Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Alison Blaire

80 – For the Mutant Who Has Everything

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/1/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/1/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we go back in time to take a look at two annuals; everyone is really excited about Excalibur; Claremont ups his illusion game; Horde should probably not be allowed to dress himself; Rachel fires the X-Men; Havok needs better role models; Psylocke’s secondary mutation is femme power; Kyle X-Plains giant monsters; we check in with Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; and you should totally come see us at Vegas Valley Comic-Book Festival on November 7!

X-PLAINED:

  • Dazzler’s powers
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #11
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #7
  • New Mutants Annual #3
  • The Hostage, by Brendan Behan
  • Wolverine vs. Historical Fiction
  • Horde and his amazing outfit
  • The Citadel of light and shadow
  • The fantasy lives of X-Men
  • Things to do with a shed human skin
  • The secret origin of Wolverine’s overactive healing factor
  • The Impossible Man (and how to defeat him)
  • The Shogun Warriors
  • What happened to Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau
  • Powers we don’t like
  • Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

NEXT EPISODE: All-New X-Men with Dennis Hopeless!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 79 – Bear on a Boat

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/25/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Look! It’s Captain America! And… Dr. Druid. Okay, then. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)
We see what you did, there. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)
That… could have gone better. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)
Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the fact that Wolverine is wearing a cowboy hat with his swim trunks. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)
“But they don’t trust me! I know! I’ll sneak away! That’ll help!” (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)
Magneto’s old helmet does not really work with his new disco neckline. (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)
EVERYBODY FIGHT! (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)
*rimshot* (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)
“We could resolve this peacefully, and–actually, nah, you know what? Let’s just punch each other for another two issues.” (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)
So, that happened. (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)
“Howsabout bears? You got a problem with those, too?” (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)
It’s not a miniseries until Rogue’s clothes explode. (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)
MAGNETISM! (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)
You’re a crook, Captain Hook! (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)
It’s kind of like The Lady or the Tiger, only it’s The Naked Dude and the Bear but also They’re the Same Person, so actually it’s not really very much like The Lady or the Tiger at all. (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)
Oh, generic Government Man. Never change. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
Well, that’s awkward. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
MAGNETISM! (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
Magneto, the Silver Age called. It wants its schtick back. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
But… I mean… That doesn’t even… You know what? Never mind. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
In the original draft of this issue, Magneto’s helmet turned blue and was eaten by Pac Man. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
Oh, COME ON. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
I swear at least one of those picket signs is straight-up lifted from Uncanny X-Men #200. (X-Men vs. Avengers #4)
The Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts begins on October 29! Prepare with this handy flow chart!
NEXT WEEK: Warlock vs. the Impossible Man!

ARE YOU READY FOR THE SECRET CONVERGENCE ON INFINITE PODCASTS?

79 – Bear on a Boat

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/25/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/25/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In no one trusts Magneto; Dr. Druid is the comfiest superhero; She-Hulk wants to punch a meteor; Rachel and Miles are really bad at both nature and maritime law; boat fights are the best fights; everyone makes terrible choices; and James Jaspers should really have been disbarred by now.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Darkstar vs. Dark Star
  • X-Men vs. Avengers #1-4
  • Magneto’s narrative milestones
  • Dr. Anthony Druid
  • A most peculiar meteor
  • The Soviet Super Soldiers
  • Vanguard
  • Darkstar
  • The Titanium Man / Gremlin
  • Ursa Major
  • Floridian vs. Australian fauna
  • Crimson Dynamo
  • Dock parties with the X-Men
  • Secrets of Asteroid M
  • Cartoonish pursuit
  • The drinking rules of costume semi-destruction
  • The Laws of the Sea
  • Why you should put your multi-team brawls on a boat
  • An abrupt creative shift
  • The Light
  • Several miracles of magnetism
  • An ethical dilemma
  • The (other) trial of Magneto
  • Magneto heel turns
  • Picking which tie-ins to read
  • The Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts

NEXT EPISODE: Warlock vs. the Impossible Man!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 78 – The Eye Killers and Other Cautionary Tales

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/18/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
We missed you, hawk ‘hawk! (Uncanny X-Men #220)
Well, THAT can’t be good. (Uncanny X-Men #220)
It’s somehow creepier that he turns out to be a hologram. (Uncanny X-Men #220)
Mugging at the camera and grinning evilly is a big Naze thing. (Uncanny X-Men #220)
Mister Sinister’s full-page debut! (Uncanny X-Men #221)
Look at this glorious sonofabitch. (Uncanny X-Men #221)
“Spirit and soul” still counts. Take a drink. (Uncanny X-Men #221)
Madelyne Pryor is no one’s damsel in distress. (Uncanny X-Men #221)
Depictions of sound in visual media are really fascinating. This is one of the cooler effects! (Uncanny X-Men #222)
More sound and speech balloons. (Uncanny X-Men #222)
In case you need an additional reason not to masturbate with a cactus: apparently that’s how you get eye-killers. (Uncanny X-Men #222)
“Also, you’re lousy in bed and you’re never going to finish your dissertation.” (Uncanny X-Men #222)
Things more metal than this cover: NONE OF THEM. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
HI, MURDER GRAMPAS! We missed you! (Uncanny X-Men #223)
Well, shit. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
That time Storm caught a fish like a bear. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
One of my favorite weird details of this era is Wolverine wearing that cowboy hat all the damn time, and no one ever commenting on it. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
I’m gonna go ahead and say that Madelyne Pryor gets the rawest deal in X-Men, and this is only the first act. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
Oh, dear. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
SPOILER: This will not end well. (Uncanny X-Men #223)
Instead of a clever caption, I’m just gonna drop this link to Native Appropriations. (Uncanny X-Men #224)
The staging here is spectacularly classic-romance-comic. (Uncanny X-Men #224)
Even the happy moments in this arc are really damn depressing. (Uncanny X-Men #224)
Well, fuck. (Uncanny X-Men #224)
NEXT WEEK: X-Men vs. Avengers!

Links & Further Reading:

 

78 – The Eye Killers and Other Cautionary Tales

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/18/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/18/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we persevere in the face of adversity; Storm goes on a quest; Mr. Sinister makes his first appearance; Dazzler learns about teamwork (again); it still sucks to be Havok (but not as much as it sucks to be Madelyne Pryor); you should probably put down that cactus; the Murder Grampas join Freedom Force; Storm’s life is a metal-album cover; and the X-Men are doomed as hell.

 

X-Plained:

  • The Mr. Sinister / Summers family time loop
  • Uncanny X-Men #220-224
  • Actual and potential origins of Mr. Sinister’s name
  • How Longshot’s powers work in combat
  • Teamwork (again)
  • Representing sound and silence in a visual medium
  • A protracted fight
  • Forge (again)
  • Naze (kind of)
  • The Adversary
  • Eye Killers
  • One of many reasons not to masturbate with a cactus
  • The X-Men in San Francisco
  • Madelyne Pryor vs. fate
  • Storm vs. Forge
  • Character names vs. code names
  • X-Makeovers

NEXT WEEK: X-Men vs. Avengers

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 74 – This Dumb Rumpus

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Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/20/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
We’ll be at RCCC in Portland, OR, on September 19 and 20! More info–including our first-ever live show and all-ages meetup/party–here!
These covers, man. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #1)
Well, that’s weirdly anticlimactic. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #1)
“FWIDAY.” (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #1)
Reed Richards is a terrible parent, even by superhero standards. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #1)
“Also, you really need to learn to dress better, because this is just embarrassing.” (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #1)
Well, that’s not even a little bit portentous. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #1)
They just get bleaker and bleaker. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #2)
Aw. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #2)
What. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #2)
WELL THEN. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #2)
If I had a dollar for every time I rescued a sailor and it turned out to be a Doombot… (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #2)
Reed, he literally just said he was doing it for free. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #2)
Definitely not a thing that happens at any point during the actual series. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #3)
Aw, Kitty. Aw, Franklin. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #3)
Aw, Kitty and Franklin. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #3)
Reed Richards is his own unreliable narrator. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #3)
Still a terrible parent, but he has his moments. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #3)
THAT SOUND EFFECT THO (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #3)
‘Kay. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
Aw, Kitty. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
Why, yes, half the captions in this post are variations on “Aw.” I REGRET NOTHING. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
AW. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
AWWWW. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
One of us has some Feelings about this whole scenario. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
Best faces, or best faces? (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
Taaaaaake another drink. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
Let’s all take a moment to appreciate Storm’s AMAZING outfit. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
Okay, then.
Franklin Richards: Normal Human Meat Child. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
IT JUST DOESN’T STOP BEING FUNNY. (Fantastic Four Versus the X-men #4)
NEXT WEEK: X-Factor still can’t get the hang of doors.

LINKS & FURTHER READING

L’Shanah Tovah!

74 – This Dumb Rumpus

37 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/20/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/20/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which Franklin Richards is definitely a normal human meat child; Thing’s code-name is delightfully ambiguous; your kids are probably robot sailors; it’s always a Doombot; Rachel accidentally identifies with Reed Richards; all dramatic roads lead to Latveria; and superheroes are terrible at conflict resolution.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Franklin Richards
  • Rachel & Miles at Rose City Comic Con
  • Rachel & Miles X-Plain the X-Men LIVE
  • Fantastic Four Versus the X-Men #1-4
  • The best hugs in the biz
  • The Fantastic Four
  • Mr. Fantastic (Reed Richards)
  • Invisible Woman (Susan Richards)
  • Human Torch (Johnny Storm)
  • Thing (Ben Grimm)
  • The Fantasticast
  • Special dreams (but not that kind)
  • Alicia Masters (sort of)
  • Dubiously informative cover art
  • The doomed frenemyship of Reed Richards and Victor von Doom
  • Varyingly competent parenting
  • An awful lot of incidental nudity
  • Ethics of super-science
  • Robot sailors
  • Latveriandroids
  • Agency
  • Dubious conflict-resolution skills
  • Human Torch costume logistics
  • Dr. Doom’s history with Magneto
  • Relative roles and themes of Marvel teams

NEXT WEEK: X-Factor still hasn’t really gotten the hang of doors.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 72 – Thrown Under the Plot Bus

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 8/30/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Mutant X Cyclops is the best Cyclops.
Surprise Walter Simons cover! YAYBO! (Uncanny X-Men #217)
The Opening Gimmick Who Cried Wolf. (Uncanny X-Men #217)
Banshee is good at adulting. (Uncanny X-Men #217)
“Seriously, guys, it’s like the whole theme of the book. I mean, aside from fighting to protect a world that hates and fears us.” (Uncanny X-Men #217)
Whether Douglas the Gentle Freak is the Doonesbury-universe version of Cypher remains a mystery. (We’d like to think so, though.)
Damn, Callisto. That’s cold. (Uncanny X-Men #217)
You do you, Alison. (Uncanny X-Men #217)
2/3 of Juggernaut fights begin with some variation of this scene (kilt negotiable). (Uncanny X-Men #217)
Um. (Uncanny X-Men #217)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Uncanny X-Men #217)
I don’t know if there’s a word for what’s going on with Rogue’s hair, but it is AMAZING. (Uncanny X-Men #218)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (Uncanny X-Men #218)
“Y’all enjoy your group hug. I’m just gonna FLING THIS FUCKING ROCK INTO SPACE.” (Uncanny X-Men #218)
Aw, Longshot. (Uncanny X-Men #218)
I know this story is all about teamwork, but Rogue definitely wins MVP of Uncanny X-Men #218.
‘Kay. (Uncanny X-Men #218)
The really great thing about this reference is that there’s also a Brigadier Lethbridge Stuart running around UK-616. I bet they get each other’s mail all the time. (Uncanny X-Men #218)
Hope you enjoyed it while it lasted, Havok! (Uncanny X-Men #218)
Car Wreck Sex: The Alex Summers Story. (Uncanny X-Men #218)
This plotline will continue to dangle for like a year and a half. (Uncanny X-Men #218)
Take a drink. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
Damn, kid. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
Please let us know if you can work out the timeline here, because we’ve basically stopped sleeping, and it’s not pretty. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
I always figured Magneto would have way nicer penmanship than this. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
Lorna, you can FUCK WITH MAGNETIC FIELDS WITH YOUR MIND, AND ONE TIME YOU THREW AN ISLAND INTO SPACE. Are you really that surprised at a freak earthquake? (Uncanny X-Men #219)
If the X-line were a sitcom, they’d totally have cut from here to Scott arguing with hallucinations over in X-Factor. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
It’s okay. Everyone will be too distracted by your hat to notice the tights. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
Our heroes and yours! (Uncanny X-Men #219)
THAT. HAIR. (Uncanny X-Men #219)
NEXT WEEK: Origins of X-Men: Evolution, with Robert N. Skir!

FURTHER LISTENING:

  • Special thanks to the wonderful Adam Warrock for letting us sample his song “Teamwork” in this episode! You can listen to the full track here, and find more of Adam’s work at adamwarrock.com!

72 – Thrown Under the Plot Bus

52 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | Email | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/6/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/6/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which Dazzler is not a team player; Longshot is the Zonker Harris of the X-Men; Juggernaut is That Guy; Rachel and Miles channel Statler and Waldorf; and Alex Summers is seriously never, ever going to finish grad school.

X-PLAINED:

  • Mutant X
  • The only well-adjusted Scott Summers in the Multiverse
  • The Goblin Entity
  • Uncanny X-Men #217-219
  • The evolution of the X-Men’s lineup
  • Standards for a good twist
  • Doonesbury
  • Several Dungeons & Dragons analogies
  • A dubious literary allusion
  • Flying jeeps
  • CrimeBros
  • The fundamental tragedy of Longshot
  • Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart and several homages thereto
  • Geordie and Rupert
  • Havok (more) (again)
  • Car-wreck sex
  • An unfortunate end to a camping trip
  • The Plot Bus
  • Several ways to stat Rogue up as a D&D character
  • Narrative-friendly power sets

Special thanks to:

  • The wonderful Adam Warrock, for letting us sample his song “Teamwork” in this episode! You can listen to the full track here, and find more of Adam’s work at adamwarrock.com.
  • Harrison Barber for his X-Pert D&D advice (not to mention nearly fifteen years of tolerating our nonsense at the gaming table)!

NEXT WEEK: X-Men: Evolution with Robert N. Skir!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!