Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Alison Blaire

68 – The Most Dangerous Game

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 8/9/2015 , or contact David for the original.

In which we catch our breath after the Mutant Massacre; Miles’s taste is both epic and adorable; Dazzler’s Achilles heel is fame; Madelyne Pryor; it’s hard to be a teenage ghost; Crimson Commando is not actually Frank Borman (but we wish he were); Wolverine may or may not make truck noises; Heroes for Hope is profoundly baffling; and Sunspot would definitely be way into Leslie Knope.

X-PLAINED:

  • Several untimely deaths
  • Uncanny X-Men #214-216
  • Heroes for Hope
  • The post-Mutant Massacre X-Men
  • Malice
  • Another set of Phoenix callbacks
  • The Murder Grandpas
  • Crimson Commando
  • Super Sabre
  • Stonewall
  • Actual superhero Marsha P. Johnson
  • Priscilla the jerk
  • Wolverine SFX
  • Some fairly spectacular misunderstandings
  • One hell of a jam comic
  • X-costumes
  • A Thomas Magnum for 21st-century X-kids

NEXT WEEK: Elle Collins and Graeme McMillan X-Plain Beast’s solo adventures!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 65 – The Mutant Massacre, Part 1

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/19/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
And so it begins. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
Dazzler vs. Dazzler. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
We’d make a joke about taking a drink for every X-Men/X-Factor near miss, but you’d die of alcohol poisoning before the end of the crossover. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
Aw, Colossus. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
Not sure why Alanis Morisette didn’t bring this up in “Ironic.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)
Good job Kitty. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
Well, damn. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
There’s something really unsettlingly cheery and Silver-Age about this page. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
No idea who the purple individual is, which is a shame, because they seem awesome. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
STORM, NO! DON’T SPLIT THE PARTY! (Uncanny X-Men #211)
Whoa. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
This is the closest they’ll come to an actual conversation until Inferno. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
Whoops. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
So, THAT happened. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
SO, THAT HAPPENED. (Uncanny X-Men #211)
Dani Moonstar’s powers are METAL AS FUCK. (New Mutants #46)
“My powers are limited to the counterculture.” (New Mutants #46)
Powerlessness and the sense of being able to accomplish too little too late are pervasive themes in the Mutant Massacre. (New Mutants #46)
Everything’s sadder when teenagers are reacting to it. (New Mutants #46)
Well, shit. (New Mutants #46)
How have they not learned to listen to Doug by now? He is ALWAYS RIGHT. (New Mutants #46)
Cold, Wolverine. (Uncanny X-Men #212)
In her defense, everything is in fact well and truly fucked. (Uncanny X-Men #212)
And again. See what I meant about the alcohol-poisoning thing? (Uncanny X-Men #212)
You can, however, take a drink when Storm takes off her clothes for no clear reason. (Uncanny X-Men #212)
First mention of the man with the plan! (Uncanny X-Men #212)
Well done, Wolverine! (Uncanny X-Men #212)
I don’t care who you are: Callisto is better at leadership than you. (Uncanny X-Men #212)
It’s cool. It’s just Thor; we’ll be covering that stuff next episode. (Uncanny X-Men #212)
Psylocke’s psychic projection is adorable and also super creepy. (Uncanny X-Men #213)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Uncanny X-Men #213)
Betsy Braddock is hardcore. (Uncanny X-Men #213)
Two classic Claremontisms… (Uncanny X-Men #213)
…on a single page. (Uncanny X-Men #213)
Damn, Psylocke. (Uncanny X-Men #213)
How much do we love Psylocke’s totally femme-princess superhero costume? SO MUCH. (Uncanny X-Men #213)
Next Week: The Mutant Massacre, Part 2!

If you want to follow along with the crossover, you can find a guide to the reading order–and how we’re dividing it between episodes–here.

 

65 – The Mutant Massacre, Part 1

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/19/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/19/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we hit the first big X-centric crossover; a lot of Morlocks die; X-Factor is a dark farce; Kitty Pryde talks down a mob without using racial slurs; when Doug Ramsey tells you there’s a problem, you listen; and Callisto should be one of the iconic leaders of the Marvel Universe.

X-PLAINED:

  • Death by intellectual-property dispute
  • The Mutant Massacre
  • Mutant Massacres that might have been
  • Uncanny X-Men #210-213
  • New Mutants #46
  • The Marauders
  • The best way to guarantee the New Mutants’ involvement in a storyline
  • Limbo fashion
  • The responsibility of leadership
  • Wolverine vs. Sabretooth
  • Psylocke vs. Sabretooth
  • The evolution of crossovers
  • Characters we’d like to see more of post-Secret Wars

NEXT WEEK: The Mutant Massacre, Part 2!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 61 – Even Horses

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/21/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
So much love for this cover. (New Mutants #41)
Danielle Moonstar on cultural identity. (New Mutants #41)
I guess when you’ve spent ten years trapped in a demon bear, it’s easier to take things like flying horses in stride. (New Mutants #41)
“Ill wind.” Who even says that? (New Mutants #41)
SPOILER: This does not end well. (New Mutants #41)
Yeah, I can see how that might put a crimp into a friendship. (New Mutants #41)
Oof. (New Mutants #41)
How badass is Dani? BADASS ENOUGH TO SHOUT DOWN DEATH. (New Mutants #41)
On the list of iconic showdowns of New Mutants, this one will always be near the top. (New Mutants #41)
A very different brush with death. (New Mutants #41)
There’s a lot going on here, but the best part is that Lila is wearing a Lila t-shirt. (New Mutants #42)
AW, SAM. (New Mutants #42)
Headcanon: Sam never has any idea what his mom’s going to look like when he gets home. (New Mutants #42)
In Joshua’s defense, his fears will turn out to have been ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED. (New Mutants #42)
Damnit, Sam. (New Mutants #42)
Later, he’ll sprout wings, but we try not to talk about that story. (New Mutants #42)
Lila goes and changes, but seriously, how great is this look? SO GREAT, RIGHT? (New Mutants #42)
This does not seem like safe behavior around an aircraft in flight. (New Mutants #43)
In which Sunspot does his best Miles. (New Mutants #43)
Aw, they’re so happy. About revenge. (New Mutants #43)
In the New Mutants’ defense, Empath is in fact the literal worst. (New Mutants #43)
Have I mentioned recently how goddamn underrated Doug Ramsey is? Doug Ramsey is so goddamn underrated. (New Mutants #43)
Moment of silence for Dani’s super awesome Kyle Baker-inked hair. (New Mutants #44)
Illyana’s door signs are pretty priceless. (New Mutants #44)
Friendship! (New Mutants #44)
Kinda love the team reaction shot going on here. (New Mutants #44)
If Reverend Craig were an ice cream flavor, he’d be Presbyterianism and dick. (New Mutants #44)
Changing in a parking lot on the way to a school dance is about as New Mutants as it gets. (New Mutants #45)
Our first introduction to Larry Bodine. (New Mutants #45)
They’re talking about two entirely different things, but only one of them realizes it. (New Mutants #45)
THESE jerks. (New Mutants #45)
X-Factor keeps popping up as the off-screen bogeyman in other titles. (New Mutants #45)
Oh, Larry, no. (New Mutants #45)
(New Mutants #45)
Warlock trying to understand death is pretty much always the saddest thing. (New Mutants #45)
Aw, Kitty. (New Mutants #45)
Aw, everyone. (New Mutants #45)
Trivia: This scene has been referenced in a number of flashbacks, but it’s almost always misidentified as Doug Ramsey’s funeral. (New Mutants #45)
It’s really remarkable how consistent the evolution of Kitty’s feelings about identity politics has been, from here, through Mekanix, and into All-New X-Men. (New Mutants #45)
Next Week: GIANT-SIZE SUMMER SPECIAL SUPER TABLETOP TEAM-UP!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

61 – Even Horses

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/21/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/21/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which the band gets back together; Dani faces down Death; Sam takes Lila home to meet his mom; revenge is a dish best left unserved; there is nothing sadder than Warlock confused by the concept of death; Kitty Pryde has a some opinions about identity politics; and X-Men has not been great with textual representations of neurodiversity.

NOTE: Given some of the material covered in this episode, we wanted to link a few resources below, for anyone who might need them:

X-PLAINED:

  • The rotating members of the Guthrie family
  • New Mutants #41-45
  • One way to end a friendship
  • A respectable number of dubious decisions enacted over several issues
  • An epic showdown with an anthropomorphic personification
  • Additional Guthries
  • The Xavier Institute PTA
  • The worst Hellion (more) (again)
  • Legion (more) (again)
  • The second-saddest issue of New Mutants
  • The life and death of Larry Bodine
  • A somewhat bleak recurring continuity error
  • Depression and mental illness in X-canon
  • Care and storage of comic books
  • Autism in X-canon

NEXT WEEK: GIANT-SIZE SUMMER SPECIAL SUPER TABLETOP TEAM-UP!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 60 – Rachel Summers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/14/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
The last thing you see before you die. (Uncanny X-Men #206)
Do you ‘ship Storm and Bree Morrell now? You probably should. (Uncanny X-Men #206)
The outfits in this arc are just 100% amazing. (Uncanny X-Men #206)
Damnit, Rachel. This is why we can’t have nice things. (Uncanny X-Men #206)
“Teamwork! Our only weakness!” (Uncanny X-Men #206)
“It’s Madelyne! They’ve shot her! And dyed her hair! And given her fairly extensive cosmetic surgery!” (Uncanny X-Men #206)
Wolverine hates Arizona. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
We were going to make up a drinking game based around how many times Wolverine really or metaphorically kills Rachel in this story, but you would die of alcohol poisoning by the end of the first issue. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
Spoiler: It’s a metaphor. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
THE OUTFITS, THO. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
…And again. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
Same song, different issue. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
Neither of you is wrong. You’re just both assholes. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
Well, that escalated quickly. (Uncanny X-Men #207)
THOSE. OUTFITS. THO. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Kitty tells it like it is. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Damnit, Selene. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Feelings are boring. Murder is awesome. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
It really sucks to be a mortally wounded telepath, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Oh, SNAP. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
What. Selene. No. What are you even doing. No, Selene. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
No, but seriously: costume satin, right? (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Never not funny. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
And then, it got weird. Weirder. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
‘Kay. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
That one time a member of the Inner Circle wore a costume so bad it actually killed him. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Fun fact: this is the second time they’ve pulled this particular move. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Okay, that’s actually pretty awesome. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Seeya in Excalibur, kid! (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Next Week: New Mutants breaks our hearts, over and over and over.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING LISTENING:

60 – Rachel Summers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/14/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/14/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which Rachel Summers went to sleep with Wolverine’s claws in her dreams and now there’s claws in her lungs and when she got out of bed this morning she tripped on her traumatic backstory and by mistake she dropped the Phoenix Force in the sink while the water was running and she could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Freedom Force
  • Supervillains’ day jobs
  • Uncanny X-Men #206-209
  • The X-Men’s first brief tenure in San Francisco
  • Terrible house guests
  • Lindsay McCabe
  • David Ishima
  • Bree Morrell
  • A metaphorical ghost story
  • Lycanthropy, but dumber
  • The crossing of several ethical lines
  • Death by narrative stasis (and also impaling)
  • Craft night at the Hellfire Club
  • Death by costume satin (and also heart failure)
  • One way to write someone out of a book
  • Our favorite Summers kids
  • X-Music

Special thanks to Elle Collins

NEXT WEEK: The New Mutants break your heart.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

46 – Shadows Over Cairo

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/8/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/8/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we bid a fond farewell to Bill Sienkiewicz; Secret Wars II continues to ruin everything; the New Mutants end up in an improbable number of gladiatorial arenas; Shadowcat’s secondary mutation is queer subtext; Magik gives no fucks about your crossover event; Warlock transcends storytelling conventions; and Karma rejoins the team.

X-PLAINED:

  • The chronologically inconsistent mobility of Professor Xavier
  • The Shadow King
  • New Mutants #29-34
  • Steve Leialoha
  • The Arena (more) (again)
  • Evil group projects
  • Easter eggs
  • Rachel Summers: butch fashion icon
  • Some major failures of positive size diversity in comics
  • Madripoor
  • Ashake
  • The incredible changing Guthries
  • The wickedest club in Cairo
  • Default X-teams
  • Cypher’s powers

NEXT WEEK: Miles and Elisabeth Allie X-Plain X-Men / Alpha Flight

No visual companion this week, because, reasons.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 35 – Post-Disco Panic

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Art by David Wynne. Prints available here until December 21, or contact David for the original!
Coming never, to a theater near you. (Dazzler: The Movie)
A friend pointed out that this comic is a pretty great window into what a certain category of dude thinks ladies do when they’re alone. (Dazzler: The Movie)
Wait, what? (Dazzler: The Movie)
Seriously, had Jim Shooter ever actually read any X-Men at this point? (Dazzler: The Movie)
Meet your romantic lead. (Dazzler: The Movie)
At some point, we’re going to do a roundup of every panel in this graphic novel where someone talks to themself in a mirror. Spoiler: THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. (Dazzler: The Movie)
The really funny thing about this scene is that Frank Springer is apparently physically incapable of drawing women who don’t look like fashion illustrations, so she’s literally thinner here than in the earlier scene she’s comparing herself to. (Dazzler: The Movie)
So, that went about as well as you’d expect. (Dazzler: The Movie)
JFC, Roman. (Dazzler: The Movie)
“And it doesn’t even have Cher in it!” (Dazzler: The Movie)
I don’t care what it’s about, or what happens in it. THIS is the correct way to open your miniseries. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Hi, Hank McCoy! (Beauty and the Beast #1)
True fact: This is what ALL parties in LA are like. I think. Probably. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Aw, Hugo, you’re not sinister at all. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Beast is kind of an asshole in this miniseries. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
GET IT? GET IT? BECAUSE IT’S THE TITLE OF THE SERIES! GET IT? (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Wow, Wonder Man. Tell us how you really feel. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Introducing: The best characters in this series! (Also: That guy is not actually Abraham Lincoln, but we can pretend.) (Beauty and the Beast #1)
AND THEN BEAST STRANGLED A HORSE GUY WITH A PHONE CORD. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
And now, a lot of pictures of the residents of the Heartbreak Hotel! (Beauty and the Beast #2)
We decided that her superhero name is “Pantone.” (Beauty and the Beast #2)
This is Link, who is a mime? Maybe? Anyway, the Heartbreak Hotel is the best, and we want it to have its own World’s End-style series. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Oooooooooooooooh. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Meanwhile in Latveria, this. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Okay, look, I know it’s a Grand-Guignol-style arena, but you have to admit that its sets are epic as hell. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Wellp. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
And now, back to the TRUE stars of the series. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
“Oh, my god! They’ve… they’ve decanted her!” (Beauty and the Beast #3)
Awwwww. Seriously, though, do you not want to see a series about Kate’s friends and her old-school superhero (or supervillain) adventures? (Beauty and the Beast #3)
We’d like to point out that they just had this entire set and the costumes lying around. JUST IN CASE. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
That’s pretty cold, Alexander. Pretty. Cold. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
Wait, what? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Wait, WHAT? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
WAIT, WHAT? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Several months ago, Rachel said that Havok had the dumbest hat in the Marvel Universe. She was mistaken. Alexander von Doom has the dumbest hat in the Marvel Universe. We regret the error. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Spoiler: He is straight-up force-choking some dudes. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Truly the worst von Doom. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Doctor Doom: disappointed parent. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
NO, SERIOUSLY: TALES FROM THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL. Now. Please. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Next Week: LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY

 

Links and Further Reading

35 – Post-Disco Panic

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Art by David Wynne
Art by David Wynne

In which literally every character in Dazzler: The Movie is the absolute worst; Beauty and the Beast is secretly kind of awesome; Ann Nocenti is an editorial war-bard; Rachel issues a hat-related retraction; and we would read the hell out of Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel.

X-Plained:

  • The many mutations of Hank McCoy
  • Alison Blaire
  • Dazzler: The Movie
  • Dazzler’s corporate origins
  • The original plans for the actual unmade Dazzler movie
  • Severely off-model Storm
  • Ziggy the Butler
  • Several frankly horrifying courtships
  • Roman Nekoboh
  • Eric Beale
  • Beauty and the Beast (but not that one)
  • The correct way to open a miniseries
  • Ann Nocenti
  • Alexander Flynn
  • The importance of voice in writing Beast
  • Max Rocker
  • The Heartbreak Hotel (but not that one) and its residents
  • Nocenti narration
  • Some really dubious underground theater
  • The worst hat
  • What Dazzler’s been up to lately

NEXT WEEK: Rock’n’Roll Annuals… IN SPACE!

ART CHALLENGE: Join us in a world where Beauty and the Beast spinoff Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel is a real, published comic–and send us your fan-art from that series!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!