flashbacks – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 7 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

If you haven’t yet, check out our rad new cover art, along with a time-lapse video from artist Peter Nguyen!

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 13 comments

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In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
Brooding in multiple ways at once.
Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
Reconciling cross-universe timelines
The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
Comparative Summers Backstory
Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
Brood problems
The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
Diablo (Earth-295)
Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
The fall of the Guthrie family
An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
A trip to the moon
Death (Maximus Boltagon)
Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 273 – The Back-End Creep

November 17, 2019 Jay 2 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Ouch. (Wolverine #85)

Do you think Cable got there early and then waited for someone to say his name so he could make a dramatic entrance? (Wolverine #85)

here is your large adult son (Wolverine #85)

Aw, man, right in the feels. (Wolverine #85)

And again. (Wolverine #85)

I like this cover more than it probably deserves. (Cable #16)

Lang’s tiny panties might be the weirdest thing about the whole Phalanx situation. (Cable #16)

Well, that happened. (Cable #16)

Cable vs. Derrida. (Cable #16)

He really never learns. (Cable #16)

It’s cute how anyone ever thinks Cameron Hodge is going to accept defeat with grace. (Cable #16)

GET IT? ‘CAUSE HE’S POINTY! (Cable #16)

NEXT EPISODE: Talking House of X and Powers of X with Chris Eddleman!

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

WHOA DANG WE’VE BEEN ON A LOT OF PODCASTS LATELY!
- Miles joined Titan Up the Defense for Tales of the Haunted Disco Barn…
- …and got his Dracula on in Exiled’s Assault on Camelot Eternal!
- Meanwhile, Jay joined the Fantasticast for a look at Karma’s debut!
Did you know that Jay co-wrote a Thor novel? Because that happened. (Lila Cheney is in it, so you know it’s gonna be cool.)

273 – The Back-End Creep (The Phalanx Covenant, Part 3 of 3)

November 17, 2019 Jay 9 comments

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In which we have been on All the Podcasts; Full Shred Thrash is easier to say that it sounds; the Phalanx uses dial-up; Cable is a very large man; Larry Hama writes excellent banter; Cyclops has been progressively desensitized to plane crashes; Cameron Hodge is never graceful in defeat; and Final Sanction is actually about family.

X-PLAINED:

Mithras
A large number of guest appearances
Thor: Metal Gods
The Phalanx Covenant so far
Full Shred Thrash
Adam Kubert
Wolverine #85
Cable #16
Gorp, Waldo, and Apache
Popping silk
A Summers family reunion
Jean and Nathan
Jean Grey’s astral form
Genetics
Several airplanes
Mountain climbing
Gelatinous yahoos
Several impermanent deaths
Pregnant X-team members
Outside references to the X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: House of X, feat. Chris Eddleman

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 259 – Kwannon Leap

August 11, 2019 Jay 4 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Does this remind anyone else of the choreography of “Glory” from Pippin? To those two of you now imagining these three soft-shoeing through a battlefield: you’re welcome. (X-Men #31)

Spiral X-Plains a thing or three. (X-Men #31)

The eye fairy left you a present! (X-Men #31)

One of those important relationship talks. (X-Men #31)

“Also, I brought you some eyes.” (X-Men #31)

See what we meant about the alternating forms? (X-Men #31)

While Kwannon’s story leaves a lot to be desired, I’m glad she at least got to die closer to its center. (X-Men #31)

Chekhov’s battle banter! (X-Men #32)

Man, fuck Nyorin. (X-Men #32)

Epitath by Claremont. (X-Men #32)

Someday a very confused student is going to fish those out of the lake. (X-Men #32)

In case you were wondering whether Gambit was cool as a teenager: No. (X-Men #33)

WHY WOULD YOU GIVE SABRETOOTH THIS ABILITY WHY (X-Men #33)

In this house we appreciate Henri LeBeau and Henri LeBeau’s mustache. (X-Men #33)

“So, I’ve been reading Spider-Man…” (X-Men #33)

Obviously not, Gambit, or you’d be in Antarctica right now. (X-Men #33)

NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.

LINKS & FURTHER HAWK TALK:

We discussed the first version of Psylocke’s transformation in Episode 137 – Kicky Kinko Killers; and the second, which introduced Kwannon, in Episode 222 – A Tale of Two Betsys.

Night on Earth is a brilliant movie, and also the main source of our Roberto Begnini hipster cred.

If you like your dives deep and granular, we highly recommend Chris and Robert’s dialogic annotations, HoX PoX ToX.

259 – Kwannon Leap

August 11, 2019 Jay 19 comments

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In which fix-it fic goes canon (or vice versa); Psylocke is a complicated individual and/or individuals; assassins have complicated personal lives; it is probably ethical to tell your teammates about your camera eyes; Beast takes over Blue Team; we get our first tease of Generation X; Sabretooth is a surprisingly fun narrator; that Hickman fellow seems to know what he’s doing; and you should totally come see us at FlameCon!

X-PLAINED:

X-Men #31-33
What Forge does in his downtime
Several retcons, including a metaretcon
Psylocke (Betsy Braddock)
Revanche (Kwannon)
What we are not wearing
Hawks
Digital Chameleon
Assassin romance
What actually (probably) (mostly) happened to Betsy and Kwannon
The Eye Fairy
The death of Kwannon
The future of the Xavier School
The last will and testament of Emma Grace Frost
Rogue and Gambit’s breakfast-cereal habits
All the eyes you’ve been given
Nyorin’s “diary”
A murder cliché
Genevieve Darceneaux
BabyGoth Gambit
Henri LeBeau and his majestic mustache
Our (very early) thoughts on HoX/PoX

NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

COME SEE US AT FLAMECON!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

June 23, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Aw, these kids. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

THEY’RE SO BAD AT BEING PEOPLE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

I also love them. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Really, this is one of those issues that just makes me want the X-Men to always be happy and never have to do any superhero stuff. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Fucking hawks, always poaching passes on the gridiron. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Jean “Grab fate by the throat and hold on until it stops moving” Grey. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

What do YOU think Jean is saying here? Fill in her word balloon for a chance to, I dunno, I guess we could publish a gallery of them? (Uncanny X-Men #208)

The second scariest face in this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Excellent use of ironic juxtaposition, there. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

It’s very text-heavy in Charles Xavier’s brain. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

“Now, let’s talk about my silvery mane.” (Uncanny X-Men #209)

I bet he wouldn’t be so depressed if he knew how good his depression beard looked! (Uncanny X-Men #209)

WHY DOES NOBODY IN THIS UNIVERSE HAVE APPROPRIATE PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES?! (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Version 1. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Version 2. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Ah, there it is. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

“Funny, I don’t remember that day being quite so caption-heavy.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

“Later, we’re all going to go break into the zoo and flash the zebras. Trust us. It’s TRADITION.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

Not a lot, Carl. Not a lot. (Uncanny X-Men #210)

“Look, Nathan, this is basically how we bond in my family.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

He just hangs out in that position. (Uncanny X-Men #210)

“Let’s see. I went after a man in hospice care and got my ass kicked. What’s even lower-hanging fruit?” (Uncanny X-Men #210)

I can’t stop imagining them having to bat those captions out of the way as they run forward. (Uncanny X-Men #210)

He looks so mad about it! (Uncanny X-Men #210)

NEXT EPISODE: Obviously.

LINKS & FURTHER HEADLINES

Max is a hero to the people.*
*Jay

253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

June 23, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which an engagement begins; Jean Grey’s Walden Puddle counterpart is definitely Nicole; Cyclops is the telepathic equivalent of a pit trap with spikes at the bottom; Charles Xavier’s subconscious is very dialogue-heavy; nobody ever has appropriate professional boundaries; Cable dabbles in passive aggression; and the best is yet to come.

X-PLAINED:

Some of Blaquesmith’s recent activities
Uncanny X-Men #308-310
A very sweet retcon
Thanksgiving “traditions”
How to scare crows
Emplates
Feelings and telepathy
A proposal
A misprint
Thanksgiving at the Xavier School
A somewhat alarming manifestation of a conscience
The lies Charles Xavier tells himself
Xavier’s depression beard
The evolution of Amelia Voght
Angry Claremontean Narrator: The Movie
The anticlimactic return of Carl “X-Cutioner” Denti
An unexpected resolution
Foreshadowing
Trans voices in the larger comics conversation

NEXT EPISODE: The wedding!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

HAPPY PRIDE! This month, we’re donating all of the proceeds from our TeePublic shopto Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 195 – Johnny Got His Robot Arm

April 29, 2018 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

LOOK AT ALL THOSE POUCHES. (X-Force #8)

And now for something completely different. (X-Force #8)

Fun fact: You can drop this dialogue into almost any panel involving Cable and at least one other character, and it’ll still work. (X-Force #8)

On one hand: Mignola is great. On the other hand: I have some questions about the decision to just straight-up draw Garrison Kane as Marlon Brando. (X-Force #8)

Aw, A.I.M., you wacky kids. (X-Force #8)

Cable’s sense of drama is ON POINT. (X-Force #8)

Domino is pretty genre-aware. (X-Force #9)

Not gonna lie: I dig Liefeld’s take on Blob. (X-Force #9)

If you weren’t imagining Feral’s line in the voice of a 10-year-old Danny Tamberelli, congratulations: you are now. (X-Force #9)

‘Kay. (X-Force #9)

And that, kids, is why balloon placements matter. (I mean, there are a lot of other reasons, too. But this is one of them.) (X-Force #9)

Stryfe’s armor doesn’t just have nipples. Stryfe’s armor has FOUR nipples. (X-Force #10)

Nothing is okay about this picture. (X-Force #10)

Speaking of likenesses, remember the time Cannonball was David Bowie? (X-Force #10)

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur vs. the Anti-Phoenix!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

Shing Yin Khor’s A.I.M. comics are delightful.
Jay’s Bela Lugosi is but a pale imitation of the real deal.

195 – Johnny Got His Robot Arm

April 29, 2018 Jay 23 comments

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In which Jay may have Stockholm syndrome; Nick Fury is objectively sillier than G. W. Bridge; we get a brief artistic reprieve; Cable’s legal expertise does not extend to trademarks; our favorite Ship returns; Miles’s grandmother calls it like it is; Sauron is bad at taxonomy; and Garrison Kane is basically a very violent Inspector Gadget.

X-PLAINED:

Brother Mutant
X-Force #8-10
X-Force (again)
A protracted flashback
The Wild and/or Six Pack
A heist
A trap
Yet more Ed Wood references
A future
The Professor (Ship)
Gratuitous face shadows
A mystery
Cable casting
Several misplaced word balloons
The logistics of tentacle arms
The High Lords (Externals)
Michael Bay’s Johnny Got His Gun
General Clark and his diving suit
Good Magneto stories
How to get your dad into X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur vs. the Anti-Phoenix!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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