G.W. Bridge – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 395 – Boxer Briefs of Humanity

December 18, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Weirdest disco ball I’ve ever seen, Sarge, and I used to hang out at that evil disco Dazzler used to play at.” (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Maybe this is why the X-Men refuse to use the phone. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Shades of Weapon X. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Jeez Nathan just ring the freakin’ doorbell (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Rose Gilberti, you were too good for this world. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

World 1-4 (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Dun duh dun duh dun, Inspector Aaron (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Cable’s psychic link x-plains Machine Man (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Look, I know the IT department has gotten messy over the course of the pandemic, you don’t have to rub it in (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

EWWW (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Aww shit we’ve wandered into a TED Talk (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Sometimes I wish PowerPoint had never been invented (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

And sometimes, as a joke, the Siege Perilous will transform a robot into a naked man with a goatee. (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Attacked by exposition (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Go-Go Gadget Free Will! (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

EWWW NOW HE’S DOING IT TOO (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

NEXT TIME: The Old New Mutants meet the New New Mutants

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

The Marvel Universe of Superheroes Exhibition (currently at OMSI in Portland, Oregon).
- You can check out Jay’s article Beyond the Mutant Metaphor in the exhibit’s catalogue!

395 – Boxer Briefs of Humanity

December 18, 2022 Miles 7 comments

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In which Jay has exciting news, Rick Leonardo draws an impressively creepy mad scientist’s lair, the clouds are purple and so is the prose, Powers of X gets a subtle prequel 21 years early, Cable’s own tolerance has finally reached zero, and we summarize Bastion’s backstory way, way faster than Bastion does.

X-PLAINED:

Machine Man (X-51) (Aaron Stack)
Operation Zero Tolerance (more) (again)
Jay’s upcoming parental leave
Bastion (Sebastion Gilberti)
M-Tech
Powerman 5000
Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998
Hobgits and their sound effects
Street Fighter: the Roleplaying Game
Batroc ze Lepair
Jack Kirby’s 2001: A Space Odyssey
X-51 / X-23 overlaps
Classic Summers Family Bullshit
Psionic soapboxes
What makes Bastion a compelling villain
The necessity of companions
Master Mold 3.0 & Nimrod 2.0
Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998
Terrible font choices
ZORCH
Cable vs. floors
The carbon footprint of robotic fascism
Marvel Comics Presents #17-24 (just a little)
Incredible Hulk Annual #7 (just a tad)
The Siege Perilous
The future of Machine Man
The hypothetical 2022 version of Bastion
Historical events in which we’d love to see long-lived mutants take part

NEXT WEEK: We take a break for the holidays!

IN TWO WEEKS: The Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men 2022 Giant-Size Winter Special!

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Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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As Mentioned in Episode 393 – Camping With Uncle Mustang

November 27, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Aw, man. (Wolverine #115)

Go, Jubilee! (Wolverine #115)

It never really gets old. (Wolverine #115)

Five X-Men in an elevator. (Wolverine #115)

Meet Mustang! (Wolverine #116)

“Hey. Hey. Wake up. Hey.” (Wolverine #116)

Aw, Mustang, no. (Wolverine #116)

Definitely the creepiest version of the Prime Sentinels. (Wolverine #117)

Dr. Whatever-his-name-is and his fancy mad-science lab. (Wolverine #117)

Been a (traumatic) while. (Wolverine #117)

The inevitable finally occurs. (Wolverine #117)

NEXT EPISODE: The Mostly New and Different X-Men!

393 – Camping With Uncle Mustang

November 27, 2022 Jay 8 comments

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In which Operation Zero Tolerance continues; the X-Men take over Wolverine; wolverine is the designated John McClane of the X-Men; torsos are confusing places; and we sincerely hope that Jean Grey got to do some off-panel dating.

X-PLAINED:

Bastion’s priorities
Operation Zero Tolerance (so far)
Wolverine #115-118
How to villainously declaim
Mustang
Roustabouts
Waking up with the X-Men
Where (some) Prime Sentinels come from
Fatality, kind of
Felipe, Arvell, and Helmut
Inevitability
A reunion
Government intervention
Anatomy
Jaz disks
Friendship
Jean Grey’s romantic history
The League of Nations vs. The League of Nathans

NEXT EPISODE: Mostly New and Different X-Men!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 391 – Mansion of Theseus

November 13, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

THE SIEGE OF THE VAPOR ANTS! THE SIEGE OF THE VAPOR ANTS! (Cable #45)

How has nobody died in the danger room?! (I mean, yet. But still.) (Cable #46)

I wish they’d made the bedrooms look a little more lived-in, but it’s still an effective sequence. (Cable #46)

Cable: Mole Man. (Cable #46)

Look at this nonsense. (Cable #46)

That’s… that’s a whooooole lotta captions, there. (Cable #47)

And a whole lotta beer. (Cable #47)

Meanwhile in X-Man… (X-Man #30)

This fuckin’ urchin, man. (X-Man #30)

Nate “It’s always the ’90s somewhere” Grey. (X-Man #30)

It’s easy to forget that even in the Marvel Universe, not everyone would take flight for granted. (X-Man #30)

NEXT WEEK: HAWK TALK
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X!

391 – Mansion of Theseus

November 6, 2022 Jay 12 comments

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In which the X-Mansion has unusually large vents; Cable’s hair should not be floppy; Nate Grey meets his maternal grandparents; and we would really like to know more about the Siege of the Vapor Ants.

X-PLAINED:

Cable #45-47
X-Man #30
What various Nathans have been up to
Operation Zero Tolerance (again)
The Siege of the Vapor Ants
Three grenades
Beefy vents for beefy men
Danger
Shi’arese
Cable vs. Bastion
So much beer
Three rad ladies
Several Greys
Roust
Every appearance of Joey and Gaylin Bailey
Several faked deaths
Possible impact of the MCU on the X-comics’ status quo
Character ages

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 390 – Corners and Conspiracies

November 6, 2022 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

X-Force X-Plains Dani Moonstar. (X-Force #67)

Cable is probably the nice kind of babysitter who lets you stay up past your bedtime and watch scary movies. (X-Force #67)

Well, shit. (X-Force #67)

Fashion for the cutting-edge interdimensional explorer. (X-Force #68)

Domino over the years, maybe. (X-Force #68)

To our absolute shock, he survives. (X-Force #69)

Domino, transformed. See what we mean about the body language? (X-Force #69)

Please enjoy G.W. Bridge’s heart pajamas. (X-Force #69)

The lava lamp dimension. (X-Force #69)

Oh. THAT guy. (X-Force #69)

A familiar cover. (X-Force #70)

Man, fuck you, Ozymandias. (X-Force #70)

NEXT EPISODE: Nathans all over the place!

And here are some of the ridiculous creatures Jay met at the Sheep and Wool Festival:

390 – Corners and Conspiracies

October 30, 2022 Jay 16 comments

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In which Danielle Moonstar quiet quits; a bunch of people regular quit; we are pleasantly surprised by the survival of a minor character; tough guys wear hearts; and X-Force once again takes its place as the best comic of the line.

X-PLAINED:

Vanisher’s brain tumor, again
X-Force #67-70
The Wakeman Oncological Research Center
Commander Ekaterina Gryaznova
The Mutant Liberation Front
Wildside
Dragoness
Forearm
Tempo
Locus
Moonstar (Mirage) (Danielle Moonstar)
Quiet quitting (and why it’s a bullshit concept)
Locus’s skin
Prime Sentinels
Ozymandias (again)
Llamas
A journey to another dimension
Spencer Beaumont
G. W. Bridge’s pajamas
In-between dimensions
Yet another homage to Uncanny X-Men #138
Cerebra
Earth-2099 vs. Earth-928
Our favorite non-canon ships

NEXT EPISODE: Cable, home alone

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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374 – SMEK

June 5, 2022 Jay 8 comments

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Frank Punisher, wearing his skull uniform, frolics arm-in-arm with Carl the X-Cutiioner, dressed in a motley assembly of supervillain gear, through a field of flowers. — Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Frank Punisher is not a role model; Carl the X-Cutioner is not very good at secret identities; Miles tries his hand at poetry; and everything’s funny with a sidecar.

X-PLAINED:

Frankencastle
Frank Punisher and his cultural context
Punisher #12-16
Carl the X-Cutioner
S.H.I.E.L.D.
The New Mutant Liberation Front and several members thereof
William Connover (again)
Agynt Kymberly Taylor
Optimal sidecar use
Simon Trask
What it’s like to kiss Frank Punisher
Poor management technique
How we choose what to reveal when
The timeline where Magik is textually queer

NEXT EPISODE: The actual X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!