Caliban – Page 5 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 211 – A Cornucopia of Mayhem

August 26, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Really, though, it was all just a hilarious misunderstanding. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

I’m just gonna let Jubilee caption this one… (Uncanny X-Men #295)

…Yep. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

PSYLOCKE, MURDER IS OCCASIONALLY NOT THE ANSWER. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

This is not actually a lot like child-rearing. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

It is very, very 1992 in here. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

Aw, Sam. You’re a good kid. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

NEXT ISSUE: Three men without inside voices. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

Sure, why not? (X-Factor #85)

Even Apocalypse is horrified by the ramifications of this mess. (X-Factor #85)

Compromise is the heart of teamwork! (X-Factor #85)

I really love both the art in this issue and Dragoness’s design as drawn by Jae Lee. (X-Factor #85)

It’s a metaphor! With robots! Probably! (X-Factor #85)

Awk-ward. (X-Factor #85)

You see what I mean about the DragonQuest thing? (X-Men #15)

Why is Psylocke standing like this mid-fight? Or at all, honestly? A MYSTERY FOR THE AGES. (X-Men #15)

I’m glad that Colossus’s Angst Landscaping has persevered. (X-Men #15)

No, Stryfe. And I think you know that. (X-Men #15)

new body who dis (X-Men #15)

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, STRYFE. (X-Force #17)

Oh, that’ll end well. (X-Force #17)

Logan ABSOLUTELY deserved that. (X-Force #17)

Ouch. (X-Force #17)

Objectively, I know that X-Men #137 callbacks are calculated manipulation, BUT THEY ALWAYS WORK ANYWAY. (X-Force #17)

NEXT EPISODE: Man, this is a long event.

LINKS & FURTHER EXPERIMENTS:

Listen to Part 1 of our X-Cutioner’s Song coverage here.
Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love is a really cool book made by some people we like very much.

211 – A Cornucopia of Mayhem: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 2 of 3)

August 26, 2018 Jay 16 comments

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In which Jubilee is underwhelmed by X-Force; Havok and Gambit make weirdly good buddy cops; Department K is a hot vacation destination; Cable is secretly a Coen Brothers protagonist; you can cancel Community but you can never take away Jay’s gratuitous Community references; Rusty goes full cultist; nobody is Stryfe’s real dad; smoking on a space station is a REALLY bad idea; Apocalypse is here to help; and Miles lies at length about music.

X-PLAINED:

Kuurth
Various Juggernauts
The Story So Far
More trading-card taxonomy
Uncanny X-Men #295
X-Factor #85
X-Men #15
X-Force #17
Varyingly hilarious misunderstandings
Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love
What happened
Good Cop / Sleazy Cop
A deal
A tragic absence of Draculas
The Coen Brothers’ X-Cutioner’s Song
Thanksgiving with Cable
Miles’s summer camp hijinks
Murderbots in space (again)
A dubious strategy
MLF Redshirts
The second time someone force-fed superheroes baby food in space
A dropped plot thread
Things you shouldn’t do on space stations
Additional awkward reunions
Whether Stryfe is a Summers
The X-Cutioner’s signature karaoke song

NEXT EPISODE: Dang, this event is long.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 210 – The End of Tomorrow

August 19, 2018 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What Rogue’s wearing was actually our school uniform back in 1992! (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Scott, you chowderhead. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Do NOT invite Caliban to your wedding. Or probably to anything. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

You know, sometimes Professor Xavier really isn’t a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Professor Xavier is shot in the dark future of Earth-811… (New Mutants #18)

…and in the dark present of Earth-616. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Kids, your day is not going to get better from here. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Have we mentioned we love Jae Lee’s art? We love Jae Lee’s art. (X-Factor #84)

At karaoke, Archangel’s voice is just okay, but his performance is 10/10. (X-Factor #84)

I mean, let’s be real – that’s pretty hot. (X-Factor #84)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY (X-Factor #84)

The X-Men are so good at posing in this era. (X-Factor #84)

“Dear diary: I finally said it! I said the line!” (X-Factor #84)

Man, Andy Kubert could draw someone doing their taxes and it’d look superheroic. (X-Men #14)

Except that time 16 years later when you shoot him in the head, ya doof. (X-Men #14)

Jean Grey: CGC 8.4 Scott Summers: CGC 7.2 (X-Men #14)

Not Rictor’s best pickup line… But also not his worst. (X-Men #14)

Apocalypse, you have got to turn your shower temperature down. That hot water is awful for your skin. (X-Men #14)

That’s a clove cigarette, in case you can’t tell. (X-Men #14)

X-Force: both very sympathetic and very colorful! I miss when badasses wore colors other than black. (X-Force #16)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY SOME MORE (X-Force #16)

“You see, Piotr, this is how we entered every building back in our X-Factor days!” (X-Force #16)

Mister Sinister: pleased as punch. (X-Force #16)

There’s seriously nothing we can add to this. (X-Force #16)

Best not to dwell. (X-Force #16)

NEXT EPISODE: It is definitely not.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

Jay’s X-Men Valentines were in somewhat questionable taste.
Our Discord server is delightful. You can join it here.

210 – The End of Tomorrow: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 1 of 3)

August 19, 2018 Jay 21 comments

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In which you may or may not have your own Black Bug Room; FlameCon was in fact every bit as wonderful as we projected (and more); Caliban hates true love; no one will ever be as extra as Mister Sinister; X-Cutioner’s Song is secretly a farce; we achieve Peak Cable; and the quintessential ’90s crossover event begins!

X-PLAINED:

The Black Bug Room
A good deal of pre-event status quo
Uncanny X-Men #294
X-Factor #84
X-Men #14
X-Force #16
Trading card taxonomy
The opening strains of a crossover event
A concert that worked out better in theory than in practice
An abduction
Several attempted murders
A large number of awkward reunions
An even larger number of inter-team brawls
Two villains pretending to be other villains
Cape logistics
Peak Cable
Many pouches
Many guns
The origin of Hope Summers
Our hopes for mutants in the MCU

NEXT EPISODE: Aw, Stryfe, no.

NOTE: At one point in this episode, Miles said “X-Force” when he actually meant “X-Factor.” If you can tell us where, you win the prize of eternal smugness (not as much smugness as Sinister, but still a lot).

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 171 – Badly Punctuated Equilibrium

November 12, 2017 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! https://xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/X170.mp3

Domestic bliss, X-Factor-style. (X-Factor Forever #1)

Aw, this guy. (X-Factor Forever #1)

Timmy’s grandmother has good judgment. (X-Factor Forever #1)

“Hey, kids! Have some flechettes!” (X-Factor Forever #1)

Dang. Good job, Hank. (X-Factor Forever #1)

“I did, however, find myself some sweet new glasses.” (X-Factor Forever #1)

Every drawing of Apocalypse’s face in this series is utterly delightful. (X-Factor Forever #2)

When writers no-prize the art… (X-Factor Forever #2)

DAMNIT, TIMMY. (X-Factor Forever #2)

Happy birthday, Timmy, I guess? (X-Factor Forever #2)

Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor Forever #3)

This series makes a fairly good case for both mutant rights and subsidized childcare. (X-Factor Forever #3)

How you know it’s serious business. (X-Factor Forever #3)

I love that they have named and numbered all of their special moves. (X-Factor Forever #3)

“Dude, we are literally holding up one of those children, right here, in front of you.” (X-Factor Forever #3)

Well, shit. (X-Factor Forever #3)

Aw, man, this cover is so fun. (X-Factor Forever #4)

If only your boss listened to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men. (X-Factor Forever #4)

X-Factor, doing what they do best! (X-Factor Forever #4)

BUT WHY ARE THEY ALL DRESSED UP? (X-Factor Forever #4)

Can we all just take a moment to enjoy Sinister’s deeply goofy face in this panel? (X-Factor Forever #4)

“Who’s on first,” Summers family edition. (X-Factor Forever #4)

Seriously, it’s a great reaction image. (X-Factor Forever #4)

Pretty much any variation on this panel will always get me straight in the feels. (X-Factor Forever #4)

“I dunno. What if we just, like, lob a baby at him?” (X-Factor Forever #5)

I just really like this panel. (X-Factor Forever #5)

“You didn’t tell me this was a VACATION,” said Cyclops. (X-Factor Forever #5)

NEXT EPISODE: The Muir Island Saga, and the secret origins of this nonsense!

As Mentioned in Episode 147 – The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

February 25, 2017 Miles 10 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Buy prints at Redbubble, or contact David to purchase the original!

The first of many vertical two-page spreads (that could probably have just been a normal page, but hey). (New Mutants #90)

Copying and pasting artwork from The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe – work smarter, not harder! (New Mutants #90)

Just… Just talk to her, Rictor! Talk to anyone! Even the reader!(New Mutants #90)

To be fair, that’s actually pretty in-character for Sunspot. (New Mutants #90)

Okay, that’s just awesome. (New Mutants #90)

“We’ve got to save our friend! But first – pose!” (New Mutants #90)

Behold – crotches! And also a pretty cool fight. (New Mutants #91)

“Shouldn’t our parents have signed permission slips for this field trip, teach?” (New Mutants #91)

Preeeeetty sure this is the beginning of a complicated mating dance. Or just the start of date night. (New Mutants #91)

And then Cable fought robots so well that Rictor forgave him for killing his dad. (New Mutants #91)

That pretty much says it all, huh? (New Mutants #93)

Hey, Rictor got a new costume! And a lot more hair! (New Mutants #93)

“We’re from Japan! Can you tell?” (New Mutants #93)

“My god! Not another use!” (New Mutants #93)

“Why, someone who’s too awesome for backgrounds, of course!” (New Mutants #93)

Give the laxatives some time to work, guys. It’ll be okay. (New Mutants #94)

And then the 90s 90s’d us right in the 90s. (New Mutants #94)

Please note that Cannonball is stealing a key from Dragoness’s headdress in the bottom panel. With his hair, I guess? (New Mutants #94)

Okay, that’s just adorable. (New Mutants #94)

Magneto this guy ain’t.

And that was the last we ever saw of Stryfe and the MLF! (New Mutants #94)

Almost forgot the lovingly-rendered butt!

Next time: X-Factor versus psychic vampires!

147 – The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

February 20, 2017 Jay 31 comments

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In which the New Mutants get a new status quo (and new costumes); we have deeply mixed feelings about Rob Liefeld; Cable is the comprehensive sex-ed to Xavier’s staunch denial and Magneto’s abstinence-only; Rictor gets a new dad by right of arms; and you should totally come party with us at Emerald City Comic Con!

X-PLAINED:

Feral Wolverine
Jay & Miles at Emerald City Comic Con
New Mutants #90, 91, 93, and 94
Early Rob Liefeld
Caliban vs. Sabretooth
Vertical spreads
Stately Xavier Ruins
How to confuse Freedom Force
Imaginary fashions of the early ’90s
How Rictor’s father may or may not have died
The New Mutants’ new uniforms
A lovingly-rendered butt
Improv with Apocalypse
The mystery of Rictor’s shirt
Seismic weaving
The Japanese branch of the MLF (Kamikaze, Sumo, and Dragoness)
The Mutual Liberation Front
Diana, Warrior Princess (again)
Several kisses
Sleet

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Fights Yuppie LARPers or Something

CORRECTION: In this episode, Jay referred to Bob Harras as Editor-in-Chief of Marvel in 1990. Tom DeFalco was in fact Editor-in-Chief; Harras was the X-Men line editor.

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 88 – …Just Before Dawn

December 21, 2015 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

You never forget your first ship. (X-Factor #24)

“I mean, if those ridiculous spring arms aren’t evil, I don’t know what is.” (X-Factor #24)

Vannapocalypse White. (X-Factor #24)

This and the following seven panels are the bottoms of eight pages of X-Factor #24, running parallel to the bulk of the action taking place above.

(X-Factor #24)

And then, Caliban joins the rest of the cast. (X-Factor #24)

Okay, this looks bad. (X-Factor #24)

Recognizable presidents are few and far between in comics. (X-Factor #25)

Remember that time Power Pack straight-up killed an old lady? Because that DEFINITELY HAPPENS in this issue. (X-Factor #25)

As a former student of Charles Xavier, Iceman knows that the most expedient solution to any crisis is to fake his own death. (X-Factor #25)

Well, that was cathartic. (X-Factor #25)

Look at those sharp new costumes! (X-Factor #26)

Aw, Hank. (X-Factor #26)

ABOUT DAMN TIME. (X-Factor #26)

AND THEN! (X-Factor #26)

NEXT WEEK: Giant-Size Winter Special #2!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING:

Teen Titans Wasteland is amazing, and you should listen to it right now.
Learn more about the Emu War in Interesting Times!

88 – …Just Before Dawn (Fall of the Mutants, Part 3 of 3)

December 21, 2015 Jay 28 comments

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which X-Factor finally comes out ahead; Jay and Miles weigh in on the X-Men: Apocalypse trailer; En Sabah Nur is better at theater than tactics; no one does scale like Simonson; Iceman pulls an Xavier; Cyclops and Marvel Girl totally do it; and we conclude our three-part coverage of Fall of the Mutants.

X-PLAINED:

A potential (but unlikely) vector for resurrecting Cyclops-616
Events vs. crossovers
Our thoughts on the X-Men: Apocalypse trailer
X-Factor #24-26
Power Pack #35
Incredible Hulk #340
Captain America #339
Fantastic Four #312
Daredevil #252
Newsletters of Apocalypse
Some deeply dubious immunology
The fall of Caliban
Sense of scale
The kiss we’ve been waiting for
Teen Titans Wasteland
A recognizable ruse
A thematically significant crash landing
Some long-awaited resolution
How to judge an original-5 book
Sweatsuits of Apocalypse
The iconic X-Factor costumes
Fall of the Mutants tie-ins
Emus
The best-dressed X-Men

NEXT WEEK: GIANT-SIZE WINTER SPECIAL #2!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 75 – By Their Deeds You Shall Know Them

September 22, 2015 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 9/20/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

It’s hard to be a mutant teenager. (X-Factor #16)

We kind of skirted this part of the storyline, because it makes us both super uncomfortable and we weren’t really sure what angle to approach it from. You do you. (X-Factor #16)

Boom Boom fits right in at X-Factor! (X-Factor #16)

“Triumphant strangulation” is not a phrase you get to use under very many circumstances. (X-Factor #16)

Well, no, but it’s a nice sentiment. (X-Factor #16)

WHOOPS. (X-Factor #17)

The kids are the only ones who are not treating this as business as usual. (X-Factor #17)

X-Factor is THE WORST at interventions. (X-Factor #17)

Bobby, now is probably not the best time to joke about flight safety. Also, I’m kind of genuinely horrified that they APPARENTLY KEEP SPARE UNIFORMS WHERE THE LIFE VESTS GO. This is like how in the LEGO Blackbird there’s a chair blocking the door of the cabinet with the fire extinguisher and… okay, look, I realize no one else cares about this. BUT IT BUGS ME. (X-Factor #17)

“Not that I don’t appreciate the rescue, but don’t you people ever use doors?” (X-Factor #17)

“NOPE!” (X-Factor #17)

Cameron Hodge is so good at villain speeches. (X-Factor #17)

FANCY THAT, SKIDS. (X-Factor #18)

“I mean, we’re gonna get brainwashed by Scott and Jean’s clone’s kid’s clone, and then join a cult; and I’ll get killed in space by Holocaust; but the Phoenix Force is definitely not involved in most of that.” (X-Factor #18)

Scott’s life is basically an ongoing game of Hallucination or Hologram right now. (X-Factor #18)

“Skids, sometimes when two grown-ups love each other very much, and one of them was briefly replaced by a cosmic force, and the other married her clone, and–look, just give us a minute, please.” (X-Factor #18)