! And also yet another instance of a character getting swallowed and slimed! (Uncanny X-Men #387)
That panel reference, though. (Uncanny X-Men #387)
In which Max Power discovers raves. (Iron Man #35)
In which Max Power improves raves. (Iron Man #35)
It’s magic dirt. (Iron Man #35)
What I love is that this scene implies that the spore of Ego the Living Planet has a detailed understanding of retro-idyllic middle America. (Iron Man #35)
PORCH GUY MOUTH (Iron Man #35)
Ego, the Living Town. (Iron Man #35)
Babies always look cuter to their parents than to anyone else. (Iron Man #35)
Welcome back, Bishop! (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
He’s about to say “Micro Machines.” He’s missed them in his time away. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
I don’t know how to say this, man, but I don’t think your girlfriend is good for you. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
“If you’d like to know more, son, just listen to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men episodes 387 through 500.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
“And your nose.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
Man, I missed this guy. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
I feel like Deathbird played the “I’m not touching you” game a lot as a kid. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
Aww, these two. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
NEXT TIME: Maximum Security concludes!

501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

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In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka.

X-PLAINED:

  • The fate of the D’Bari
  • Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet
  • Maximum Security #1
  • Uncanny X-Men #387
  • Iron Man #35
  • Bishop the Last X-Man #15
  • Voting in space
  • A bad plan
  • U.S. Agent (John Walker)
  • A peculiar marketplace
  • A dangerous hat
  • Starhammer
  • Space romance problems
  • Breaking into Earth
  • Max Power
  • Magic dirt
  • Littletown, Nebraska
  • An extremely upsetting baby
  • A very impressive crash landing
  • What Bishop’s been up to
  • Human X-characters we’d like to see more of
  • Some kid named Michael
  • Trading cards we’d like

NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security concludes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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500 – People Who Stick Together

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In which we sure did that.

X-PLAINED:

  • Miracles of magnetism
  • Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security!

Special thanks to:

  • Producer, fellow musketeer, and all-around mensch Matt Hunter
  • Episode 500 guests David Maybury and Josephine Riesman
  • Illustrator David Wynne
  • Producers Emeritus Bobby Roberts, Kyle Yount, and Kurt Lloyd
  • Parental-leave pinch hitters Al Kennedy and Dylan Higgins
  • Everyone who’s made the X-comics what they are
  • Our families, friends, and enablers
  • Our kickass patrons, who make this podcast possible
  • All of our listeners, who make this podcast worthwhile

Please consider this to be the visual companion to episode 500.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 499 – Light Me, Boy!

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We just want them to be happy! (X-Force #110)
That Jorge Lucas sure can draw. (X-Force #110)
GUN ARMS GUN ARMS (X-Force #110)
“The dishes… are done.” (X-Force #110)
“I mean, I’m going to space to get married and have a kid eventually, but not, like, yet.” (X-Force #110)
Next up is the PowerPoint presentation. (X-Force #110)
That shirt is held together by the sheer power of the Comics Code Authority. (X-Force #111)
X-FOOOOORRRRRCCCEEE (X-Force #111)
I guess they take after their dad? Kind of? (X-Force #111)
Deep (cerebral) tissue massage. (X-Force #111)
Listen, Valentina, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb! And I guess the green liquid in those lady-tubes is maybe somewhere in between! (X-Force #111)
In which the link between SHIELD and OSI from The Venture Bros is even more obvious than usual. I think it’s the inking. (X-Force #112)
Timely… (X-Force #112)
Racal x-plains his extremely belated remorse. (X-Force #112)
I guess those lava lamp babies actually had it kind of good. (X-Force #112)
X-Force has always been a subtle book. (X-Force #113)
Yep. Subtle. (X-Force #113)
Half a world away, Cable smiles and doesn’t know why. (X-Force #113)
Awesome x4 (X-Force #113)
Striptease speedrun! (X-Force #113)
NEXT TIME: Somehow we’ve made 500 of these?!

Jay’s X-Major Arcana

  • 0 Fool – Wolverine (Logan)
  • 1 Magician – Forge
  • 2 High Priestess – Storm
  • 3 Empress – Emma Frost
  • 4 Emperor – Cyclops
  • 5 Hierophant – Charles Xavier
  • 6 Lovers – Gambit and Rogue
  • 7 Chariot – Magneto
  • 8 Justice – Bishop
  • 9 Hermit – Mystique
  • 10 Wheel of Fortune – Destiny
  • 11 Strength – Mirage with Wolfsbane
  • 12 Hanged Man – Havok (alt. Iceman)
  • 13 Death – Archangel
  • 14 Temperance – Nightcrawler
  • 15 Devil – Sebastian Shaw
  • 16 Tower – Quentin Quire
  • 17 Star – Hope
  • 18 Moon – Magik
  • 19 Sun – Shadowcat
  • 20 Judgement – Phoenix
  • 21 World – Krakoa

499 – Light Me, Boy!

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In which we meet some delightful monsters; Cannonball is a man who knows how to wear overalls; Domino is the Leslie Knope of X-Force; red liquid babies deserve love, too; and not all British authors know each other.

X-PLAINED:

  • A murder
  • X-Force #110-113
  • Peak butts
  • Domestic bliss
  • Misplaced guilt
  • Several monsters
  • Comics Codium
  • Warborgs and/or Rawborgs
  • Poison problems
  • Additional monsters
  • SHIELD business
  • Large guns
  • Still more monsters
  • How monsters interact with the Bechdel Test
  • Cuckoo
  • Prescribed narcotics
  • Life Model Decoys (more) (again)
  • X-major arcana

NEXT EPISODE: Apparently we’ve made 500 of these?

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 498 – Home Depot Ossuary

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The Twisted Sisters: “Never heard of ’em.” (X-Men #105)
Torque. Pretty sure that’s not the Invisible Woman in there. (X-Men #105)
Dun dun dun dun dun, Inspector Coil (X-Men #105)
More Logan backstory! MORE! (X-Men #105)
Does Nightcrawler teleport out of his clothes at the end of the day? (X-Men #105)
Psylocke should have worn her unstable cocktail dress. (X-Men #105)
A building sealed with the impenetrable perfection of boards. (X-Men #106)
I submit that if the Neo losing their powers for a few weeks could do this, there maaaaaay have been some flaws with their civilization. (X-Men #106)
Rogue PTUIs for us all. (X-Men #106)
Comics! (X-Men #106)
Just like DARE told us! (X-Men #106)
Hi, new Super Sabre and Crimson Commando! Bye, new Super Saber and Crimson Commando! (X-Men #106)
Behold, the effects of X-Men Forever! (X-Men #106)
Rogue, super spy. (X-Men #106)
Problem solved! (X-Men #106)
Hey, it’s that one scene from the X-Men Evolution intro that’s also that one scene from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! (Uncanny X-Men #386)
“I’ve kissed the lips that kissed you!” (Uncanny X-Men #386)
Thanks for breaking the tension, Paolo. (Uncanny X-Men #386)
WHEEEEE (Uncanny X-Men #386)
See? Not so judgey of Lee Forrester now, are we? (Uncanny X-Men #386)
NEXT TIME: X-Force versus monsters! Again!

498 – Home Depot Ossuary

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In which the Twisted Sisters are vanquished by water; there is no way to make Stryfe cool; and the X-Men fight a hurricane.

X-PLAINED:

  • Ego the Living Planet and his dysfunctional family
  • X-Men #105-106
  • Uncanny X-Men #386
  • The Neo (more) (again)
  • The state of Psylocke and Archangel’s relationship
  • The Twisted Sisters
    • Helix
    • Coil
    • Gyre
    • Ringlet
    • Torque
  • Pelicans
  • Bad decisions of past Jay and Miles
  • A mysterious stranger
  • Unrealized plans
  • Mystique and Wolverine’s forgotten friendship
  • Neo infrastructure
  • Big Casino’s name
  • An unlikely hybrid
  • A surprisingly large femur
  • The new Brotherhood
  • Lee Forrester (again)
  • Weather
  • Fan history

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force vs. Warborgs

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 497 – Stranger Things

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Astra: shows up for two pages, is a hilarious jerk, refuses to elaborate, leaves. (X-Men Forever #4)
Seriously, there’s a name for the linked-circles-phone-call-thing, right? (X-Men Forever #4)
Getcher Lava Lamp Babies! Three fer the price o’ two! (X-Men Forever #4)
Science is making me feel uncomfortable… (X-Men Forever #4)
Anyway, here’s the history of literally everything. (X-Men Forever #4)
In the future, we will all look more like we do in the movies! (X-Men Forever #5)
Oof, right in the bobbies. (X-Men Forever #5)
It’s Jean’s alternate-alternate-future daughter! (X-Men Forever #5)
“I could defeat you with a single twitch of my left mustache.” (X-Men Forever #6)
“How do I get out of this conversation gaaahhhh he just keeps talking I do NOT want to hear any more about cryptocurrency” (X-Men Forever #6)
In which the art reaches for the stars. (X-Men Forever #6)
A day in the life of an information technology professional. (X-Men Forever #6)
Toad 2.0! Or like, 7.0 if you count all the inconsistencies in his past depictions. (X-Men Forever #6)
Mystique 2.0! But if the first X-Men movie crossed over with Tron. (X-Men Forever #6)
In case you’re wondering, the Stranger’s mustache was already like that even before he got punched in the nose. (X-Men Forever #6)
Toad, as is often the case, has learned nothing. (X-Men Forever #6)
Next time: X-Force gets even more x-treme!