In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.
X-PLAINED:
Storm’s pirate adventures
Storm #1-4
Mark Trail
The Morlocks (more) (again)
Unacceptable gradients
Butt murder
Fashion
Several memes of yesteryear
Product placement
The new Worst Panel
Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
How not to identify a body
The Hill (Limbo)
“Daddy”
The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
Still more members of Gene Nation
A new costume
The most obscure stories we’ve covered
That time Wolverine at his own arm
NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which we decide to stop recognizing the nominal difference between X-Men and Uncanny X-Men; time travel may or may not wait for you; Mister Sinister has probably appeared in at least one Ed Wood film; we are a pro-Tingle podcast; X-Men is about family; the Braddock twins catch up; Sailor Moon > Shinobi Shaw; Generation X is inducted into the baseball tradition; and Storm does what she does with Morlocks in sewers.
X-PLAINED:
Franklin Richards’ impressive lineage
311
Yet another structure for annuals
X-Men Annual 1995
Uncanny X-Men #325
Serious academic discussions
Faye Livingstone
Mister Sinister’s Hollywood adventures
Tyler Dayspring / Tolliver / Genesis (again)
Teenage optimism
An absolutely nonsensical villainous plot
A Hank McCoy that might have been
Friendship
Fraternal correspondence
Romance
Morlocks
The first time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
Gene Nation
A really excessive cover
An intergenerational baseball game
Another fairly nonsensical villainous plot
The second time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
X-horror
Other media X-fans may enjoy reading, playing, or watching
NEXT EPISODE: Bob Proehl X-Plains the Resonant Duology!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
I don’t remember Thunderbird having that many muscles or, y’know, being white. (X-Calibre #1)
“Sure thing! That’s BLAMM with two Ms?” (X-Calibre #2)
Aw, buddy. (X-Calibre #2)
But shouldn’t that be Rusty Collins’s icon? (X-Calibre #2)
…well, shit. (X-Calibre #2)
Almost our Kurt, and very much not our Kurt. (X-Calibre #2)
OH HELL YEAH (X-Calibre #3)
TFW Magneto forces you to visit your One Big Ex’s intentional community. (X-Calibre #3)
They have fun. (That is a lie. They do not have fun.) (X-Calibre #3)
Oh, come on. (X-Calibre #3)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Calibre #4)
Not AGAIN. (X-Calibre #4)
Welcome to the Age of Apocalypse!
NEXT EPISODE: these goofs, in space
LINKS & FURTHER ALLUSIONS
That really depressing historical anecdote about ballast tanks came courtesy of friend of the show Joe Streckert, of the Weird History Podcast. Thanks, Joe!
In which a whole lot of things burn; Nightcrawler gets gritty; it’s hard to be Dead Man Wade; Apocalypse’s IT department has some explaining to do; Mystique is the most mom of all moms; Doug Ramsey dies (again); and Jay will fight anyone who says comics can’t be “real” literature.
X-PLAINED:
Damask
X-Calibre #1-4
Switchback
Cain Marko of Earth-295
Avalon
Destiny of Earth-295
Nightcrawler of Earth-295
Ghost Dance (actual)
Ghost Dance (fictional)
John Proudstar of Earth-295
The Infernal Gallop vs. the Infernal Galop
Moonstar of Earth-295
Dead Man Wade
The Pale Riders
Videoconferencing software of Earth-295
The Excalibur
Walter Newell
Callisto of Earth-295
A lot of murders
A really dark historical precedent
Parenthood
Death by existential crisis
The worst plan
Variations on the death of Doug Ramsey
Geography of the Age of Apocalypse
The rest of the Marvel books during the Age of Apocalypse
Jay vs. Western canon
NEXT EPISODE: Gambit and the X-Ternals
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Impressive pajamas! Ever-present shotguns! Sexy (not-quite-) dead girls! Extra-spiky Archangel Wings! Banter! This one’s got it all. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I know you were in the Void Dimension for a while, Mikhail, but… did you forget how shirts work? (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I don’t know what it is about the astral plane being colored with highlighters that works for me, but man, does it ever. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
I go back and forth on Tom Raney’s art, but he draws a hell of a Callisto. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
This is a cool group shot and all, but PLEASE NOTE THE MORLOCK WHO IS VERY EXCITED TO EAT A ROCK. Or bash his buddy with it, I guess. But I’m pretty sure he’s eating it. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
But… the Morlocks were never trapped! Well, I guess now they’re extra not trapped. (Uncanny X-Men #291)
One of my very favorite 90s covers of all time, only improved by the confusing colorful party lights above the logo. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
In the next panel, Colossus and Bishop passionately kiss. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
I’ll give Mikhail one thing: he’s legitimately scary. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Warren, you’ve been through a lot, but… you do know that this is the other place you were nailed to a wall in the Morlock tunnels, right? Right? (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Miles had so many nightmares about this guy 26 years ago. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
To be fair, Callisto keeps all of her clothing in pots. Storm, having played Zelda>, does not. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
Sure, Professor Xavier can be a jerk – but every once in a while, we remember why he runs the school. (Uncanny X-Men #292)
We’ve all got that family member. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
The advantage of being drawn in a 90s superhero comic is that you can do this. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
Everything about that last panel is solid gold. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
I know we say that Cannonball is the best kid or that Warlock is the best kid, but Colossus is kind of also the best kid. (Not that his judgment is necessarily all that great…) (Uncanny X-Men #293)
God, right in the heart. (Uncanny X-Men #293)
NEXT TIME: Miles and Hub talk travel back to the Bronze Age!
The rad lawyer we mentioned in the episode is Katie Lane – check out her website for all kinds of good stuff!
In which the Morlocks used to have more agency, we have a surprising amount to say about the Rat King from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Archangel receives some exceptionally disturbing news, and 90s comics are all about finding the parts you love.
X-PLAINED:
Marrow’s internal organs
The post-Image Exodus era
Judging books by their covers
Uncanny X-Men #291-293
Sexy dead girls (again)
The Morlock leadership vacuum
A significant Callisto personality retcon
Failures of leadership due to own-death-faking
The magical life and magical death of the Morlock Sewer Wizard
Science Made Stupid
Storm’s claustrophobia (again)
MeMe, scourge of Miles’s childhood
90s Jean Grey: cartoon vs comic
The Br’er Rabbit Technique
Some unfortunate and significant continuity errors
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which Rose City Comic Con was in fact pretty awesome; we return to Marvel Presents; Colossus has a bad day; Ann Nocenti engages in some bipartisan satire; Cyclops has a bad day; Moira MacTaggert gets possessed again; Master Mold is really hard to kill; you should absolutely not send Jay naked leprechaun pictures; sentinels are basically rationalization engines; and that is really not how consciences work.
NOTE: In this episode, we said that the U.S.S.R. dissolved in 1989. That actually happened in 1991.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: THE NYCC PANEL HAS BEEN MOVED. IT IS ON THURSDAY, NOT FRIDAY.
X-PLAINED:
Sentinel Aesthetics
Prime Sentinels
“Colossus: God’s Country”
Butt physics
The Cold War
Colossus’s feelings about porn
The Billy Ireland Cartoon Library
Some varyingly dubious politics
The Cold Warriors
Alexander, who is probably not actually either Colonel Sanders or Howard Hughes
Bipartisan satire
Jay’s grandfather
An uncomfortable picnic
Limbs
Number Six (but not that one)
Terrible neighbors
“Cyclops: The Retribution Affair”
Bobbie and Mary Campbell
Master Mold (again)
Stephen Lang (again)
Servitors
A well-honed lobster alert system
The Retribution Virus
Conscience
A terrible party
Kitty Pryde’s Gal Pal Squad
Community Organizer Magneto
NEXT EPISODE: Live from Rose City Comic Con!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)