Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Mark Trail

As Mentioned in Episode 385 – Super Whiny Adults Simulator 64

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Forge, what the everloving hell? (X-Factor #134)
BY YOU. THEY WERE EXAGGERATED BY YOU. ON PURPOSE. (X-Factor #134)
I don’t know what’s going on with Forge’s face here; and frankly, I don’t want to know. (X-Factor #134)
Wow, Trevor. Wow. (X-Factor #134)
Trevor has gone full creepy moppet. This is not a drill. (X-Factor #135)
This game sucks. (X-Factor #135)
WHAT THE HELL, KID (X-Factor #135)
Aw, Guido, we missed you, too. (X-Factor #135)
And now, time for the fun stuff! (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
Comic-book space is a happenin’ place. (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
Either the sand figures are a metaphor, or Guido is a font of weird hidden talents. (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
Ha! (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
Aw, it’s Kreetor! Hi, buddy!
Each saucer comes with a tiny image of Calvin peeing on a trademark symbol. (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
Biff! Bam! Pow! (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
*Rimshot* (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
The comic is good, but getta loada the activity pages! (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
I want to know if anyone actually cut these out and used them. (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
I hope so. (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
Spoiler: I’m pretty sure it’s an ice cream truck. (Strong Guy Reborn #1)
NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk
NEXT EPISODE: Maggott!

385 – Super Whiny Adults Simulator 64

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we make an omission; X-Factor’s concept of “underground” is somewhat unconventional; Trevor Chase turns uncanny moppet; and Strong Guy and Lila Cheney have some very silly space adventures.

X-PLAINED:

  • X-Factor #134-135
  • Strong Guy Reborn #1
  • The “deaths” of X-Factor (again)
  • Lady Cop
  • A contextually inappropriate pun
  • The Adversary (more) (again)
  • Why you use an air-gapped system
  • How not to fake your own death
  • Trevor Chase and his mysterious mutant powers
  • Rusty Trail
  • X-Factor X-Ploits
  • A lot of wasted potential
  • The Jorken-Kront war
  • Space stuff
  • Lila Cheney (more) (again)
  • Kreetor
  • Spiff’s Saucers
  • Calvin & Hobbes licensing in the Marvel Universe
  • The Chalker Brothers (briefly) (again)
  • The most useful and fun mutant powers
  • Musicals with Mister Sinister

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Maggott!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 313 – Iguanafall

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Not even close, but go on. (Storm #1)
Spoiler: no. (Storm #1)
That is some weird-ass product placement. (Storm #1)
This is the worst panel. I hate it and everything it stands for. (Storm #1)
SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THOSE TEETH THIS IS NOT OKAY (Storm #1)
You’d think that context might salvage it. You would be wrong. (Storm #1)
The best character in this miniseries. (Storm #2)
Coooool. (Storm #2)
Misdirection or mistake? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (Storm #1)
I guess this counts as a malicious pose, but I feel like its main victims are her spine and ribcage. (Storm #2)
Hi, Callisto! Bye, Callisto! (Storm #2)
I refuse to accept this as “Daddy.” (Storm #2)
ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew (Storm #3)
Yeah, I don’t quite get it, either. (Storm #3)
“And I TRIPLE-DARE YOU!” (Storm #4)
Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a timeline where Aidan Quinn was cast as Cable, and I want to go there. (Storm #4)
THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO DISPOSE OF A BOMB WHOSE CONTENTS YOU DO NOT KNOW. (Storm #4)
Damn, Storm. Harsh. (Storm #4)
SURE WHY NOT LET’S JUST GO WITH THAT (Storm #4)
Really? You’re going to end your miniseries HERE? (Storm #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Jay has a lot of feelings about this issue of X-Factor

LINKS & FURTHER REPTILES:

313 – Iguanafall

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.

X-PLAINED:

  • Storm’s pirate adventures
  • Storm #1-4
  • Mark Trail
  • The Morlocks (more) (again)
  • Unacceptable gradients
  • Butt murder
  • Fashion
  • Several memes of yesteryear
  • Product placement
  • The new Worst Panel
  • Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
  • How not to identify a body
  • The Hill (Limbo)
  • “Daddy”
  • The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
  • Still more members of Gene Nation
  • A new costume
  • The most obscure stories we’ve covered
  • That time Wolverine at his own arm

NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In French, Sabretooth’s name is “Dents du Sabre,” and it’s not nearly as menacing. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
“Fetch the pestridder, Birdy–We’ve got ninjas in the rutabagas.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
As seen in Marvel vs. Capcom !(Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Sabretooth is a terrible boss, but marginally better than the Hand, maybe, I guess. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Ah, yes, the sound of telepathic soothing: PHOOOOOO. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Note the arms and the axe. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
TURBO-SABRETOOTH! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Tribune: Banker. Politician. Pundit. Supervillain. Definitely about to go to BotCon cosplaying his OC. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
This series has consistently excellent covers. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
I was going to make an Elements of Style joke based on that sound effect, but it seemed like kind of a stretch. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
HI, MYSTIQUE! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
Do you think Mystique spends an inordinate amount of time researching who from the pasts of people she knows will make them the most uncomfortable? Probably. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
I’m not saying this is peak Mystique; but I’m also not saying it’s not. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3: Large Angry Men Yelling!
TEETH. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
I appreciate this panel so damn much. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
“Look at us: just a pair of stone cold badasses doing stone-cold badass stuff.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
‘Kay. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
HOW DID HE FIT THE PAULDRONS UNDER THE TUXEDO? (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
I love that Mystique still has her cigarette holder. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
rghrargh (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
OKAY THEN (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
YEP THIS SURE IS HAPPENING (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
AND SO IS THIS (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
SURE WHY NOT (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER PROBABLY (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
NEXT EPISODE: There should be leprechauns, and there aren’t, and I’m still angry about it.

And now, for your edutainment, a selection of Mark Trail panels, presented in no particular order:

LINKS & FURTHER WOODLAND CREATURES:

  • Experience the magic of Mark Trail for yourself.
  • If Jay wrote a Mark Trail parody Twitter account–which we’re certainly not admitting that he does–it would probably read exactly like this one.
  • The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom is one of many delightful novels by Gordon Korman, who was a mainstay of Jay’s childhood. (It’s so weird that there are Bruno & Boots movies now!)

 

 

247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Hand probably doesn’t even offer dental; literally everyone is less creepy than the Joker and Harley Quinn; toxic masculinity is Sabretooth’s adamantium; Mark Trail is a wild ride; Wolverine trashes the dress code and gets funky; Larry Hama is your god now; and Sabretooth: Death Hunt scores a solid six on the butt-kick scale.

X-PLAINED:

  • Mark Trail vs. X-Men
  • Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
  • Clones of Sabretooth
  • Birthday traditions
  • Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1-4
  • Ps[i don’t remember; that one guy]
  • Low-context ninjas
  • A somewhat tasteful omission, I guess
  • The glow (and its counterintuitive sound effect)
  • Turbo Sabretooth
  • Tribune (Graydon Creed)
  • Mark Trail
  • Affirmations with Sabretooth
  • “Leni Zauber”
  • Dress codes
  • The butt-kick scale
  • A tearaway tuxedo
  • Dubious grenade handling
  • Parenting with Mystique
  • One thing Wolverine knows
  • The CHK-LIT gun
  • Comics bankers
  • A very qualified recommendation
  • Our preferred versions of Sabretooth’s origin
  • Relative redeemability

NEXT EPISODE: Siena Blaze and the Mystery of the Missing Leprechauns!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 177 – The Less You Know

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Luckily for Terrence, the actual X-Men were ALSO lurking by the playground! (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)
“Look, to be honest, several of us are DEFINITELY not trustworthy.” (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)
“Also, would you say that your kidneys are in good condition?” (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)
BEAST, NO. (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)
Gambit is definitely the Least Safe X-Man. (Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men)
So, that’s a thing that exists. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
Circle of Death time is the best time! (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
Evolution in action. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
I absolutely do not believe that you did not see anyone unusual at a state fair. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
They’re so bad at not being menacing. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
“He sees you forever and ever, Alan!” (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
This panel is amazing. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
“Let us never speak of today again.” (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
The contents of one of the greatest minds on Earth. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
This is a fundamentally self-defeating activity page, and also a really boring connect-the-dots puzzle. (The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas)
Let’s just assume that it’s a slow news day. (Smokescreen)
Centaur? Immortal Iron Fist? WHY NOT BOTH? (Smokescreen)
Kids can’t resist a plaid vest. (Smokescreen)
“So… what you’re basically saying is that he’s a teenager?” (Smokescreen)
She still gets taken out like a chump, though. (Smokescreen)
“Hey, wanna see some of his shrink’s notes, while we’re grossly violating his privacy?” (Smokescreen)
MARK TRAIL, NO! (Smokescreen)
oh my god look at this asshole (Smokescreen)
“Tell me, Bret, how much do you know about the migratory patterns of mallard ducks?” (Smokescreen)
That is certainly one way to do a thing. (Smokescreen)
NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special!

FURTHER READING:

  • We don’t know for sure that The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas was heavily influenced by Peter Shaffer’s Equus; but we also don’t know that it wasn’t.

177 – The Less You Know

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we discuss several Very Special Issues; the real cautionary tale is not to trust Hank McCoy; horses are vehicles of lies and heartbreak; the X-Men shill for a state fair; whatever you’re doing, Cyclops is here to stop you; smoking is a gateway to some really weird vices; and we want YOU to design the latest X-Men PSA!

X-PLAINED:

  • The alternate-timeline terrible choices of Hank McCoy
  • Our wholly unfounded theories about Spongebob Squarepants
  • Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men
  • VHS tapes
  • Blockbuster KidPrint
  • Mariano Nicieza
  • Some Fundamental Problems With Superhero PSAs
  • A man who may or may not be D-Man
  • Terrence
  • Why Cable should deliver more PSAs
  • Why D.A.R.E. doesn’t work
  • Varying coherent cautionary tales
  • The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas
  • A tragic lack of carnies
  • Danny the centaur and his very intense feelings about horses
  • Several exciting attractions at the State Fair of Texas
  • Big Tex
  • Activities
  • Smokescreen
  • Bret Jackson
  • Some of the lesser-known danger of smoking
  • Whether Danny Rand can turn into a centaur
  • Hanging out and other gateways to delinquency
  • The South Side Social Club
  • Jake
  • Etiquette of following teenagers around
  • A villainous plan so ineffective that it’s actually kind of sad
  • X-Men you should hire for your PSAs
  • Our thoughts on the Disney/Fox merger
  • Where to find Bloodstorm
  • Baby Jumping

NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special!

LISTENER CHALLENGE: Send your X-Men PSAs to [email protected] with the subject PSA by December 27!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 133 – Feisty Little Fellow from the Stars

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
YAYBO! We’re launching our brand new TeePublic shop with a brand new design from artist Scott Koblish and designer Dylan Todd!
You’re hearing this in the Strangers’ voices from Dark City, too, right? (X-Factor #48)
I, however, am thoroughly impressed. Look at that snazzy Kirby-designed dude! (X-Factor #48)
Including this panel mostly for ZZ-105’s adorable flailing. (X-Factor #48)
Aw, man, Beast. Never change. I mean, I guess aside from the extended series of self-induced mutations. (X-Factor #48)
Well, that’s awkward on a lot of levels. (X-Factor #48)
Iceman’s core personality traits involve both reluctance to kill and overcompensating like whoa. (X-Factor #49)
“Tell you what–I won’t tell the others about ‘Wugga Wugga Wugga’ if you don’t mention the hat.” (X-Factor #49)
Ship is such a good bro. (X-Factor #49)
SMASH THE STATE! (X-Factor #49)
Look at that creepy little smirk! (X-Factor #50)
It wouldn’t be X-Factor without some good old-fashioned baby theft! (X-Factor #50)
NO SPACE GODS NO SPACE MASTERS (X-Factor #50)
WOW. (X-Factor #50)
“Knowledge–and twenty-seven hours of smooth jazz classics!” (X-Factor #50)
Meanwhile, this nonsense. (X-Factor #50)
NEXT EPISODE: Live from VVCBF. And yes, the guitar gets played.

133 – Feisty Little Fellow from the Stars (Judgment War, Part 2)

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x133

In which the plot thickens; Jay and Miles fix Avatar; Ship is a good bro; you are in space right now; the Beginagains go full This Island Earth; Cyclops weaponizes love; voting is really important; and you’re listening to ten straight hours of soft jazz and subversion on ZZ-105

X-PLAINED:

  • The other Dazzler (Bertram Worthington)
  • Our newest t-shirt
  • X-Factor #48-50
  • A metaphor within a metaphor, in space
  • The first half of Judgment War (briefly) (again)
  • A prisoner exchange
  • Hairstyles of the possessed and famous
  • Proper use of Cable
  • A case for retcons
  • Iceman vs. Archangel
  • A feisty little fellow from the stars
  • The secret origin of Ship
  • The Celestials
  • The core of Iceman’s personality
  • Several kisses
  • Beast and the Rejects
  • Some terrible hats
  • An unfair fight
  • A nefarious plot
  • Contagious heroism
  • Arishem
  • The power of love
  • Why we use the word “queer”
  • Several theoretical and unlikely crossovers

NEXT EPISODE: Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival, with musical guest Scott Koblish!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!