Mystique – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 373 – Tainted Loins

May 22, 2022 Miles 7 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Looks like your dad’s pain is a little worse than yours, Bobby. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Now that is 1996 Sam Guthrie. Finally. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Graydon Creed according to Joe Madureira… and Victor Creed as a glass of whiskey. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

If the command van’s a-knockin’… (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Joe Madureira’s mostly known for his action scenes, but he’s pretty great with quiet conversations too. (Uncanny X-Men #340)

Your government dresses you funny, Madrox. (X-Factor #128)

That’s so Raven. (X-Factor #128)

Graydon Creed according to Jeff Matsuda… and Harper, who is well aware of the need for discretion. (X-Factor #128)

Mystique transforms, version 1. (X-Factor #128)

Sabretooth and less-interesting-Sabretooth. (X-Factor #128)

Val Cooper just got back from the most dangerous sleepover ever. (X-Factor #129)

I love it when powers cross panel borders. (X-Factor #129)

Mystique transforms, version 2. (X-Factor #129)

Having grown up in the 90s, I can assure you this is quite an accomplishment. (X-Factor #129)

Well I’m impressed. (X-Factor #129)

Ah, that explains it. (X-Factor #129)

Scrawling SOON across your son’s campaign poster is the first step in saving his life. (X-Factor #129)

Blowing a hole in your son’s campaign poster is the second step in saving his life. (X-Factor #130)

Blowing additional holes in your son’s campaign poster is the third step in saving his life. (X-Factor #130)

Mystique transforms, version 3. (X-Factor #130)

Graydon Creed according to Eric Battle… and Val Cooper has changed out of her sleepwear. (X-Factor #130)

I’m just writing a visual companion, and I kinda want to yell “GUARDS”. (X-Factor #130)

This should’ve been two-thirds of the issue instead of two pages. (X-Factor #130)

Snazzy! (X-Factor #130)

Raven, just interrupt! You’re allowed! (X-Factor #130)

And with that..! (X-Factor #130)

NEXT EPISODE: Hawk Talk! IN TWO WEEKS: Frank Punisher meets Carl the X-Cutioner.

373 – Tainted Loins

May 22, 2022 Miles 7 comments

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In which the Drake Roberts identity is retired; Gambit bonds with William Drake; Graydon Creed is evil but nondescript; tales of Pyro’s death have been somewhat exaggerated; and some mysteries resolve better than others.

X-PLAINED:

Damian Tryp
X-Factor (more) (again)
Uncanny X-Men #340
X-Factor #128-30
More Drake family dynamics
The Sword of Shannara
The general vagueness of Graydon Creed
Several ninjas
Hound stuff
Val Cooper’s pajamas
An unexpected return
Shapeshifting
Overextended plotlines
Some unusually threatening dad jokes
The anticlimactic death of Graydon Creed
Some time travel bullshit
Which series are ending and which are relaunching between Reign of X and Destiny of X
How and when Colossus stopped being the Juggernaut

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: The Adventures of Carl & Frank

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 369 – Carly Askani

April 17, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“This ought to give you” *POW* “a new perspective” *BIFF* “on things, Alex!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)

Head trauma for Lucas BIshop! (Uncanny X-Men #339)

I mean, she’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #339)

“You think I just fell off the turnip truck, McCoy? No one pulls a fast one on J. Jonah Jameson!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)

“I’m Ororo Munroe, and I’m here to x-plain the X-Men… because it’s about time someone did.” (Uncanny X-Men #339)

Never trust a Summers when he tells you he’s fine. (Uncanny X-Men #339)

Well, if they can print it, I guess we can post it. (X-Men #59)

Head trauma for Lucas Bishop! Again! (X-Men #59)

Hell of a Wolverine you’ve got there, Mr. Kubert. (X-Men #59)

JOSEPH I AM CALLING THE POLICE (X-Men #59)

Not quite as good as the Rogue/Gambit kiss from #41, but still… whoa. (X-Men #59)

I’M HUGE (X-Men #59)

“For instance, I can see through this utterly massive chin.” (Wolverine Annual 1996)

Josef Stalin..? (Wolverine Annual 1996)

Up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)

…and up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)

…and up. (Wolverine Annual 1996)

“General Grievious, sir, it’s the Jedi!” (Wolverine Annual 1996)

You know, I think this might be Sunfire’s best non-Age of Apocalypse look! (Wolverine Annual 1996)

*Pacific Rim music plays* (and now it’s in your head too) (Wolverine Annual 1996)

Logan, that… that was there before. Maybe you need to adjust your bandana. (Wolverine Annual 1996)

NEXT TIME: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

369 – Carly Askani

April 17, 2022 Miles 22 comments

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In which Storm & Joseph X-Plain the X-Men, Alex Summers is not brainwashed this time, he promises, Scott Lobdell writes better moments than stories, Ed McGuinness draws very large chins, and it’s Denver the Last Dinosaur, not Denver the Lost Dinosaur

X-PLAINED:

Uncanny X-Men #339
Spider-Man disambiguation
A. Kubert disambiguation
J. Jonah Jameson (again) (hooray!)
Sneaking songs
The history of smoking regulation on airlines
Creed disambiguation
Havok’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Bonding while falling out of planes
X-Men #59
The copyright status of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Well-drawn Wolverines
Hercules vs The Tick
Wolverine Annual 1996
The tragic death of Mariko Yashida
Silver Samurai (Kuniuchio Harada)
Sunfire (Shiro Yoshida) and what he’s been up to since Fatal Attractions
Josef Stalin, apparently?
Red Ronin and its nemesis, a time-lost dinosaur who we assure you is not Godzilla
Jedi and/or samurai vs. doors
Our logo fonts
James Howlett, guidance counselor
Onslaught but not evil
Whether Magneto could wield Mjolnir

NEXT EPISODE: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 362 – Lazy Summer Day

February 13, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

The turtle! (Generation X #20)

These cuties. (Generation X #20)

That’s… not how salads are supposed to work. (Generation X #20)

Behold: Banshee’s enormous arms. (Generation X #20)

Aw, this kid. (Generation X #20)

Aw, THESE kids. (Generation X #20)

Jubilee, no. (Generation X #21)

If I ever die, I hope Chris Bachalo draws a bunch of unsavory bikers in my memory. (Generation X #21)

Torres. (Generation X #21)

Seriously, how did she make that whole mansion out of a fairly brief exam paper? (Generation X #21)

Trevor Chase and his assailants. (X-Factor #127)

Maybe it’s a Ron Swanson thing and she gets his name wrong on purpose to keep him from getting too attached. (X-Factor #127)

Is it… a wabbit? (X-Factor #127)

NEXT EPISODE: Baseball!

LINKS & FURTHER MISCREANTS

Waiting for the Trade re: the Danger Room and what’s been done there.
For more about Tana Nile, Howard the Duck, and Franklin Richards, check out Giant-Size Special #10!
X-Factor, summarized.

362 – Lazy Summer Day

February 13, 2022 Jay 4 comments

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In which Chris Bachalo draws excellent critters; Bastion is a terrible boss; everyone fucks in the Danger Room; Jubilee fails a midterm; and humans were the real monsters all along.

X-PLAINED:

The worst mutant power
Generation X #20-21
X-Factor #127
Bachalo critters
Bastion (more) (again)
Daria (but not the one you’re thinking of)
Chevy the janitor (again)
Mean Cuisine
Harker the cat
A threatening salad
Yet another time-traveling Nate
Flirting
A movie reference
U.S.1 and Baron von Blimp
Several ways to fail a midterm
“Autism”
Miguela Torres
Trevor Chase
A series of interviews
Richard Starkings and Comicraft
Destiny’s absence from film

NEXT EPISODE: Baseball!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 361 – The World’s Densest Eagle

February 13, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This, weirdly, was the panel that sold Jay on the art. (Sabretooth and Mystique #1)

Crime! (Sabretooth and Mystique #1)

Mystique in a monstrous form is always awesome. (Sabretooth and Mystique #1)

The other Cypher. (Sabretooth and Mystique #1)

What if the whole gallery were just monstrous Mystiques? (Sabretooth and Mystique #1)

Some very sharp visual storytelling… (Sabretooth and Mystique #2)

…and use of color. (Sabretooth and Mystique #2)

TFW the moat is full of piranhas. (Sabretooth and Mystique #3)

Less voluntarily monstrous, but no less awesome. (Sabretooth and Mystique #3)

WHY DOESN’T SHE JUST GROW THOSE WINGS INSTEAD OF TURNING INTO ANGEL? (Sabretooth and Mystique #4)

One more monster Mystique for the road. (Sabretooth and Mystique #4)

Poetic justice, aided by Chekhov’s piranhas. (Sabretooth and Mystique #4)

NEXT EPISODE: This ‘n’ that.

361 – The World’s Densest Eagle

January 31, 2022 Jay 10 comments

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In which the 1990s were full of miniseries; Mystique and Sabretooth take a sabbatical from X-Factor; Mystique’s powers are wildly inconsistent; we meet a second Cypher; most secret agents are Mystique; and you should never tell Sabretooth about your girlfriend.

X-PLAINED:

Sabretooth’s ambitions
Sabretooth and Mystique #1-4
A Helicarrier heist
Hydra
AIM
The sounds of autopsies
How Mystique’s powers work, sometimes, kind of
Commander Cypher
Technosassins vs. Cyburai
Catalyst
Complimentary types of awful
Caption colors
Access
Gender dimorphism of monsters
The Comics Code Collar
Dismember and Corrosion
The time Cyclops offered to help Cable steal a spaceship
The Black Womb Project

NEXT EPISODE: bits ‘n’ bobs

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

BONUS: Jay, Miles, and Jonathan Hickman Spoil the Hell out of Inferno

January 5, 2022 Jay 22 comments

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Inferno #4 is out; and, as promised, we’ve got a bonus interview with Jonathan Hickman–unedited this time, so please forgive the audio–going into the gory details of the miniseries and its finale! (Again, spoiler warning–we can’t emphasize this enough–we spoil Inferno, including its ending, real hard. Listen at your own risk.)