Lilandra – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

502 – Milkshakes of Despair (Maximum Security, Part 2 of 2)

October 12, 2025 Jay One comment

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In which t’ieves and assassins dress to impress; Bishop returns; Rogue and Carol Danvers have a moment; and the revolution will be stored on compact disc.

X-PLAINED:

The New Son
The First Half of Maximum Security
Gambit #23
X-Men #107
X-Men Unlimited #29
Maximum Security #3 (briefly)
Several of Gambit’s buddies
How to dress for… stealth? I guess?
Heth’sa of the planet Culth
Where Carl the X-Cutioner got his silly outfit
A heist
How to restore your lost honor without messing up the timeline
12-18 milkshakes
What Colossus is into these days
Vampire clowns (maybe)
Z’Cann
The Blood Brothers
Vibes memories
A big fight
A touching moment of touching
Mechamage, briefly
Quasar, superficially
Cadre K
The Skrull cows
Writing for the trade vs. podcast pacing
Limits of power-cancelling accessories

NEXT EPISODE: Dream’s Rather Anticlimactic End!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

October 12, 2025 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Now that we look at them again, the D’Bari were really more Asparagus People than Broccoli People. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

What’s wrong with this picture? (Uncanny X-Men #387)

…I mean, Corsair does make some good points. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

In honor of Cerise: lip massage time! (Uncanny X-Men #387)

“C’mon, mess with us – make our day!!” (Uncanny X-Men #387)

Hey, it’s a Darkmantle! And also yet another instance of a character getting swallowed and slimed! (Uncanny X-Men #387)

That panel reference, though. (Uncanny X-Men #387)

In which Max Power discovers raves. (Iron Man #35)

In which Max Power improves raves. (Iron Man #35)

It’s magic dirt. (Iron Man #35)

What I love is that this scene implies that the spore of Ego the Living Planet has a detailed understanding of retro-idyllic middle America. (Iron Man #35)

PORCH GUY MOUTH (Iron Man #35)

Ego, the Living Town. (Iron Man #35)

Babies always look cuter to their parents than to anyone else. (Iron Man #35)

Welcome back, Bishop! (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

He’s about to say “Micro Machines.” He’s missed them in his time away. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

I don’t know how to say this, man, but I don’t think your girlfriend is good for you. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

“If you’d like to know more, son, just listen to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men episodes 387 through 500.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

“And your nose.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

Man, I missed this guy. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

I feel like Deathbird played the “I’m not touching you” game a lot as a kid. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

Aww, these two. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)

NEXT TIME: Maximum Security concludes!

501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

October 5, 2025 Jay 7 comments

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In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka.

X-PLAINED:

The fate of the D’Bari
Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet
Maximum Security #1
Uncanny X-Men #387
Iron Man #35
Bishop the Last X-Man #15
Voting in space
A bad plan
U.S. Agent (John Walker)
A peculiar marketplace
A dangerous hat
Starhammer
Space romance problems
Breaking into Earth
Max Power
Magic dirt
Littletown, Nebraska
An extremely upsetting baby
A very impressive crash landing
What Bishop’s been up to
Human X-characters we’d like to see more of
Some kid named Michael
Trading cards we’d like

NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security concludes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 365 – A Whole Year of This Nonsense

March 20, 2022 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It sure is 1996. (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

Hi, Pulse! (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

I mean, wouldn’t you? (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

THAT’S NOT HOW TORSOS WORK. (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

Seriously, what is Cyclops attached to? (X-Men Unlimited #13)

Where’s an editorial footnote when you need one? (X-Men Unlimited #13)

The cover of our new metal album! (X-Men Unlimited #13)

No real episode context; I just think this explosion looks really cool. (X-Men Unlimited #13)

How they celebrate in Junction, NY. (X-Men Unlimited #13)

NEXT EPISODE: Beast and/or Karma!

365 – A Whole Year of This Nonsense

March 13, 2022 Jay 15 comments

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In which you can now listen to a unique episode of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men every day for a year; Shi’ar tech support leaves something to be desired; Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau does not appear in a story; it’s Deathbird, not Dueprocessbird; Zenn-La gets destroyed a lot; and we shall never speak of this incident again.

X-PLAINED:

Where babies come from
The Shi’ar (again)
Cable/X-Force Annual 1996
X-Men Unlimited #13
Organs
Shi’ar ship names
Pulse
Unconventional use of the Danger Room
Butt-first framing
Interplanetary extradition
The word “contemplative”
Binary (again)
More Shi’ar ship names
Zenn-La
Silver Surfer (Norrin Radd)
The Inciters
A giant metal space skull
Junction, NY
A metaphor for America
Marie Cavendish
Mutants with synthetics-based powers
Literary intersections

NEXT EPISODE: Beast!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 286 – Family Before Continuity

February 23, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Don’t worry! The world will end before they can die in that plane crash! (Excalibur #86)

Pete Wisdom is a happy man with a happy life. (Excalibur #86)

MAH PUIR WEE HOVERCRAFT (Excalibur #86)

I want a team that’s just him and Chamber, brooding. (Excalibur #86)

A green and pleasant, &c. (Excalibur #86)

Well, so much for that mission. (Excalibur #86)

Me, too, Sam. Me, too. (X-Force #43)

I relate so hard to Shatterstar right now. (X-Force #43)

Time travel has some good looks. (X-Force #43)

Aw, these dudes. (X-Force #43)

“We’re here for you, in all our oddly-proportioned glory!” (X-Force #43)

He hasn’t, actually, but that won’t be revealed for a while yet. (X-Force #43)

“Man, is THIS what happens when your boss ditches you for another book?” (X-Force #43)

I know, right?! (Cable #20)

Pretty sure that every one of the original five has, at some point, referred to Hank as their best and/or closest friend. (Cable #20)

Ouch. (Cable #20)

OUCH. (Cable #20)

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Cable #20)

Aw, these guys. And it didn’t even take a bathtub! (Cable #20)

Sometimes a family is eight people in tight clothing posing dramatically for the end of the world. (Cable #20)

NEXT EPISODE: Welcome to Earth-295! Hope you survive the experience!

LINKS & FURTHER EVENT HORIZONS:

Come see us at Emerald City Comic Con! Miles is delightful in person; and Jay, um, exists corporeally.
Jay wrote an X-Men comic! It’s about Cyclops, and it will be out in April. Please tell your local comics shop to order a lot of copies so that they will let him write more.
Also, Thor: Metal Gods continues on over at Serial Box!
We covered the first 3/4 of Legion Quest in Episode 285 – Immediately If Not Sooner…
…and interviewed Fabian Nicieza about X-Force and a bunch of other stuff in Episode 250 – Minding the DNA!
New Intersections: Queer Futurism and the Krakoan Body Politic is a really fascinating article.

286 – Family Before Continuity

February 23, 2020 Jay 16 comments

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In which Sunspot is a bad enough dude to save the president; Black Air is nowhere near as fun as WHO; we reach the end of Fabian Nicieza’s X-Force run; Rictor and Shatterstar talk about feelings; Gambit does not go gently into that good night; Scott and Jean choose family over continuity; Legion Quest comes to a close, along with Earth-616; the heart of Dawn of X is its margins; you should come see us at ECCC; and we announce a new schedule.

X-PLAINED:

The Maker (Reed Richards of Earth-1610)
Jay & Miles at ECCC and FlameCon 2020
Stuff Jay writes
Excalibur #86
X-Force #43
Cable #20
Black Air
Pete Wisdom
What’s been up in Genosha
The Midnight Runner
Navigating Kitty Pryde’s age in Excalibur
A very abrupt ending
The ongoing evolution of X-Force
Locus’s new look
Clubbing with Rictor and Shatterstar
Legion Quest so far
Complicated feelings at the end of the world
A reunion
Where it all started
Vague power sets
Complicated feelings about Dawn of X
The new podcast schedule

NEXT EPISODE: The Age of Apocalypse

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

Come see us at ECCC, March 12-15!

As Mentioned in Episode 285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

February 16, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Wait, what if Bobby just misuses slang all the time to mess with Bishop? (Uncanny X-Men #320)

What the hell, Legion? (Uncanny X-Men #320)

So, that happened. (Uncanny X-Men #320)

Have fairly normal toes ever seemed as creepy as they do on this cover? I would argue that they have not. (X-Men #40)

If this were fanfic they would immediately have to fake being married to, I dunno, something. (X-Men #40)

Seriously, did ANY readers who didn’t already know recognize this dude as Legion? (X-Men #40)

That shadow! THAT ANGST! (X-Men #40)

“I had always hoped I might find others like us, but I never imagined the continuity would be this impenetrable!” (X-Men #40)

Meanwhile in a sitcom… (X-Men #40)

Tower of Telepaths never really caught on as a board game. (Uncanny X-Men #321)

Just kiss already. (Uncanny X-Men #321)

Greatest caption, or GREATEST CAPTION? (Uncanny X-Men #321)

Wait, has Bishop DISGUISED HIMSELF AS A PIRATE? If the answer is no, I don’t want to know; let me keep this dream. (Uncanny X-Men #321)

JUST KISS ALREADY (Uncanny X-Men #321)

Oh, no. (Uncanny X-Men #321)

Legion, NO. (Uncanny X-Men #321)

You’ve made it to Bishop’s ill-fitting trousers, Cable: just where you needed to be. (Uncanny X-Men #321)

“I knew that someday our future son would travel back in time to kill my best friend.” (X-Men #41)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Men #41)

Ouch. (X-Men #41)

Jubilee gives good advice. (X-Men #41)

The best kiss in X-Men. (X-Men #41)

Okay, but, that first panel. (X-Men #41)

NEXT EPISODE: The end of the world, more, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

Here’s where you can find more on some of the key figures in Legion Quest:
- Legion / David Haller
  - Episode 44 – Assembling Legion, with Si Spurrier
  - Episodes 172–173 – The Muir Island Saga
  - Episode 283 – Legion Quest Quest
- The M’Kraan Crystal and Jahf
  - Episode 9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party
The Apocalypse Triptych is a very cool series of anthologies set before, during, and after various ends of the world.
- (Jay reviewed the first volume when it came out.)

285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

February 16, 2020 Jay 10 comments

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In which Goldballs is still a better name than Egg; we continue our progress towards Earth-295; Legion pulls a Stryfe; we’re still pretty shaky on how to pronounce “M’Kraan”; Xavier and Magneto were absolutely and unquestionably doing sex in the 1970s; it’s time time; the Watcher is watching you masturbate; and what happens immediately before the end of the world is often as important as what happens immediately after.

X-PLAINED:

Balls
Legion (more) (again)
Uncanny X-Men 320-321
X-Men #40
Establishing stakes
Slang of the mid-1990s
Time travel as a dick move
Issues vs. episodes
The M’Kraan Crystal (more) (again)
Hebrew vowels
Latent time travel abilities
Charles Xavier’s “first” bar fight
An exceptional caption
A very bad narrative choice
The death of Charles Francis Xavier
A load-bearing moment in time
Jahf the Guardian
Waiting for the end of the world
The best-drawn kiss in X-Men, ever
The many Krakoas
Integrating Legion into Dawn of X

NEXT EPISODE: More Legion Quest!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!