Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 205 – Back to Basics

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Okay, but seriously, he could have gotten that cape anywhere. (X-Force #11)
Early Deadpool was just kind of a jerk. (X-Force #11)
In which Garrison Kane and all of his teeth are watching you poop. (X-Force #11)
The best thing about this is that Rictor’s shirt changes color from green to read between issues, and I have decided that it is DEFINITELY Hypercolor(TM). (X-Force #11)
Hi, Crule. (X-Force #12)
Somewhere, Flash Gordon is very confused and very naked. (X-Force #12)
Just posting this for Rictor’s outfit, which really only gets more remarkable with every drawing. (X-Force #12)
If I were a better person, I might have pasted this together with the other half of the four-page spread… (X-Force #13)
…but, alas, I’m not. (X-Force #13)
Thaaaaaat’s our Cable! (X-Force #13)
Yeahno. (X-Force #13)
I really like the way Shoemaker draws battle-damaged Cable. (X-Force #14)
MY FEELINGS (X-Force #14)
Awk-ward. (X-Force #14)
Spoiler: FRIENDSHIP WINS. (X-Force #15)
And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids! (X-Force #15)
NEXT EPISODE: Fire, life, and backstory!

LINKS:

  • You can learn all about Garrison Kane in Episode 195 – Johnny Got His Robot Arm.
  • Should you find yourself in Brussels, Jay recommends Utopia for all your superhero comics needs.
  • Mitchell is a terrible movie but a very good episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000; which latter you can watch here.

205 – Back to Basics

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Jay returns from Latveria; Sabretooth is significantly less menacing in French; Fabian Nicieza takes the reins; X-Force wins our hearts and minds; Gideon plunders Flash Gordon’s wardrobe; Crule does not actually rule; Rictor was right; Ship is the friend who helps you move, but better; the X-Force kids strike out on their own; and it’s probably impossible to explain Joseph too much.

X-PLAINED:

  • The secret origin of Gideon
  • How to get deported from Latveria
  • Marvel en français
  • X-Force #11-15
  • Some gratuitous posturing
  • Pico
  • What the actual Domino has been up to
  • One hell of an outfit
  • Peacock powers
  • Crule
  • A comical mix-up
  • A somewhat radical cosmology
  • A very dramatic strike force
  • Tygerstryke
  • X-Force post-Liefeld
  • Weapon P.R.I.M.E.
  • A four-page spread
  • A fight for one is a fight for all
  • Vance Astro
  • The death of Copycat
  • Things only Cable and Domino could do
  • Joseph (more) (again)
  • Marvel style and its evolution

NEXT EPISODE: Fire, life, and backstory!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 204 – Naughty By Nurture

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See how much is happening on this cover? Yeah, it’s got nothing on what’s inside. (Captain America Annual #4)
Jack Kirby: master of action! And of basically everything else! (Captain America Annual #4)
“Morning, Ralph.” “Morning, Sam.” (Captain America Annual #4)
Eh, I’ve lived in worse places. (Captain America Annual #4)
Drunk-at-a-Party Magneto, with Real Ranting Action (TM)! (Captain America Annual #4)
Mister Two, you are two cool looking. (Captain America Annual #4)
“Jeez, man! I could have been… magnetizing in here!” (Captain America Annual #4)
The all-new, all-different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants! Note Shocker’s weird little crab claws. (Captain America Annual #4)
DRAMATIC ZOOOOOOM! (Captain America Annual #4)
Yeah, I know we posted this as our Next Time image last time – but I really wanted to post it again. (Captain America Annual #4)
Strangely, this part didn’t come up at Magneto’s trial in Uncanny X-Men #200. (Captain America Annual #4)
Kirby-Cap does not fuck around. (Captain America Annual #4)
I mean, I like Nuanced And Morally Gray Magneto as much as the next guy, but… I miss this! (Captain America Annual #4)
Mister One died as he lived: tiny and orange. (Captain America Annual #4)
“Quick! Everybody say everybody’s names!” (Rom #17)
Bronze Age Wolverine summed up in one panel. (Rom #17)
“Silas, we brought you here today because we love you and we’re concerned about you.” (Rom #17)
Man, private schools are messed up. (Rom #17)
Diagonal art in a horizontal panel: simple, effective, and creepy. (Rom #17)
HOLY FUCKING SHIT (Rom #17)
Oh, man… I really liked that guy. Dire Wraith. Dire guy. (Rom #17)
Kitty, that kid is a) clearly younger than 15 and b) clearly a GODDAMNED DEMON (Rom #18)
The whole fight is like this – disorienting and tense. Rom may not be a horror book, exactly, but it’s close. (Rom #18)
Sal Buscema, how did you make Rom’s character design look this cool? It’s like Walter Simonson and Archangel! (Rom #18)
You’re not wrong, Kitty. (Rom #18)
“I used to head to the target range after my Maritime Law classes!” (Rom #18)
Poor Kitty. Poor everyone. (Rom #18)
Hey, it’s Limbo! No, not that one. Or that one. The other one. (Rom #18)
NEXT TIME: X-Force gets awesome!

Bill Mantlo, Rom’s writer (and the writer of lots of other awesome stuff) was struck by a car in 1992 and severely injured. If you can, please help support him.

You can hear Hub’s wit and wisdom on his podcast, Titan Up The Defense! It’s all about the Bronze Age Defenders and New Teen Titans and it’s really good!

204 – Naughty By Nurture

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In which Jay runs away to Latveria (but Hub is here to save the day!); you shouldn’t eat the brown promethium; Magneto and Cap fight over the world’s tiniest man; Rom is somewhat set in his ways; all anyone in the 616 really wants out of a disguise is plausible deniability; and Hub was inside your heart all along (and you might want to see a doctor about that).

X-PLAINED:

  • Several Limbos
  • Captain America Annual #4
  • Captain America vs. Magneto
  • The return of the theoretical Magnetostache
  • The Great Mutant Massacre (but not that one)
  • Drunk-at-a-wedding Magneto
  • Mister One
  • Mister Two
  • Ghost Writer
  • Peeper
  • Lifter
  • Burner
  • Slither
  • Shocker
  • Skin suffocation
  • Rom #17-18
  • The Toy Collector
  • Dick Warlock, revisited, more, again
  • Bill Mantlo
  • Rom: Spaceknight
  • Dire Wraiths
  • The secret lives of inanimate objects
  • Brandy Clark and Steve Jackson
  • Jacob the Dire Wraith and His No-Good Son Jimmy
  • The smell of evil
  • Swiss army eyeballs
  • Sidekicks for the Transformers

NEXT EPISODE: The Return of Rictor!

Special thanks to Emergency Back-Up Cohost Hub of Titan Up the Defense!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 203 – The X-Man’s Burden

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Hmm. Well. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
Impressive pajamas! Ever-present shotguns! Sexy (not-quite-) dead girls! Extra-spiky Archangel Wings! Banter! This one’s got it all. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I know you were in the Void Dimension for a while, Mikhail, but… did you forget how shirts work? (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I don’t know what it is about the astral plane being colored with highlighters that works for me, but man, does it ever. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I go back and forth on Tom Raney’s art, but he draws a hell of a Callisto. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
This is a cool group shot and all, but PLEASE NOTE THE MORLOCK WHO IS VERY EXCITED TO EAT A ROCK. Or bash his buddy with it, I guess. But I’m pretty sure he’s eating it. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
But… the Morlocks were never trapped! Well, I guess now they’re extra not trapped. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
One of my very favorite 90s covers of all time, only improved by the confusing colorful party lights above the logo. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
In the next panel, Colossus and Bishop passionately kiss. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
I’ll give Mikhail one thing: he’s legitimately scary. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Warren, you’ve been through a lot, but… you do know that this is the other place you were nailed to a wall in the Morlock tunnels, right? Right? (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Miles had so many nightmares about this guy 26 years ago. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
To be fair, Callisto keeps all of her clothing in pots. Storm, having played Zelda>, does not. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Sure, Professor Xavier can be a jerk – but every once in a while, we remember why he runs the school. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
We’ve all got that family member. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
The advantage of being drawn in a 90s superhero comic is that you can do this. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
Everything about that last panel is solid gold. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
I know we say that Cannonball is the best kid or that Warlock is the best kid, but Colossus is kind of also the best kid. (Not that his judgment is necessarily all that great…) (Uncanny X-Men #293)
God, right in the heart. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
NEXT TIME: Miles and Hub talk travel back to the Bronze Age!

The rad lawyer we mentioned in the episode is Katie Lane – check out her website for all kinds of good stuff!

203 – The X-Man’s Burden

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Morlocks used to have more agency, we have a surprising amount to say about the Rat King from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Archangel receives some exceptionally disturbing news, and 90s comics are all about finding the parts you love.

X-PLAINED:

  • Marrow’s internal organs
  • The post-Image Exodus era
  • Judging books by their covers
  • Uncanny X-Men #291-293
  • Sexy dead girls (again)
  • The Morlock leadership vacuum
  • A significant Callisto personality retcon
  • Failures of leadership due to own-death-faking
  • The magical life and magical death of the Morlock Sewer Wizard
  • Science Made Stupid
  • Storm’s claustrophobia (again)
  • MeMe, scourge of Miles’s childhood
  • 90s Jean Grey: cartoon vs comic
  • The Br’er Rabbit Technique
  • Some unfortunate and significant continuity errors
  • Professor Xavier’s impressive upper body strength
  • Mikhail Rasputin’s genuinely terrifying mutant powers
  • Bobby Drake’s potential
  • Morlock organizational techniques
  • Mikhail Rasputin’s very bad plan
  • Jean Grey’s real talk
  • The Home for Infinite Losers
  • Piotr Rasputin, tragedy collector
  • Copyright law and Fair Use
  • Queer headcanon
  • X-beards

NEXT EPISODE: Hub from Titan Up the Defense joins Miles to talk Bronze Age X-weirdness!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Man, that cover. (X-Factor #79)
Learning at super-speed! It doesn’t work… (X-Factor #79)
…until it does. (X-Factor #79)
Pietro Maximoff: not just a jerk, but a smart jerk. (X-Factor #79)
Only in X-Factor. (X-Factor #79)
I had the same dream! (X-Factor #79)
You got your 90s in my 90s! (Did you ever feel like a page was written and drawn especially for 10-year-old you?) (X-Factor #80)
Those Stroman crowd scenes, though. (X-Factor #80)
I’m pretty sure that’s not how you fix a broken jaw. Then again, in a universe where Jack Kirby designed most early technology, I guess all bets are off. (X-Factor #80)
And sometimes, when I’m feeling frisky… (X-Factor #80)
This is pretty much what happened the one time I tried to play a harmonica. (X-Factor #80)
Not only did the Genegineer lock Rahne into her transitional wolf form and genetically bond her to a guy she’d barely met, but he made her really bad at poker! Dammit, dude. (X-Factor #80)
“And after this fight, Archangel and I have a shopping date!” (X-Factor #80)
Yep, totally a Sam Keith design. (X-Factor #80)
There are so many ways to make Havok’s powers look cool. (X-Factor #81)
I feel pretty bad for everyone here. Well, not Pietro. (X-Factor #81)
When Guido isn’t busy referencing Murphy Brown, dude can be pretty scary. (X-Factor #81)
Most people think the ubiquity of cell phones was responsible for the death of the pay phone. Nope: it was this guy. (X-Factor #81)
Respect, man. Wait… it was all a trick? Okay, different respect.(X-Factor #81)
To be honest, I’m just including this one for Titan Up the Defense listeners. (X-Factor #81)
NEXT TIME: Man, screw you, Mikhail.

202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which music is dangerous and confusing, Jamie Madrox has a weakness for femmes fatale, the term “f-holes” makes Miles turn 12, and we bid a fond farewell to Larry Stroman.

X-PLAINED:

  • That time Havok was the nexus of all realities
  • How to get to Florida, Magneto style
  • X-Factor #79-81
  • Lesser-used applications of super-speed
  • Rhapsody (Rachel Argosy)
  • Mutant late bloomers
  • The surprising convenience and safety of fictional shop windows
  • Excalibur-weird vs. X-Factor-weird
  • Tiny cellos
  • The worst kid in the neighborhood
  • A creative use of mutant powers
  • Whether Madrox creates duplicates during sex (again)
  • Astral wheat fields
  • Musical manslaughter
  • Sean Young (who is decidedly not Catwoman)
  • Hell’s Belles
  • Rahne’s World
  • Polaris’s body image issues
  • Beefiness disambiguation
  • Wolfsbane’s conditional poker face
  • Cyber (Silas Burr)
  • Strong Guy, who just works here, man
  • Alex Summers, inspiring and/or deceptive authority figure
  • Bringing back the classics (and when not to)
  • The surprisingly homogenous Multiverse

NEXT EPISODE: Mikhail Rasputin ruins everything.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 201 – Pump Up the Jam

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Listen to the podcast here.

 

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Damn, that’s a nice cover. (X-Men #10)
I mean, one of them is definitely not playing a part. (X-Men #10)
I know, buddy. I know. (X-Men #10)
Wait for it… (X-Men #10)
*snicker* (X-Men #10)
Throwing this in mostly because it’s a gorgeous panel. (X-Men #10)
Not even the end of the issue, really. (X-Men #10)
Wait, wasn’t Jon Bon Jovi blond in 1992? (X-Men #10)
That is some choice sideeye. (X-Men #11)
A little bit louder, and a little bit worse. (X-Men #11)
“Hey, wanna see if we can make the Psylocke/Cyclops sexual tension even MORE uncomfortable?” (X-Men #11)
TFW you’re just thankful the control booth is lined with Mojonium(TM). (X-Men #11)
Toxic masculinity saves the day! (X-Men #11)
Mojo directing his own murder is a little bit creepy. (X-Men #11)
YOU’D THINK ONCE WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH, BUT NO. (X-Men #11)
“Know what would be the worst, though? If we were all characters in a comic book.” (X-Men #11)
I don’t understand what’s happening around Maverick’s crotch; and frankly, I don’t care to. (X-Men #10)
This guy. (X-Men #10)
Can we get a close-up on that caption, though? (X-Men #10)
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, HARRAS. (X-Men #10)
Thaaaaaat’s our Maverick! (X-Men #11)
It really, really looks like Professor X’s head isn’t attached to his body. (X-Men #12)
Carter Ryking has come unstuck in time, but not really. (X-Men #12)
Aw, man, it’s nice to have a reminder of why I sometimes really like these two together. (X-Men #12)
I mean, Gambit and Rogue are doing okay, so the dysfunction had to go somewhere… (X-Men #12)
ART CHALLENGE: What’s in the file? Fill in those empty pages! (X-Men #12)
And the skeletons are like, “Dude, we’re RIGHT HERE.” (X-Men #12)
While these are all valid concerns, they’d be alleviated somewhat if anyone ever bothered to draw Professor X with a decent wheelchair. Seriously, X-Men artists, DO SOME BASIC RESEARCH ON THIS. (X-Men #12)
Now there’s a guy who knows how to put the “fun” in “funeral.” (X-Men #12)
Yeah, Logan, don’t get into a feels-off with Rogue. You won’t win. (X-Men #13)
Nicieza’s Beast is really, really good. (X-Men #13)
Aw, Jubilee. (X-Men #13)
Show him what he’s won, Rusty and Skids! (X-Men #13)
NEXT EPISODE: A musical interlude with X-Factor!

201 – Pump Up the Jam

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we begin our third podcast century; Cyclops is bi-inclusive; we have high standards for Mojoworld; Dazzler can survive your big-budget horror show; Jim Lee makes his exit; video games that involve Protomen are better than video games that don’t; and plasma is the new magnetism.

X-PLAINED:

  • Carter Ryking and his Very Durable Underpants
  • Fontanelle
  • Jay & Miles Town Cry ye X-Men
  • An upcoming event
  • X-Men #10-13
  • A somewhat disappointing Wizard of Oz pastiche
  • Those who like to go both ways
  • A mysterious, shadowy figure; revealed
  • Several of Cyclops’s uncoolest Dad moments
  • Zima
  • Moist Alley
  • Mojo II: The Sequel
  • The Image exodus
  • Mojonium™
  • An announcement
  • Longshot in the Mojoverse vs. Longshot in the 616
  • A Maverick adventure
  • Alexander Ryking
  • The other Xavier File
  • Warhawk
  • The Ryking Hospital for Paranormal Research
  • A poorly defined power set
  • Technicolor skeletons
  • When and where paper was invented
  • A likely-irrelevant pattern
  • The devil who haunts Stryfe’s dreams
  • Some non-X Marvel recommendations
  • Rusty Collins’s codename

NEXT EPISODE: A musical interlude with X-Factor!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)