Mystique – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 430 – The Bad Feelings Box

November 19, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

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It’s always awkward when you run into someone you know out of context. (Uncanny X-Men #359)

I don’t know why Rogue palming Mystique’s face like a basketball is so funny, but it really is. (Uncanny X-Men #359)

Aw, these two. (Uncanny X-Men #359)

Spoiler: They do not actually fight each other. (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

Every supervillain, ever. (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

It’s Bring-a-Twink night at the poker game! (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

Psycho Man may have his issues, but you’ve gotta hand it to his UI design. (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

I love that Kirby armor. (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

INVISIBLE BEAR TRAP (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

By this point, half the superheroes in the Marvel Universe are anxiously awaiting their turn to toss Wolverine. (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

OH NO (Uncanny X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998)

Callisto looks so cool in this issue. (X-Men #79)

She knows how to flirt like a pro. (X-Men #79)

They’re spooning. (X-Men #79)

NEXT EPISODE: Miles and Al Kennedy X-Plain the Generation X Underground Special!

430 – The Bad Feelings Box

November 12, 2023 Jay 8 comments

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In which birds have no business in sex dreams; feelings are complicated and allegories are imperfect; Mystique made some valid points; Psycho-Man is good at UI; Callisto was right; and the label “Omega-level mutant” actually kind of makes sense.

X-PLAINED:

Psycho-Man
Malice (but not that one)
Hate Monger (but not that one)
Finding good comics from the ‘90s
Uncanny X-Men #359
X-Men / Fantastic Four Annual 1998
X-Men #79
The dead man’s hand
Dr. Aubrey Agee
Psi-War fallout
Dr. Bradley Beynon
Hadley the robot
Poker twinks
La Bludgeon
Psycho-Man’s Bad Feelings Box
An invisible bear trap
Marvel’s floating poker game
Officers Aguinal and Cleveland
Antagonists vs. villains
Omega-level mutants

NEXT EPISODE: The Generation X Underground Special, feat. Al Kennedy!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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414 – Blackwater Boy Band

June 18, 2023 Jay 7 comments

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In which Wild Child makes an unlikely Santa Claus; Sabretooth champions continuity; Random’s last name should’a been Violence; Forge doesn’t have to like you; and Mackie’s X-Factor run gets interesting—right before its untimely end.

X-PLAINED:

Another X-Factor
X-Factor #142-145
Unrealized anticipation
Deadline
What Val Cooper wants for Christmas
The evolutionary symbolism of noses
Several breeds of dog
The secret history of Val Cooper and Wild Child
Wildheart
The Secret Empire
The X.U.E. (more) (again)
Ice skating, interrupted
Another cool way to draw Havok’s powers
A clever retcon
The X-Factor that might have been
Greystone’s origins
Micah
A temple of doom
The hierarchy of cool skulls
Branching timelines and the implications thereof
An Alex Summers / Moira MacTaggert chimera

NEXT EPISODE: Gambit, again.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 407 – Freshening Up

April 16, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

(He is not in fact here to help.) (X-Factor #138)

Heh. Omega Red, man. (X-Factor #138)

The most threatening destroyed football you’ll see today. (X-Factor #138)

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION. (X-Factor #138)

(Spoiler: That’s Mystique.) (X-Factor #138)

A delightful cover. (X-Factor #139)

This whole sequence is so good. (X-Factor #139)

Ever is weird, and I say that with all respect and admiration! (X-Factor #139)

Dark Beast DEFINITELY has multiple candy-colored iMacs. (X-Factor #139)

Mystique: once again mother of the year. (X-Factor #139)

The preceding page literally had a Slaughterhouse Five reference, and I’m kind of annoyed about it. (X-Factor #140)

Fixx, Greystone, and Archer. (X-Factor #140)

A guy who is probably not Cable. (He’s not; he’s an alternate-future Forge.) (X-Factor #140)

Batman. (X-Factor #140)

There are actually *multiple* people huffing frogs, if you look closely. (X-Factor #141)

SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD YOU EVER TRUST THIS MAN (X-Factor #141)

THE PLOT THICKENS (X-Factor #141)

NEXT EPISODE: Bishop: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TIME SINKS

We covered the first X.S.E. miniseries in Episode 340 – Retconaganda.

407 – Freshening Up

April 9, 2023 Jay 11 comments

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In which X-Factor bounces from one rock-bottom to another; Sabretooth gets his (murderous) groove back; Dark Beast embraces the iMac aesthetic; the tip was righteous; Mystique multitasks like a pro; and Shard Bishop has come unstuck in time.

X-PLAINED:

X-Nation
What X-Factor’s been up to
X-Factor #138-141
Omega Red (again)
The Brotherhood’s new hideout
Mallory Brickman
Miles and/or Ralph Brickman
Gloria Brickman
“Freshening up”
Mystique, but a sitcom
Agent Vargas
Ever
The secret purpose of Havok’s Brotherhood
Exhumes vs. emplates
Fixx
Greystone
Archer
The X.U.E.
Bantam
Leisure activities
What would happen if the T-O virus took over Cable’s body
What we want from X-Men #700

NEXT EPISODE: Bishop: X.S.E.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 406 – The Most Dangerous Mini-Game

April 9, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

So, that’s where he got it! (Wolverine #-1)

I love this design for Sabretooth. (Wolverine #-1)

And also his car. (Wolverine #-1)

Literally nothing is okay at the Blanding/Masters house. (X-Factor #-1)

Mister Sinister lurks in the bushes. (X-Factor #-1)

They’re AT LEAST in their early 20s. (X-Factor #-1)

DAMN, Haley! (X-Factor #-1)

The most dangerous mini-game. (X-Factor #-1)

Alex Summers in a nutshell. (X-Factor #-1)

Wellp, you did that. (X-Force #-1)

I swear I thought this thing was gonna be a red herring. (X-Force #-1)

Everything cute about this issue is also really sad. (X-Force #-1)

How Thunderbird got his code name. (X-Force #-1)

Don’t worry, Tabby; soon you’ll be stealing with the best of ’em! (X-Force #-1)

The Circus of Cameos. (X-Force #-1)

In which John Produstar straight-up wrassles a tiger. (X-Force #-1)

“We also do a lot of crimes, but they’re pretty low-key as comic-book circus crimes go.” (X-Force #-1)

Ugh, this guy. (X-Force #-1)

Naked in Space: The Charles Francis Xavier Story. (X-Men #-1)

Magneto, a sensible fellow, wears clothes in the vacuum of space. (X-Men #-1)

IT NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY (X-Men #-1)

DRAMATIC! JUXTAPOSITION! (X-Men #-1)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor hits rock-bottom, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING

If you want to know more about the man behind the mustache, we recommend the hell out of Abraham Josephine Riesman’s True Believer: The Rise and Fall of Stan Lee.

406 – The Most Dangerous Mini-Game

April 2, 2023 Jay 5 comments

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In which we disagree about the value of Stan Lee intros; everybody wants Wolverine; Mister Sinister lurks; Haley Blanding deserves better; Thunderbird fights a tiger; and Xavier and Magneto do their usual thing.

X-PLAINED:

The Circus of Crime
Stan Lee intros
Wolverine #-1
X-Factor #-1
X-Force #-1
X-Men #-1
Proust vs. Sartre
How Logan joined Alpha Flight
The secret origin of the word “canucklehead.”
USDA, Annex B
Myron MacLain
Logan’s cigars
Yet more continuity errors
Sabretooth’s ridiculous car
The balance of scary and silly
Wolverine’s cowboy hat
Summers family bullshit
The Blandings and/or Masterses
Vince
The Proudstar family
One or more cats named Coyote
The origin of Thunderbird’s totem
Edwin Martynec (again)
Chondu the Magician
Ringmaster
Yet more Xavier and Magneto flashback drama
The bottom of the resurrection queue
Good car-trip episodes

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor continues to make poor decisions

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 397 – Mürdr at IKEA

January 9, 2023 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Daydreamers this is not. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

Chop Chop’s weapon is a machete, Yuri’s weapon is his fist, and artist Frank Teran’s weapon is the color black. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

I wish Wild Child and Bob Hoskins always looked like this. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

Sabretooth and Wild Child may look similar in close-up, but there’s never a question of who’s who. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

When less detail equals more horror. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR GIVING YOUR BAR THAT NAME (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

Yes! Use more black, Frank Teran! More! (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

Scrrfffle. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

Wild Child is shadowed like a villain… until he isn’t. (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

What are the odds?! (Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1)

That guy’s mustache is no match for Psychic Paper. (X-Factor #136)

The iPhone 14 Pro’s cameras ain’t got nothin’ on these. (X-Factor #136)

Have you ever noticed that RAD and HAM have the same number of letters? (X-Factor #136)

WAT (X-Factor #136)

Jeff Matsuda stole some of Frank Teran’s black and is using it well. (X-Factor #136)

Put that towel down! You know you don’t sweat! (X-Factor #136)

“Huh?” is right. (X-Factor #136)

This seems way less efficient than leaving a voicemail. (X-Factor #136)

I HAVE QUESTIONS (X-Factor #137)

Best exes. (X-Factor #137)

It’s a little thing, but I like the symbolism of the seemingly arbitrary background shapes. (X-Factor #137)

It’s a credit to Mystique that she can be legitimately scary while wearing that. (X-Factor #137)

Again with the implied gore. (X-Factor #137)

Of course, honey. Of course. (X-Factor #137)

NEXT EPISODE: The X-Men return from space!

397 – Mürdr at IKEA

January 9, 2023 Miles 8 comments

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In which Al Kennedy and Miles enter a somewhat post-OZT world, the art of Frank Teran (whose uncle built a jetpack) elevates an otherwise merely decent story, Puck is played by Bob Hoskins, Wild Child gets a chance to shine, Mystique and Forge are sitting in a tree, and Swamp Thing is amazing.

X-PLAINED:

Spider-Man’s head cold
Sabretooth: Back to Nature #1
Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
Wild Child (Kyle Gibney)
Horrible violence, expertly implied
The ubiquity of sewers
Saturday morning cartoons of R-rated movies
Serial killers with G.I. Joe names
Improbable tracking
Bilingual crime
Chekhov’s waterfall
DRUGS
X-Factor #136-137
The Hound program
Skeumorphism
Doctor Valerie Cooper and Major Edmond Atkinson, excellent exes
Questionable wound-dressing
Holograms
Government jobs
The sad fate of the Chase family
Nimrod disambiguation
The Marvel Universe According to Doctor Seuss

NEXT EPISODE: The X-Men return from space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!