Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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166 – Proteus Has Two Mommies

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we finally announce our NYCC panel lineup; Boom Boom is the Gina Linetti of X-Force; we don’t actually know very much about the New Warriors; Cable grows as a person; Cyclops makes an ethically dubious call; Warren Kenneth Worthington III is a jerk; Jay gets very angry at a fictional character; no one gets a happy ending and the skeleton was inside you all along.

X-PLAINED:

  • Penance (but not that Penance)
  • Our actual, for-real NYCC panel details
  • “Kings of Pain”
  • New Mutants Annual #7
  • New Warriors Annual #1
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #15
  • X-Factor Annual #6
  • The Alliance of Evil
  • Harness
  • Piecemeal
  • Genetech
  • IDIC
  • Symbolic chess
  • The New Warriors
  • The Clean Plate Club from Hell
  • The Pec Twins
  • ReBoot
  • A really screwed up debate
  • Magneto vs. Human Nature
  • Privilege and Callouts

NEXT WEEK: Summers Family Bullshit on the Moon!

COME SEE US LIVE AT NEW YORK COMIC CON, WITH SPECIAL GUESTS CHRIS CLAREMONT AND LOUISE SIMONSON!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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503 – Dream’s Anticlimax

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In which history repeats itself; Senator Kelly prevaricates (and then dies); Magneto keeps the cape on; Mystique does evil science; Post remains irrelevant (and then dies); Pyro saves the day (and then dies); Cable is a large man; Moira MacTaggert does the astral nasty (and then dies); and we really, really, really want to go to Froggy World.

X-PLAINED:

  • Moira MacTaggert’s mutation
  • A dubious plan
  • Evidence that we are in the wrong universe
  • Other crossovers named “Dream’s End”
  • A significant disclaimer
  • Uncanny X-Men #388
  • Cable #87
  • Bishop: The Last X-Men #16
  • X-Men #108
  • A surprise presidential platform
  • Sir Gordon Phillips and his guests
  • The new Brotherhood of Mutants
  • Cable’s hair
  • A lot of movie allusions
  • An ambiguous explosion
  • A deeply pointless retcon
  • An illusion
  • Cable’s psimitar
  • Pyro’s last stand
  • Dickalogue
  • Astral sex
  • The (apparent) death of Moira MacTaggert
  • A weird bonding moment in a cemetery
  • How to identify a time traveler
  • The (actual) death of Senator Robert Kelly
  • Mutant-free parts of the Marvel Universe
  • Froggy World

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X!

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494 – You’ve Got Evil Mail

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In which the X-Men zealously protect their trademarks; Cable can have as many moms as he wants to; not everyone should have to be a superhero; Lady Deathstrike knows how to handle unauthorized emails; and somehow there are still more gun arms.

X-PLAINED:

  • Lady Deathstrike
  • X-Men Unlimited #27-28
  • X-Men Annual 2000
  • One reason to recycle code names
  • Thunderbird III (Neal Shaara)
  • Sanjit Shaara and his electronic diary
  • Karima Shapandar
  • Bastion and the Prime Sentinels (again) (briefly)
  • Omega Prime Sentinels
  • Rebirth Island and what lurks there
  • Darkstar (Laynia Petrovna)
  • Unusual disturbances
  • Whether Gambit sleeps
  • The Black Death
  • Internet security training with Bastion
  • The genealogy of Nora Ephron romantic comedy You’ve Got Mail
  • Fashion
  • Stryfe (again) (briefly)
  • Psylocke’s telekinetic katana
  • Interactions between Madelyne Pryor and her large adult son
  • Spiral’s Body Shop

NEXT EPISODE: The Brotherhood targets Senator Kelly… again.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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326 – Son of a Gun

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s hard to be a hologram; the Internet is terrible and you should probably avoid it; we have no idea how Naze is still alive; this is not your mom’s Adversary (if your mom is Fall of the Mutants); Forge is an order muppet; and Sabretooth is not a great addition to most teams.

X-PLAINED:

  • Skrulls in American history
  • X-Factor’s attrition rate
  • The spirit spell (again)
  • The Adversary (again)
  • X-Factor #119-121
  • Hypercolor(TM) t-shirts
  • Oblivion vs. masturbation
  • Mark Trail (more) (again)
  • Forge’s complicated relationship with magic
  • The death of X-Factor
  • Several retcons
  • The resurrection of X-Factor
  • (Mis)representation of indigenous cultures in X-books
  • Jim Jaspers vs. the Adversary
  • The spirit spell (YET AGAIN)
  • The Feron of X-Factor
  • Val ‘n’ Victor
  • Dubious use of technology
  • A red herring
  • The lingering spectre of Days of Future Past
  • Our tech issues
  • Reasonable accommodations at the Xavier School

NEXT EPISODE: Cable vs. X-Force

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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246 – Foreshadow Puppets

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Danielle Moonstar is not a master of disguise; the MLF are bad enough dudes to kidnap a guy who works near the president; Tempo wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Reignfire is no Magneto; we now desperately want X-Force matryoshka dolls; Feral quits the team; Henry Peter Gyrich fails to learn from experience (or anything else); small children are bad at everything; Shatterstar gets a tagline; Sam Guthrie REALLY needs a vacation; and it’s surprisingly difficult to choose a favorite resurrection.

X-PLAINED:

  • Cortex
  • The kinder, gentler Cable
  • Several matters related to Nicholas Cage
  • X-Force #27-30
  • Broome jaws
  • The Area jar
  • The Mutant Liberation Front
  • Reignfire (again)
  • Hardaway
  • A cyborg asshole
  • Locus
  • Moonstar
  • “Of Faith and Fable”
  • Foreshadow puppets
  • Bobby da Costa’s greatest fear
  • Dad jokes with Cable
  • X-Force’s day off
  • Shatterstar vs. Adam X the X-Treme
  • Windsong
  • An inevitable team-up
  • A Very Special Episode moment
  • The return of Wine Mom Domino
  • The return of Jean Grey’s telepathy
  • Our favorite resurrections

NEXT EPISODE: Sabretooth

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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221 – Better Than LEGO

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Miles stops worrying and learns to love X-Force; you should absolutely not google the phrase “face jam”; the kids take a field trip to Graymalkin; Jay reverse-engineers Shatterstar’s hair; Donald Pierce gets a new job; Sam Guthrie is the most trustworthy man in the Marvel Universe; Cable is your guns grandma; Professor earns its name; X-Force really only has one setting; and not every Sluggo is lit.

X-PLAINED:

  • A bunch of stuff Quicksilver did
  • Several cats
  • X-Force #20-23
  • The Externals (more) (again)
  • A deeply unlikely hairstyle
  • Graymalkin / Ship / Professor
  • A somewhat one-sided reunion
  • Yahoos
  • Inaccurate arithmetic
  • Why Feral sounds like that
  • Neither Tom, Dick, nor Harry
  • War Machine (James Rhodes)
  • Salvage
  • Sam Guthrie’s long trail of dead father figures
  • Shatterstar
  • How to fight an External
  • The seventh plague
  • What Domino’s been up to
  • Hammer’s mom
  • Tigerstryke (more) (again)
  • Sluggo (but not that Sluggo)
  • Learning to appreciate the ’90s

NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke Vs. Revanche!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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189 – How Do You Solve a Problem Like Nate Summers?

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In which Jay’s mom broke the Internet; correct credits are important; everyone has a Danger Room; no one needs that many teeth; there are so many reasons to laugh at Stryfe; the Watcher is probably affiliated with Pepperidge Farm; Boom Boom is the Rogue of X-Force; and Cable’s pouches are definitely full of menstrual products.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Franklin Richards of Earth X
  • The One True Cable
  • X-Force #5-7
  • Pocket-Size Juggernaut
  • A novel approach to trauma surgery
  • A moment of intersectionality
  • Teeth of the early ’90s
  • Soft pink bags of rice-paper flesh
  • A villain speech
  • X-Force’s bathtub
  • Several Shel Silverstein poems that may or may not be about superheroes
  • Cooking with Boom Boom
  • Why the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants keeps the “Evil” in their name
  • Thornn (Lucia Callasantos)
  • Phantazia
  • Writers vs. Scripters
  • Sex Ed at the Xavier School
  • The Worst Twitter Thread

NEXT EPISODE: BLOODLUST! (But not inquiry.)

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 187 – Mermaids at the Center of Time

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Spoiler: They’re not actually that secret.
This panel really never stops being satisfying.
A surprisingly elegant fall overboard.
Is this Annie’s first comics appearance?
A few variations on Jean’s origins come up over the years, but most of them hew fairly close to this one.
If I had a dollar for every time I’d woken up like that…
In the next panel, he tries to lend them a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
Not cool, Jean.
FUN FACT: Our friend Max went to college in New England, and apparently ice sculpture contests are TOTALLY A THING.
HI, BUBBA.
This looks both tremendously fun and tremendously unsafe.
He straight-up bogarted the entire winter carnival.
This gag really never stops working.
If you’ve ever wondered what sound an ice-enclosed energy-gun cane makes blowing up in the stratosphere, now you know.
Thanks to Doctor Internet, I can accurately identify Nightcrawler’s favorite movie as The Mark of Zorro.
That is quite a caption.
I’d really love to see a full-color version of this splash.
IT’S A METAPHOR.
The oracle!
Remember this from the Nightcrawler limited series?
Consider us warned.
NEXT EPISODE: Live from ECCC!

And here’s a photo of Jay’s mom cosplaying Cable:

Eat your heart out, Josh Brolin.

187 – Mermaids at the Center of Time

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Lee Forrester deserved better; we have somehow made 187 of these; Bizarre Adventures is accurately named; the Grey sisters do not steal a yacht; trite jerks are doubly offensive; Black Panther is everything and you should go see it right now; Namor has a type; Attuma reads like an import from Game of Thrones; Florida is the Australia of North America; Iceman has a good weekend; half of the Vanisher materializes in Poughkeepsie; and Jay’s mom is the best Cable.

X-PLAINED:

  • What Lee Forester has been up to
  • How this happened
  • Bizarre Adventures #27
  • The not-particularly-secret lives of the X-Men
  • Jay’s Book of Irrelevant Headcanon
  • “The Brides of Attuma”
  • Sara Grey
  • Several incidents in the life of Jean Grey
  • A plan as ineffectual as it is dastardly
  • “Winter Carnival”
  • “Titan Up the Defense”
  • The peculiar predominance of ice sculpture in the Marvel Universe
  • Bubba
  • The Apple Profile
  • Festive bandits
  • A heist
  • A very fancy cane
  • “Show Me the Way to Go Home”
  • Nightcrawler’s favorite movie
  • The Count Duckula theme song
  • Some very friendly ladies
  • ECCC cosplay
  • Sev the Oracle
  • Whether Buffy is a Summers sibling
  • Whom we would merge with cosmic forces
  • The Queen of Nevers

NEXT EPISODE: Live at Emerald City Comic Con!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

181 – Badgers Everywhere

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Force is the cotton candy of comics; Jay & Miles overanalyze; eye spots are not the new domino masks; Feral is all about some murder; Black Tom and Juggernaut remain a delightful criminal power couple; Siryn’s costume is on point; over the edge is where we live; Jay gets briefly and intensely into Todd McFarlane; nothing will convince us that Fabian Nicieza did not know exactly what he was doing; and Kelly Thompson is a national treasure.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rumekistan
  • X-Force #1-4
  • Spider-Man #16
  • Leaping, both literal and metaphorical
  • Cannonball
  • Boom Boom
  • Cable
  • Domino
  • Warpath
  • Feral
  • Shatterstar
  • Siryn (Theresa Cassidy) (again)
  • MLF
  • The second and third-best-selling issues of all time
  • The Profit$
  • A very violent catchphrase
  • Chalet Shwartzkopf
  • Power Poses™ with Gideon™
  • The All-New, All-Different Weapon X (Garrison Kane)
  • 6-Pack
  • Good vs. Awesome
  • George Washington Bridge
  • A moment so dramatic that it produces a second Shatterstar in a single panel
  • Some sports stuff, kind of
  • Uncomfortable anachronism
  • The stylistic necessity of healing factors
  • Marvel Unlimited view options
  • Rogue and Gambit

NEXT EPISODE: The not remotely triumphant return of Technet!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)