Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Peter Parker

As Mentioned in Episode 369 – Carly Askani

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“This ought to give you” *POW* “a new perspective” *BIFF* “on things, Alex!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Head trauma for Lucas BIshop! (Uncanny X-Men #339)
I mean, she’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #339)
“You think I just fell off the turnip truck, McCoy? No one pulls a fast one on J. Jonah Jameson!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
“I’m Ororo Munroe, and I’m here to x-plain the X-Men… because it’s about time someone did.” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Never trust a Summers when he tells you he’s fine. (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Well, if they can print it, I guess we can post it. (X-Men #59)
Head trauma for Lucas Bishop! Again! (X-Men #59)
Hell of a Wolverine you’ve got there, Mr. Kubert. (X-Men #59)
JOSEPH I AM CALLING THE POLICE (X-Men #59)
Not quite as good as the Rogue/Gambit kiss from #41, but still… whoa. (X-Men #59)
I’M HUGE (X-Men #59)
“For instance, I can see through this utterly massive chin.” (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Josef Stalin..? (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)
…and up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)
…and up. (Wolverine Annual 1996)
“General Grievious, sir, it’s the Jedi!” (Wolverine Annual 1996)
You know, I think this might be Sunfire’s best non-Age of Apocalypse look! (Wolverine Annual 1996)
*Pacific Rim music plays* (and now it’s in your head too) (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Logan, that… that was there before. Maybe you need to adjust your bandana. (Wolverine Annual 1996)
NEXT TIME: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

369 – Carly Askani

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Storm & Joseph X-Plain the X-Men, Alex Summers is not brainwashed this time, he promises, Scott Lobdell writes better moments than stories, Ed McGuinness draws very large chins, and it’s Denver the Last Dinosaur, not Denver the Lost Dinosaur

X-PLAINED:

  • Uncanny X-Men #339
  • Spider-Man disambiguation
  • A. Kubert disambiguation
  • J. Jonah Jameson (again) (hooray!)
  • Sneaking songs
  • The history of smoking regulation on airlines
  • Creed disambiguation
  • Havok’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
  • Bonding while falling out of planes
  • X-Men #59
  • The copyright status of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
  • Well-drawn Wolverines
  • Hercules vs The Tick
  • Wolverine Annual 1996
  • The tragic death of Mariko Yashida
  • Silver Samurai (Kuniuchio Harada)
  • Sunfire (Shiro Yoshida) and what he’s been up to since Fatal Attractions
  • Josef Stalin, apparently?
  • Red Ronin and its nemesis, a time-lost dinosaur who we assure you is not Godzilla
  • Jedi and/or samurai vs. doors
  • Our logo fonts
  • James Howlett, guidance counselor
  • Onslaught but not evil
  • Whether Magneto could wield Mjolnir

NEXT EPISODE: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
The 90s-est Rogue in the 90s-est crossover. (X-Men #56)
“Who but I could pose so impressively?” (X-Men #56)
“SENTINEL TZ-031 REPORTING TO HELP YOU MAKE YOUR POINT, SIR” (X-Men #56)
This Onslaught-form may mostly be a retcon to justify past artistic inconsistency – but damn it looks awesome. (X-Men #56)
“And not even one of them told me the actually-important parts of AoA’s whole deal.” (X-Men #56)
Kubert gets so much credit for making a quiet conversation this visually riveting. (X-Men #56)
“You may be a hybrid monstrosity composed of the worst parts of both myself and my greatest frenemy, but at least you seem to have excellent dental hygiene.” (X-Men #56)
This cover kinda sums it up. And that’s not a bad thing. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Well shit. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Scott Summers, master tactician. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Goosebumps. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
The world’s greatest heroes versus a bright orange glow to the right of the two-page spread. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Hope, thy name is Moppet. Despair, thy name is x-treme teen. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
“And on that day, the heroes channeled their collective courage and dedication into a single blast of punching and yelling.” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
BTOOM (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
I’m not crying you’re crying (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
*heavy metal horns* (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Thor, that’s not how it… oh, I guess it is. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Man, these two (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Nothing I can say will add to these panels. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
This shouldn’t work, but damn, it does. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
“In the meantime, I guess you could grab that universe-in-a-ball and learn contact juggling?” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
NEXT TIME: Onslaught ends, for real.

356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s hard to be Joseph; we do our best to explain the inexplicable; Miles is full of feelings; Hulk smashes; and Onslaught finally (mostly) ends.

X-PLAINED:

  • Heroes Reborn Return
  • Wild times with the Dreaming Celestial
  • Onslaught so far
  • X-Men #56
  • Onslaught: Marvel Universe
  • Jay’s definitive Bond
  • Joseph (more)
  • The physical evolution of Onslaught
  • Sense of scale
  • Hawkeye (TV series)
  • Onslaught’s goals, to what extent they exist
  • The three genders
  • A really big fight
  • A miracle of magnetism
  • The (nominal) end of the Age of Heroes
  • Beast’s scientific career
  • Chamber’s voice

NEXT EPISODE: Several epilogues

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 355 – All Sentinels Are Bastards

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
See, this is why I’ll never drive in New York. (Amazing Spider-Man #415)
“Did I say guardian angels? I meant guardian spiders. Hey, things were different in the sixties.” (Amazing Spider-Man #415)
What year did this comic come out? Oh, right. 1996. (Amazing Spider-Man #415)
“Also, my son is a magical astronaut werewolf, and he’d stay and help!” (Amazing Spider-Man #415)
Inkers don’t get enough respect. (Spider-Man #72)
Jeez, even the Sentinels have traffic jams! What did I say about never driving in New York? (Spider-Man #72)
Weekend At Spider-Bernie’s. (Spider-Man #72)
Aww, these kids. (Spider-Man #72)
Now this is how you Spider-Man. (Spider-Man #72)
Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 1. (Green Goblin #12)
Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 2. (Green Goblin #12)
Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 3. (Green Goblin #12)
Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 4. (Green Goblin #12)
Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 5. (Green Goblin #12)
Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 6. (Green Goblin #12)
Frank Punisher is in over his head. (Punisher #11)
“A mustache and a wing-suit? Those student loans were worth every cent!” (Punisher #11)
This has never once happened in the history of the Marvel Universe. Never. Once. (Punisher #11)
The speech bubble says DOGS but the jet-ski says DOGZ – I don’t know who to believe! (Punisher #11)
Cap’n Bloodscream smiles approvingly from the next ship over. (Punisher #11)
“And I just had some firemen hose me down, so I am ready for this.” (Punisher #11)
NEXT TIME: End-slaught.

355 – All Sentinels Are Bastards

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we take a break from X-Men to talk Onslaught tie-ins; Miles learns about coffee shop AUs; Sentinels are very large; there are no bystanders in a crossover event; we are really not Punisher people; and all the bad guys have plans.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Clone Saga (briefly)
  • How not to dispose of a dead clone
  • Ben Reilly
  • Amazing Spider-Man #415
  • Spider-Man #72
  • Green Goblin #12
  • Punisher #11
  • Onslaught’s increasingly nebulous goals
  • Sentinel timing
  • Coffee shop AUs
  • Sentinels in Manhattan
  • Several fights with Sentinels
  • Green Goblin (Phil Urich)
  • Uncles Ben
  • The Lunatic Laugh
  • Punisher (Frank Castle) (briefly)
  • Yet another helicarrier crash
  • The happiest cannon fodder
  • The Junkyard Dogs
  • Rashid Hammer Jones
  • The surprisingly exciting world of NYC maritime salvage
  • Make-believe superpowers
  • Deadlines

NEXT EPISODE: A Big Fight

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 325 – Captain Bloodscream

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I’m sorry; I cannot accept this as Cable. (X-Force/Cable Annual 1995)
The Impossible Teens. (X-Force/Cable Annual 1995)
Yay, Team-Ups! (Spider-Man Team-Up #1)
Tessa, Shade Queen of the Hellfire Club. Spider-Man Team-Up #1
SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE GOLD CROTCH THING (Spider-Man Team-Up #1)
Also Tessa. (Spider-Man Team-Up #1)
NO, SERIOUSLY: 30-50 FERAL HOGS. (X-Men Unlimited #9)
FUCKING GHOST PIRATES Y’ALL (X-Men Unlimited #9)
YES AS A MATTER OF FACT I WILL BE CAPTIONING ALL THE IMAGES FROM THIS ISSUE IN ALL CAPS (X-Men Unlimited #9)
LOOK AT THIS MAN. THIS IS A MAN LIVING HIS DREAM. (X-Men Unlimited #9)
SURE WHY NOT (X-Men Unlimited #9)
SHARK FIGHT SHARK FIGHT (X-Men Unlimited #9)
THIS VISUAL IS LIKE ALL THE GOOFINESS OF THE EPISODE IN A NUTSHELL (X-Men Unlimited #9)
KING OF THE CAT PEOPLE (X-Men Unlimited #9)
FOOTNOTES FOR THE FOOTNOTE GODS (X-Men Unlimited #9)
FISH! FISH OF DECEIT! (X-Men Unlimited #9)
OH HEY WE KNOW THAT GUY (X-Men Unlimited #9)
THE NEXT TWO IMAGES WILL JUST BE KICKASS BLOODSCREAM YOU’RE WELCOME (X-Men Unlimited #9)
I WISH HIM THE BEST (X-Men Unlimited #9)
NEXT EPISODE: The Adversary probably does not actually join X-Factor.

. 

325 – Captain Bloodscream

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original?Drop him a line!

In which we recommend against having a birthday in the Marvel  Universe; Shinobi Shaw was a proto-Quentin Quire; Lee Forrester returns under the best possible circumstances; Bloodscream lives his best unlife; Belasco is apparently master of the cat people now; and a former Marvel intern returns to solve a mystery.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bloodscream (again)
  • X-Force/Cable Annual 1995
  • Spider-Man Team-Up #1
  • X-Men Unlimited #9
  • The Impossible Man (and his slacker kids)
  • The Clone Saga
  • Benedict Kine
  • A really superlative insult
  • The continuity box
  • Still more Bloodscream
  • 30-50 feral hogs
  • GHOST PIRACY
  • Belasco (more)(again)
  • The N’garai (more) (again)
  • A follow-up to a mystery from Episode #323

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor vs. the Adversary

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 258 – True Believers, Opportunists, and Crooks (feat. Lisa Winters)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wait, I could have taped my carefully-clipped-out newspaper strips into a book designed especially for that purpose? HAD I BUT KNOWN! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #0)
…although the IKEA box that Jay decoupaged those strips onto does look pretty damned cool.
Newspaper strip motivations only get two or three panels’ worth of complexity. (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Hey, it’s a Sunday page! I don’t think my paper got these. (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Did… did that guy just have that picket sign with him? Just in case? (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Breaking into places is pretty easy, I guess. Time for a life of crime! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Pacing! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
Laser cages, surprises, goblin gliders – this one’s got it all! (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
PUMPKIN BOMB WITH A KNIFE STICKING OUT OF IT FOR PRESIDENT (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
You know how your skin gets wrinkly if you stay in the tub for too long? (Spider-Man: the newspaper comic strip)
I mean, newspaper comics are fun, but… Backstory! Motivation! Continuity! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Remember Amazing Adventures volume 2 #11? This miniseries does! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Hank McCoy: Master of Disguise. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Moichandising! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Can’t fit that into a newspaper strip! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #1)
Banter! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
“Basically, we used to party all the time, but then this furry guy broke a wristwatch and everything sucked after that.” (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
Prosaic? More like AWESOME! …Admittedly, I say this as someone outside of the cage. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
This scientist only appears on a few pages, but he’s already the best villain in the series. And he doesn’t even have a pumpkin bomb with a knife sticking out of it. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #2)
They tried rolling out a Goblin Glider rental program in Portland, but mostly folks just crashed them into things. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Uh, Landon, you’ve got something in your teeth – no, to the left – yeah, you got it. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Dammit, Jason, it’s not even October! (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
I love this guy. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
Landon-type Pokemon are weak against Irony-type attacks. (Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda #3)
If you have a 90s Marvel cartoon, you work Wolverine in wherever you can. It’s the law. (Spider-Man: The Animated Series season 2, episode 17, The Mutant Agenda)
Landon’s transformation takes a somewhat different turn on-screen than on the page. (Spider-Man: The Animated Series season 2, episode 18, Mutants’ Revenge)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor mourns and moves on.

258 – True Believers, Opportunists, and Crooks (feat. Lisa Winters)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Lisa Winters pinch-hits for Jay, we take a trip to the newspaper funnies and back, Spider-Man and Beast are natural BFFs, nothing good ever happens at the Brand Corporation, and “mutant” can be a pretty fuzzy concept.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bessie the Hellcow
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the newspaper strip storyline)
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the comic book miniseries)
  • Spider-Man: Mutant Agenda (the cartoon episodes)
  • Four-color hoards
  • Three-panel newspaper comic structure
  • Sunday strips (and their Mark Trail deceptions)
  • Hero Jaws – a breakfast-based theory
  • Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
  • The Brand Corporation
  • The Beast (Henry McCoy)
  • Narratively convenient Spider Sense
  • Hobgoblin (Jason Macendale Jr.)
  • Goblin gliders
  • Picket signs (*air horn sound*)
  • Finger blasters (heh)
  • Laser cages
  • Arcade’s superpower flowcharts
  • Mutants: newspaper versus comic continuity
  • Coming home to the 90s
  • Lisa’s favorite X-Man
  • Beast’s versatile character design
  • Spider-to-X ratios
  • Dark, tortured heroes
  • Herbert Landon’s selective memory
  • Confirmation bias
  • Anti-mutant cancer goo
  • Ironic reversals
  • Wolverine, the most marketable mutant
  • Evil British accents
  • The most adaptable Spider-Man / X-Men crossovers
  • The X-Men and the newspaper funnies

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor mourns and moves on.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!