Cannonball – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

489 – The Eyepatch of Love

June 8, 2025 Jay 4 comments

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In which Pete Wisdom does his best Charles Xavier; Alastair Stuart has not aged well; San Francisco has monster problems; and there’s probably an alternate universe where Dr. Niles Roman fronts a metal band for toddlers.

X-PLAINED:

The value of Pete Wisdom
X-Force #102-105
Revolution (more) (again)
Counter X (more) (again)
Flight
Elf stuff
Alastair Stuart (again)
The eyepatch of love
Science City 53
Meatspore stormtroopers
Project Cuckoo
Dr. Niles Roman
Tactics vs. Strategy
Monster problems
The Violence Machine
The apparent death of Pete Wisdom
What a good X-Force HQ needs
The most X-treme possible lineup

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men!

We’re still pretty wiped from DC, so the visual companion to this episode will be up later this week.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

May 31, 2025 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

Color-coded Horsemen of Apocalypse! (Mutant X #19)

What’s the magic word? (Mutant X #19)

Someone let that flying aerobics instructor in! The rain is going to wreck her hair! (Mutant X #20)

That A on his belt stands for Ally! (Mutant X #20)

Note that Charles Xavier’s Evil Mullet is never seen outside of these two panels. (Mutant X #21)

Not a bad riff on the Phoenix costume, honestly. (Mutant X #21)

And then Professor X turned into Doctor Fate. (Mutant X #22)

“That’s right, my friends! We must strike Galactus with every color of the traffic light!” (Mutant X #22)

You ever have a dream where someone is mean to you and then you’re still mad at them when you see them in real life? (Mutant X #23)

Behold! Bargain-basement X-Man, with bonus moppets! (Mutant X #23)

Just a hell of a cover. (Mutant X #24)

Why would you put a portal to the Negative Zone in the goddamn FLOOR?! At least put up a guard rail or something! I’m calling OSHA! (Mutant X #24)

Spoiler: they all just go to a bar. (Mutant X #25)

Flowers for Beast-gernon. (Yes, yes, we know Algernon is the mouse.) (Mutant X #25)

ah jeez (Mutant X #25)

It’s cool, Bloodstorm. We’ve all been there. (Mutant X #26)

The Marauders! (Mutant X #26)

Meet Dagger. And also sorta Cloak. (Mutant X #27)

Awwwwww (Mutant X #27)

Okay, that kid is way too chill. (Mutant X #28)

That’s way better than Evil Xavier’s mullet! (Mutant X #29)

Why, it’s the brand new Sabre-Roaster 3000, as seen on TV! (Mutant X #29)

Plus Iron Giant Man, but he’s too big for this panel! (Mutant X #30)

(This caption intentionally left blank) (Mutant X #31)

After this, they blow up the moon! (Mutant X #31)

The Beyonder x-plains Mutant X! And also eats Captain America. (Mutant X Annual 2001)

It’s really hard to pick a favorite! (Mutant X Annual 2001)

Benjamin E. Yonder, you put the population of New York City down right now! (Mutant X Annual 2001)

Well, I would have said “WHAT?!” (Mutant X #32)

Dracula dies not with a bang, but with a PFFFT. (Mutant X #32)

*sniffle* (Mutant X #32)

Goodbye, Earth-1298. It’s been a hell of a ride. (Mutant X #32)

NEXT TIME: Black ops in black leather!

488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

May 25, 2025 Jay 3 comments

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In which we reap the consequences of our choices; possession is 18/10 of the law; Sinister dresses for the occasion; Hank gets his groove back; Havok of Earth-1298 is a jerk; Hank loses his groove; Captain America blows up the moon; the Beyonder experiences a stirring; Dracula makes a deal; and Mutant X May comes to an end.

X-PLAINED:

The aftermath of Mutant X
Mutant X #19-32
Mutant X Annual 2001
The story so far
Character color coding
Some telepathic misdirection
Apocalypse of Earth-1298
Charles Xavier of Earth-1298
Professor X’s Juggernaut-fightin’ mullet
A whole lot of possession
Fake Galactus
Several fears
X-Man of Earth-1298
Child batteries
The worst place for a portal to the Negative Zone
How Hank McCoy became the Brute
Vampire problems
The Marauders of Earth-1298
The Outcasts of Earth-1298
Cloak & Dagger of Earth-1298
James Hudson of Earth-1298
The Avengers of Earth-1298
The Beyonder of Earth-1298 who is also kind of the Goblin Force
Several additional superheroes
A last stand
The appeal of alternate timelines
Earth-1298’s best glow-ups

NEXT EPISODE: Attack of the Meatspore Stormtroopers!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 482 – The Mutant Gene for Murder

April 13, 2025 Miles Leave a comment

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“Mr. Wisdom would have wanted me to show this much chest.” (X-Force #106)

A fitting tribute from Romany Wisdom (Mark II). (X-Force #106)

Come on, Cable totally would have trained X-Force on Robert’s Rules of Order. (X-Force #106)

“Well, you’re looking at a version of it that doesn’t yet have nearly enough black leather.” (X-Force #106)

Upon further consideration: yeah, Meltdown totally designed all of these. (X-Force #107)

Bedlam’s new powers! (X-Force #107)

Meltdown’s new powers! (X-Force #107)

Proudstar’s new powers! (X-Force #107)

“You see, I have the mutant gene for murder.” (X-Force #107)

Domino understood the fashion assignment. (X-Force #108)

Remember, you can shoot the eyeball for double damage. (X-Force #108)

Spy stuff. (X-Force #108)

First you murder all of the children at this birthday party, and then you have the gall to criticize the host’s baking? (X-Force #108)

Meet these guys! But don’t get too attached. (X-Force #108)

But that doesn’t… it looks nothing like… ah, never mind. (X-Force #108)

You can read the entirety of New Mutants and X-Force as the history of Cannonball learning to turn. (X-Force #109)

I bet he’s using his Cable voice for this threat. (X-Force #109)

Tsung has probably seen The Matrix like, a lot. (X-Force #109)

That’s our Tabitha! (X-Force #109)

Mr. Giger sends his regards. (X-Force #109)

NEXT TIME: Claremont’s back!

482 – The Mutant Gene for Murder

March 30, 2025 Jay 8 comments

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In which Pete Wisdom canonically smells weird; we are inordinately entertained by a villain; everyone levels up their superpowers; and you probably shouldn’t shave the logo of your secret super team into the side of your head.

X-PLAINED:

Nasty Boys disambiguation
X-Force #106-109
Counter X (more) (again)
Shockwave (more) (again)
Turn-of-the-millennium cool
X-Force (more) (again)
How to dress for funerals, I guess?
How Pete Wisdom smells
Romany Wisdom (again)
Marcus Tsung
Mind bullets
Nightman
Our first audience challenge in a really long time
A bad nickname
X-Force’s new looks
A thing growing out of Domino’s back
Several enigmas shrouded in mystery
The worst birthday party
Abel, Baker, and Charlie
Fish
The Factory
Telepathic “voices”
The miracle of magnetism

NEXT EPISODE: The return of Chris Claremont!

LISTENERS! We want to hear your Marcus Tsung murder ballads! Send ‘em to [email protected] with the subject line MUTANT MURDER BALLAD, and we’ll stick ‘em on the web or play ‘em on the show!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 478 – The Monologue Tube

February 23, 2025 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Alan Davis protests the death of Cyclops. (From this link)

X-teams, past to present. (At least the ones who still had comics in 2000.) (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Well, at least this time he’s leaving with someone other than those five motorcycle guys who could turn into a sixth motorcycle guy. (Uncanny X-Men #379)

It really, really isn’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)

“…why do you call yourself X-Man, anyway?” (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Suddenly, the plot! (Uncanny X-Men #379)

“Sacre blue, non! Our elf ears!” (Uncanny X-Men #379)

“you guys i am so mad right now you have no idea” (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Toad, did you just… have that mirror with you? (Uncanny X-Men #379)

Just a really good cover. (X-Force #101)

That pacing, though. (X-Force #101)

Aww man. (X-Force #101)

We’ve all been there, kid. Well, maybe not exactly there, but like… metaphorically. (X-Force #101)

Meltdown counsels a sad child in a comic by Joseph Harris, part 2. (X-Force #101)

Doctor Wily, is that you? (X-Men #99)

“You wanna play paintball with us?” (X-Men #99)

How does a costume that looks so good when you’re blue look so silly when you’re not? (X-Men #99)

I’m not so sure about this Storm-and-Marrow-as-camp-counselors subplot, but I do love me some soap opera. (X-Men #99)

Businesspeople and bikers: the two genders. (X-Men #99)

Tentacle-guys, demons, and hulks: the three genders. (X-Men #99)

Mystique really misses that lamp. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

Logan may be dying, but his eyebrows are very impressive right now. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

“Plus, they charged us like thirty bucks just to bring a carry-on!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)

The S stands for Sexy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

We’ve all had that dream, Blob. (Uncanny X-Men #380)

Bye, Alan Davis! It’s been weird but pretty fun! (Uncanny X-Men #380)

NEXT TIME: Magneto versus everybody.

478 – The Monologue Tube

February 23, 2025 Miles 6 comments

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In which Alan Davis is Team Cyclops; everyone gets depowered; it’s hard to connect with kids your age when you’re a superhero; Sinister’s gotta sinister; everyone gets repowered; and the ‘90s were much more eclectic than they get credit for being.

X-PLAINED:

Side effects of Decimation
Uncanny X-Men #379-380
X-Force #101
X-Men #99
Cadre K
Summers family drama
The High Evolutionary (more) (again)
The (other) time all the mutants got depowered
Kevin
A very beautiful book
The ongoing mess of Genoshan politics
The Neo (slightly)
To what extent Logan’s claws are a mutant power
Sinister monologues
Herbert Evolutionary
The New New Men
The ‘90s, in general
What makes a Morlock

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto: Dark Seduction!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 475 – Cross-Time Crisis

January 26, 2025 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

If ever there was a time to bring back Bill Sienkiewicz for a cover… (X-Force #99)

Look at that varied crowd of background characters! And also that pig backpack! (X-Force #99)

Black toner cartridge has been depleted. Please replace black toner cartridge. (X-Force #99)

Is there a ghost in that necklace? Or maybe Malice 2.0? We’ll never know. (X-Force #99)

Sometimes, the bear eats you. (X-Force #99)

Don’t apologize for your awesome fantasy world, Arcadia! It’s great! (X-Force #99)

Creeeeepy doll. (X-Force #99)

Hi, Triune Understanding subplot! Bye, Triune Understanding subplot! (X-Force #99)

Not with a whimper, but with a bang and also a lot of narration. (X-Force #99)

Meet Dani, Dani, Dani, and Dani. (X-Force #99)

The Queen of the Star Swords: multiversal conqueror and also heavy metal album cover subject. (X-Force #100)

That’s all we get to see of the Queen of the Star Swords’ citadel. Looks like it’s probably pretty cool, though, right? (X-Force #100)

Less spiky than in the present day, but still a good look, Queen. (X-Force #100)

And that’s it for the resurrected-Juliana subplot. At least this one gets a satisfying, if sad, conclusion. (X-Force #100)

Well, the inside of the citadel looks pretty cool, at least! (X-Force #100)

Meet X-Force of Earth-130000! (X-Force #100)

It’s X-Force of Earth-8280, we think! Maybe Cannonball was supposed to be Cypher? (X-Force #100)

The saddest X-Force, numerical reality designation unknown. (X-Force #100)

X-Force of Earth-10003, AKA the Pete Wisdom-verse. (X-Force #100)

X-Force of… a lot of places. Fight! (X-Force #100)

“I’ll zap you so hard you’ll turn into a baby!” (X-Force #100)

G’Journey, Cable of Earth-3100… (X-Force #100)

…and G’Journey, John Francis Moore’s X-Force. (X-Force #100)

NEXT TIME: Mondo’s back, for the first time!

475 – Cross-Time Crisis

January 26, 2025 Jay 7 comments

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In which we wrap up John Francis Moore’s run on X-Force; the Demon Bear returns (kinda); four Moonstars are not in fact better than one; the Queen of Star Swords is an extremely rad villain; and X-Force takes a very contained multiversal tour.

X-PLAINED:

Multiversal canon
X-Force #99-100
The Demon Bear (more) (again)
Arcadia DeVille (more) (again)
Mary Weather
Fenwick
Meridian
The Queen of Star Swords
The Cathedral
Cable (but not that Cable)
The X-Forces of several universes
Earth-3100
Earth-10003
Earth-130000
Earth-8280
Earth-23100
Non-mutants on the X-Men
The provenance of the Brood X-men

NEXT EPISODE: Mondo! (The real one, this time.)

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!