In which there is only one Big Pine Key; Empyrean is actually a pretty sensible dude; the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants are ride-or-die; you should probably avoid setting X-Men stories in Phoenix, Arizona; Adam X the X-Treme is the Longshot of the 1990s; Miles adopts a ship; heteronormativity is why we can’t have nice things; and you should really seriously come see us at ECCC!
X-PLAINED:
Why Nate Grey is Like That
X-Men Annual #2
X-Force Annual #2
The worst book Aron Wisenfeld ever drew
Big Pine Key
Empyrean
Jonathan Chambers
A very fancy bathrobe
What’s going on in Psylocke’s head
Pallative care for late-stage Legacy virus patients
Revanche’s fairly bleak legacy
X-Men: Time Gliders
How to dress to discuss Adam X the X-Treme
Adam X the X-Treme
Personal lettering styles
Michelle
Flashing, but not like that
Martin Strong
Miles’s new ship
Subtext vs. canon
Heteronormativity
X-Crayons
NEXT EPISODE: Jay gets really emotional about a remote control.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Surprisingly, not the worst trip either of them has been on. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
Welcome to the future. Hope you survive the… y’know. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
I kind of feel like most parents would be a little irritated if their kids did this. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
Despite the cybernetics, this is definitely the closest li’l Nathan Christopher has ever looked to an actual human baby. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
That is the face of a man who knows he will never, ever get to take a real vacation. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
We see what you did, there. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
Parents, amirite? (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
It takes a certain degree of dedication to throw an orgy this boring. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
That’s our Stryfe! (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
Apocalypse’s future look. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
Gene Ha is so good at weird cyborgs! (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
“Also, where do babies come from?” (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #3)
I love the conceit that everyone in the future gives them shit for PDA. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #3)
OH, HEY, IT’S THE LEGACY VIRUS. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #3)
Quite literally face to face. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #3)
Nobody likes Stryfe. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #3)
And you thought puberty hit you hard. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
Aw, Rachel. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
“Also, I was thinking we could do brunch sometime. No? Too soon?” (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
This dysfunctional fictional family is so damn important to me. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
Clone Problems(TM). (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
I mean, the first time aside from THE ENTIRETY OF THE LAST TWELVE YEARS. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
I’m not crying. You’re crying. We’re both crying. Everyone is crying. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
This comic, man. Right in the feels. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
We don’t usually post pages that we also read, but we couldn’t in good conscience leave this one out. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
“Time to get a lot of guns and some snappy one-liners.” (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Bring kleenex.
LINKS & FURTHER FESTIVITY:
David Wynne is awesome! Here’s where you can find him on the Internet:
In which we are beset by festivity; Scott Summers still can’t take a vacation; the Daysprings are a really good family; “G’journey” is a really good greeting; Stryfe is his own namesake; retcons have served Cable well; illustrator David Wynne makes his X-Plain podcast debut; and you should probably go ahead and get a shelf for all these awards.
X-PLAINED:
The Hayes family
The Grey-Summers Family circa 1993
The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1-4
Summers/Sommers disambiguation
Gene Ha
Time travel
Earth-4935
Mother Askani
Prelate Ch’vayre
What “Askani” means
When and whether Cable sleeps
The passage of time
Slym and Redd Dayspring
A biblical allusion
A very good greeting
Prior Turrin
“Old” English
Li’l Stryfe
Some constraints of superhero comics
Parenting
Rachel Summers’s self-image
The origin of Cable’s codename
David Wynne and his art
“Strontium Dogs”
The X-Fandom starter pack
The Fifth Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence
D&D with the Blue Team
All-New staying power
Fictional intersectionality
Change, in general
NEXT EPISODE: Bring kleenex.
CORRECTION: In this episode, Miles states that Scott and Jean are cool. They are, in fact, categorically uncool. We regret the error.
Special thanks to carolers Tina Carleton, Matt Gardner, Peter Gresser, Erin Pence, and Steve Pence!
Check out the visual companion to this episode–along with all the song lyrics and the complete Corbeau awards–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
I mean, it’s not that much worse than Botox. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Of all the people Gamesmaster could choose to bring to the forefront of his mind, he chose these assholes. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Yes, yes, you’ve made some terrible mistakes, Forge – but at least you’re wearing those shorts again! (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Miles would totally buy that action figure. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
This is how you comic book. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Damn, Romita. Damn, Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Just repeat to yourself: it’s just a show, I should really just relax! (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Plato called this “the noble lie”. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
You know, I guess that is about how you’d have to angle your hips if you were balancing on one leg because some green-haired jerk from the future cut off your other one. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Should’ve known that guy was a racist asshole – look at the color of his baseball cap. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Can’t blame the guy – for being furious or for pummeling Fitzroy. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Yes, Jay, Kitty looks pretty weird in this panel, but – FEELINGS! (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Dammit, Friends of Humanity, give Madrox his outfit back! And also stop being murderous bigots! (X-Force #24)
Rusty and Skids have been focusing pretty hard on good posture since leaving the New Mutants. (X-Force #24)
Who has the worse employees, Sam Guthrie or Alex Summers? (X-Force #24)
“Thanks for holding me up while I practice my Liefeld kicks, buddy!” (X-Force #24)
Petey the Dog reference: $34.95. Improbable toaster gun: $1750.00. The look on Grizzly’s face: priceless.(X-Force #24)
Magneto is the best at Space Tetris. (X-Force #24)
Boom-Boom and Feral: best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)
Remember, at least two of these characters used to train with X-Factor. (X-Force #24)
Boom-Boom and Feral: still the best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)
Fair enough, kids. (X-Force #24)
Jay’s Warlock figure still kinda freaks Miles out.
Next time: our fifth annual Giant-Size Winter Special!
In which it still sucks to be a Rasputin; John Romita Jr. has a solid, if muscular, grasp of anatomy; Jay and Miles are better exes than Forge and anyone; and Cannonball’s many younger siblings have almost prepared him for running X-Force.
X-PLAINED:
Peters Parker
The Merry X-Men Holiday Special
Comic book release schedules vs. J&MXPtXM
Uncanny X-Men #301-302
Trevor F**king Fitzroy, possibly the worst Upstart
Comics Code Authority closeting versus real-life closeting
21st Century Torture Devices
Risky mood fonts
Robert’s Rules of Upstart Order (this week)
Gamesmaster vs. the Isolationist
Shinobi Shaw: Good At Sex
Russian tragedy (more, again)
Charles Xavier and his poor decisions
Shi’ar tech support
Pants and villainy
Racist jerks vs. rhetorical questions
TIME PARADOX
Weirdly specific contingencies
Piotr Rasputin and his justified fury
X-Force #24
Meaningless (but fun!) timestamps
The Friends of Humanity (who are not our friends)
Rusty and Skids’ latest arrest
Disappointed Dad Sam Guthrie
Action vs. public perception
Vinz Clortho
Domino’s continuing quest to figure out what exactly an X-Force is
The dramatic return of… well, you know
Spacesuit logistics
Numerical universe designations
Plastic Warlock
NEXT EPISODE: Our Fifth Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89)
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.)
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89)
Romance! (X-Factor #88)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89)
Big mood. (X-Factor #90)
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90)
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90)
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90)
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90)
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90)
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91)
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91)
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91)
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!
At the End of the Fight
Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer
Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young. *Soloists
[X-FACTOR] At the end of the fight you’re another page older And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life It’s a struggle, it’s a war And just when you think that you’re winning You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe And the fight’s just beginning
At the end of the fight you’re another fight older And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill And the readers all hurry past To the six other X-books they’re buying As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill One fight nearer to dying
[COMPANY] A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming A crossover next week, an annual soon Like a storm that’ll break any second Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions And the future is not looking bright At the end of the fight
[VAL COOPER] At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing You don’t get to slack in a government job
[STRONG GUY] We’ve got better things to do And this system doesn’t seem fair After all, we threw all the punches
[POLARIS] Plus, we don’t care
[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE] And we need a vacation.
[MULTIPLEMAN] Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today
[QUICKSILVER] She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts
[VAL] Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting– They’re not dissertations, just mission reports
[COMPANY] At the end of the fight it’s another fight over To whatever extent superhero fights end Fight Magneto, fight the Blob Fight some guy we just met in a sewer What the hell, at least it’s a job Just find us the next evildoer ‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight At the end of the fight
LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:
David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.
X-PLAINED: • Damian Tryp • An unconventional staffing practice • Genosha (more) (again) • The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality • Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe • X-Factor #88-91 • Random (Marshall Stone III) • Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons • Checkbook heroism • Kids these days • Genoshan reconstruction • Several gardens of earthly delights • Puberty • A mercifully abandoned plan • A conspiracy • A significant tonal shift • Mutate #24601 • RoboJean • Genosha’s sanitation system • Dick Chalker • Magneto Rex • Humans in Magneto’s Genosha
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything
Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:
*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].
Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
“As completely as I understand what happens when two people like each other very much.” (X-Men #23)
And so forth. (X-Men #23)
And you thought that conversations with YOUR grandparents were awkward. (X-Men #22)
The creepiest thing about Sinister is the moments of profound disconnect when it’s clearly Sinister, but everyone reacts to him like he’s just a regular dude. (X-Men #22)
In which Scott Summers continues to never under any circumstances be allowed to take an actual vacation. (X-Men #22)
Seriously. (X-Men #23)
Heralding several decades of nonsense. (X-Men #23)
NEXT EPISODE: Dracula, live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival!
In which it has been a pretty intense month; there is a lot to unpack about Psylocke; we are confused by hip teen lingo; Cyclops definitively lacks game; organized crime is anything but; and the mystery of the third Summers brother officially begins.
X-PLAINED:
How the Maximoffs joined the Avengers
X-Cutioner’s Song fallout
An X-ceptionally convoluted set of retcons
X-Men #20-23
How not to repair an airplane
One way to get out of an awkward conversation
Several Betsys Braddock
Revanche
Dubiously organized crime
Kwannon
Nyorin’s diary
Awkward family conversations
Mike Milbury
Twin Peaks Season 3
Akira Yoshida
NEXT EPISODE: Dracula in Vegas!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
